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I dunno what to write...

August 28th 2006 7:20 am
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I dunno what to write in my diary today, but ah bee still insisted I sit down to write it. Coz a diary is for everyday, she says. I dunno, the most significant thing today is that I had egg yolk and soya sauce chicken for dinner today.

Um....oh, oh, I know. Let me set a riddle for you. This is fomfomfom's favourite. What do elephants use for tampons?

Sheep!

Snigger.

 

All that food

August 29th 2006 7:43 am
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You know what? Humans are horrid. Like cha. She watched Supersize Me didn't she? She read the book Fast Food Nation, didn't she? And what's the wretch doing? Eating MacDonalds. For supper, no less. And she didn't even buy me a Happy Meal.

And that ah bee. Eating instant noodles gives her the runs. Fomfomfom. Durian gives her the sniffles. And what did the wretches do? THEY ATE. I hope they all have a good day tomorrow.

I dunno if they feel guilty, you know, the way they go to town with their appetites. Today I spied a leaflet on fomfomfom's table. It had pictures of starving African children. And fomfomfom was writing out a donation. But she tore it up later. Maybe it has something to do with the way charities are run over here these days. You don't know if your money goes to the needy or towards someone's fat salary.

I hope fomfomfom tore up that donation becoz of her misgivings towards charities, and not becoz she wants to keep the money to buy more food to stuff her greedy face. If so I'll have to bite her to set her straight. Yes, they need me to keep them on the straight and narrow. Becoz the road they take these days?

They all stray off course.

 

Observations of a shih-tzu

August 29th 2006 10:26 pm
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It is an observation of mine that, when I had the hiccups, there was a jangle whenever I hic-ed. I hereby solemnly announce my discovery that the ringing in my ears was actually my new collar with its new bell. To think, I could have gone to the vet woman complaining of the ringing in my ears. Oh, the shame. I almost can't bear the thought of it.

I observed fomfomfom doing a very ugly dance. When cha politely queried the cause, fomfomfom replied that she was mad with grief. She had lost some money on the computer on paper. Goodness knows what that means. But that dance! Oh, my stars. I think she ought to reflect on her shameful dancing.

As I am writing, I also observe that it is raining. Oh how it rains. The logical deduction is that I can't go out to welcome passers-by later on.

The next logical thing to do is to sign off, as I have observed on numerous occasions, that lightning will zap off all electricity in the house soon enough.

Here it comes.

 

Bad people

August 31st 2006 7:38 am
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Last night, they spent one hour trying to clean my ears, but they didn't succeed. Today I went to the vet and got my ears washed out. It was a rainy day. I slept all afternoon with my ah ma. Never mind.

It boggles the mind, how some people can be so bad. We chinese have a saying, that people are born good. It makes you wonder what happened to these bad people, that they turned out so bad.

Next door, the neighbours torture their maid. She's going back to her country tomorrow, I'm so glad for her. I hope the neighbours die. It must be painful. It's not my style to wish bad things upon people, but they are so mean and it's incomprehensible to me so they must be bad to the bone.

I gave the maid some nice chocolates to bring home, I hope it can at least tell her not all Singaporeans are bad.

I hate my neighbours. Fomfomfom has been fretting for months whether to report them, but she's afraid the bad people will poison me. She's useless.

The next maid who comes will be tortured too, mark my words. For all our prosperity, sometimes, we have nothing to be proud of.

 

Retrospection and introspection

September 1st 2006 6:39 am
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It is Friday. It is a day for retrospection, and introspection.

The past 2 weeks, I noticed my bed following me to wherever I rest. For example in the afternoons, it'll be in ah ma's room. At night, it'll be in cha's room. Might it be that it has developed legs, or that my animal magnetism has taken hold? In any case, I find myself resting in it rather frequently. Put another way, IT NEEDS A WASH.

Retrospection over, let's move on to introspection. Well, I find myself wonderfully perfect.

Later.

 

Highs and lows of a Saturday

September 2nd 2006 8:30 am
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Dear Diary,

Today was an alright day for me.

