July 4th 2009 10:46 am
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I had my hair cut today. I dislike going to the groomers. Even more than going to the vet's. But today wasn't too bad. We were done rather soon and this time, they didn't shave me down to my skin. That's coz Ah bee requested for the cute style. I look like a little puppy now. And Ah ma simply loves the look. She kept telling anyone who would listen that she is most pleased with the haircut this time. And she already has plans for my next trip to the groomers. I am not particularly excited about that but if Ah ma is happy, Xiao Ping is happy.
We met Binbin during our walk today and she looked like she just had a bath and she was all fluffed up. But fluffed up as she may be, I spotted a new collar on her. It's an electric collar and it's meant to send currents whenever she barks. That's coz she makes a lot of noise all the time and that is also why she gets left at the guard house whenever no one is at home. So she has to learn the hard way. But I think the collar might be broke; we heard she's still barking up a storm at home.
Ah ma was watching a show on MJ just now and she insisted I joined her. It was borin' stuff; I fell asleep. I mean, black or white? Oh please. It's black AND white.
July 3rd 2009 9:16 am
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They fumigate the condo every alternate friday. Today is alternate friday, so I wasn't allowed to go for my afternoon walk. Ah ma says it is no good to sniff in those fumes and all that.
Die, mozzies.
July 2nd 2009 7:49 am
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Ah bee came back last night 2 minutes after I had gone to bed. I knew she was back but I wasn't allowed out of my room so ah bee stuck her smelly foot under the door so I may sniff it and it was our hello. I had a good night's sleep after that, knowing everyone was home safe and sound.
Today I walked by my boyfriend russel's house. While he usually is the strong silent type, today he barked at me once and kept waving to me. I must be particularly attractive today. Then I met bin bin at the playground and we exchanged lengthy, rowdy hellos.
Unfortunately bin bin was tied to the rocking horse, and our creativity was stifled. Otherwise we could have jumped around and perhaps done a rain dance. Maybe next time.
July 1st 2009 9:50 am
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I think it is tough making a living. Ah bee hasn't come back from work yet. It's almost 1am already. My eyelids are so heavy I kept falling asleep as I waited all night, and ah ma was full of pity for me.
I have to go to bed now, ah ma's orders. I'll see ah bee tomorrow. Yawn.
June 30th 2009 7:27 am
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I learnt a new trick today. I refuse to eat breakfast so I will get too hungry and throw up. Then ah ma's heart will ache terribly and she will break out the pork chops and frying pan, all the while muttering how bad it is to be hungry. Then I get porky chops in 5 minutes. Yummy.
Ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.
June 29th 2009 7:16 am
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It was the kong ba paus. I had diarrhoea and it was messy. Ah ma had to wash my backside with my shampoo and I wasn't happy about it at all.
I would still eat kong ba paus though.
June 28th 2009 7:45 am
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Today we learnt bin bin has gone out with her owner so she didn't need to sit under a tree in the hot weather all day. Hopefully the owner will bring her out more often like today. So I didn't get to see bin bin today. I miss her.
At night my best friend forever brought me kong ba paus. Kong ba paus are holy stuff, for they offer a glimpse into heaven. I am almost not an atheist anymore. I hope to worship every weekend. Like some religions.
June 27th 2009 9:24 am
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I saw Baby the shnauzer today in a distance so I barked loudly to say hello. Fomfomfom asked me why I can't be like other dogs and say bow wow wow instead of behaving in so unladylike a manner.
Moi? Bow wow wow? Insipid doesn't become me.
June 26th 2009 9:33 am
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Ah bee had been feeling sick since last night. So this morning she took 2 of my poo bags to work, in case she starts barfing. I charged her a nominal amount of $20 for each bag.
It's good to know I can be of help.
June 25th 2009 9:32 am
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I must wait for ah bee to come back every night before I will eat my supper and go to bed. That's because I'm the chief of security and I must make sure everyone is home and the door is latched before I can have a good night's sleep.
How responsible I am.
June 24th 2009 8:17 am
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I didn't want to go to the vet's today so I clung to ah ma's thigh and refused to budge. So fomfomfom promised if my blood test results were ok, she'll make me pork chops for dinner. I reluctantly let go of ah ma.
At the vet's, it wasn't pleasant at all. I don't like needles, and when it was all done I asked for a pink bandage. But they didn't have any pink ones available so I chose a bandage with a camouflage pattern on it. I thought it made me look wild, like a beast. On an adventure.
The vet woman called a couple of hours later and said my bloodwork was very good, just that my phosphorous was low. But it's of no consequence. Fomfomfom was delighted and went out to buy me pork chops.
Personally I place great importance on promises made. A man is only as good as his word. I like fomfomfom's word.
June 23rd 2009 7:36 am
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I think lightning is the naughtiest little girl in the whole wide world. But I like her still. And poor snowy seemed a little constipated today.
June 22nd 2009 8:03 am
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Last night I had lots of pig stummy as a reward for having taken a bath. Alas no one knew it was going to cause me indigestion. This morning at 7am I threw up the undigested pig stummy and everyone's heart was aching for me. My heart ached for the wasted pig stummy. Later on my walks I had diarrhoea twice and now I'm on a strict kibble diet.
I expect it to last one day. Oh woe.
June 21st 2009 8:45 am
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We brought her for a walk again today. We don't quarrel anymore, now that we're friends. We can exist peacefully together, as long as I'm walking in front of her. If she walks too far in front of me, I'll shout at her to remind her and she'll respectfully go to the back. Since I'm older, I'm her elder sister and I'll look out for her. That's why I have to walk in front.
My mamas say we're sisters now and I have to take care of bin bin. But she fought with lightning today and I stood by the side and cheered. I cheered for bin bin, coz I'm her elder sister now. Besides, lightning's a just a pea sized wavin' wabid.
I like being an elder sister.
June 20th 2009 9:07 am
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Ah bee and fomfomfom went out to buy supper and they didn't bring me along so I started singing. Then they came back with things that smell wonderful and I asked for a taste. I got me some prawns and squid and something I'd never had before. It was plump and juicy and it slid down my throat like something real sexy. It was gone before I realised it, so I had to ask for one more to convince myself it was real.
Oops. It was gone again before you can say oyster so in all I had 5 juicy plump oysters before I can tell what it tastes like.
Ok. Yummy.
June 19th 2009 8:37 am
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We met mimi and janice's owner today and he told us lots of things. We learnt that janice and mimi are both abandoned dogs who were destined for the spca before he took them in. Mimi's story is especially sad coz she was given away, made pregnant, then discarded. She's had 4 puppies but no one wanted the mummy. And she had skin disease too. No wonder I find her skin a little unhealthy looking.
I'm happy for them when I hear how the owner buys pork and chicken livers and carrots and stuff to carefully steam for their meals. What a lovely man.
June 18th 2009 8:04 am
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We met the big eyes siblings yesterday at the playground and amanda informed us they have a new brother. That makes 5! It's lovely how they keep multiplying, not least coz they all look so beautiful, with their big eyes. We like them all. It's only when Eliza asks us what time 9 o'clock is that we start running and not look back.
Amanda also informed us she has 6 teeth missing at the front, and eliza told me she's still drinking milk, as is nicky. Their new brother is benjamin, "but we call him ben ben at home". Fomfomfom tells eliza solemnly since she's still drinking milk, then she's still a baby.
They're all babbies, all of them.
June 17th 2009 9:17 am
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That's because I'm such intoxicating company.
My mamas speak true.
June 16th 2009 8:12 am
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Last night fomfomfom spied on ah gong and hid behind a screen to eavesdrop on his conversation with his broker. It went something like this: "We have met with utter failure this time. Waterloo. Napoleon, you know? But that was his end. We will rise again."
Fomfomfom sniggered and reported it happily to ah bee first thing when ah bee came back. And the same message was reported merrily to cha this morning. My mamas huddled together and hi-fived and giggled.
I would love to call them unfillial but I kind of foresaw this particular loo too. Perhaps we should just, kindly, say ah gong is not very smart.
June 15th 2009 8:47 am
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Ah ma finally got down to patching up my fat moo. It was torn at the armpits and was losing its stuffing so I bugged ah ma for the longest time to get him fixed.
Later I found that ah ma had sewed fat moo's arms together. She explained that there was no other way to do it.
How unhappy I am.
June 14th 2009 8:32 am
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This shih tzu was left at the guard house in a cage. Fomfomfom and ah bee were unhappy she was there coz her owner had gone out and the maid had the day off. She couldn't be left alone at home either coz she's a barker and neighbours will complain. So she was destined to sit in the hot weather until 9pm when the owner comes back.
My unhappy mamas went to the rental apartment to retrieve my harness and brought brown nose for a walk. We don't know her name, but her nose and eyes are real brown and we think she's a little albino. She's real feisty and had quarrelled with me often in the past. We started up again today, but she calmed down after she sniffed my backside and put me in her database. We walked side by side and it was fun.
I went home to rest after an hour and a half. Fomfomfom's walk with brown nose lasted three and a half hours coz she didn't want brown nose back in the cage early if she could help it.
Ok, she's actually quite cute. Like me.
June 13th 2009 9:50 am
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I finally saw Ah bee after she went missing in action for 50 hours. She promised she'd spend the weekend with me. I was happy.
I just didn't think that meant bundling me up and heading to the apartment where I napped while she played tennis with her friends. But I did get to meet my fans. I was excited to see HF whom I haven't seen in nearly 2 years. And I was introduced to Evelyn, who said I am The Ngeow Ngeow. What bollocks. I am The Queen. Now don't anybody forget that.
And I thought shewould be playing with me all night long but the useless thing was out like a light. She didn't even come to open the door for me when I barked. Ever since we moved back to the condo, I've not been able to open doors by myself. I used to be able to do it using my snout but the walls here are cut differently; there's always a corner in the way. And so just now when no one came to my rescue, I had to shimmy my way out. Turns out I was watched and everyone heard about how clever I was, shimmying my way out of a situation.
I thought you should too.
June 12th 2009 8:47 am
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I didn't see ah bee last night coz she came back only after I'd turned in. I didn't see her this morning coz she'd already left when I woke up. Now I'm going to sleep again and she's still not back.
I hope she's not out soliciting.
June 11th 2009 8:58 am
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Yesterday they tucked me in bed at 1030. I rolled all over the place for an hour coz I wasn't sleepy at all. Tonight I'm smarter. It's 12 midnight already and I refuse to go to bed. It's all a matter of compensating for unfairness. No one rides roughshod over xiaoping, especially when it comes to matters of the bed.
Besides, ah bee ain't back yet. She must be busy advocating and soliciting. I'll wait for her.
June 10th 2009 7:45 am
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I am 5 and a half years old today! What a momentous occasion. But ah ma kept stealing my soft toy shiu shiu. It's unbecoming. She had washed shiu shiu and kept trying to put him under the sun. I had to do sleuthing on my birthday. I'd find shiu shiu and keep him beside my volleyball. I would be satisfied, but ah ma would cackle and then hide him again. One would think ah ma is 5 and a half years old.
How childish.
The celebration food consisted of a braised chicken heart, half a gizzard, a bit of liver and exactly one slice of chicken.
Now that's childish and stingy.
Ah bee came back and wanted to sleep, so they told me it's 1130 already, bedtime. But fomfomfom whispered in my ear it's only 1030. But since I was the youngest, I had to comply and I was hustled into my bed unceremoniously.
Childish and stingy and lazy liars. Boo.
June 9th 2009 8:50 am
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Ah bee told me this morning she dreamt I was bitten by a snake and then she woke up crying. I comforted her and said I wasn't bitten at all. When she was having the nightmare, I was sleeping and holding hands with fomfomfom. We were very happy all night.
Pat, pat.
June 8th 2009 8:14 am
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Ah ma held a jasmine flower to my nose and I didn't like it at all. I sneezed and walked away. Ah ma didn't respect me and chased after me with that darn flower and I wasn't happy at all. Ah ma likes the smell and I don't, and Ah ma kept laughing at me.
Ah bee came back late and had dinner, so I sat by her feet and raised my head as high as I could and opened my eyes as wide as I could. I often get some food this way. But I was tired after ah ma's harrassment, so after a while, my eyes closed. But I firmly maintained my posture. Ah bee sniggered and I woke up, but I still couldn't keep my eyes open. So I sat there with my head high and eyes closed, since no food seemed to be forthcoming. Ah bee told ah ma to come see me fall asleep while asking for food and ah ma laughed out loud at me again.
It is very hurtful, all these people always laughing at me. But ah ma's good humour gave me some food and it wasn't all a loss after all.
June 7th 2009 8:31 am
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Yesterday, we found mutated enoki mushrooms at the rental apartment. It had been left in the fridge so long it turned into a monster. The bottom half had wilted and the top half perhaps fed on the rotting bottom and grew big and bloated. Fomfomfom opened the fridge door and out it sprang. They struggled, yes, there was combat. After a nail-biting sequence, fomfomfom won and pushed the mutant mushrooms into the rubbish chute.
Who'd have thunk how dangerous 70 cents can be these days.
June 6th 2009 10:13 am
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We were getting ready to come home, but fomfomfom took forever with the car. It was warm and I was missing ah ma terribly and there fomfomfom was fiddling with her keys and lousy car and I had to reprimand her. I was sitting in the car for 5 minutes and it didn't move an inch. Obviously her driving skills are nothing to write home about.
In the end fomfomfom drove us home in cha's car. I guess I should be grateful she could still make a car move, just not her own.
Then she kept calling me Babby and informed ah bee my name is Babby from now. I think she's afraid I would go get a driving license of my own and upstage her so she's stealthily reminding me I'm still a baby.
June 5th 2009 9:19 am
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Ah ma sold her silver today and made a tidy sum. She immediately withdrew $2000 in cash to distribute among her offspring. Cha already had her hand out, but fomfomfom declined on everyone's behalf coz it's not right they should take ah ma's money when they are almost 30 years old. But she happily accepted $50 for me and put it safely in my shoebox. I'm thinking of what I can buy with that. Whee.
We went to the rental apartment today and I was curious and went behind cha's bed. But I couldn't get out at the other end coz of the table leg blocking it, neither could I turn around coz the space was so narrow, so I stuck my head out beside the table leg and looked to fomfomfom for help. She only laughed and shouted for cha to come in and they both laughed at me before cha helped me reverse my way out. It was humiliating and scary and I needed some lovin' after that.
Wenli came and fomfomfom, like a proud parent, told me to pee for the guest. She said other parents usually ask their kids to perform on the piano or sing a song for guests. Of course I refused. How low class.
June 4th 2009 8:46 am
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Fomfomfom and ah bee were complaining about people who complain about the PAP, our lovely government. We owe all we have to the PAP, they said. We are lifelong supporters of the PAP, they declared.
Cha came and enquired what they were getting excited about. They informed her and cha exclaimed, politics! Can we talk about something happier, she begged.
I decided to tell them something funny. An ant stepped on an elephant and the elephant died.
They must have found it funny coz they stopped talking about politics immediately and stood up and left.
June 3rd 2009 8:32 am
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Ah ma asked me today why I always like to lick my volleyball Mikasa. She didn't wait for my answer but took Mikasa for a scrubbing. Mikasa is nice and clean now.
So the vet woman said I have arthritis, and I gotta take supplements for my joints. Ah ma frowned at the pills and decided to tackle the problem her way. Collagen, ah ma points out to me, can be found in lots of things. Like pig skin. Which she boiled in soup and gave to me. It was tasteless but it must be full of collagen coz it was sticky. It made my tongue sticky and I licked my nose and whiskers and everywhere was sticky so I wasn't happy.
