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I found a spud between a rock and a hard place

September 16th 2006 6:31 am
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Maybe it's the potato chip.

I was a good girl. It shouldn't have rained, according to cha. I went to a KFC outlet and protested in a yellow raincoat. It shouldn't have rained, according to fomfomfom.


According to ah bee, maybe it's the potato chip. After lunch today, I jumped on the couch and sat beside fomfomfom with my latest find. It be a potato chip, declared fomfomfom as she fished it out of my mouth. She went looking for the source, then gave me back my potato chip.

They couldn't find it. I won't talk. They haven't bought potato chips in 3 months. It be a mystery, declared fomfomfom.

Maybe that's why it rained. Ah bee says the rain will stop if I confess the potato chip source. I promised to think about it.

Maybe I can plead insanity. Rain got into the brain.


Action and Reaction

September 17th 2006 5:44 am
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No beach outing. Bah!

Ah ma bathed me. Bah!

It rained. Bah!

Fomfomfom promised to bake me potato chips. She didn't do it. Bah!

I smell of apples. Bah!

Sundays. BAH!


Fom's a fart

September 18th 2006 4:37 am
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I farted.

There, I've told you. Don't derive any joy from it when fomfomfom comes around to telling you.

She followed me! I couldn't shake her off. I had to assume the position. She crouched on all fours and peered at my ahem. I just had to go so I strained and a fart came. Before the works.

I hope the fart hit her good. She doesn't respect privacy. And then she goes around telling everyone that Ping farted.

Like she doesn't fart, that old fart.


My pet

September 19th 2006 5:21 am
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Ah ma gave me a lot of lovin' today after she came back from the market. Then ah bee wanted to go to school and Janice was supposed to pick her up. But Janice was late so fomfomfom wanted to send ah bee. I said fomfomfom can't go out. So I shouted at them. Just then, Janice came so fomfomfom came back. I kept her in her room so she can't go out again.

At five, cha brought me to welcome passers-by. Later ah bee and fomfomfom came out while cha went in to eat dinner. We observed clouds. One looked like a feather. I said ah-choo. Giggle. Ah bee and fomfomfom thought that was so smart of me. Then they said a cloud looked like cotton. That frightened me. I don't like cotton. Coz it reminds me of the cotton bud stuck in my ear. So I said I'm scared and they thought I was a tortoise.

I like tortoises. I got one big one, one small one and one on my green towel. I want a pet tortoise. I'll let it walk on the floor, then I'll shout at it and it will be scared and go home into its shell. Then I'll hide and keep quiet. Then the tortoise will come out of its house and walk on the floor. Then I will jump out and shout at it again. Giggle.

I go and tell ah ma now I want a tortoise.



September 20th 2006 5:23 am
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It is mahjong day again. But I don't want to talk about it coz the mahjong girls are no fun to be with. I was bored.

Today, I got me some new friends. Meet Ying and Nana. Now I got 4 friends. Mr No is the only boy, so he is our bodyguard. I think of everything, so here's our name--The Fearsome Five. I am the leader, so they will have to call me Madam. That's coz you need discipline in a disciplined force. But in private, they can call me Mama, because I am the oldest.

It feels good to be a leader. But you know, the Thailand leader was ousted today. The newsreader on CNN told me. So bad. The Taiwan leader is about to be ousted too.

Um, excuse me, I have to go and consolidate my power now. I don't want to be ousted three.


Free Fruit

September 21st 2006 6:19 am
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So who was it who said I was too free to think of the wonderful name The Fearsome Five? I'm small bananas.

The big banana is fomfomfom. She buys a fruit that's as big as an apple, then eats it over 2 hours. She told me she bought it for its entertainment value. I think it's called a pommygrape. My boyfriend told me it's eaten seeds and all. I wonder if fomfomfom and ah bee knows that. I get tired just looking at them.

Fomfomfom is a big banana, but I got bigger bananas at home. We got us a banana tree growing in the backyard. We didn't know. One day we woke up and said, why is there a banana tree there? So we chopped down the bananas, it was like 12 big bunches. That is enough to feed a family of monkeys, which is just as well.

I need some lovin' from ah ma now. Ta.


Raindrops not falling on my head

September 22nd 2006 6:00 am
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Ah bee caught the flu yesterday. She passed it to fomfomfom today. No one played with me. Cha only likes to play her computer game.

I was alone all afternoon. I played my own game. I imagined what it would be like if they had played with me. I only like body rubs, so I imagined fomfomfom scratching my head, the mucus would be dripping on my head. And later ah bee gives me a belly rub, her mucus would be dripping on my belly.