So I did nothing all day, and it rained in the afternoon. I was down in the dumps, yes I was. If it's wet, I can't go out later to welcome passers by. Then fomfomfom decided to come talk to me. It won't be bad if she had talked intelligently. It was unintelligible, and she went on for 10 minutes until ah ma told her to shut up and ship out. Another reason why I love ah ma--she protects me from mad people. I love ah ma. Ah ma loves me too, and she let me go out in the evening.

An unpleasant interlude occurred just as I was getting warmed up. Ah bee wanted to clean my ears. We had words. After a few holes in their hands, I took pity on them and let them have their way.

Then I watched the news on tv with ah ma. The mad fomfomfom came in and ah ma told me she's a bad one and to bite her. Then at 1030pm, ah ma decided to let me out into the garden and enjoy the moonlight. I barked at a dog who was passing by, and his keeper shushed me. The cheek of that. So I scolded the rude person and all the neighbourhood dogs joined in. Then cha hurried out and shooed me into the house.

Then ah gong, he's ah ma's husband, joined ah ma and me and we continued watching tv. So happy.

 

Can of worms

September 3rd 2006 8:14 am
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Today ah ma was telling ah gong and me while watching tv that she had stolen a bowl of wine when she was younger and had gotten drunk on it. Just at that moment, fomfomfom's head popped in the door and went, "Really?" Then she disappeared. I think fomfomfom just got her licence to drink.

And drink she didn't. She and ah bee gorged on champagne mooncakes. I think the mooncakes are from Raffles Hotel. I like the box. It's gold in color. I hope ah ma gives me the box when they finish the mooncakes. I can keep my coins in it.

But that will have to wait a long time. Coz I owe fomfomfom a lot of money for my vet bills. I get only 50 cents a day, so it will take a long time. That day, the vet woman heard about my plight so she didn't charge me consultation fees. I really appreciate it. But I still don't like her.

Ah ma told me again today fomfomfom is a bad one. Told me to bite her. I think I shall believe ah ma coz ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.

 

Uncivilised behavior

September 4th 2006 7:18 am
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Today I saw cha drag fomfomfom into her room to listen to a podcast, something about a harmless harm. Someone had put our prime minister's national day rally speech to a rap! Tres terrible! I could see fomfomfom's horror at the blatant disrespect of it. While she was rolling on the floor in fits, that is. Ah bee also laughed. They are bad people, the whole lot of them.

Janice and Lynn came today to say hi to me. I wish they would come more often, I'm so lonely.

I remember the vet woman saying that I'm a dominant female, that's why I hump people's legs. So this evening, while fomfomfom was watching tv, I had my way with her and then I shat. Then everyone praised me for being so good.

I'm going to watch them eat supper now. Maybe I'll score a scrap or five.

 

Vengeance for lady apathy

September 5th 2006 8:09 am
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As usual, they resorted to unglamorous trickery. Ah bee poured milk on the floor, and while I was enjoying it, she lifted me and I found myself on the bathroom counter yet again. All that low down underhand below the belt *%$^!% I've put up with long enough.

A girl's got to fight back.

I began by biting them a few times each. Once I was warmed up, I carried out more elaborate attacks. Success was mine when I bit ah bee, and shaking her hand loose from my vicious grip, the back of her hand slammed into fomfomfom's nose with full force. Oh glorious moment! Fomfomfom was so stunned ah bee had to straighten her glasses for her.

Sufficiently vindicated, I let them wash my ears.

 

The deceit of man

September 6th 2006 12:05 am
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I was privy to the secret. But I wouldn't have talked. You couldn't have pried it out of me with a crowbar. Alas, my loyalty was no match for her stupidity.

So ah ma was chugging laksa in her room. Well that ain't no crime, but for that she had told fomfomfom she was having plain porridge for lunch. So with the door left ajar, fomfomfom walked right in and caught ah ma in the act. I would have been branded an accomplice, but I immediately shut my eyes and pretended to snooze. Luckily I was lounging in my bed when fomfomfom walked in. If you ask me, I'd say the real crime here ain't gluttony, but stupidity. Ah ma should have locked the door.

But I think I agree with my 3 mamas that ah ma needs a healthy diet. We can share my science diet. It's science, it can't be wrong. It's like maths. Gluttony plus deceit, u will look like a barrel. My ah ma looks like a barrel. I, on the other hand, carry a figure eight. I told you science works.

 
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