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Too cute

January 10th 2017 7:17 am
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Fomfomfom trimmed my hair again and now I have small ears. They say it makes me look like a puppy. And they cannot stop gushing. Stop gushin', I told them. They're obsessed I tell you.

They say I have to wear a paper bag over my head coz I'm too cute. I'm pretty sure that's abuse.

In other news, we realised that ikea sells very cheap Chinese new year willows. And they sell mandarin oranges too. Who would have thunk.

 

Hair cut

January 9th 2017 2:40 am
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It's so hot they suddenly decided to cut my hair again. It took 17 minutes. It seems this is a very hot winter.

That day I saw a sick pigeon and the next day it was still there and the third day it wasn't anymore. I wonder what do the pigeons do that make them sick. It's not the first sick pigeon I've seen. They look so ill.

It's egg tart season in the house. They bought so many but no one offered me any. Fomfomfom let me smell one this morning but won't let me lick it.

I hope they all get fat.

 

Poor jack

January 8th 2017 7:53 am
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We haven't seen jack in a while. Mummy and daddy have been coming out with just tutu. We finally saw him yesterday in an e-collar and he looked so sad. Mummy told us he fell out of the carrier bag and on his jaw and the bone fractured. He had to have an operation and they had to put screws in to fix his jaw. He couldn't eat for a long time.

It must be so painful. Poor poor jack. I'm glad they fixed it and I hope he feels better soon.

 

Embarrassing

January 7th 2017 5:19 am
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Ah bee bought me a new collar last night. It's exactly the same as the red one I'm wearing except the bell is still bright red and it rings so loud. Ah be shook it beside her ears and said she's so sorry they put a bell on me for 13 years; the ringing must have driven me mad coz it's so loud. I didn't remind her the bell is on my neck, not next to my ear because I like to keep them in a guilty state. It makes everything easier.

So fomfomfom stuck a piece of tape on the new bell and now it's muted and I hope no one sees it.

 

Call the police

January 6th 2017 7:54 am
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Ah bee emptied my anal sacs today. I screamed and shouted and everyone came to look at what was happening. I told them to call the police to arrest ah bee but no one did.

And then they tried to make it up to me by giving me lots of roo. So I ate lots of roo because how else will they assuage their guilt? I ate roo like I was eating kibble and by the end of the night, they scolded me for eating too much roo.

I don't like them. But I love ah ma.

 

Stock take

January 5th 2017 5:56 am
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The London zoo was doing a stock count and I saw a picture of penguins lining up to be counted. I'm not sure how the London zoo trains its animals but it seems to be working real good. I hear treats are given out. So good. I have to work hard for my treats.

The school band from the school next door hasn't been heard from in months. We're hearing lots of lion dancing going on instead. I think the band has been disbanded.

I think that's for the best.

 

Kidneys

January 4th 2017 9:04 am
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Ah ma bought I don't know how pairs of pig kidneys the other day. She soaked them for a few days to get rid of the smell and today she cooked some. I got some too. Ah ma set aside a plate for me but the moment ah bee saw it, she declared ah ma must never be allowed to cook for me. Too much and still bloody, she said. Then she removed half of the portion and boiled the other half for many more minutes before giving it to me. The slices had shrunk to half their size by the time she was satisfied that they are overcooked and won't give me the runs.

I forgive her. Still delicious.

 

First day of school

January 3rd 2017 6:09 am
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Today we met the banana man for the last time, coz he's moving out. He's given his boiboi to a friend so that was that. I guess there's no banquet that doesn't end so I said bye bye.

Then my kibble was delivered and they didn't intend to open it yet but I wanted to have a taste so I made them open it. Fresh food is so fresh. Yums.

Oliver spoke to us today in two accents. I guess it was the first day of school and he got a refresher course.

Ah ma was watching tv and she asked if caviar is nice. We none of us knows. And she got a catalogue from the supermarket. Time to start buying the CNY stuff.

 

Next, 90 cents and a black and white polka dot feather

January 2nd 2017 6:33 am
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Ah bee found a dollar and ten cents today. We were at the back gate when she saw the dollar coin half buried under the bench we were sitting on. What luck, she declared to fom, maybe I can find more money. And she did find a ten cent coin also half buried under the bench.

Apparently a hocus pocus book they read said that everything is in the power of your mind and it told them to imagine something and one day it will happen. And ah bee had been thinking about picking up a 2 dollar note. Well, I guess it's all legal tender so the coins count too and she just needs to find another 90 cents. But even then we might not be entirely convinced. It's that wacky, the book. So ah bee will start thinking about a black and white polka dot feather and the day she sees one on the street, we will say sorry and buy copies of the book to give out to our friends.

There are no black and white polka dot birds, are there?

 

2017

January 1st 2017 6:04 am
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Happy 2017! It's a new day and a new year all at once and it's momentous. So momentous that ah bee was overwhelmed and she lost her head for a moment and she threw my harness into the toilet bowl together with the toilet paper she used to wipe my backside. Then she had to scrub my harness with detergent. She said it's the first time she's had to fish anything out of the toilet bowl. And somehow it's fomfomfom's fault coz everything is fomfomfom's fault around these parts.

Luckily it was a just-washed bowl.

 
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