Next we wil try fish lips from hongkong.
June 2nd 2009 9:05 am
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The lights suddenly went out at 11pm. The torchlights came out and everyone sat waiting for the electricity to come back on except for ah ma, who was sleeping oblivious to the blackout.
Ah bee is on her second day as advocate and solicitor of the supreme court of singapore, member of an honourable profession and officer of the court. But she didn't know how to switch off her blackberry. So she consulted fomfomfom, who is also, though not currently, an advocate and solicitor of the supreme court of singapore, member of an honourable profession and officer of the court, on how to do it. Fomfomfom said, drop it in water.
Then they finally put me to bed. Ah bee said lovingly what a beautiful face I have. It is a face that launched a thousand rockets. Fomfomfom regarded me too, lovingly, and said, it is a face that ate a thousand pig stummys.
My mamas are enamoured of me.
June 1st 2009 8:14 am
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So it is Children's Day today. I was watching a chinese celebration on tv with ah ma and ah bee when a woman talked about how she wishes her kids will have hopes and dreams when they grow up. Hopes and dreams! I have hopes and dreams.
I told ah ma solemnly my hope and dream is to have pig's stummy everyday, like I did today. It is an ah ma's responsibility to make sure my dream comes true, and I await my bright future with bated breath and eager tongue.
We love hopes and dreams.
May 31st 2009 9:53 am
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Fomfomfom bought me a new bed today. It is of an animalistic leopard print. I love it coz it's so sexy and so me. Ah ma put it into the washing machine and I guarded it while it was sunning, along with all my other beds and mattresses and pillow.
At night everyone went to a wedding dinner and left me at home with fomfomfom. I said I could hide in ah bee's pooffy dress but ah ma still didn't allow me to go. I waited at home for five whole hours, while fomfomfom watched tv non-stop. When they finally came back, I was happy and I jumped jumped jumped. The vet woman would have had a fit if she had seen me.
I don't care coz I have ah ma home with me again. *beam*
May 30th 2009 8:20 am
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The roasted goose from last night gave me the runs this morning. But it didn't stop me from having some of the glorious char kway teow they had.
The runs, I worry about tomorrow.
May 29th 2009 7:47 am
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Fomfomfom wondered why the soy sauce was tasteless. It must be from a bad batch. So she threw it away and poured another plate from another bottle. Now even the scallop sashimi was tasteless. To her utter disgust, she realised she had lost her sense of taste. To my utter delight, I ended up with the scallop sashimi. For the record, it was juicy and plump and fresh and tasted real sweet. Yummy.
Ah ma and ah bee came back! They had lots of things in their bags, I particularly like the shark bones, they were so fishy. Oh oh, I particularly particularly particularly like the roast goose. It was fat and juicy and yummy. We scarfed it down. Fomfomfom too, who told me through a full mouth that she only lost the taste in the front part of her tongue. I would retort if only my mouth had spare capacity to speak.
I am happy when everyone is home.
May 28th 2009 7:00 am
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I read in the papers that the trains will start plying the new circle line today. I wanted to see the new circle line trains so I sat by the balcony and waited. That is because we can see train tracks from our balcony.
Cha walked by and asked me what I was doing, so I told her I was waiting for the circle line train. I don't know why she started scolding me and saying I wasn't smart, I thought that was so rude of her.
Doesn't everyone like trains?
May 27th 2009 8:26 am
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Ah ma and ah bee went to macau today. I told ah bee to place a bet for me, HKD$100 for black at the roulette table. I said if the ball lands on a red number, it is considered ah bee's bet. It is my bet only if the ball lands on a black number. In other words, heads I win, tails ah bee loses. Kind of like an american bank.
Ah bee later called and told me she had made a mistake and placed a $500 bet instead. Happily, I won that round so now I have $500 to put in my shoebox. Traditionally I also put a 150% tax on transactions so ah bee should give me $750 when she comes back.
I said, let's just round it up to $1000 coz it's only a few dollars difference and $750 is such an odd number we don't want to be dealing with coins and all that. So ah bee should have a crisp $1000 note for me upon her return.
Whee.
May 26th 2009 7:34 am
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Ah ma and ah bee went out early in the morning with luggage and I knew they were disappearing for a few days again. Sulking won't change matters, so I went for my morning walk with cha happily.
My evening walk wasn't so happy coz it was only 40 minutes. That was because I was uncomfortable and had to keep scratching myself against benches and walls. Fomfomfom surmised there must be an ant or five in my fur biting me so we went home to clean up. But we found no ants. My vengeful heart had nowhere to venge, no ants to ground into powder.
I seethed with fomfomfom, who wanted to attack ah gong coz he was irking her so much. He was going on and on with his broker on the phone like he was conducting earthshaking business and fomfomfom wanted to poke his eyes out. The stakes must have been like 2 bucks.
The brighter side of things tell us we can learn the art of conversation from ah gong and his poor broker.
May 25th 2009 8:56 am
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Ah bee brought back from dumplings from my Ah yi mama today. It's going to be the Dragon Boat Festival next week that's why. My Sugar mummy helped in making them dumplings and she made them for me. I haven't seen her since Chinese New Year but I know she loves me because I have the dumplings to show for it.
Now I just have to make them release the dumplings to me.
Separately, I overheard them talking about someone wanting to give her mum a very expensive set of sofa. I think that is a very sweet thought so I've decided to give the black leather sofa at home to Ah ma. They praised me for being good.
*beams*
May 24th 2009 9:53 am
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Donut- Variant: doughnut -(ˌ)nət
They brought me to meet Donut today. Donut is a black mini Schnauzer and he's only 4 months old. He's also the silly little thing that pooped in his water bowl. His mummy says he has a hole in his brain, that's why. I concur.
Donut is tiny and very jumpy. He had the audacity to bite my leash and even tried to pull me along with him. That reminded me of the time Rusty bit my tail and tried to pull me along. Now I remember why I don't like playing with little puppies.
And so I kept away from Donut whenever he approached by jumping onto Fomfomfom or Ah bee. After a while, he took more interest in his toys than in me. And that is how the whole MeetTheDonut session ended in 16 minutes.
But he is cute lah. Grumble.
May 23rd 2009 7:53 am
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1.) I am back home with Ah ma. Yippie! Ah ma was so happy she forgot she was boiling water and it boiled over and she had to start all over.
2.) According to them, I have a doggone poker face so I am one up Lady Gaga.
3.) I'm almost 6 and I've never been on a plane. My Sugar mummy has- she was born in Australia and flown here. I need to get meself on a flight soon.
4.) I scored two new pillows.
May 22nd 2009 9:48 am
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Remember Sister Yakity Yak? We haven't seen her since we moved and stopped going to the gardens. Today Fomfomfom was reading a magazine at her doctor's and she saw a picture of Sister YY. In Tatler. That's high society, people. Who would have thunk.
And I met a Toy Poddle in a hot pink collar today. Turns out it's a he and his name is Henry.
And I'm actually a cat. Meow.
May 21st 2009 10:13 am
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I have been having bifteck these couple of days for my meals. I had them well done initially; then medium well, medium and today I had it nearly bleu. It was tres magnifique!
I don't know what they put in my bifteck and mashed potatoes but it makes me feel high each time. My hind leg feels better everytime after I've had the bifteck. Powerful stuff.
No more kibble. I will only have le bifteck from now on.
May 20th 2009 9:28 am
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Last night, Ah bee crushed up two peices of paper and threw them around for me to chase. We were playing happily when I sprained my left hind leg. It hurt and so I didn't want to play anymore. I lay down and didn't move. But they didn't know what was wrong with me. They thought I might have a stummyache or a headache. It was so unlike me to just lie still like that. They had a discussion and thought they would observe me for a couple of hours before deciding whether to bring me to the hospital. I fell asleep but my breathing was jerky and deep. At 3.30am, Ah bee woke everyone up coz I was still behaving weird and not wanting to move. She thought the worst when I walked away from her a couple of times; she got reminded of the movie Marley and Me. She called two clinics and the nurse on duty told her to observe me until morning since I was not vomiting or throwing up nor did I have difficulty breathing. Fomfomfom took over the watching at 6 and she told me her heart broke when she saw that I was trembling and that I couldn't scratch my ears coz it hurt too much to lift my leg.
We went to see the vet woman in the morning and she saw straightaway that my posture was all wrong. She gave me a painkiller via injection and scheduled me for an xray. She came back with the results and she said it's fine Pingping didn't fracture anything. But Pingping has bad hips, she said. Let me do an xray of Camote and you can see the difference.
An xray of Camote! Poor thing. The princess of the clinic got volunteered for scientific research because of me. She had to put her schmoozing on hold for a while. I felt so bad I told Fomfomfom to buy her dinner the next time we go to the vet's. Fomfomfom said sure thing. She likes Camote a lot. She tried asking the vet woman if she could bring Camote home but the vet woman gave her a cold stare and said no way. At least she tried.
She also tried to get the vet woman's contact number. She said the next time I don't feel good at night, she would have someone to call. Alas, she didn't succeed but she said she will. Even if she has to seduce someone at the clinic.
I digress. So the xray showed that I have arthritis. This means they have to be very careful with me from now on. No more jumping up and off the couch. No more running after big dogs. Doctor's orders. And I have to take supplements everyday from now on. Bah, I'll just get Ah ma to make me stews of cartilage and whatnot. Yum.
And not to worry everyone- I am feeling much better and am almost back to my playful and ngeow ngeow self. I can scratch me ear now.
May 19th 2009 7:00 am
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We went to see the vet woman today. Fomfomfom was supposed to empty my anal sacs in front of her coz the vet woman taught her how to do it the last time. But Fomfomfom is chicken and she made Ah bee do it. So we went through the whole oneknuckle4and8oclock drill again for her benefit. And mine.
So after much trying, Ah bee did the deed and the vet woman was so pleased. She said Ah bee deserves a big star for a job well done.
Fomfomfom: Lose!
May 18th 2009 9:07 am
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Ah bee got called to the bar today. I wanted to attend and I was going to say, Your Honour I object to her getting called because there will be one less person at home to play with me. Alas, they didn't bring me along and so I didn't manage to botch it for her.
Grumble.
May 17th 2009 7:47 am
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I IS HOME WITH AH MA!
The world is beautiful once again.
May 16th 2009 10:45 am
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There were so many people in the apartment today. Ten, Ah bee says, because there were 9 adults, me and a baby. The baby and myself, we make one. Even though we only add up to one, we were the stars tonight. Everyone just took turns googoogagaing the two of us. I like the baby. She's not even a year old but she's already braver than her mummy. Her mummy is so scared of me she put on jeans and socks just so she cannot feel me lick her. Her mummy is the ninny; not the baby. The baby I like. So chubby. So happy. So good.
And it was a busy night. I had to supervise everything that went on. Especially the dinner cooking. Just in case they burn the place down. They're all fire hazards, all of them. I also had to supervise the Wii playing. All that dancing and singing, so tiring. I can only say Fomfomfom is quite the singer. She does a mean Britney Spears. And they had the rabbids trippin' all night.
No one said it was easy hosting guests. What would they do without me.
Beat. Night world!
May 15th 2009 9:02 am
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Fomfomfom went out and came back with Ah ma. I missed Ah ma! She sat down on the sofa and I licked her hands. She gave me a belly rub and I tried to bite her. She scolded me and I moved to the far end of the sofa. Repeat.
Just like old times. *Beams*
May 14th 2009 10:57 am
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Fomfomfom told me about Suying yiyi's new puppy. He's but a couple of months old and really silly to boot. He pooped in his water bowl. I thought no one can beat that.
Until Ah bee decided to fry up a couple of pork chops for dinner. Three, to be exact. One for each of us. Holding one with a pair of tongs and standing a metre away from the pan, she called out to Fomfomfom to bring her a cover; she was worried that the oil would splatter. She wanted to use the cover as a shield. Don't be stupid, Fomfomfom said. Use it as a lid. And so Ah bee dropped the pork chop in the pan and Fomfomfom slapped the lid of a random pot on the pan. They thought they were so clever. Then Ah bee said, okay remove the lid. Fomfomfom lifted it lid, pan and pork chop. So bad.
They tried every method they could think of, ice and fire, but nothing worked. The lid was on too tight. We declared an emergency because the pork chop was in there and we were out here. When we finally gave up, I informed Fomfomfom that the trapped pork chop was hers.
I got mine soon after. It was yummy.
Tomorrow we eat sushi.
May 13th 2009 9:31 am
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Fomfomfom came home and told us that debbie got put down last night. She was 17. We were all so sad.
Have you given your doggie a belly rub today?
May 12th 2009 8:49 am
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Instead of bringing Ah ma to the gym, they took her to a buffet. So bad. And they ate 41 oysters. Oh so bad. All the time while I was moping around the house waiting for them to come home.
So so bad.
May 11th 2009 8:47 am
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We met little amanda and her sister eliza today. The two of them are cute as buttons. Ah bee is a little scared of eliza because she asks her difficult questions she cannot answer. Like, what time is 9 o'clock. Toughie that one.
And eliza is very cute for another reason. Everytime she sees me, she'd holler SUSHI! And amanda, if she's around, would correct her sister and say, she's not a sushi; she's a shishu!
Today the same thing happened and amanda decided to put an end to it by asking Ah bee once and for all if I'm a sushi or a shishu. They got Ah bee all confused and Ah bee replied, she's a shishu.
*giggles*
Together now, Shih Tzu!
May 10th 2009 8:09 am
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It is Mother's Day today and I want to wish my sugar mummy happy mother's day. No one brought me to visit her, so I didn't give her a present. I hope my brother and sister are nice to her today.
Ah bee bought ah ma a nike t-shirt as a mother's day present so that she may go to the gym and exercise. Ah ma smiled at first, then she grumbled and grumbled that the shirt's too tight. Giggles, ah ma's tummy is too big. That's why she needs to go to the gym.
It is also my birthday today. I am 5 years and 5 months old. Ah bee bought me an oreo cheesecake from starbucks. A little commercial but I'm easy. I got to eat a bit of cheese but fomfomfom said I'm too old for oreos. I informed them I want cheesecakes for my birthdays in future. Yums. I've had enough of pandan cakes for a while.
May 9th 2009 7:32 am
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Recently I have developed a liking for cars. I sniff, then I pee! I like peeing on the tyres. It is fun coz I must be fast, my mamas don't allow me to do that. But I have succeeded a few times with fomfomfom and cha, and now they have warned ah bee about my new habit. It's ok, I welcome a challenge. My strategy is to walk and sniff until I bore them out of their minds and when their eyes begin to glaze over, I lift up my leg.
It's real fun. And they will then look around hurriedly and guiltily and drag me away in the shortest possible time before any car owner hurls abuse at us. Whee.
May 8th 2009 7:33 am
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Ah bee's friend said I am very ngeow ngeow after seeing a picture of me in ah bee's cell phone. I don't know what that means, but ah bee and fomfomfom have also taken to calling me ngeow ngeow.
Like, hello ngeow ngeow. Or, oh darling, you are such a ngeow ngeow. Or, this temperature is more acceptable, isn't it, ngeow ngeow?
I wonder how long this will last.
May 7th 2009 8:09 am
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I was playing on fomfomfom's bed last night and I tore her bedsheet when I was digging a hole in her bed. This morning fomfomfom told ah ma her feet caught in the sheet and tore it. Ah ma didn't suspect a thing.
I can always get away with anything.
