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Ears

November 18th 2006 4:57 am
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I woke up today at 10am. Ah ma scolded me for being lazy and waking up late. But I was still happy coz it's saturday! Then I hid behind the big vase in the living room and snoozed. Fomfomfom couldn't find me until I peeped out at her behind the vase. I giggled at her and she came to wish me good morning and pat my head.

Later, after washing ears, fomfomfom and ah bee gave me something new. It was a lamb's ear! I didn't know what to do with it, so I guarded it. I told ah bee to wash the lamb's ear too, as they did mine. She promised to do it, it's only fair.

At night I still guarded the ear jealously. Fomfomfom patted my head and I bit her hand. Ah ma said I can't sleep in peace since I was so vigilant in guarding my prize. She told fomfomfom to keep it at night so I can sleep without worries.

I immediately chewed a corner off the ear to show her who's king.

 

Perfect World

November 19th 2006 8:04 am
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In a perfect strawberry world, there are no eardrops, nor eyedrops masquerading as eardrops. I would have a cat as a pet, and a baby bird to care for.

Fomfomfom is not watching David Tutera on cable and ah bee is not studying. Cha is not trying to hypnotise me into forgetting she threw away my lamb's ear, and ah ma does not have nintendo.

Alas.

 

Motion picture

November 20th 2006 6:42 am
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I watched it rain today. It was a wonderful motion picture. The leaves swayed in the wind, the raindrops pitter-pattered. The wind ruffled my hair, and it smelled wonderful.

The plot is about a girl who doesn't get to go out into the garden to welcome passers by due to rain.

It deserves an Oscar.

 

Elements

November 21st 2006 7:53 am
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I battled the weather today. It was dark and cloudy, the clouds threatening to burst any moment. But I still defiantly opened shop to welcome passers by. Though to pacify ah ma, I had to cut short my activity and come back into the house after an hour.

But, oh, what an hour. It was one whole glorious hour of barking. See? I wasn't the only one out in this weather. There were lots of passers by to bark at.

This was the day the pingping and other lesser beings triumphed over the elements.

 

Cwab!

November 22nd 2006 8:34 am
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Today I ate pepper crab. A crab is an animal. It walks sideways and lives in a shell. When it grows up, it tells its mama it wants to be either chilli or pepper. I am just a baby, so my mamas don't let me eat chilli.

Pepper crab tastes like crab and pepper. It is the first time I tasted pepper. It's like stinging, and cooling, and when the wind blows, my face will smile. I like pepper crab.

Then my mamas immediately regretted giving me pepper crab. They were afraid I would get a stummyache. So they gave me a pig's ear to test me. I bounced up the stairs to show I'm springy and sunny, and I wagged my tail so hard the bell on my collar was ringing. The pig's ear grew hair. Pigs are gross.

But it is mine and when my mamas were satisfied I have no stummyache, they took it away from me. I spent the night barking for the ear which came from the pig who was gross coz he grew hair on his ear.

 

Let me tell you a story

November 22nd 2006 11:46 pm
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Once upon a time, a little girl pooped. It was nine in the morning. The hungry girl ate her poop.

Later in the morning, a little girl threw up. It's nothing, the little girl says. I always throw up coz I'm hungry in the mornings. Mama, the little girl says, the weather turned my vomit brown.

Mama says, oh naughty weather, to have turned my little girl's yellow digestive juices brown. Ohhhh, my poor darling, I hope you are fine.

Mama number 2 said, HALLELLUJAH! You threw up poop!

 

Jane Bond

November 24th 2006 7:49 am
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Where a girl fails yesterday, she succeeds today. With iron will, a fast mind and an able body, a girl can achieve anything, nevermind that the odds are against her.

So in all, I shat 4 times yesterday and today. I failed in keeping the poop down yesterday morning. But the next 3 times? Hohoho. I even left a bomb in ah bee's room hoping to snare her. Almost. It's just luck, not that she's bright or anything. And so, the pingping is victorious once more.

Oh, and I visited the vet woman again today. She looked at my ears, mumbled something about the horizontal part of my ear canals not looking so good and wanted to put me under GA so she can flush the bad stuff out. I said phootooi. Fomfomfom and ah bee said so too, just not in so many words. I think they said "!", in exactly that many words. So we settled for a muzzle and flushed my ears out.

Vet woman, I have 2 protective angels, you can never get the better of me. Phootooi to you again, just in case you missed it the first time.

The pingping reigns.

 

Today is Saturday and that's a fact so live with it

November 25th 2006 7:47 am
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Everyone in the house bathed today. That's all.

 

A pound of flesh

November 26th 2006 7:55 am
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A pound of flesh! No one extracted it from no one, we don't do such things in this house. It was my lunch. Minced porky with green peas, it was wonderful on the eyes, color and all. Pig's flesh is what it is, but it sounds so gross. We have to be diplomatic about it.

Politicians. Ah ma bought half a kg of saliva over the phone for one thou eight hundred buckeroos. I hawked my saliva to ah ma for 5 buckeroos, she told me to shoo, go and play. Bird's nest is what it is, it is wonderful for ah bee's skin. THAT's WHAT THEY WILL HAVE YOU BELIEVE, AH MA. The person selling bird's saliva. If I set up an international organization touting the health benefits of my poo, oh hahaha.

I peered at ah ma with my big unblinking peepers, and ah ma caved in to my demand of sitting on her sofa. I even got to come into contact with her blanket. Oh, it is but a question of time before I end up on ah ma's bed.

And then I got fomfomfom to pay me $1 for writing this diary entry. I demanded she pay me in US currency. So now I have a crisp one dollar bill sitting in my shoe box.

Assertiveness will get you everywhere.

 

Cherries!

November 27th 2006 7:49 am
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Red cherries are nice. But not today. It was raining, and I wa lounging in the porch. Then ah ma came charging out holding a container of cherries. She pointed her finger at fomfomfom and ah bee and started scolding them. The story was, fomfomfom and ah bee had left the container of cherries soaked in water overnight when they were supposed to eat them. Now the cherries are soft and rotten and all split from the water.

Ah bee and fomfomfom poked the cherries everywhere and pretended to eat in front of ah ma. Fomfomfom said she forgot all about it. Ah bee then said she ate 4 cherries last night. Ah bee hung herself! So stupid.

It is stupidity that attracts mosquitoes. Ah bee and fomfomfom were attacked by vicious mozzies. Ah ma had to put on green ointment for the two of them after they bathed. So stupid, like babies.

I can't stand the 2 of them, they always do stupid things together and get scolded together.

This morning, I left a pile of poop in front of fomfomfom's door so she may get a present when she woke up. Giggle. Ah ma accused me of attracting houseflies into her room coz I smell of poop.

Oh, I have to sleep now. It is 1149pm already.

 
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