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Thin

May 25th 2016 6:37 am
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I lost weight again today. I'm only 6 kg now; everyone is heartbroken. They promised me they have plans on Friday; we'll see.

I'm weak and hungry and thin and they're apparently not heartbroken enough. Fomfomfom and cha brought ah ma out for a nice dinner that's know as a zi char. Then there was an apple crumble at home for dessert. My frog is so tasteless that a little of ah bee's saliva on it was delicious.

It's a dog's life.

 

Soi loi

May 24th 2016 8:54 am
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So fomfomfom taught ah bee how to prick ah ma's finger to draw blood to test her sugar level. Except ah bee is useless and on her first attempt she dropped the lancing device and she probably damaged it. After that she kept pricking ah ma but she couldn't draw blood. And she tried for like 5 or 6 times.

When fomfomfom got home, she tried it on her own finger and she yowled in pain and that's when we realized even though there wasn't blood, it still hurt but ah ma didn't say a word and let that stupid ah bee do it so many times.

I think ah ma loves ah bee.

 

Stolen

May 23rd 2016 7:49 am
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Today fomfomfom washed her car and realised that someone had stolen her car antenna. I wonder how long she would have taken to realise that if she had gone one of her year-long stretches without washing her car.

Ah bee isn't much better; she didn't realise it either.

 

Many snails and a lizard

May 22nd 2016 8:31 am
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Last night ah bee sent us photos of snails. Many many snails. Big and small but mostly very very big. They live in the CBD. Those are atas snails. She thought of bringing all of them back to repopulate my snail bush but decided against it coz it's very bad karma. Duh. It's also criminal because you can't go around kidnapping snails like that.

She also found a dead lizard on her wall this afternoon. Now we know lizards can die spontaneously and that their toe pads work even when they don't anymore.

 

Vesak Day

May 21st 2016 4:02 am
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It is Vesak Day but no one went vegetarian. Ah ma served up Chinese hamburgers for lunch. Sacrilege.

I saw the standard poodle today with its daddy, mummy and baby sister. The daddy had a two-leaded leash for two doggies, but one of those leads was attached to the toddler girl who was pretending she was holding her poodle who's like 5 times her size. Everyone soon gave up that pretense. Then before they crossed the road to go home, I heard the daddy tell the big standard solemn poodle, got car car. Baby talk. So the poodle's just a baby. I find that family one big fraud.

I observed all that from my vantage point. Vantage means advantage.

 

One China

May 20th 2016 8:18 am
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Today Taiwan gets a new president. I overheard ah bee and fomfomfom talking about the 1992 consensus. They know both Taiwan and China agree that there is only one China but they have their own interpretation of what one China means.

So ah bee confidently told fomfomfom it must be like this - China thinks that you, Taiwan, belong to us and together we are one China. Then Taiwan thinks that there is only one China and that's you! I am Taiwan!

That makes perfect sense but I'm sure it's absolute nonsense.

 

Steroid

May 19th 2016 7:37 am
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Ah bee's got an itchy skin problem so she looks diseased and I don't like to be seen with her coz she's gross and it's embarrassing. She finally went to see a doctor and he gave her the same miracle steroid I take for all my ailments. So good. Ah bee and I have one more thing in common now and I told her when she runs out, the vet woman can give her more.

Ain't it grand.

 

A real tortue

May 18th 2016 8:07 am
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Today I rescued a terrapin. I found it kind of wedged in a fence between our condo and the other and I told chacha to get it free. Then cha put it in a plastic bag and after my walk we put it in the koi pond so that it can live with the other terrapins. It was happily swimming in the pond when we left.

Then I realized someone must have removed it from the pond and brought it so far away to the fence. That's very very bad karma okay.

Bad person.

 

Night jaunt

May 17th 2016 6:51 am
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Today was bongzaza. I sat at the back gate and I saw more than 10 doggies and I barked at all of them. I'm so superior.

At night I was at home with fomfomfom and ah ma when I felt a stummyache. I made ah ma open her window to her balcony and I went dididi and then I ran out and went to the living room balcony and then I ran into fomfomfom's room and then her toilet. Fomfomfom was following me with serviettes by then. Then she offered me ah ma's balcony again but I found that unsuitable and I went to the main door. So fomfomfom brought me down immediately while ah ma cooed sympathetically.

I trotted and peed and sat to enjoy the night until fomfomfom threatened to bring me home. Then I gave her my diarrhoea and we were all pleased. Fomfomfom told me proudly it's my first night jaunt this year.

And what a good girl I am to tell adults of my stummyache.

 

Looks too good

May 16th 2016 9:04 am
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There was some frogu left over from my supper just now and ah bee said she'll finish it. But Fomfomfom said it's too expensive and she's not allowed to eat it. She reluctantly put the frogu back into the fridge.

Might as well; we don't want to end up with a Serena Williams situation on our hands. Yes the one where she ate her doggaroo's food and got the runs. That will teach all of you to steal our food.

 
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