May 6th 2009 8:25 am
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It was a hot day and I got milk in my water bowl after my afternoon walk. It was cold and it wasn't a familiar feeling so I circled the bowl and lapped slowly and hesitantly but I managed to finish it all. It was lovely. But fomfomfom got a scolding from ah ma when ah ma learnt she had given me cold milk coz I might fall sick. Giggles.
Cars were suddenly fascinating. I stuck my head under every car I could find in the evening. Fomfomfom dragged me away from the cars when her patience ran out. I hate all that dragging. We could have talked it over. We're in a civilised society. I can walk.
May 5th 2009 8:23 am
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I scratched myself so hard under my armpit I broke the skin and it became a bloody crater. A crater coz it was an itchy pork-induced bump. Ah ma was broken-hearted when she saw how my skin was broken so she promised me a pork tendon and I bugged fomfomfom for it. Yay. And ah ma ordered fomfomfom to buy me milk coz I haven't had that for a long time. Pingping needs nutrition, ah ma declared. Ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.
There was a delicious soup tonight. Ah bee talked of bringing it to work tomorrow so that the entire office may smell it and be envious. I suggested making a business out of it, I will bring ah ma's soup to sell in her office everyday and I can earn some money. But my mamas feared my soup will spill and I will cry, or someone will take my soup and not pay up, and if I cry they will be broken-hearted.
So we shelved the idea and I decided to tax ah bee 150% on her retention bonus instead.
May 4th 2009 8:20 am
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We were watching tv this afternoon. It was the oprah winfrey show, about this twelve-or-so year old girl who yodels. Apparently she picked up a yodeling instruction book at seven years old and never looked back. There was even a live demonstration. I thought it was all very wonderful.
Cha was afraid I would learn from the girl and then wake up in the middle of the night to yodel so she switched the tv off in a great hurry. I thought it wasn't very gracious of her at all.
Maybe I will yodel in protest.
May 3rd 2009 9:02 am
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Hmm, after a long happy while, we saw the security guard AH again. He rubbed my head all over again and fomfomfom was caught unaware she didn't manage to avoid him. Walked right into him, we did.
We'll keep our eyes peeled from now on. One can't be too vigilant.
May 2nd 2009 9:36 am
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Ah bee and fomfomfom brought me to the groomer's today and he shaved me again. It's so ugly. I told ah bee not to tell anyone I'm xiaoping when she brings me for my walk in the afternoon coz it's embarrassing. Perhaps she can tell people that I'm xiaoping's distant relative.
Ah ma bathed me immediately when we got home. Then ah bee stole my pig's tendon when I was careless and threw it away.
So, I'm rather unhappy today. Rather, not very, coz I managed a 2 hour walk in the evening. Ah bee and fomfomfom took turns to walk me and I think at least they have a conscience. A little bit.
May 1st 2009 9:19 am
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Ah ma gave ah gong a dressing down today. He made the unpardonable mistake of opening the door to her room vigorously. Ah ma screamed, what if pingping were behind the door? You'd have hit her! And ah gong was hassled out of the room in record time with his tail between his legs. Giggles, metaphorically, if course.
Ah ma loves me and I love ah ma!
April 30th 2009 9:03 am
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Ah ma said today that I'm very, very, very, very cute. It's 4 verys, mind you, no less.
Harrumph.
April 29th 2009 8:14 am
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Ah bee came back with pig leg tendons. They're dried and long and skinny and I love them like I love my milksticks. I danced a little dance when ah bee gave me one.
Ah ma has developed a fascination with the biggest loser on hallmark channel and everyone (minus fomfomfom) was watching that while I chewed on my new toy. Suddenly the thing disappeared and ah bee ran into fomfomfom's room to inform her "emergency" and they dashed out and started looking for the missing tendon. They asked me where it is and I pointed to the packet on the table. Everyone was perplexed and mystified. But I got a new tendon meanwhile.
They turned the house inside out and wagged their fingers at me and said I'd outdone myself. Fancy losing a tendon like that. They still can't find it. Giggles.
April 28th 2009 8:52 am
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And she sniggers I'll be a sausage on saturday after my haircut.
Fomfomfom taught me to brush my teeth today. All it took was some lard pieces. But I wasn't stupid, no siree. I learnt very slowly, on purpose of course, what's a little teethbrushing? It ain't rocket science. I learnt slowly so that she'll have to continue the lessons for many more days to come and I'll get fried lard pieces for many more days.
It's lovely, the incentives in this house.
April 27th 2009 8:40 am
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Ah ma imprisoned me in her room this afternoon and insisted I stay in the air conditioning. It was a hot day again, so I didn't mind much, I guess.
After my evening walk, ah ma locked me in her room again. By then I was an old hand so I lounged near the door and basked away. Oh how I basked. Ah bee and fomfomfom came in and wagged their finger at me but I think they were just jealous coz ah ma didn't insist they sit in an air con room. They could only rot outside in the heat.
Ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.
April 26th 2009 8:09 am
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I refused to pee before bedtime last night and they were very sad. That apartment just doesn't do it for me. I was very sad too.
We came back to the condo today. I was very happy so I jumped and hopped and jumped and hopped. Ah ma was happy to see me too and cooked a lot of food for dinner. And she scrubbed me real clean too. I felt safe so I slept well after dinner.
All these moving about is tiring business. I don't like it at all. And I think ah ma doesn't like it too.
April 25th 2009 7:35 am
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They brought me to the new apartment again. I didn't want to go, I wanted to spend time with ah ma in front of the tv. Alas they had to separate me and my ah ma. I'm not happy at all. I miss ah ma.
April 24th 2009 7:39 am
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Ah ma is so lovin' towards me. She got on the floor and fed me kibble one by one, I ate 33. She made me eat my dinner in her air-con room coz it's so hot. She scratched me when I was itching and I licked her hand to say thank you. I napped especially well coz ah ma was reading her papers beside me. She informed fomfomfom my left ear is looking red and told her to pay attention. And before she slept, she went into my room and switched on the air-con extra powerful for me in case I felt warm.
Ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.
April 23rd 2009 7:25 am
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Last night in the new place was so miserable. I didn't want to pee coz it's so unfamiliar, and my mamas shh-ed me till one-plus am before they finally gave up. But I had drunk 2 bowls of water before bedtime so cha woke me up twice and fomfomfom once at 4am before I finally went. Everyone thought I was pitiful. So I got lots of lovin'.
Today is a different matter though. We went back to the condo and ah ma came back from her marketing expedition after 4 days so I'm happy again. Oh, and I realised dou dou is a boy, not a girl, and that he's a shih tzu mixed with something mysterious, not a pure shih tzu like me. Oops.
April 22nd 2009 7:51 am
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This morning cha and fomfomfom bundled me into the car and I shook and trembled all the way. We reached this apartment that's so much smaller than the condo and we stayed there all day. I insisted I wanted to go home, but no one took any heed. The grounds were alright, I spent some time exploring the place and marked it as my territory.
Ah bee is still not back and ah ma has been missing for 3 days already. And it seems we're spending the night in this strange small place. I feel miserable.
April 21st 2009 9:01 am
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Sister hairdresser saw me sitting enjoying the breeze with fomfomfom this afternoon and she said what a good life I have. I nodded and continued with my admiration of the breeze. I think she must have been jealous, for she suggested to fomfomfom that ah gong rent the shop next to hers and make me tend the shop. When she left, I snorted to fomfomfom.
Some people are just meant for a life of leisure. What can I say?
April 20th 2009 9:04 am
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Fomfomfom bought me a toothbrush. It's a 2 headed frankenstein monster. I didn't like it at all, so I sulked and refused to eat dinner afterwards. I told fomfomfom I never eat after brushing my teeth. If they brush my teeth everyday, I'll protest and starve myself.
At night it dawned on me I hadn't seen ah ma all day. Cha said ah ma has gone marketing, and fomfomfom sniggered about roulette in the market. I searched ah ma's room in the dark and I couldn't find her.
I'll tell ah ma she's not to go for these multi-day marketing expeditions anymore. Moreover, she never brings any food home.
April 19th 2009 8:32 am
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I played downstairs for like 3 hours today with ah bee, so I was tired at night. I watched the national geographic channel upside down with ah ma.
It was a show about dogs and wolves in the womb. Ah ma suddenly exclaimed, dogs have belly buttons! I was upset again, still upside down of course. Too tired to sit up, but not too tired to be upset.
Anyway, like I was saying, I was upset again. Again? you may well ask. Ah ma and my mamas have been bugging me for years about my belly button. I haven't been able to find it.
I discussed with ah bee and we thought we have an idea where it should be. Later we will mark it with a cross with a marker. And I'll show it to everyone I meet. How proud I will be then.
April 18th 2009 8:49 am
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but thanks for the rosette, Ernie George and Izzy!
April 17th 2009 8:57 am
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The lights and tv suddenly went off at 930pm. It was like total darkness so ah ma and cha brought out candles and torchlights. We couldn't find the cause of the blackout and it was mysterious.
Then suddenly the lights came on again and everyone found out I had been eating egg yolk with ah bee.
It was a happy blackout.
April 16th 2009 8:57 am
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I went for my evening walk with fomfomfom with our colours coordinated. We were both black and white, and I think we must have drawn many an admirable stare.
Ah bee came home and told me her friend said I am the first black and white doggie to look better in colour photographs than in black and white photos. I was like, but of course. I may be black and white, but my x-factor is all colour.
April 15th 2009 8:19 am
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I ate fried lard for the first time today. It was like heaven. Ah ma and fomfomfom were giggling at how I kept asking for it. I was too busy being in heaven that I didn't have time to reprimand them for not offering me lard earlier. Like 5 years ago.
I will have only lard from now on. Supper was a tasteless affair. I only managed 2 kibbles. I will never make do again.
April 14th 2009 8:39 am
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The cleaning uncle told us today that a cobra has been caught in the condo compound. We all flipped and made mental notes not to go near bushes and all that. How very dangerous.
Went to the vet's. The woman started getting ideas and taught fomfomfom how to DIY. First, she instructed, gloves. Snapping on the gloves, she said, a big dollop of KY jelly. Then, the finger. Up to where, fomfomfom queried, one knuckle two knuckles or three? I glared at her and the vet stared at her and everyone was happy when the vet said one knuckle.
Fomfomfom promised to try it the next time under the vet woman's supervision and bring ah bee along to view the spectacle.
Whee.
April 13th 2009 8:21 am
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Ah bee came back at 5pm today. So I made her bring me down for my evening walk. It was happy. We met ginger, she's one whole year old now. She has grown so big her paw is the size of my face.
At night cha and ah bee went shopping and brought sushi back. It was the first time I tried fish roe. It was ok. I think I can accept sushi.
April 12th 2009 8:05 am
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They scrubbed me clean and fluffy today and ah bee changed my name to fifi. I didn't like it and insisted my name is ah ping. Then she decided to give me a frenchier name and called me yvette. Fomfomfom said hello yvette so i said enchante.
I tapped ah bee on the shoulder and passed her my hiccups. She has been hiccupping ever since and I'm happy coz she is still calling me fifi.
April 11th 2009 9:18 am
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I suddenly got angry tonight. Ah bee had just given me my bottle which I had asked for. I was lounging alternately in her and fomfomfom's lap with it when I got angry. So I bit ah bee.
Her finger bled but blood couldn't assuage my anger. I snapped at anything that came close. Almost got fomfomfom's nose.
I went to bed seething, and my mamas were anxious and perplexed. They are so stupid they deserve to be perplexed.
April 10th 2009 8:48 am
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I am 5 years and 4 months today. There was no cake, I got salmon belly sashimi. I like bellies. Salmon bellies, pork bellies, pig stummy. All for the benefit of my favourite belly of all--mine. Giggles.
I fought with ah ma's slippers today. It was an epic battle, with ah ma screaming in the background, fomfomfom and ah bee cheering and my heart beating like war drums.
I won.
April 9th 2009 7:13 am
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I found a 2 dollar note today. I picked it up, put it back, then picked it up again. I figured if I don't, some bum will, or the wind will blow it far far away. In any case, I thought the owner of the money has already bid the money farewell in his/her heart.
I went home and gave it to analyn. She was happy. Me too.
April 8th 2009 7:18 am
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Ah ma taught me how to knock on doors today. She told me to knock on the door, I didn't know how to do it. So she knelt beside me and showed me exactly how I should do it. I learnt fast and ah ma was pleased.
Fomfomfom inside the bathroom wasn't so pleased.
April 7th 2009 8:50 am
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Today ah ma made me roast pork, as per my request yesterday. My opinion is this, if ah ma decides to set up shop to sell her roast pork, we'll make millions. Of shih tzus.
I nosed my way forcibly into ah ma's room at 11plus at night. Ah ma told me to switch off the lights before I go out. Meanwhile, ah ma was already under her blanket. I whined that I was too short, I can't reach the switch. Ah ma told fomfomfom to carry me so I can switch off the lights.
I ran out of the room before anyone could stop me and shouted to ah ma to off the lights herself. Giggles.
April 6th 2009 8:38 am
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Ah bee kept asking fomfomfom stupid riddles. Fomfomfom didn't know the answers coz they were so stupid. Like:
A maid entered a room and found marc anthony and cleopatra dead. There was no evidence of murder except for a broken bowl nearby. How did they die?
They were goldfish.
So stupid they almost gave me a stummyache.
April 5th 2009 8:49 am
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Am ma told me today that people used to just throw their pets out onto the streets. Now they would bring them to the groomers and then doll them up, before throwing them on the streets. So that people may find them cute, hopefully, and adopt them.
I say, that's people with no conscience pretending to have half a conscience. Pui. I despise them.
April 4th 2009 8:46 am
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Fomfomfom sang to me as she fed me salmon sashimi for lunch today:
"Smelly cat, smelly cat
What am I feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It's not your fault"
What I have to put up with to get some food around here.
April 3rd 2009 7:22 am
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I saw the baby with a lot of hair today. She was chewing her finger. I wagged my finger at her and told her solemnly she's going to get a stummyache if her finger ain't clean. Her maid explained she's teething, that's why she needs to chew. Apparently, sometimes she will throw her teething toy away and then chew on her finger. And then she will chew too hard and then she will cry.
I cupped my hands over my nose and mouth and tried not to laugh.
April 2nd 2009 7:50 am
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Fomfomfom and cha were having salmon sashimi for lunch today. I sat by fom's chair and informed her politely I wanted a taste. So fomfomfom let me sniff the salmon and I let her know I approve of it by licking a piece. With raised eyebrows and a conspiratorial wink at cha, fomfomfom broke off a piece and gave it to me. And she tried to make me say meow.
I knew the lousy thing expected me to flee with my tail between my legs. What she didn't know was that I am a lover of raw fish. Unlike someone who's only starting to dip a toe gingerly into the marvelous world of raw fish, I chomped and chomped with gusto.
And the zero had to beg the hero to leave her one piece of sashimi. I only agreed when she said meow.
April 1st 2009 7:30 am
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We are so happy today coz doudou has solved her constipation problem. She succeeded so fast today I was touched.
Ah ma made everyone watch a dog parade on the animal planet channel tonight. It was funny, the poor dogs, they had to put on costumes and some pretended to be airplanes. The airplanes won, though I personally preferred the playgirls. Their wigs and bikinis were very fetching indeed. Then I heard someone say I should get a wig too. I was disapproving. How undignified.
March 31st 2009 7:39 am
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Ah ma got a new phone today. I struck a few poses obligingly so they could get the material for the wallpaper. I'm photogenic at 2 megapixels as I am at 10. What can I say?
