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Ah bee the shit stirrer

October 30th 2010 8:48 am
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Literally.

It was time to empty my anal sacs so she gloved up. The moment she got into position she screamed, "Oh no!! I can feel her poop in there!!"

What. You walk into McDonalds and not expect to find burgers in there? Really.

Plus she really stressed me out so I tensed up and she didn't manage to empty my anal sacs. Twice she tried today and both times she failed. And both times I squealed up a storm. Fomfomfom said the neighbours are going to call the police and say that we are killing a cat in our toilet. And when they come and catch Ah bee and her finger, they are going to charge her under the penal code.

Criminal, that's what this is!

 

A new bottle

October 29th 2010 9:42 am
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Ah ma crushed the plastic bottle that's been sitting around forever and gave it to me. Beams. It's a sands mineral water bottle and it's round. My original bottle is square and it's from the venetian. I love branded bottles and I love ah ma. Ah ma loves me too.

Cha groaned when she saw the 2nd bottle. Maybe she was born without a heart. That's why she doesn't get the warm fuzzy feeling I get when ah ma loves me.

We have to think up some new routines for the 2nd bottle soon. So exciting!

 

The casino ban starts now

October 28th 2010 7:33 am
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Uh oh, luck was not a lady today!

 

Sugar mummy

October 27th 2010 8:54 am
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Yesterday I heard my sugar mummy's ear is all swollen. It's still not good today after medication. We'll bug them on updates tomorrow. I hope she won't have to go for surgery to resolve it.

My poor mummy.

 

They finally got him

October 26th 2010 8:11 am
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Ah ma went to the casino and found out the house has an edge again. She asked ah bee to apply for the casino to ban her from going in. But it must be after thursday, that's when ah ma has a date with the aunties of the family to go rock and roll at the casino.

And paul the oracle octopus has died. RIP.

 

Surrogates

October 25th 2010 9:09 am
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Today fomfomfom watched baby mama the movie and decided that I should harvest my eggs and have a surrogate give me some babies. Imagine all those little pings running around, she says happily. Ah bee was happy too.

They decided to harvest and freeze their own eggs too. Last I heard, before I shut my ears down to that conversation, they wanted to enquire about a package egg-freezing deal.

 

La vie francaise

October 24th 2010 8:07 am
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It's been swiss rolls, nasi lemak, chocolate cake, satay and char kway teow in this household recently and so Fomfomfom decided to break out a bottle of red wine. To unclog our arteries, she says.

Except I can't drink wine coz it's made from grapes.

Do you think I can drink beer instead?

 

You're welcome

October 23rd 2010 9:51 am
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It was getting unbearable, the haze and the heat, so I decided some rain would do all of us some good. I must have danced a little too enthusiastically though; the rain didn't let up till past 6.30. That means I only got 30 mins of my evening walk.

Plus giving it my all for the rain dance meant I was too bushed to do anything tonight but zonk out.

But it's okay. We all have to make sacrifices.

 

Hazy

October 22nd 2010 9:44 am
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It felt like I smoked 10 cigarettes today, the haze was so bad. I had to rescue a few ticks who told me they were suffocating in the bad air. Alas, my mamas and ah ma found them one by one. The last to go was hiding between my eyes.

Oh well, I was getting cross-eyed entertaining him. Toodles, my friends. It's just not meant to be.

 

Not my fault

October 21st 2010 7:46 am
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I didn't poo today. I had intended to do it in the evening, but before I could get to it, fomfomfom had brought me home. It's the haze, it was very bad again today. My walk was only 40 minutes, that's barely enough for me to empty my bladder.

And ah ma scolded me when she realised I'd produced nothing today. Unbelievable.

 
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