My sexy bone

I didn't poop yesterday. Ah ma was disappointed this morning when she enquired as to my poopie status and she just had to had to had to see my poop so she ordered fomfomfom to bring me outside the house to poop. Then I pooped and ah ma held my leash while fomfomfom cleaned up and ah ma dragged me back to the house. I felt used, like the common prostitute. Ah ma only wanted my poop, she didn't care about my mental wellbeing at all. And then ah ma and fomfomfom went out gallivanting and I was destroyed.

Then ah ma came back and it was the afternoon and I asked permission to go to the balcony outside ah ma's room for exploration. Fomfomfom opened the window for me and then told me that I'm a big girl now and that I should be able to come back into the room myself. But somehow I got lost and cha had to come out to get me and I lost some credibility.

Then we woke fomfomfom who was having a nap coz it looked like it was going to rain. We went to the botanical gardens and I dragged fomfomfom behind me for half an hour. Then we went home and ah ma, my lovely ah ma, brought me to the garden to bark at passers by. Then it rained and I ran back into the house coz 2 drops fell on me. Ah ma laughed at me coz I vigorously shook myself dry and I was offended.

At night I was, you know, passing time in my bed in ah ma's room and ah ma complained my mamas don't play with me. Cha then started to turn my bed anti-clockwise and then she turned it clockwise and ah ma screamed that I'm going to faint and I thought that was a strange game that my unfortunate mamas must have played when they were younger.

I only like my sexy bone.

My $53

The market has been real crazy. Fomfomfom and Cha are glued to their screens all day long. And yesterday I think they lost beaucoup de money. No wonder they looked so unbalanced. I couldn’t stand to see them like that so I told Fomfomfom that I will give her the 53 bucks meant for my bak kwa. I think I saw tears in her eyes when I said that.

Somehow I dun think being good does one any good. Everyone said that I was guai for giving up my 53 dollars. But it still rained. And I didn’t get to go to the gardens today. I think I need to accumulate more merits. Otherwise it wouldn’t just be the rain; the karma police will come catch me.

*shudders*

The thrill

It is the mahjong day today. I have to guard the girls coz it is my job so that I may ask ah ma to anoint my palm with 50 cents at the end of the day. But, oh, how boring it is, now that i have seen them a dozen times. I was fighting it, yes I was, but the sleep in my eyes, oh how tireless it is. I had to sneak up to cha's room to sleep. I was stealthy. To steal 40 winks! Oh the stress. But hey? It was exciting, yes it was. Like the cat burglar in the night, like the kleptomaniac in the 7-11, oh the thrill.

And I have to put this down too. It is my observation that if I stare at something hard enough, long enough, my wish will be fulfilled. So it was boring, see? I climbed the stairs, and I spied, with my little eye, my blue leash at the side of the stairs! So I did a care bear stare! And stare! Stare! It was about to happen, the leash, it was about to put itself on me so that I may go to the gardens, but for the unfortunate cha who was staring at me. I had to walk away before the magic happened, I was so self conscious.

Then my backside was itchy. Ah ma asked auntie dorothy to scratch it for me. Auntie dorothy was about to do it, then she decided she didn't know how to do it. Sheesh. I was too polite to do the care bear stare to turn her into a crow.

It is night time. And cha said it is time for me to sleep. I didn't want to, for how is a person to settle for water when she's had dew? My sleep, from now, has to be stolen. So I told cha to leave the lights on so that we will look like we're awake when we are actually sleeping. We will be stealthy, we will fool the whole world.

Oh the thrill.

Pecuniary

I've been wanting to buy myself a kg of that beautiful gourmet bak kua. But I hadn’t any money; all my ang bao money is in my shoe box which I don’t have access to. My chance came yesterday. I told Cha that she would have to be responsible if it started raining coz she was playing her game all day long and didn’t bring me to the gardens on time. She said okay. We walked for 25 minutes in the gardens when it started raining. She said that 25 minutes is about the time I spend in the gardens everyday anyway. I told her that it didn’t matter; she had to give me 20 bucks because it rained. She grudgingly agreed.

Today is Yuan Xiao. Fomfomfom cooked dumplings for everyone but she didn’t give me one. She said that she forgot to make me a rice dumpling for lunch and will make it up to me tomorrow. But I told her that tomorrow is not Yuan Xiao anymore and then I went to sulk in the corner. She felt so guilty and asked me how she could make amends. I told her that 20 bucks would do just fine.

Then Ah bee made some snide remark about me. Fomfomfom informed her that I was hurt and that she will have to give me 13 dollars to make me feel better.

Ladies and gentlemen, I now have 53 buckeroos. I hear that bak kua calling my name.

Them greedy gals

I finally got to go to the gardens today. This was after two days, and after I sulked in the living room for 2 hours. Ah ma couldn’t bear to see me upset so she ordered Cha and Ah bee to bring me to the gardens. That Cha had the cheek to tell me to wait half an hour more. Coz she was in a mission. And Ah bee too- she said she had to take a dump. Like hellooooooooo, how dare they keep me waiting?