I met doudou the rabid shihtzu today. She was constipated, the poor girl. It must have been my ferocious bark that frightened her so. I shall not bark at her next time, constipation is a nasty business. Think the poor thing didn't succeed today.
March 30th 2009 7:55 am
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Fomfomfom bought me a plastic bone last night. It's got a beef flavour. I wasn't impressed. I didn't want to touch it with a ten foot pole.
Then I learnt today that my brother, who also got a bone last night courtesy of fomfomfom, chewed it till 11 plus pm. Now we can't have that, can we, so I started chewing on the *ugh* bone this evening. It's so hard I had to take a nap after 15 minutes of chewing. But I worked hard tonight, I have to make up for lost time.
March 29th 2009 9:12 am
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They had kfc for lunch. I insisted I must have kfc for lunch too. That's because it's almost like a communist colony here, except that there's a monarch, me. Therefore everyone had kfc for lunch today and I didn't order for anyone to be beheaded.
That's because I am a kind and loving monarch.
March 28th 2009 9:27 am
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So I was due my heartworm medicine today. Happily, fomfomfom prepared to administer it when she realised the box was empty. Gasp, said she. So fomfomfom went to the vet's this lovely saturday morning just to get me new heartworm medicine (where her credit card was embarrassingly declined coz she had busted it this month).
I really didn't mind not having the medicine. But no one pays me any heed in this house, no siree. It was dutifully administered. The happy thing is that I didn't have to bathe today then. Today is reserved for the medicine to swim its way though my tight body. Bath day becomes tomorrow.
I'll worry about it tomorrow.
March 27th 2009 9:03 am
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It rained heavily all of a sudden tonight. I watched gibbons on the animal planet channel with ah ma and fomfomfom. They were cute, especially when the new born gibbon had to wear diapers. Giggles. I didn't wear diapers when I was young.
Then there was a sudden loud boom, so I jumped. Ah ma laughed at me and fomfomfom scolded ah ma and grumbled away while she patted my chest so that I won't be afraid.
Thunderstorms these days.
March 26th 2009 8:03 am
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Uncle and Aunty Jimmy came this morning. I was happy and wagged my tail. But later Aunty Jimmy was so busy talking to ah ma she didn't play with me. I growled to gently remind her to play with me but she didn't notice. So I shouted at her and everyone was alarmed. So they played with me and we were happy.
They had to make me shout.
March 25th 2009 8:10 am
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I sat by the phone this evening and looked at fomfomfom. She noticed me looking at her and asked me what I wanted. I didn't tell her. Ah ma walked by and fomfomfom asked ah ma if she knew what I wanted. Ah ma walked past me without stopping and then sniggered. Fomfomfom queried what's so funny, and ah ma told her I was waiting for a phone call.
Fomfomfom then made me sit with her on the sofa, all the while assuring me she would inform me immediately should a call come in for me. I told her I was waiting for my friend Isabella to call, and fomfomfom nodded knowingly.
March 24th 2009 9:21 am
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Fomfomfom came back with a laminated poster today. It is of a brown and white puppy in a shoe, of all places. Everyone thought it is so cute. I thought it looked like me when I was young, only that it was brown in places where I was black. So I asked cha for a black marker so I can change the brown into black and it would be a portrait of puppy ping.
But everyone said "Oh please". They said the puppy in the poster isn't even the same breed as me. I had to wave them off dismissively. Details, details.
March 23rd 2009 8:21 am
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Everyday at 530pm I'd watch Worldwide Exchange on CNBC with cha and wait for fomfomfom to come home. Everytime the lift ping'ed from 530 onwards, I would jump down from the sofa to go to the door. It has become a routine and routines are always comforting.
But today fomfomfom told me she'd fired her boss and it's her last day so she'll be at home holding hands with me all day everyday from tomorrow onwards. I asked her if that meant I won't have to wait for her at 530 everyday and she said yes. I felt strangely sad.
March 22nd 2009 8:06 am
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Fomfomfom and cha were driving home on the expressway when a dog suddenly spun on its back across 4 lanes right in front of them. Cha had to swerve without checking if there was a car beside to avoid hitting the dog. It was all very dangerous business.
They saw in the rearview mirror that the dog lifted its head after coming to a stop. It was a brown mid sized mongrel. Coz it was the expressway, fomfomfom and cha couldn't stop and reverse. So they came back home in shock. Later, cha and ah bee went back to see if the dog was still around but it wasn't. We figured it must be a good thing coz either someone had taken it to the hospital or it is not that badly injured and managed to walk off on its own.
We don't know how to help all those poor vulnerable animals out there so we will go to the SPCA and buy some Be Kind to Animals t-shirts and we will wear them all the time.
March 21st 2009 11:00 am
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Ah bee found an ant on my hair today. She told Fomfomfom about it and Fomfomfom said, "Naturally. Ants are attracted to sweets. And Pingping is honey, Pingping is sweetheart. Duh."
I cannot say much about Fomfomfom except that she tells it like it is.
March 20th 2009 7:57 am
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Fomfomfom got her health report today. She is in such rude health, it's almost rude.That coz fomfomfom'd been bingeing on all sorts of junk since chinese new year and then her cholestrol went down. I must start bingeing too.
I met a toy poodle from the next condo today. Well, I couldn't technically see her coz she's so tiny. Only 3 months old. But coz I'm so smart, I knew she was there over the fence and I chased her and barked to show who's boss, and she was scared accordingly and I hurrumphed and strutted the rest of the evening.
Her owners expressed admiration at my harness. The poodle has only a little collar. To think, when I was her age, my mamas discussed bringing me out using dental floss.
March 19th 2009 7:41 am
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It was heavenly meat ah ma uses for her soups. Tonight's was outstanding. Yummm. One big plate. Words simply can't describe it. I shall be dreaming of it tonight.
March 18th 2009 8:06 am
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It was such a hot day today. I only lasted 10 minutes during my afternoon walk. I had to cool down by the letterboxes.
The sun was still mercilessly at it in the evening. Almost went blind, I did. My big eyes are vulnerable.
I felt it was a dangerous day for me.
March 17th 2009 8:31 am
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I ended up at the vet's again today. I learn that I am 5.8kg. And the vet woman put her fingers somewhere and did the unmentionable again, so I shat in her hand to show her that I disapprove. Every single month I disapprove.
Then she showed me who's boss and gave me a jab. It was my annual vaccination and she forced me to swallow a deworming pill. Yuk. They should make a pork flavoured deworming pill in bubblegum colors. Why hasn't anyone thought of it yet?
At home cha and fomfomfom carried me during my walks and I squealed. Coz the jab hurt and they pressed on my back when they carried me. I told them, pingping pain pain. And they kissed me and said I was a good girl.
It's a good day afterall.
March 16th 2009 7:53 am
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Ah bee came back from work and her feet stunk to the high heavens. She was sitting so close to me I lost my temper and tried to bite her nose off. What shoes can do to a perfectly respectable person. Not that ah bee is respectable, of course.
Me, I never wear shoes. That's why my feet always smell good. They smell like the earth and like me.
March 15th 2009 6:31 am
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Oh how it rained today. The rain wasn't falling, it was dumped down. The wind howled and whined and our flower pots fell off the ledge. The thunder and lightning and rain and wind were like a full symphony. I'm glad our building is still standing.
March 14th 2009 9:57 am
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Ah bee was tired in the afternoon so we slept together in 1 Cosy Corner, cha cha's room. We wanted to hold hands but cosy corner was a little small so we settled for side by side. It was cosy.
Thunder woke us and we hurried downstairs for my walk. We met koko and kiki. Koko likes me, so he licked my butt. I didn't tell him I'd just pooped, giggles. I like Kiki more, coz Koko always tries to pee on me, but Kiki is so shy he retreats when I go close. I like a coy boy. A coy toy boy would make me very happy indeed.
March 13th 2009 9:17 am
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I saw this 8 month old baby girl today. She is small and fair and cute. And she has more hair on her little adorable head than our entire family combined.
Fomfomfom says her friend has a six month old baby and she has like a grand total of two strands of hair. And cha's friend has a one year old girl, who has three strands of hair.
What an amazing head of hair. What envy.
March 12th 2009 7:42 am
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I met Baby today. She was stuck at the BBQ pits with her maid, who had her feet up, yakking away on her cellphone. I thought Baby was lonely so I went to play with her. We sniffed butts and played neck-to-neck. Then I waved bye bye to her coz I had to go and sit on the badminton court bench.
I was on the bench contemplating the world when cha snuck up behind me and kissed the back of my head. Fomfomfom giggled and I sniffed at them.
What childish people.
March 11th 2009 7:30 am
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Ah bee has been either working late or going out after work, that I haven't been seeing much of her at all. Today is the first day this week I'd seen her before bedtime. In fact, she came back at dinnertime. I put my head on fomfomfom's lap and I said to ah bee, "Who are you, Stranger? I need some personal space on my left please."
Ah bee was so rude, she moved even closer to me. Fomfomfom tried to swat her away like a fly but to no avail. So fomfomfom threw in the towel and went to bathe, and me and ah bee were friends again coz she owned the only available lap.
March 10th 2009 7:58 am
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It is my birthday today. I am 5 years and 3 whole months old now. And I got pork to eat. It kinda makes my skin itchy and bumpy, but cha said since it's my birthday today, I can have pork. Ah ma also lovingly made me pan fried potatoes, so I had pork and potatoes. It's all about alliteration. Ping ping eats pork and potatoes. Giggles.
So now I get to eat pork 5 times a month. 4 times on bath day, and once on birthday. There it is again, alliteration. And if my birthday that month happens to be on bathday, I will take my bath one day later.
Cha praised me for being so smart. I said, but of course, I am one month older and wiser now. Cha, on the other hand, is not. It must be dementia setting in, it happens in stupider species. Cha went out to buy me pandan and walnut cake for my birthday, but they never let me eat it.
March 9th 2009 7:47 am
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It was so cold today. It started raining in the morning and it rained all afternoon, and I missed my afternoon walk so I was unhappy. Luckily it stopped raining in time for my evening walk so I went down to sploosh.
It is my secret how I managed to avoid a bath after splooshing. I was happy, but cold, so I snuggled next to cha on the sofa to watch tv. But there was a foul smell so I tried to ask cha if she smelled it too. She shook her head vigorously and the smell was soon gone so I went back to snuggle.
Later I heard cha giggling and telling fomfomfom that she had farted me coz I was always farting her and the rest of the house. They are so childish. So I called her fwarty cha fwarty cha fwarty cha. And she called me fwarty ping, and I called her fwarty cha again.
I think she is so childish.
March 8th 2009 8:32 am
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It was so hot and the sun was so bright I thought night would never fall. Well, night duly came and it remained hot. I gallivanted for a long time downstairs and the heat must have made me a little more tired than usual. Fomfomfom said I looked like mashed potatoes the rest of the night.
Ah bee went to watch Marley and said she cried buckets. Fomfomfom accused us doggies of conspiring to take over the world with doggie movies. When I confirmed it is indeed so, she begged me to spare her when we succeed.
Well, it'll depend on my mood then. Maybe if she starts calling me "Your Majesty" from now....
March 7th 2009 9:48 am
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Fomfomfom went to Auntie Suying's house tonight and when she came back, she said she's found me a new boyfriend. Your new boyfriend is Cookie, she says. Cookie is a white chocolate highland terrier and he looks exactly like Russell, according to Fomfomfom. I said to her, "You stupid ah, I'll get him and Russell mixed up and if I call out the wrong name, I'd be found out and my many boyfriends will know what I've been up to."
Then Ah bee told me to lose the name-calling and just stick to "Honey" for all of me boyfriends.
I like.
March 6th 2009 8:18 am
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I was thinking about my future potato patch. My mamas promised me a patch to call my own once they manage to sucker ah ma and ah gong into buying a mansion with lots of land.
Anyway, my patch will be called Ping's Potato Patch. I will grow potatoes on it. You'll never know, when there might be war, an epidemic, or some sort of emergency when we can't get to the supermarket. We can eat french fries all day then.
I will fertilise my patch everyday, of course. It would be fun. But cha reminded me I'd have to water it and harvest it all by myself. I whined to cha, but I'm not tall enough. She'd have none of it.
Too much work. Plan B. Ping's Pear Patch.I'll grow pears, I like pears. Or Ping's Pomegranate Patch. Ping's Papaya Patch.
It's all about alliteration, see.
March 5th 2009 7:21 am
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Fomfomfom keeps grumbling she's going to fire her incompetent boss soon. I told her I think that's a wonderful idea. When that happens, I would like to be a signatory to cheques too, since doubtlessly fomfomfom is going to become the boss then.
And my paw print will be on cheques that go out to save the world.
March 4th 2009 7:42 am
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Yesterday, Cha suddenly sat up and called me farty ping. I only did something natural. What's with the name-calling?
She said she was hungry tonight. She wondered if she should drink soya bean milk before bed. Maybe it'd give me gas, she told me.
Then I'd call you farty cha, I shouted in her face. Take that.
March 3rd 2009 6:23 am
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So ah ma gave me my own pear tonight. I ate the whole pear myself.
March 2nd 2009 7:06 am
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Yesterday, ah ma ate some bad kaya on her bread and got a stummy upset. And she still went to eat steamboat with fomfomfom and ah bee. Then she spent the rest of the day in bed coz she was feeling so unwell.
This morning ah ma was still green so she went to see a doctor. Ah ma's got a fever too. I didn't want ah ma to feel bad so I ate her whole pear after dinner. Just in case pear is bad for the stummy.
March 1st 2009 7:50 am
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It rained heavily heavily heavily today. I was taking my walk and the constant thunder scared me. I couldn't possibly let the rain fall on me, so my walk wasn't full of liberty at all.
At night I was tired from the lack of liberty so I stayed on the sofa the entire night. It must have been 6 hours I stayed on that sofa. Even cha expressed admiration at my determination.
And when fomfomfom came to give me a neck scratch, I made a snorting/snoring sound coz I was enjoying it so much. Cha stared for a few minutes and muttered, where did she bring me back from. I told fomfomfom that I was gift from the heavens and that they should appreciate me and give me neck scratches all the time.
Fomfomfom agreed wholeheartedly.
February 28th 2009 5:12 am
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We were splashing around in the rain today when Fomfomfom suddenly asked Ah bee how long she would like to be placed under the building for when she dies. Ah bee said three days. Fomfomfom then told Ah bee that if either she or Cha expires, they want to be cremated after 24 hours. And Fomfomfom instructed Ah bee to put her in an urn with me. She said she wants to be with me forever. That was when Ah bee said she wants to be with me forever too. Fomfomfom suggested dividing me up so that they can have half each. They decided that Cha is sane and so she probably want no part in this. Then Ah bee said nonono we cannot divide pingping up. How about us three in one urn? Fomfomfom protested.
Because three's a crowd. Especially in an urn.
February 27th 2009 7:12 am
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I was due for my monthly heartworm medicine today. Cha was supposed to administer it for me at night, since fomfomfom and ah bee were going out. But fomfomfom won't give the medicine early to cha. She fears cha would use it on herself coz you'll never know, she might have lice.
The medicine is expensive, gotta be careful with it, fom whispered to me. And what if cha mixes some cornstarch solution and puts it on my fur, pretending it is the medicine?
We will not be fooled.
February 26th 2009 7:00 am
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If I were moo moo monster, I would jump and hop. And then I would drink hot tea. But I am not a moo moo monster.
So I climbed into cha's lap and put my head on her thigh and slept for an hour. Cha told me her thigh went to sleep too.
We were so happy.