Then I would have to take a bath. Ah ma would use her coconut brush to scrub my head. Which is why I thought it's ok to be alone sometimes. I slept with ah ma without any rubs. I like to sleep on my back so that the aircon can blow on my belly. My belly says ah choo. Giggle.

And then ah ma and cha brought me out to welcome passers-by though the sky was dark. Coz ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.


The Banquet

September 23rd 2006 10:15 am
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I wanted ah ma to wake up to cook dinner, but ah ma shooed me out of the room. She wanted to nap. She told me it's only 3pm, but I said I dunno. I haven't learnt how to read a clock yet. It's confusing, all that long and short and fast and slow hands and legs.

Destitute, I went to look for ah bee. The whole house is full of them sleepers. I told ah bee I want some lovin', but she said I would have to stoop to her level. A sigh escaped me. In a flyin' leap I was on her bed. Mr Lobster had to make space for me. I slept with ah bee for half an hour. It was lovin'.

Then ah ma woke up. I thought it's more important I help prepare dinner so I went down to look for her. I can't read the clock, but I can help cut vegetables.

Then at night ah ma wanted to give me some lovin', but I told her she has to stoop to my level this time round. So ah ma sat on the floor and I got me a belly rub on my terms.

Fomfomfom came back like really late, then she asked me if I wanted to shave my eyebrows and look like Ziyi Zhang. I said I don't like couch tomatoes. I only like potato chips.


you win some, you lose some

September 25th 2006 8:31 am
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everyone knows that ah-ma loves me, and i love ah-ma. So i simply do not understand why she would leave me for 4 days. Ah-ma would disappear for days every now and then. My mamas will always tell me that ah-ma went to the market. Please! Who are they kidding? Or maybe they are just pure dumb, not too bright and observant, unlike me. Why would ah-ma go to the market for 3 or 4 days without even returning home to drop my pork and stuff before attempting more purchases. But i let them get away with that. I can't prove otherwise yet. So wiser to observe and stay quiet.

But I know what ah-ma is up to even if those 3 mamas may not know.

I'll share some hints here, whatever little ... whenever ah-ma is not giving me some lovin', she would either be watching the telly, or staring very intensely at this white handheld thingy. I overheard ah-be teaching ah-ma how to play "roll-let" on that white thingy. Ever since then, ah-ma reduced her loving' for me. Instead half of my original lovin' time is granted to that white thingy. And once in a while, ah-ma would be annoucning very geefully to my 3 mamas that she has accumulated how many hundred thousands dollars on that white thingy. I am not very sure what it really means. But I'll try to observe more when she gets back.

As I was saying about the reason my mamas gave me, oh please! Who packs her clothes while going to the market. I watched ah-ma packed last night. And she was absolutely geeful while packing. Apart from me (let's not mention my 3 mamas who gave her a lot of grief by not reproducing), the only element I have observed giving her THAT much joy was roll-let. Whatever that was. So I am quite positive ah-ma's packing of clothes have something to do with this roll-let business.

Like I say .. I shall keep observing.

I ought to be miserable coz ah-ma is away. I am a little actually. But my 3 mamas tried to make it up to me. They call it "gai-gai". I get to carry my water bottle, wear my very pretty blue leash and go out for a trotter. Ermm, I mean trot. In such rare occasions, I get to greet my neighbour friends whom I often hear from, but rarely see. I don't get to see ALL of them. I only get 20 minutes out. But I try my best. It's a turn left turn right situation. My short legs does not allow me to go left and then go right. Like I said, I try my best, and you cannot fault me for not trying.

I think the tentative equation in my life is: ah-ma = no gai gai. And no ah-ma = gai gai. At least this was what came up after my evening nap just now. I wonder if they are mutually exclusive equations. I would love to see if the following equation can work though: ah-ma=gai gai. But I always hear cha say, "Don't be greedy. You cannot win them all. You win some, you lose some".

Maybe there is some truth in it.

But then, I still rather ah-ma. I think. Bacause ah-ma loves me and I love ah-ma.


I miss ah ma

September 26th 2006 7:00 am
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I miss ah ma. Ah ma is meticulous and ah ma loves me. The 3 mamas are slipshod in their ways. They didn't clean my mouth properly after we came back from our walk, and after drinking my milk, and ah bee's got the cheek to say I look dirty. And then they said I don't know how to comb my hair. They said I am a dirty girl.

Ah bee reads her notes all day, fomfomfom sleeps all day and cha plays her computer game all day. I miss ah ma.

And my sheepskin rug. It got a little damp under mysterious circumstances, and cha insists I peed on it. I couldn't defend myself, so stunned was I at the accusation. If ah ma were here, she would have engaged the queen's counsel if she had to.

In this house, I'm just a dirty girl. Until ah ma comes back. Then they will know who speaks loudest.

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