Anyway, we went to gardens. It started drizzling after 25 minutes so Ah bee carried me and Cha held the brolly for us. Queen Ping goes to the gardens. In style.

I was a little tired at night coz I watched opera with Ah ma and Ah gong all night long. Then when Ah bee brought me out to the balcony I wasn’t all that interested. Oh I have to say this, Ah ma raised 3 gluttons. Cha told Ah bee to buy an extra value meal for her supper. That came with an extra 6-piece nuggets. She finished most of that. And that Ah bee, she had a humongous pork chop for dinner. Then she ate 2 of Cha’s nuggets. And when Fomfomfom came home with bee hoon and fried chicken, she chugged the bee hoon while Fomfomfom worked on them chicken. Such gluttony, such sin.

I told Ah bee I wanted a Happy Meal. But what did I get? A quarter of a nugget. Somehow I got the feeling I got shortchanged.

Black white and pink II

Yesterday my backside did this strange thing. I don't know what it did, but there was a strange noise, it sputtered and I looked at my backside and I didn't know what that was. But my 3 mamas looked at me and then at one another and then they laughed at me. They said I just farted. I dunno what a fart is, there was nothing from my backside, unlike when I poop, there is poo, which I can eat. Anyway, I don't see why that is so funny, coz fomfomfom just did this fart thing. I didn't even laugh at her.

It was looking real promising today, the weather was. Then at 2pm the clouds gathered and it rained and I was upset. And then it rained and rained and rained and I was comforted coz at least then it was worth it. If it had been a continuous drizzle then it wouldn't have been worth it.You know what I'm talking about, going to the gardens. A deluge! Ah bee said the canals were full, but it can't be that bad, I know, coz our basement is not flooded yet.

I threw up my lunch today. There was pain in my ah ma's heart, but later I ate a little and ah ma's heart was happy again. Unlike ah bee, who had a pain in her heart too. Maybe she is falling sick, but she is better now. Fomfomfom showed ah bee a book from kino, philosophy in the boudoir, ah bee read it in fomfomfom's boudoir where I happened to be lounging too. It seems that the people in kino didn't know they were selling ancient pornography, coz it's a penguin book. I don't like penguins, coz they are ugly and they waddle. Now I know they are indecent too and it makes me blush on their behalf so I am black white and pink. And they are only black and white. If we cook them rare they will be pink.

Rain rain go away

It has been raining for 2 days now. I didn't go to the botanical gardens today too. It is upsetting, the way my mamas keep substituting other outings for my daily jaunt at the gardens. Yesterday, I went for a haircut. Today I went to the vet!

It was upsetting, the way the vet woman cleaned my ears and squeezed my backside. Some of that stuff from my backside fell on the table, there was so much of it, that the vet woman gasped for air and swooned. Cha had to open the door for her. That was happy.

It was upsetting too, that we had workers come to the house to look at our leaky roof and I was tied to the window. Cha and fom tied me up before they went out and I couldn't give the guests a proper welcome.

It was also upsetting, I guess, that the market is going all the way down like that. I think a lot of people are upset, like my ah ma. I'm not upset about it coz I don't like the market. I only like the gardens. I'm an outdoor sort of girl.

Pretty me.

1.) I cut my hair today. Ah ma says I look very pretty.
2.) It rained today. I ate my poopie.
3.) I watched the mahjong gals the rest of the day. That got me sleepy.
4.) Ah bee has a headache today. She was woozy.
5.) Cha has a stummyache. She felt queasy.
6.) I wrote this in point form. Because I am lazy.

Black white and pink

Wo shi xiao ping,
Wo da yan jing.
Wo shi xiao ping,
Wo black white and pink.

10 days

It rained today. Again. I was tied up athe balcony while Ah ma did some gardening. Then I saw Cha filling my water bottle. That's when I got really excited. I started barking and whining. That Ah ma, she's so naughty; she told Cha to say Bye-bye to me. I was like a kancheong spider on a hot plate because I thought that Cha was going to the gardens without me. Then came Fomfomfom to the rescue. I lurbch Fomfomfom.

We met Ah bee at the gardens coz it is so near her school. I had three people walking me today. What a treat! Except that Ah bee and Fomfomfom kept lagging and I had to stop to wait for them. Those stupid gals, they were singing real lousy chinese opera and giggling while walking along. Such a disgrace- I shall tell Ah ma not to let them out of the house. They cramp my style.

Ah bee came up with a riddle. If Fomfomfom is servant girl A and Ah bee is servant girl B, how many days did they have between the two of them? The moment Ah bee told Fomfomfom the answer, Fomfomfom pinched her coz it's a really lousy riddle. Cha only shook her head and said it's unfunny. Cha has got some dignity left in her yet.

P.S. the answer is 10 days.
P.P.S. Ah ma gave me 2 dollars. I must be doing something right.