February 25th 2009 6:18 am
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I met a boy in the lift today. He said, cat. I said, boy, if you say that again, you may not live to become a man. I have no time for niceties. Cat indeed.
During my afternoon walk, I threw up a mysterious pile of stuff. Fomfomfom brought the stuff home but cha won't look at it and threw it away. What it is, is for me to know and for them to find out. Giggles.
Fomfomfom then got home a little late in the evening and cha brought me for my evening walk. I always like to sit around but all the benches were wet coz it had just rained and cha didn't know where we can sit. I sighed and brought her to my favourite stretch of place-to-sit. All 3 of them. I walked along the stretches and jooped and whooped and we sat happily for a while. But the whole adventure still was only for half an hour and I had to take a shower when I came back coz it was mushy everywhere. Boo.
February 24th 2009 6:51 am
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Cha always says, take care of the nose and the nose will take care of pingping. That's why she always wipes my nose very clean after walks.
Maybe now my nose is not keeping me clean enough. Now cha has something new to clean. She wipes 5 times on each side to clean off the sleep at the corner of my eyes.
And she claims she wants to teach me to count to 8. Perhaps I will bite off her nose and nothing will keep her clean then. And then I will teach her to count to 10.
February 23rd 2009 6:40 am
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Today I was surveying my kingdom and I came across this audacious bird. It was sleeping under a car. At 1.45 in the afternoon. I squeezed under the car too and crept up close. Then I barked loudly into its ear and it almost jumped out of its feathers.
It deserves to be bald, such a lazy birdie.
February 22nd 2009 6:55 am
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We have put our plan into action. All my mamas are now very mean to the security guards, so that they won't think they are our best friends and get too friendly. It seems the guards are perhaps getting the hint. But sometimes, it seems they are not.
We'll just have to keep this up.
February 21st 2009 7:21 am
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I went to the bicycle racks to look for the tabby cat again today. I've been barking at it for 3 days now. It always hides behind the bicycles, what a scaredy cat.
I strutted there again today and barked up a storm. My barking must have scared it insane and pushed it over the edge. For it suddenly snarled at me viciously. How out of character.
What fear does to a scaredy cat.
February 20th 2009 5:02 am
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Last night I told ah bee solemnly to register a company for me coz I want to be a pimp. Ah ma overheard us and laughed and laughed and laughed. I was a little offended. Ah ma said I had no inventory, how was I to start business?
I said I would be making a visit to the dog farm soon, and I would pick out the most sultry newly arrived puppies. I would groom them and then I can open shop.
Ah ma cackled till she was in bed and I stomped out of her room.
February 19th 2009 6:30 am
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Ah bee brought home a load of panties yesterday. Like thirty or so. They are some lady's secrets. Some had pictures of doggies on them, so I liked those. Ah bee and fomfomfom also liked them so much they wore the panties on their heads and took pictures. The layered panties they thought might become a fashion statement and they were proud.
It's just that the panties were too big for me to wear on my head or anywhere else.
February 18th 2009 7:41 am
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My hair must be long. I went down to play, then I shat, it was soft coz I'd been having lots of pork. *blush* Then we came up and cha spent 10 minutes cleaning my behind. Finally she gave up and she washed my backside. The indignity of it.
A haircut will restore my dignity.
February 17th 2009 6:33 am
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We went to the vet's today. It was anal business. The vet woman started gibbering when she saw me, and we paid her no attention. I squirted some juice on her arm and uniform coz she was making me so uncomfortable. When it was done I wagged my tail and they all laughed at me.
I don't know what's so funny. I wag my tail when I am happy.
February 16th 2009 7:51 am
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It was smokin' this evening. The air was all burnt and ashy and smelly. Ah ma pointed out a hill burning yonder. Luckily the wind changed direction just as I was about to go for my evening walk.
Ah bee came back and sat with me and fomfomfom at the badminton court bench. A few kids came by on tricycles and declared me a doggie. Fomfomfom then discussed with ah bee whether to tell them I'm actually a persian cat from ancient mesopotamia. But then their grandmothers came by and we were afraid the kids would fall off their tricycles.
We didn't tell them.
February 15th 2009 7:40 am
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Ah ma laughed at me today, she said my boyfriends didn't give me flowers for valentine's day yesterday. I defended my boyfriends, as a loyal girlfriend should, I said they don't get pocket money, they can't afford flowers. But cha said they should have picked some flowers and given them to me anyway.
All these comments made me feel less of a woman so I kept quiet. Luckily, ah bee remembered someone did give me a rose, so she brought it to me and I was happy again. I attacked it and its short life was worthwhile.
What a joy a rose is.
February 14th 2009 8:36 am
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It is Valentine's Day today. I spent it lying around the house. Finally it was time for my walk, but the lousy security guard ZG had to come and harrass me. Ah bee was so irritated she yanked me home and proceeded to give me a bath coz ZG had touched me with his dirty hands. I was so unhappy.
And at night cha came back with a tiffany's little blue box and fomfomfom tied the ribbon around my neck and took pictures. I felt they were making fun of me. Later, they tied it around my tail too.
I found comfort in my wife biscuit. I hid it beside my volleyball, where I hide everything of any importance. But fomfomfom had to come and disturb our time together so I kept it in my mouth.
I love my wife biscuit, especially on a night like this one.
February 13th 2009 8:37 am
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Woo hoo, it is friday the 13th today. I didn't meet any black cat who crossed my path today. Lucky me.
February 12th 2009 6:58 am
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I saw in the papers today, this poor little koala bear. She was trying to flee the forest fire in australia and got her paws injured. Even her nose seems scorched. When the fireman found her, she held his hand and drank 2 bottles of water. The news brought tears to my eyes, all those poor animals who didn't manage to escape. I hope to make friends with this koala bear, I will hold her hand too.
The arsonists are murderers.
February 11th 2009 7:06 am
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Ah bee came back with a long long stick of pork tendon. I wagged my tail so hard my backside almost dropped off, and fomfomfom had it all captured on video. Then I took some time to figure out how to chew it coz it was so so long.
So I started chewing and my gums started bleeding. Fomfomfom thought perhaps my teeth are so dirty my gums are inflamed and that's why they always bleed easily. I turned to say hello to ah bee and when I turned back, my beloved stick of tendon was gone. And I heard fomfomfom say dental scaling to ah bee.
It was then my heart and gums bled together.
February 10th 2009 6:42 am
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I am 5 years and 2 months old today. I borrowed cha's calculator and found that I am 62 whole months old already. But apparently this grand age did not impress my mamas; I did not get a cake today. Actually fomfomfom did inquire if I wanted my favourite pandan cake, but cha vetoed it. Coz the last time I had it I had explosive diarrhoea. No cake for da ping today :(
Ah bee came back and told me to remind her to bathe in 10 minutes. I don't know how to read a clock, but I agreed coz I am helpful. So I tried my best to estimate 10 minutes but I wasn't very accurate. I reminded ah bee 5 times before she declared it 10 minutes. I hope she was touched though, coz I really tried my best.
February 9th 2009 6:57 am
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I was watching CNN when I saw this dog who was so naughty. He's an 11-year-old husky who walked 6 miles to shoplift a bone and then walked 6 miles home. His owners pulled his ears and dragged him back to pay for it. Luckily for him, the supermarket decided to drop charges. I think he deserves a good smacking on the behind, but his owners bought him another bone instead.
Me, I will never steal. *proud*
February 8th 2009 6:39 am
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Oh woe! I have an ear infection! The right one!
February 7th 2009 8:45 am
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Today I had a bath, and they forgot to put cotton wool in my ears. I didn't remind them, coz it was good to be able to hear them during bath time. Ah bee realised in horror and we cleaned out my ears later. Hopefully I don't get an ear infection.
I met a cat this afternoon, and then russell appeared and I said, out of my way, boyfriend! I have a cat to catch! But ah bee didn't let me go after the cat and russell's owner said he has arthritis. He's only six years old and I fear my joints might go the same way in a while. So I told ah ma she's got to make sure my diet has lots of collagen so my joints are in good shape.
I can think of lots of good food. My future is assured.
February 6th 2009 6:57 am
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I saw on tv an american congresswoman. She was on cnbc and she gave me a fright with her botoxed-to-death face. I wonder why they do that, injecting poison into their faces. I think cnbc should be rated R21.
I fear I might be having nightmares tonight.
February 5th 2009 7:07 am
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Today I walked to a gate at the back of the condo. And I took a real good look at what was beyond that gate. Oh, there were people and things and wide paths and water and trees. I wanted to go out there to explore. But I was trapped in the inside looking out, through bars no less. Never mind, I'm happy enough with the condo compound, coz I'm a contented girl.
And it must have been because I was such a good girl, that someone omnipresent wrote a cat into my destiny shortly after. It was already dark but I saw the cat. Fomfomfom didn't see him and she was impressed at how I usually can't see a cat in front of me in broad daylight but could see one in the dark tonight.
I was really impressive. Ah ma heard me all the way up where she was. I gave the cat a good talking to.
February 4th 2009 6:57 am
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Yesterday I went down to play first, then thought I would catch fomfomfom and ah bee before they left for work. But alas, I only caught sight of the back of their cars and I couldn't say goodbye to them and I was so sad. To prevent such sadness today, I went down to play and forgot all about them. I think I'll just do that in future.
And ah ma came back! She is incorrigible, she went gambling again in this doom and gloom economic climate. And she lost everything, and declared proudly that she didn't even have 20 cents on her when she reached home.
Later I will go to my shoebox and scramble for 20 cents so I can give it to ah ma, because I love ah ma and ah ma loves me.
February 3rd 2009 7:12 am
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I am a champion today. I shat 4 times. Even the usually critical cha expressed admiration.
I feel noble.
February 2nd 2009 6:03 am
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Ah bee wasn't with me today, so I intro-ed the cat to fomfomfom instead. He was lazing around under a car, so I reprimanded him loudly while fomfomfom squatted beside me and held my leash. I made so much noise that everyone who walked past us stopped to stare in admiration.
I must introduce the cat to ah bee too. Then she can squat beside me while everyone gawks in envy.
February 1st 2009 7:13 am
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Ah bee promised to bring me down to play at 4, but it was already 430 and she was watching this documentary on Puyi. I thought it wasn't so interesting but all my 3 mamas were glued to the tv.
So I tried to entice ah bee to bring me downstairs. I told her I'd introduce cats to her, and with that promise I managed to pry her away from the tv.
Alas we met no cats and I could tell ah bee was terribly disappointed. I don't blame her.
January 31st 2009 9:08 am
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But it seems like I'm in the minority. I was watching tv with ah ma and fomfomfom, as we do most saturday nights. Sisy's programme, she talked about how many thousands of jobs were lost and whole towns in the US are jobless now. And they interviewed the poor people on the ground, and more than one person cried about how hopeless the situation is.
I feel quite sad for the people.
January 30th 2009 6:37 am
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This morning, fomfomfom and ah ma were driving to the market when they saw a dog with a collar cross the road right outside the condo. Fomfomfom had to stop her car in the middle of the road or she would have hit the dog. The dog wasn't very road savvy at all, fomfomfom worried all the way to the market and back. She thought it might be the dog poo activist's dog. If the security guards had seen the dog stroll out and not done anything, they ought all to be shot and drawn and quartered and tarred and feathered. But we don't know for sure whose dog it was. Maybe he came from the terrace houses nearby.
We hope he was just out for a stroll and is already home by now. But the way he crosses roads is worrying.
January 29th 2009 6:59 am
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The schnauzer in a black harness with colorful paw prints all over it, I met her again today. Today she was with her maid instead of her mummy. I think her name is really Baby. When I met her a few times previously, her mummy always called her Baby, I thought it was just an affectionate term. Today her maid called her Baby too. I giggled at her name, and she wanted to jump on me so I growled at her. She's only one plus years old, just a baby. I wonder what they will call her when she's older.
Giggles.
January 28th 2009 6:20 am
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I haven't finished grousing about xie mie mie. Her mummy gave me a red packet, and then asked ah ma for one for mie mie too. Ah ma must have been stunned by the request because she handed over a $60 red packet! Mie mie's mummy only gave me $12, so mie mie won this round. We will fight it out next chinese new year.
This evening I ate something off the ground again. Fomfomfom was angry and yanked me home immediately. She washed my feet and left me on my perch for a while as punishment. Cha finally carried me down. I was hungry and wanted to eat but no one would feed me. So I barked and held one kibble in my mouth and jumped on the sofa so that they would know I was ready to be fed but everyone ignored me. Cha even came out of her room to scold me. I had to eat my kibble myself. I was miserable.
Luckily me and fomfomfom were friends again after 10 minutes. I don't like them to be angry with me.
January 27th 2009 6:19 am
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I do not like Xie Mie Mie. Xie Mie Mie is a silly little Shih Tzu who wears dresses and ribbons in her hair. Most of all, I do not like her because she gets more attention from everybody than I do. I'll have all of you know I'd look prettier than her if only my hair were longer.
Next year, next year I will remind Ah ma not to bring me to the groomers two months before Chinese New Year.
Just now, Fomfomfom told me someone took a picture of the back of my head and asked me if I knew who the person was. D'oh! Do I look like I have eyes at the back of my head? Sometimes I worry about her. And all of us. Because stupidity is actually contagious.
Yes it is. You heard it here first.
January 26th 2009 8:01 am
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It is Chinese New Year today. I slept on red packets last night to ensure my elders' longevity, or was it simply for good luck? Anyway, it is a tradition I faithfully follow every year.
Then people came visiting and I was the good host. It was tiring but someone's got to do it. I was all tired out but we had to go visiting immediately after. I wished my mama a happy chinese new year and gave her 2 kumquats. My sister and brother fought again but they always do it so it's nothing new. I tried something new today, it's the pig's kidney. I can learn to like it.
We finally came home at about 5pm and I had to go for my evening walk. After dinner, I realised I was utterly exhausted so I slept in front of the tv.
It's time to sleep again now!
January 25th 2009 8:16 am
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Ah ma says I must have a bath so that I may welcome the new year in style and cleanliness. And after my bath, I wasn't allowed to take my evening walk. Only 2 walks today. I wasn't happy about it at all.
But dinner was a mitigating factor. They had steamboat and I ate out of the same pot too. I had pig's stomach, chicken, liver, whatever they were having. Abalone wasn't to my taste though so I spat it out.
We put money in red packets and watched tv at great volume all night. I'm tired now, and it's past midnight, so I will go and sleep. There are red packets under my bed. And there's money in them red packets. *glee*
Happy Niu Year!
January 24th 2009 8:06 am
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Me and fomfomfom, we stayed downstairs until it was 8pm. Normally, that would have been dark and scary, but it was different today. There were like 40 students having a barbeque, they were real noisy and happy. And the kids I know came down with their father and maids to play with sparklers. I sat on the bench with fomfomfom and watched them all. The wind was strong and it was a real nice and celebratory atmosphere.
But my favourite was still yesterday evening, when 6 year old amanda wished me happy new year, earnestly and with great sincerity. I think she's the cutest of them all.
January 23rd 2009 7:19 am
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Fomfomfom put her bras in the sun to dry. I thought I hadn't had a good sunning in ages, so I put myself in the sun too. Fomfomfom finished her task, turned around and asked me if I were a bra too.
I said sniffily, I am not a bra. A bra is not glamorous. It is not seen in public. I am to be showed off. I am a bikini top.
January 22nd 2009 7:35 am
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Ah bee got 12th place in her final legal exams. Fomfomfom insists she got 21st place 5 years ago, so she's not too bad either. I think they're both not too bright.
