Turn Left Turn Right

(Page 230 of 305: Viewing Diary Entry 2291 to 2300)  
[First 10 Diary Entries] Page Links:  225  226  227  228  229  230  231  232  233  234  235  [Last 10 Diary Entries]  

The species of the matter

September 9th 2008 6:41 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

This morning we met a grandmother and her granddaughter. They both said I look like a cat. I remembered what fomfomfom said yesterday--they hadn't actually verified with the doctor whether I'm a dog or cat, they just assumed I was a dog. But now we have to question our premise, which is looking increasingly shaky by the day. I didn't know either, whether I am a dog or a cat, so I just said to the granny and her grandchild, meow.

Later cha told them all about it, and fomfomfom said, nevermind. Ping ping--species: baby. By way of illustration, fomfomfom whispered to me, it's like, cha--species: bad person. It doesn't matter if cha is a dog or cat. She's just a bad person. I thought about it, it seems alright. Next time someone asks me whether I am a dog or cat, I'll just tell him I'm a baby.

 

Decibels

September 8th 2008 7:47 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

We met ngyak ngyak ngyak in the afternoon. My word, she is loud. I was proud when I could be heard throughout my block. She really has something to write home about. She is at least twice as loud as me. I bet the people in the next condo can hear her. And when she goes off, she really goes off. I think she's quite quite mad.

 

You then smwelly

September 7th 2008 8:51 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

This morning we met Auntie Chris downstairs. And she commented that I looked dirty. Again. Just two days ago, Ah gong had the same thing to say. Ah ma has been calling me a dirty little kitten. And yesterday that silly little gal said I smell. I so do not smell. I don't understand this. I haven't missed a single bath. I would love to, but I haven't. I should tell Ah ma I don't want to take any more baths. They don't seem to be working anyway. Grumble.

I was walking with Fomfomfom when we saw a stray dog. I started barking at him and they heard me all the way up there. That's cool. And that means when I bark at home, everyone all the way down to the ground floor can hear me. That's way cool.

Uh oh Cha says I have to go to bed now otherwise I can't go down for my walk tomorrow morning.

Night.

 

Bu zhi suo wei

September 6th 2008 9:01 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

I met a little girl this afternoon. She said, what a cute cat! After her maid corrected her, she said, what a cute dog! Then she added, but why you so smelly?

Ah bee thought she must be fruit and nuts. I only have a nice pingping smell. Anyway, the loopy girl wasn't close enough to smell me.

You can't believe anything she says. She called me a cat. Next time I see her, I'll ask ah bee to compliment her, what a cute boy you are! We hope to inflict permanent damage.

 

No weddings and a funeral

September 5th 2008 9:02 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

It was raining this morning. So me and fomfomfom spent a lot of time sitting at the stone tables under the condo. There was a live band playing round the bend. I could hear them but I couldn't see them.

So we went home and I bugged ah bee and cha throughout the afternoon to bring me down to listen to music. They weren't enthusiastic. When ah bee finally brought me down, there wasn't any music nor live band. I sat at the stone tables and waited, but I was disappointed.

Fomfomfom informed me the band doesn't always play here. They play wherever they are needed. I told fomfomfom I want to go around the neighbourhood to catch the band in action. She tsk-tsked me disapprovingly.

Ah ma laughed at me and so I learnt it's a funeral band. How could I have known?

 

I love lotus root

September 4th 2008 8:59 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

I watched tv with ah ma in the afternoon. It was a documentary about a chimpanzee called charlie. He wears clothes and shoes and is the star of a tv show. I thought it was horrible and I didn't like it at all.

Then at night fomfomfom skidded over to play with me and skinned her knee. There, my day wasn't very interesting at all.

 

Of twins, triplets and tuna belly sushi

September 3rd 2008 8:56 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

Today fomfomfom and cha walked me together in red t shirts and we met the old man who exercises everyday, rain or shine. He asked fomfomfom if she and cha were twins. Fomfomfom was shocked and said no. Later she whispered to cha that it was ok when people thought they were twins when they were like 5 years old. But not when they're nearing 30. Then they hatched a plot to get ah bee to join them wearing a red tshirt too, then they will look for the old man and see if he will faint. Maybe he will think the exercise is getting to him, he's seeing triple. Giggles. So we waited for ah bee to come back, alas, she was wearing white.

Fomfomfom posed a tricky question to me the other day. She asked me what kind of sushi I was. I thought for a while, then I told her I'm tuna belly sushi. Bellly sushi is most expensive, and I thought I am priceless, so that is close enough, though not exactly it. And also coz I like belly. Like pork belly. And my own belly. I like people to rub my belly. Therefore, I think I have affinity with bellies so I am tuna belly sushi.

But I won't eat tuna belly sushi myself. It'll be, like, eating myself, that'll be almost cannibalistic. I might end up with mad tuna belly disease.

 

Unhappy

September 2nd 2008 2:35 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

I refused to let fomfomfom clean my ears today. It wasn't so much the left ear that I object to, but the right one. I screamed and shouted beneath my muzzle, and I twisted my head so as to make fomfomfom's life difficult. She even engaged cha's help but I persevered and came out the winner. So she didn't clean my right ear.

Ah ma said the next time I go to cut my hair, I should change a style. Something feminine. A longer style. Something pretty. But ah ma always goes ballistic when my hair is long and dirty. The culprit is a magazine she found today It's got these japanese shih-tzus who have long hair. I am plotting to destroy that magazine before ah ma gets too far carried away.

 

Cha told me to be a tour guide but I prefer to be light soy- sauce

September 1st 2008 8:39 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

I went to the vet's today. While the vet was busy undergoing unpleasant business with me, the reception called out my name. My bill was ready. It was record time. We used to have to wait for the bill, now it's done even before I was done. Unfortunately, fomfomfom was not done yet. They had gotten ahead of themselves. I wasn't finished grumbling when I saw the resident shih tzu busy schmoozing. Cosying up to the clientele and garnering business, no doubt. This place has become too sleek, I told fomfomfom and cha. We will not come back. I was resolute and principled.

It was as if they hadn't heard me. They gathered me up unceremoniously. We went home. Oh, what is the use of free speech if no one would listen? The damage done to my fragile psyche is too much. Will I lose my principles thence? My unwavering resoluteness? Will I even start...*gasp*...schmoozing? The thought of it....moral prostitution.....oh, it is too much.

Better that I chain myself to the wall and refuse all food and drink, before I degenerate irreversibly.Oh, life is much too harsh.

 

I can count in malay!

August 31st 2008 8:32 am
[ Leave A Comment ]

I was in the lift today with fomfomfom, and a man. He asked fomfomfom if I were a maltese. Fomfomfom informed him I'm a shih-tzu. I went home and cha arrived home shortly after. So I complained to her bitterly about that ignorant man in the lift. I told her, malteses are white. I am du-er colored. Sa-tu, du-er. Du-er colored.

Fomfomfom praised me for speaking malay well. Oh, and what a pun! I am dual colored! She repeated my pun to ah bee and I puffed my chest proudly. I don't know if that was an eye-roll I saw from ah bee. Perhaps it was admiration.

At night, cha turned in real early, coz it was already midnight in New Zealand by then. I stuck around with the motley crew of ah ma, ah bee and fomfomfom and when it was time for me to sleep, I was unsettled that ah bee wasn't sleeping with me tonight. When ah bee left my room, I chased after her and licked her hand to tell her to stay, but after some fussing, I was still abandoned.

I sleep with cha tonight.

 
  Sort By Oldest First

Xiao Ping


Subscribe

(What does RSS do?)