And everyone is making ah bee buy them meals coz she did so well. I want to eat oysters but ah bee says that will give me a stummyache.
Maybe I'll ask for a couple thousand dollars as a token. Like fomfomfom. She says ah bee got lucky coz she was wearing fomfomfom's watch the pasha c basket, so she will charge ah bee a token couple grand.
Me too.
January 21st 2009 7:01 am
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I rescued Russel today. He is my boyfriend. His gate wasn't closed properly and he ran away from home. Someone chased after him and brought him to the guardhouse. I saw him being picked up from a distance so me and fomfomfom followed behind. Like James Bond.
I dunno, but all white dogs look the same to me. We sprinted to russel's house, and met his mummy running out looking left and right in a great panic. We informed her proudly he's in the guardhouse and later the reunited duo were grateful.
In other news, a lady told me her little black dog is 13 years old and he's still a virgin. I nodded politely and later me and fomfomfom hid in a corner and held our stomachs and giggled.
January 20th 2009 7:15 am
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I want to be an electrician. I grabbed ah bee's computer stuff wires and there was a light, coming straight from the heavens. I knew, then, that I was destined to be an electrician.
Fomfomfom asked me if I was sure I don't want to be a nurse. I was dismissive. That's a little girl's ambition. They all want to be nurses in kindergarten.
I'm already in primary 1. For the fifth year, no less.
January 19th 2009 6:56 am
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I met doudou and went after her. But when I turned the corner and finally caught up with her, her owner had unleashed her to play and she came after me. Fomfomfom scooped me up immediately but doudou bared her teeth and wanted to bite me. She couldn't reach me but she bit fomfomfom's calf and broke fomfomfom's skin.
We quarrelled for a long time, I was in the air while doudou circled fomfomfom, while doudou's hapless young boy owner tried to leash her up but to no avail. Finally fomfomfom stood on a bench and instructed the boy to grab her collar first before leashing her.
I thought standing on a bench was unglam. It doesn't mean we lost to doudou. Her leash is rainbow-colored. Now that's unglam.
January 18th 2009 8:08 am
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They were watching tv at lunch today. Bad habit, I know. The documentary was on the Iditarod. Watching the sled dogs in action, I was suddenly inspired to join the Iditarod myself. Yes, I think I will sign up for the next one.
I thought, even though I am very smart, I don't want to be the first dog leading the rest. I want to be the last dog, just before the sled. Then when the race starts, ah bee can carry me onto the sled and I can get a free ride. I even know to say "gee" when I want the dogs to go to the left. Or is it right.
But fomfomfom says the dogs will be going in circles since I only know "gee" and not the other command. I dunno, I just thought it would be nice to have some ambition in life.
I. Will. Conquer. Alaska.
January 17th 2009 8:40 am
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Fomfomfom says she wants to skin the security guard. I agree.
January 16th 2009 7:18 am
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Ah bee kissed me early this morning and told me she won't be coming back tonight. She's going to a retreat. I thought that was very strange. She had just started work and should be trying to advance. Instead the whole firm has gone into retreat.
I dunno.
January 15th 2009 7:19 am
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This uncle told fomfomfom this evening that he wished he were me, coz fomfomfom and company take such good care of me.
I strutted off arrogantly coz I am me.
January 14th 2009 5:38 am
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Oh, how the wind blows. Everyday, I fear I would be blown away. So far so good. But there is no guarantee of safety. I heard temperatures in Thailand dropped to 2 degrees in the north. And 25 people froze to death in a day in Taiwan.
What's a flying shih tzu in Singapore?
January 13th 2009 7:51 am
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I ate everything I could find on the ground and fomfomfom got angry again. So she hauled me home after 40 minutes of walk and scolded me. After dinner, we went down again coz fomfomfom is a softie at heart.
We met a little canadian girl who was with her father. She came to me and patted my head and gibbered to me. I thought we were cool so I stood on my hind legs and kissed her face. The silly thing started crying and was inconsolable. Of course she stopped, but only after a terribly long while and we think she's so silly coz she's only 2 years old. Just a baby.
We walked till twilight and it was my first time walking till so late. I want to do that everyday, but minus the 2 year old twit.
January 12th 2009 7:03 am
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My birthday was two days ago but no one remembered it. They even made fun of me that day, fomfomfom taking off my collar and throwing it to cha some distance away, making me walk to cha to have it put on and then back to fomfomfom who'd take it off again. It's ah bee's birthday today and everyone remembered.
Not only were they not apologetic, fomfomfom even got angry at me today. I only ate 2 chicken bones during my walk, and she lost her temper and dragged me home after only 20 minutes downstairs. I tried to say sorry but she won't even feed me kibble by kibble. For the first time in a very very very long while, I had to eat my kibble myself out of the bottle cap.
I approached fomfomfom a few times and looked at her with big watery eyes but she stayed angry. Only ah ma would give me the time of day and she sayang-ed me and said poor thing and patted me.
Half an hour of misery is a lifetime. Later fomfomfom was appeased and brought me downstairs again. We walked for one and a half hours. I was happy again.
January 11th 2009 7:29 am
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Fomfomfom told everyone I was very playful tonight. But I think it's not my fault. She showed me the cap of my kibble jar, and tried to cap my nose, my ears, and then she hovered it above my head and told it to beam me up. I jumped and jumped and stood on my hind legs and tried to hit fomfomfom with my hands. I was so agitated fomfomfom surrendered and made me eat supper.
Out of that cap of course. A bottle cap should not be empty. When fomfomfom filled the cap with kibble, I calmed down and ate my supper like a good girl. Then she screwed the cap back on the jar and I couldn't play with it anymore. So I bit shiu shiu who squealed and squeaked and they all said I was too playful tonight.
I don't think so.
January 10th 2009 6:41 am
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My new pink pillow has a pillowcase now. It is bright and colorful. I think it's quite nice, so I sniffed at it and maybe I will rest on it when I deign to.
I like new things.
January 9th 2009 7:08 am
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The wind was so strong today I got a little frightened listening to it. Then fomfomfom brought me down for my walk and the wind almost blew me away. My ears flapped and fomfomfom held on to my leash tight in case I became airborne. It was an adventure.
January 8th 2009 8:16 am
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Cha and fomfomfom brought me to cut my hair today. I waited 40 minutes before the groomer would attend to me. I'm so tired from all that trembling.
Ah bee and cha kept laughing at me, coz a few strands of hair on my nose weren't cut and are longer than the rest. Was it something that happened in their childhood that left them so strange?
The only happy thing today was the secret I discovered while on my afternoon walk with fomfomfom. The playground is full of tasty nibbles! It is tidbits galore! The kids buy snacks from the vending machine and eat at the playground and they drop the snacks all over the place. I chomped down a xiaomantou before fomfomfom dragged me away. Later she won't let me near the playground.
I'll try again tomorrow.
January 7th 2009 7:06 am
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Ah bee taught fomfomfom how to sing the ponyo song and fomfomfom kept singing it to me today. I think it's quite a nice song.
At night ah bee said my mouth smells like I drank water from a fish tank again. She's been saying it for years. But I have an answer for her tonight. I told ah bee, that's because I am (singing) ponyo ponyo ponyo little little fish.
They praised me for being so smart.
January 6th 2009 8:37 am
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I walked to the herb patch coz I remembered it was so fascinating yesterday. Fomfomfom was peering intently, trying to find the dead white rat she saw in the patch yesterday, so that I won't step on it. She was so concentrated on the patch that she didn't notice me sniffing by her feet.
And there the dead rat was. Fomfomfom probably nearly stepped on it herself. Who dragged the rat out of the patch, fomfomfom cursed. And I got a good sniff before fomfomfom yanked me away. Giggles.
January 5th 2009 7:07 am
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I was in the lobby when I saw this boxer-like dog. I barked up a storm but fomomfom won't let me approach him. She then dragged me into the lift and before I could say "a pox on the box", the lift doors had closed and I was left in regret.
I scratched at the lift doors furiously and wagged my tail, staring hard at the renegade doors. Alas, when they opened, I was in another place.
Anger can really consume one if you're not careful.
January 4th 2009 7:43 am
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I got a pillow today. It is pink and it is a little shiny. I immediately made myself comfortable on it.
I was very happy I finally got a pillow just like the rest of the family, but I begrudge them for taking so long to give me one. And it's one they're about to discard. My beds and mattress are so thin I hit the ground whenever I lie on them.
This pillow is good and thick and I'll be sleeping on it tonight. It's just that pink is hardly royal enough for me. I'll get them to buy me a shiny yellow pillow, the color of chinese emperors.
Only that would be befitting.
January 3rd 2009 8:16 am
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I had lots of great things to eat today. Ah bee gave me fried rice to eat just before we went downstairs to play. For energy, ah bee says.
At night fomfomfom came back with Popeye's chicken for ah bee. I had to have some too, so I sneezed and ah bee gave me some. And I sneezed again and again until the floor was covered with my mucus and fomfomfom and ah bee laughed at me.
So I tried another tactic, the quivering lips. I showed them my lower teeth and quivered my lower lip. It was a moving scene. Fomfomfom and ah bee were duly impressed, but alas the chicken was no more. But they praised me and I'll be sure to use the quivering lips on them in future.
January 2nd 2009 7:59 am
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Ants bit me today. They were all over my legs, hiding in my hair and I couldn't get at them. They made me so mad I bit fomfomfom when she tried to pick them out for me. Then they kept biting me and I was so angry. Fomfomfom had to bring me home to wash my feet and pick out the ants for me.
I thought that was the end of my afternoon walk and had just settled down to sulk when fomfomfom brought me down again. We played and sat around for a long time.
I was so tired that I didn't move all night except to go to bed.
January 1st 2009 7:37 am
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It is a new year, and I start the year with good intentions and resolutions.
But it doesn't feel much different. It rained this afternoon when I was playing downstairs and the wind blew the rain unceremoniously into my face. Boo.
And the cleaning auntie told me I am not allowed to cut my hair. That's because I look terribly cute the way I am now, my face is round like a ball. But my mamas insist I should get a haircut soon. Boo.
At night fomfomfom found a tuft of my white tail hair on the floor and exclaimed, what happened? She must have stepped on my tail, that's what happened. Boo.
Boo. Boo. Boo.
December 31st 2008 9:43 am
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That's a bit of chinese poetry that left fomfomfom swooning. Of course it sounds a lot better in chinese.
Happy New Year to me! Me and fomfomfom and ah bee did the countup at home, as usual. We said, 1,2,3,4,5! Cha fell asleep in her boyfriend's place and didn't get back till well past midnight. But she still gave me my third kiss of the year. Fomfomfom was the first, so I gave her her first kiss of the year too.
Hopefully, 2009 will see less natural disasters.
December 30th 2008 7:36 am
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It was cloudy and nice and I was harassing fomfomfom no end. So we went downstairs at 230. We walked for 1 hour and 50 whole minutes! We only came back coz I was thirsty.
We must do it again, everyday.
December 29th 2008 8:41 am
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There was a lot of loud voices in the house today. Fomfomfom and cha were screaming at ah gong, with ah ma joining in, but I don't know what it was about. Later, when ah bee came back, she screamed at ah gong too.
But it's ok, coz my doggie world didn't change.
December 28th 2008 7:34 am
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They gave me a wife biscuit today. I liked it, so I went to keep it. But I couldn't decide on a safe place to keep it, so I finally settled on fomfomfom's lap, me and my biscuit, we would be safe.
Ah ma offered me bird's nest in exchange for my wife biscuit, but I thought I am already very beautiful, I don't need the tonic, so I politely declined.
The unfortunate thing is, the biscuit is all wrapped up in plastic. I haven't figured out how to open it yet, so I will sleep with it tonight. If I meet Grandpa Zhou, I'll ask him to open it for me, and I'll share the biscuit with him.
December 27th 2008 6:45 am
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A car alarm went off somewhere. We're on the 12th floor but we can hear it clearly, it's so shrill. It's almost 11pm now and it's been going on for more than an hour.
So ah ma turns up the volume on her tv to fight the alarm. The noise is enough to give a girl a headache. I hope someone calls the police soon.
December 26th 2008 7:36 am
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Ah gong asked ah bee what day it is today. Ah bee said, Friday. Ah gong wondered aloud, then what day is tomorrow?
While cha sniggered and ah bee screamed, I thought, ah gong should play sudoku like ah ma to sharpen his brain.
December 25th 2008 7:11 am
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I thought long and hard and finally, I told cha with furrowed brows that this christmas thing is overrated.
It's no different from a normal day.
December 24th 2008 8:02 am
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Fomfomfom promised me a chicken to celebrate Christmas Eve but she didn't get one. Instead she got swiss cheese and ham and wine. The cheese was good, but that's all to the extent of my critique.
And we spent the night watching a show about constipation.
I don't feel very merry at all.
December 23rd 2008 7:59 am
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Fomfomfom and cha told me today I should look for something to do. Whiling my time away is simply not done. They suggested I rent the monstrosity downstairs and set up a newsstand. That way I can be a shopkeeper and make some money too.
I will call it "Ah ma's newsstand". My ah ma, not yours, I see myself admonishing customers who wonder at the name. I was already calculating how many papers and cigarettes I can sell everyday when fomfomfom and cha vetoed the idea.
They said I will scamper off to play leaving my newsstand unattended. Or I will forget to collect money from my customers.
I think they think too much.
December 22nd 2008 7:23 am
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Ah ma went out for dinner with her friends tonight. Ah ma seldom goes out, and I was left with only fomfomfom. I felt abandoned. Finally, ah bee came back.
But only a while later, fomfomfom went out again and I barked at her to tell her she can't go out. But she paid me no heed. So it was the last straw when ah bee went up the stairs to look for something. I barked at her and reprimanded her loudly and when she came down, I sat a long way from her.
Punishment is the only deterrent for all these wayward people.
December 21st 2008 8:11 am
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I'm one year older again. It's the winter solstice and everyone had dumplings. Except for me. I know everytime I have a birthday I only get to take pictures with the goodies. So I told ah ma, click away. But no one took pictures this time so I'm a little confused.
I saw kiki and koko this afternoon. That koko is tres terrible. He peed on his maid's shorts twice while she was picking up his poop. He did that the last time too. Boys will be boys. Yuck.
December 20th 2008 8:09 am
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My toilet, I pee and they praise me. So I peed today and fomfomfom said, good girl!
Then ah ma said, a swiss bank says gold will go to $300. Fomfomfom said, no way. Ah ma said, I saw it in the papers today!
So ah ma went looking for her papers and finally found it had become my toilet. Her bank analysis part was clean though. So she took it and showed it to fomfomfom, who insisted it was bollocks.
I think it's bollocks too, so I will be sure to pee on the analysis later, when ah ma replaces the paper in my toilet.
December 19th 2008 7:24 am
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The recipe is dried cabbage, strange looking honey dates, pork and water. Boil for 2 hours and you get this wonderful tonic soup that's good for the lungs and happy on the tongue.
My nose was so happy I kept snorting at fomfomfom who was inhaling it by the bowlful. Fomfomfom agreed that it was too good to be kept only to humans so I got all the pork inside.
My stummy was so happy I was blissful for five hours. Then I wanted to play and ah ma declared she wanted to sleep. Spoilsport.
December 18th 2008 7:43 am
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I realise life without tidbits is colorless.
December 17th 2008 6:06 am
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Fomfomfom and cha brought me to the vet's today. The vet woman let us jump the queue when fomfomfom told her we were there for a blood test. We insisted on a red bandage when the vet woman offered me a blue one. I'll go outside and tell the crowd that you let us jump queue if you don't give me a red bandage, I said. I got a red bandage.
Giggles. But we still waited for an hour after that coz there were simply too many people at the vet's today. I saw a big golden retriever vomit and a fierce looking pitbull sort of white dog pee blood. It wasn't a happy place at all. Things took a turn for the sadder when it was my turn and the vet woman declared that my liver enzymes were too high and it was absolutely no tidbits for me. Then she cracked my tartar and put her fingers into my backside.
Boo.
December 16th 2008 6:00 am
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The mail came today, and there was a christmas card for me! It said, Dear Xiaoping and family.. For once I'm in first place! It is a historic day. I will keep the card in my shoebox carefully.
It was from the vet woman, a marks and spencer's card. I'm so pleased I will go and visit her tomorrow.
December 15th 2008 7:03 am
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I saw a cat. It was a tabby and it had a collar on it. It strolled off so I tried my bestest to sprint after it, only it isn't easy when you are lugging along a fomfomfom attached to your leash.
And so, I lost sight of that tabby. Only I could smell him. But I couldn't see him, no matter how hard I looked. Later fomfomfom told me he was under my feet all that time, in the drain.
Sometimes you can't blame a girl for wanting to bite the hand that feeds her.
December 14th 2008 7:18 am
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It was raining the moment I got up, and I didn't get to go for my morning walk again. This december thing is starting to grate.
At night ah bee and cha gave me a piece of plastic they peeled off from a box of perfumes. As I am a girl, I love anything to do with perfume. The plastic wrapper was my most precious possession for the night. Ah bee tried to get me to leave it so I can pee, so I tried to bite her nose off. Fomfomfom tried the same thing and I snarled at her too.
Didn't get any of their noses though. It would have been apt, coz they don't respect perfume so they don't deserve noses.
December 13th 2008 8:28 am
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The wind was howling this afternoon and almost blew my ears off. Ah ma patted me and so I wasn't scared of the wind. Ah ma was pleased with me and generous with her lovin' coz I shat this morning. And ah ma gave me lotsa nice pork for dinner coz she says my insides are empty from lack of meat, that's why I didn't poop for 2 days.
Ah ma understands me best.
December 12th 2008 3:42 am
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Fomfomfom read online that a scottish terrier visited its master's grave everyday for fourteen years. So she told me, I must remember to do the same ya. I snorted, of course not. I only asked for a wii, and watch how fomfomfom dithers. Give me a wii, then we'll talk.
Oh oh, and I also want doggie stairs. All that jumping on and off furniture is no good for me. That can be my christmas present. The wii is my birthday present.
All that pining is leaving me constipated. I haven't done the deed for 2 days, starting from the day I realised my wii hadn't arrived. Ah ma is anxious. Good. Then maybe she'll start laying the pressure on her wayward daughters. All 3 of them tightwads.
December 11th 2008 7:15 am
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I stamped my feet this morning. I wanted my wii and the dance dance revolution game, but cha couldn't collect enough money for it. Fomfomfom used the excuse she hasn't liquidated her shares and ah bee fled the house first thing in the morning.
Luckily it rained heavily in the afternoon and I didn't meet the second floor kids. If they ask me one more time if I have a wii, I will break down. I don't care, I give cha till christmas to buy me the wii. After that, I will do the unthinkable.
For now it's still the unthoughtofble.
December 10th 2008 6:54 am
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It is my fifth birthday today. There was a big mango cake with 5 candles, but I didn't get a bite. They took a lot of photos of me and the cake. Then fomfomfom and cha blew out one candle each and ah bee blew out 3. Then they proclaimed me a big girl and I was, like, swingin'.
During my walk earlier in the day, I met kiki and koko and they were so small their maid called me fat. I was so offended I thought maybe I can call the spca and complain she is starving her doggies. Then I will adopt them and feed them lots of food so they will get fat. Then I will return them to the maid and next time I see them, I'll call them fat. Take that!
I also met the kids from the 2nd floor and we had a shouting conversation. They asked me if I have a wii and I had to say no. I think they have one and they are playing lots of games on it. Cha promised me one for my birthday but I still don't see it. I felt inferior so I excused myself. I will tell cha all about this humiliating experience so she will feel ashamed of herself and buy me a wii.
Goodnight everybody!
December 9th 2008 8:00 am
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It was boring, being at home alone with fomfomfom. Finally, the lift ping-ed and I jumped up and dashed to the door. Ah ma and ah bee were back! I wagged my tail so hard it hurt and I jumped and jumped and jumped. Ah ma screeched with delight and I got me lots of lovin'. And some roast goose.
My present was a branded bottle from the venetian macao. I must say ah ma and ah bee really understand my taste. I guarded it jealously the rest of the night, along with ah ma. Or the woman would sneak off somewhere again the moment I'm not looking.
Of course this is not a time to be grumbling. Everyone is back finally, except for merrilyn. But everyone assured me I'd get a new merrilyn tomorrow, in time for my birthday.
I can sleep in great peace tonight.
December 8th 2008 6:22 am
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It was raining the moment I got up. And then it rained for hours. It was such a cold day. And then I had to pee, and cha brought me down, and I rebuked her for it was so cold. We were back home in 15 minutes. And they even gave me a shower with scalding hot water. I was so angry with them.
Then fomfomfom brought me down and the rain had lessened somewhat. And it was cool and I walked about for more than an hour before fomfomfom hauled me home. And then she gave me a shower. Two showers in half a day is too much for a girl.
Ah gong came back and said it was the cold front in siberia that had made its way down to singapore. I saw fomfomfom and cha snigger, and I thought I should side with ah gong for once. It is rather cold today. Siberia is not too far fetched.
December 7th 2008 5:27 am
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Fomfomfom was watching tv and sighing at mountains again. She wondered to cha, she must have been a mountaineer in her past life and I was her loyal doggie with a small barrel of whiskey on my collar. That's why she likes mountains so much and is my slave now. Cha didn't agree.
To be sure, cha didn't disagree. She just thought there could be lotsa possibilities. She thought perhaps fomfomfom was a grizzly bear and I was a bee. We were both on the mountain and fomfomfom stole my honey.
Well I dunno about the past lives, but I know for sure in my next life, fomfomfom is still gonna be my slave.
December 6th 2008 9:04 am
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Ah ma and ah bee took their lugguage, like merrilyn yesterday, and then I lost my temper. So I didn't say bye bye and they disappeared. Fomfomfom told me they were going off on one of their gambling binges again.
At night I was alone with fomfomfom and I started thinking, what if one day they all go on holiday and leave me alone at home with an automatic kibble dispenser? I'd be all alone with no light once the sun sets. I can't bear the thought.
So when cha came back, I put on my cutest face and kissed her for a long time. I think it worked. Cha assured me they'd sooner ditch fomfomfom than ditch me. With that, my heart was at ease and I want to sleep now.
December 5th 2008 8:08 am
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This morning everyone woke up real early and I tried to steal a few more winks. But it was futile so I woke up with my usual enthusiasm. Merrilyn was going off with her luggage and fomfomfom carried me so I could say goodbye. Everyone said bye bye to merrilyn.
It turns out merrilyn was going back to the philippines. She has worked for us for 2 years now and it's time to go back home. Merrilyn has always doted on me so I want to wish her all the best.
I miss her already.
December 4th 2008 6:23 am
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I don't know what that means. I just saw it on tv. No doubt the mystery will be revealed to us in the coming days.
I took a bath today. Just when I thought I was squeaky clean, fomfomfom picked out 3 grass seeds from the side of my belly. They were clinging to my fur and they took a shower too. It's the kind of seed that appears in your primary three science textbook.
I'm only in primary one.
December 3rd 2008 7:14 am
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Fomfomfom brought me on my afternoon walk today. We met lightning, mimi and janice. Lightning was so happy to see me she tried to jump over mimi to get to me. But she fell onto mimi instead and they got into a fight. So I watched them fight and it was so silly. Giggles.
At night we watched a documentary with ah ma and it was about this poor woman who tried to get back her lions. It was captivating and sad. We thought it could become a movie, so dramatic it was. Later ah bee played with me and said I was naughtier than the lion cub.
I was insulted so I bared my teeth and said "Rrrra!"
December 2nd 2008 7:11 am
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They flooded the balcony today and I jumped in to play. But ah bee shouted at me and I came back in a big hurry. While I wiped my feet, ah bee gave me a science lesson.
So there are only 4 things in the world that are perfect circles. Ripples, tree trunks and my big eyes.
At night I watched tv with ah ma and there was a conductor at work. A music conductor, not a bus conductor. It seemed quite easy. I just wave a baton about and have lots of expression on my face. Then I thought, my face is expressionless. But I can aways make it up with my tail. A little wave to the right, the drums come in. A quick shudder to the left, the trumpets blare.
Once more, with feeling.
December 1st 2008 7:39 am
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We heard this morning that a young cousin scored real badly in her primary school leaving examinations. We all thought it very strange, how hard can primary school exams be? I spoke loudly until they reminded me I have been in primary one for several years and still don't know many words. Then I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep.
In the afternoon I played catching with ah bee. We were downstairs and I chased ah bee all over the place. I was so tired out I slept after dinner until bedtime. I only woke up so I can go to bed.
November 30th 2008 7:29 am
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There's this game called crazy daisy that ah bee likes to play. I don't like the game coz they like to play it and it takes both hands so I get less belly rubs. Sometimes they play it and I don't get to sleep at night. I would glare at them until they put it away, especially ah bee who is rather obtuse and needs a good glare.
Yesterday, ah bee taught ah ma to play the stupid game too. I wish a speedy death upon the palm and going by the sounds it makes, I think it's near.
November 29th 2008 9:16 am
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I didn't want to eat kibble this morning coz I had no appetite. I only wanted my biscuit. But cha was inflexible and cruel and she said no. So I went hungry. Later ah ma studied me and said I was starting to look old. Her heart softened and she gave me a biscuit, bless my ah ma.
I told cha, nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh.
November 28th 2008 8:41 am
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Something very unfortunate happened to someone Fomfomfom knows. Everyone was shocked. I guess it hit too close to home this time. But nothing in my little doggy world has changed so I am comforted.
Today the security guard uncle took a picture of me. I like him better than the other one. He gives good massages and he remembers my name. The other one calls me goodboy everytime he sees me. Sometimes he calls me goodgirl too. He is so confused I don't know where to start.
Lemme tell you about my biscuits. Cha says that I am only allowed one biscuit after I eat my kibble. That is the rule. I hear her loud and good. So last night, I ate one kibble and I told Ah bee I wanted to claim my biscuit. Ah bee said she wants to box me. Just now at supper, I ate 2 kibbles and I told Fomfomfom I wanted that biscuit. Fomfomfom wanted to box me too. Then Cha says that I have to eat at least 20 kibbles before I get a biscuit. These people are trying to pull an Animal Farm on me but I didn't bite. I'm principled.
Now if only I can stop thinking about that biscuit.
November 27th 2008 7:32 am
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Cha said this morning she may want to buy a wii coz its price has dropped some. I was excited, coz I thought then I would be able to play the dance game. There would be a mat, won't there, and I can jump jump jump on the mat. I can compete with fomfomfom and I'm sure I'd win. Cha said there's a yoga game and I can do yoga too. I'd stand on one leg and clasp my hands together and say "om". I won't fall over coz my tail will be like another leg. I can keep fit with ah ma.
Then cha said the price hasn't dropped to her satisfaction and maybe she won't buy the wii after all. I was disappointed. Cha said if it's games i want, she can switch on the xbox for me and she'd put on the legend on the drunken bastards for me. I declined. Drunken what-stards, compared to yoga? What lack of sophistication.
At night I made fomfomfom watch the little nonya with me. Coz I'm a little non. I watched it upside down while enjoying a belly rub and fomfomfom watched it right side up. I'm sure our enjoyment was the same.
November 26th 2008 7:19 am
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I found a leaf on the balcony just now. It was all dried up and crisp, the way I like my leaves. I love leaves. I love picking them up and tearing them into tiny pieces. I haven't done that since we moved. There were plenty of leaves where we used to stay but none here. Until I found one just now that is.
I was so delighted with my find I trooped off to Ah ma's room with it. I jumped on the sofa and began tearing the leaf into bits. Ah ma was horrified because I was leaving leaf bits all over her sofa. She tried to take my precious leaf away from me. So I bit her.
She got really mad at me and she scolded me. That didn't really bother me. So she kept scolding me and I just stared into space. She said she would scold me for two days. I didn't care. And then she said I would not get any meat for two days.
I can't have that so I went over and licked her hand immediately. Ah ma laughed and gave me a belly rub and that was the end of that little episode.
Ah ma loves me and I love Ah ma.
November 25th 2008 7:22 am
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I was like fomfomfom's shadow today. I followed her everywhere all afternoon. Cha asked why fomfomfom is in cha's room. I can stay but fomfomfom is not welcome. Fomfomfom explained that since her shadow is here, she must follow.
Then fomfomfom was chased out and I followed.
Ah gong helped me put on my leash so that I may go for my afternoon walk. I guess it was the first time but I was in no mood to savour it coz my walk beckoned.
My walk is very important.
November 24th 2008 5:30 am
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Times are bad. People don't tell people things anymore. They think they have the right to do all sorts of things. They think they can keep things from others. It is strange. They think they have the right when they don't. They think they have the authority but they don't. They think they have a brain but alas.
But no problem. All it takes is a good hard slap left right centre up down inside and outside. Oops, that's 7 slaps.
I'll do it!
November 23rd 2008 7:28 am
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There's this new tidbit I have. It's a free gift when I buy the ultra-no-allergen kibble. It's a bag full of delicious bone shaped biscuits and I get 2 a day, after breakfast and after supper. I always look longingly at the bag when my mamas forget to give me one and they will be quick to correct their error.
I didn't feel like supper tonight, only the biscuit so I looked longingly. Fomfomfom said I must eat my kibble supper first before I can have it and to emphasize her point, she took one biscuit and put it into my kibble bottle. Of course I had nothing but biscuit in my mind after that and I refused kibble politely.
The standoff was resolved in a while when ah ma came out and told fomfomfom to give me the biscuit and stop torturing me. Then ah ma looked fondly at me while I ate the biscuit and fomfomfom was the villain. I told ah ma, thank you ah ma!
Ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.
November 22nd 2008 8:39 am
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I forgot to mention in my entry last night that Cha and I saw a piece of snake skin near the generator room yesterday. It's a good thing we only saw the shed skin and not the snake itself. That would have been creepy. Fomfomfom was rather freaked out and she kept telling everyone to hit the snake 7 inches below its head if we ever run into one. I don't ever want to run into a snake coz I heard that Wernie's dog was killed by one. So remember if you ever see a snake, run. If you can't, remember Fomfomfom's 7 inches rule.
Today was a much better day. Ah ma kept her promise and made me goubuli buns. I had 4 of them. They were so delish I even ate the skin. I don't usually like flour but I finished everything on my plate. But I think they should get a new name. Goubuli can't be goubuli. Not when I had 4 of them.
Ah ma didn't want to give me a belly rub just now and so I threatened to leave home. I told her that I will pack up my bottle and check into Shangrila without her. She only chuckled.
I forgive her on account of the buns.
November 21st 2008 7:23 am
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Ah ma made pork buns that were both steamed and fried at the same time and I was intrigued, especially by the way ah bee inhaled them. But there were none for me. Fomfomfom rebuked ah ma and ah ma was contrite. Ah bee said ah ma should make some goubuli buns for me next time so we can all eat buns together and how happy that will be. But I thought, goubuli means "a bun that even a dog ignores", so how can I enjoy a goubuli bun? If I do, it'll have to change its name.
Such oxymorons disturb me. Yet the way the buns smelled today, I think I can overcome it.
Yes I can.
November 20th 2008 7:15 am
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The stockmarket wasn't doing too well today and fomfomfom said to ah bee, look at those doggone faces. It turns out the other face belongs to ah gong, and my face wasn't even half as doggone as ah gong's.
And I'm much better at the stock market than ah gong. I have standing instructions to ah bee: buy me one share of SGX at the lowest price for the day. And sell at the highest. Like this, I'll be assured of profits every day. It's so simple I wonder why ah gong is so perplexed, and what sort of method he is using. Besides, it'll supplement my meagre pocket money of 40 cents.
November 19th 2008 7:47 am
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I remembered some things today. Like how fomfomfom didn't feed me milk when I was only one month old so that even now, I'm smaller than my siblings.
At the thought of that, I walked into fomfomfom's room and shat on the floor. The room was dark and as planned, fomfomfom stepped right on my poo. What wasn't planned was, fomfomfom thought she had stepped on water and didn't look and stepped all over the house leaving poop all over.
Ah ma gave her a scolding of course and my anger was assuaged. At least until the next time I decide to poo in her room again.
November 18th 2008 5:42 am
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We finally collected the last of the canvas portraits today. Everyone laughed at me and said I looked like I was getting my mug shot done in the portrait. They had a debate whether I was looking into the camera and ah bee finally concluded I was cock eyed and no one can tell.
Later in the afternoon the man from the management office came. It was about water dripping onto our neighbour below. We had tried to fix the problem twice before and it's still there so obviously it's not our problem. The man was squirmy and lazy and tried to worm his way out of doing his job so he incurred the ire of cha. Fomfomfom declared she detested him mightily since a long time ago. Ah bee too. And ah gong, poor ah gong was chased out of the management office by this miserable maggot of a man when he went there for some official business. The maggot said no entry for anyone but employees. And his friends and cronies of course.
I wonder if the maggot knows we're the ones paying his salary.
November 17th 2008 5:24 am
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I went to the vet's today and met the resident shih tzu, who must be the 2nd most loved doggie in the world, after me, of course. Everyone just grabs her and gives her some lovin'. Anyway, I saw her dog tag and it read "camote", which must be her name. Strange, we thought her name was maugh maugh. They must have been calling her mote mote or something.
I didn't think much of her name, I guess it only scores in the creativity and not the poetic department. A security guard who came in with a poor abandoned shaved dog thought so too, for he picked camote up and called her potato. I think potato suits her.
I watched tv last night and this korean woman was singing a song with her daughter. It went something like, I want to be ketchup, I am a tomato. Well, I think camote will want to be a french fry since she is a potato. I will be the tomato and we will be good friends, like the french fry and the ketchup.
The vet woman cracked my tartar and I wasn't happy so I didn't let her complete her cracking. She said she'll continue doing it the next time I visit so I won't have to do dental scaling.
Seeing I was so upset, fomfomfom and ah bee brought me to the botanical gardens. I haven't been there for a few months, so I was happy again. But we met some strange tourists who wanted to hold my leash. Ah bee whispered to fomfomfom that they'll have to take her down first.
All sorts of strange people in the world. Zero etiquette.
November 16th 2008 5:44 am
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Ah ma was trying desperately to dry shiu shiu so she put it out on the balcony first thing in the morning. But I was like a bloodhound. No matter how high ah ma put shiu shiu, I could sniff it out within minutes. Ah ma was so impressed and delighted with my skills she let me have shiu shiu. Then I put shiu shiu under my neck and took a nap. I was assured of shiu shiu's safety that way.
And I'm glad cha came back today. Ah bee always makes me angry when she doesn't sleep and the lights don't go off. And sometimes ah bee plays crazy daisy late at night and I'm sleeping and I have to lift my head in disbelief and stare at her.
It is straining our relationship.
November 15th 2008 8:25 am
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I realised this morning ah ma had given shiu shiu a bath. I saw shiu shiu hanging on the clothesline and I demanded the indignity be stopped immediately but ah ma threatened to hang me on the clothesline too.
To distract me, fomfomfom cut open the mini melon that ah ma had grown. It is organic and hokkaido and unfortunately grown in singapore. It had stopped growing after reaching the size of a tennis ball. It tasted melony but not sweet. Not bad, I guess.
In the evening, Ah ma had shiu shiu moved to another corner for drying so that I won't be able to find him, but I found him anyway and insisted ah ma give me shiu shiu or I would bark the house down. Of course I got my way. But shiu shiu was terribly wet and his hair was messy. I had ah ma give him a blow dry with the hair dryer but I wasn't pleased with the results. Perhaps tomorrow I will ask fomfomfom to dry him with curlers and the works.
And oh oh, I met an aggressive cat this afternoon. I was sniffing around the bushes coz I smelled cat and suddenly this ugly thing jumped out and I retreated and barked in alarm and the thing jumped back into the bushes again. All in a split second. When I turned, I found fomfomfom with her heart in her mouth.
So useless.
November 14th 2008 6:01 am
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Ah bee framed up my arm using her fingers and told fomfomfom, that looks like a chicken wing. Then she framed up my thigh and said, that looks like a chicken leg.
And when ah bee scratches my cheek, she tells fomfomfom, look at pingping's cheeks. Fomfomfom would crow, cheeks! Cheeks! The cheek of pingping! Oh, the cheek of you!
Sometimes I think the 2 of them are a little strange. I can only hope cha comes back from her vacation soon.
November 13th 2008 6:39 am
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Ah ma came back from her gambling spree today. I wagged my tail and told her, ah bee beat me. Ah ma was all cooing at me and patting me and she said, we'll ignore ah bee and ah ma will sleep with pingping tonight. Coz ah bee sleeps late and I lose my temper when the lights are not switched off. Ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.
Then we immediately settled down to watch taiwanese news. I was surprised to learn of chen shui bian's arrest. He had been arrested for 3 days and no one told me! The outrage. See what happens when ah ma is not around to watch the news with me.
Fomfomfom and ah bee are unsatisfactory baby-sitters. I have so much to complain to ah ma about.
November 12th 2008 5:47 am
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I was just lounging, and fomfomfom said, look at that doggone face. Ah bee kept repeating it and they looked at me and laughed loudly. I got angry so I thought when ah ma calls home at night, I would tell her, fomfomfom and ah bee beat me.
When ah ma comes back tomorrow, she will then starve the 2 of them for an appropriate number of days. Then we'll look at their doggone faces.
November 11th 2008 8:10 am
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I got hold of a cheesy horoscope book from cha's desk. It tells of my fate for 2009 and of course I was interested. So I am a sagittarius. My deepest need is to....hmm....expand mentally. My strongest virtue is my tremendous vision. No doubt due to my big and beautiful eyes.
I am most helpful to fomfomfom's sign financially, whereas ah bee is most helpful to me financially.My virtue is generosity, yet I must avoid being too generous with other people's money. I think this book is hinting I'm taking ah bee's money and giving it to fomfomfom.
When I read that I am over optimistic and that I tend to exaggerate, ah bee applauded. She whispered to fomfomfom that my enthusiasm for life every morning at 730am is rather overwhelming.
I told ah bee, my over optimism is complementary to your pessimism. You need me. Now let's sleep so that when we wake up, it's 730.
November 10th 2008 7:22 am
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It's Ah ma's birthday today. I don't know how old she is because I can't count that high. But happy birthday Ah ma!
It rained all morning and all afternoon. I waited and waited but no one brought me down for my walk. I was in a bad mood all day. Until Fomfomfom brought me down at about four. It was still drizzling but we went down anyway. I heart Fomfomfom deep deep. We walked for 45 minutes and then Ah bee took over and we walked for another 45 minutes. I'm still a little shortchanged because I didn't get to walk in the morning but I guess I'll settle.
Cha and Ah ma were screaming something about the toiletbowl. It wasn't pleasant so Ah bee and I, we went to hide in the dark. Of course there was nothing to do in the dark so I got a bellyrub. Speaking of bellyrubs, the toothless security guard downstairs gives very good massages. I almost flipped on my back today for him to give me a belly rub but Fomfomfom threatened to wallop me if I did. She thinks it's not polite. I can't help it if everyone adores me.
And Fomfomfom was playing Flight of the Bumblebee just now. I told Ah bee that I am the Bumble in that song and for obvious reasons, she is the bee. She said it is mildly funny.
She's just holding herself back, that's all.
November 9th 2008 9:02 am
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We met Nicky and his sisters today. They were upstairs on the second floor corridor and we screamed at one another like the last time. The second girl is four years old. Like me, she's only a baby. And she is very talkative. I don't mind that but Ah bee finds it hard to communicate with her. She asked Ah bee, "What time is 9 o'clock?" and ""What is Sushi coming?" and Ah bee couldn't answer her at all. I felt a little sorry for Ah bee. Just a little.
And then we met a little girl at the swimming pool who chased after us in her oversized swimwear. She was so cute. And much more coherent than Nicky's sister. She asked Ah bee if I bite and whether she could pat me. And she would giggle when she did. I like her. And she's four too! We're all four!
I met Lightning later. We jumped around and pretended to chase each other. And then I barked at her but she didn't bark back. That's coz she's Lightning, only seen and not heard.
Nicky's sisters came out again because their mummy wasn't home yet. They sang two songs for us. One was a song from the musical Rent and the other one they said it's from a game. Actually they only know one line from each song so all we heard were "Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes!" and "Come on everybody move your body!"
Little girls like us, we are so cute.
November 8th 2008 9:15 am
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Last night we couldn't get a good night's sleep. Coz the people at the construction site at the canal were making a lot of noise, piling and talking very loudly. It's bad enough they work weekends but now through the night? We're 12 floors up so I cannot imagine how the folks on the second floor felt. I think someone must have called the police because they aren't working tonight. I will sleep soundly tonight.
November 7th 2008 8:07 am
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Fomfomfom and ah bee brought me to the groomer's today. Ah ma asked if fomfomfom has money to pay for my haircut. Ah bee said it's ok if we didn't have enough money. They'll just leave me with the groomer as collateral while they go home to get money.
I thought that was a bad idea, coz in today's deflationary environment, I bet they'd get a margin call from the groomer's before they can even make it home.
November 6th 2008 8:03 am
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I went for my walk this morning and suddenly I wanted to inspect the lift so ah bee obligingly held the lift for me to sniff. And what do I smell but....ah ma!
I followed ah ma's smell in the air and bounded to the carpark, and there ah ma was! She was about to get into the car with fomfomfom. I caught them and ah ma beamed and praised me for being a clever girl. Everyone fussed over me and I was real happy.
It was a wonderful start to a day.
November 5th 2008 5:38 am
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Ah ma made soup tonight. It is for brightening eyes, ah ma informed me. And they all had some, and I had none.
Of course I was having none of it. Both from their perspective and mine. I told ah bee, while she was having the soup, ah bee, ah bee, my eyes are so big but they have lost some of their lustre due to lack of nutrition. Can I have some of that eye brightening soup?
Of course I can.
November 4th 2008 6:56 am
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This morning I met the yellow boots uncle. He wasn't in his usual working t shirt and yellow boots. He told me he'd found a better job elsewhere, and I was happy for him. He was always the friendliest to me since I moved here and I will miss him.
I hope he will be happier in his new job.
November 3rd 2008 7:16 am
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It is ah ma's birthday today and everyone got to eat birthday noodles. But they forgot to give me an egg yolk so I was a little unhappy. Nonetheless I have only good wishes for my ah ma coz ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.
Everyone is saying I look like a dirty little cat. Then I was a little confused and my mood wasn't good. So I bit ah bee when she tried to take away my tissue paper. The blood flowed down her finger and I thought a cat can't possibly achieve that feat, so I strutted and told ah bee, you. are. the. cat.
I am a doggie.
November 2nd 2008 7:40 am
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Ah bee owes Cha $322.08. I told Cha that I would pay the 8 cents on Ah bee's behalf. But Ah bee told me that she only has 8 cents and she needs me to bail her out. So I need to come up with $322. But I don't have $322. Not even if I empty out my shoebox. Now I know how Ah Jek felt. I needed to touch Ah ma for that spot of money.
And I could have gotten it if not for my height. Ah ma was giving me a bellyrub and she told me that I have to give her a shoulder massage. I would have used that to ask her for the money but I can't reach her shoulders.
Do you think she'll settle for a toe lick instead?
November 1st 2008 10:30 am
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It was raining when I woke up. But I had to go down to pee so we went when it was drizzling. It was so cold I was shivering less than 15 minutes into my walk so we went home.
Then it was sweltering in the afternoon. I don't understand the weather at all.
At night ah bee wanted to take a nap so she kept my milkstick under her armpit so I won't be chewing at it unsupervised. Now it tastes sour.
October 31st 2008 8:34 am
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It is halloween today and i got a treat. Ah ma made some tonic soup and I got egg yolk, black chicken and some very tasty egg white for supper. Fomfomfom said if it doesn't kill me, it will be very good for me. I agreed enthusiastically.
Fomfomfom always tells cha to hang her wet underwear in her room at night so that there will be moisture and her skin won't dry out. She egged cha to hang the wet stuff closer and closer to her bed until cha offered to drape her wet panties on her face when she sleeps so that there will be maximum hydration. Fomfomfom was nodding approvingly at the idea until cha tells her that it will make her skin drier. Something about the heat from the face will be absorbed and whatnot. All that scientific stuff.
Later, cha whispered to me she saw a flicker of sudden horror cross fomfomfom's face. We high fived and agreed fomfomfom won't be applying her wet panties on her face tonight.
October 30th 2008 6:42 am
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Fomfomfom and ah bee were talking last night about how old they feel. I arrived in january 2004, so the time before that was pre-pingping(they were young) and time after was post-pingping(and then they are old). I giggled in a corner as the old bags reminisced and later fomfomfom said, yo, benchmark, time for bed.
I'm a benchmark! But I thought that was appropriate, coz I'm black and white. Demarcation is clear and no grey areas.
I'm a very clear benchmark. With a bit of pink.
October 29th 2008 7:45 am
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I remembered I had a play date,so I went downstairs on time. But my playmates didn't show up. I was a little upset until I heard someone cry on the second floor. I thought perhaps they were being punished and their mother didn't allow them to come down. I thought, there are times to be sympathetic and times to be angry. This time, I was sympathetic.
It was the other way round at home. Everyone was angry at ah gong coz he was too free and had come up with a hare brained idea that promised to blow up in future. Apparently the day of reckoning had come for our self-styled hedge fund relative and things were getting delusional, undignified, shameless and suicidal.
I shan't go on coz it's so silly it's not worth a moment more of my time.
October 28th 2008 6:19 am
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I met niki and his 2 sisters. But they were stuck on the balcony on the 2nd floor, so we were shouting to each other and we have a date for tomorrow. We will play together on the 1st floor instead of shouting.
Then I met Lightning. She is only 8 months old. Such a baby, and such a loud voice. I was a little scared of her. She seems a little rabid. I wanted fomfomfom to carry me home after 5 minutes with her, she's rather exhausting.
The water feature broke down and was leaking all over the place. Cha bought a new one with disco lights and maybe it will bring us better fortune than the leaking one.
And these days, they are talking very loudly in the house. They all seem rather agitated. Fomfomfom seems to have no end of swear words, and they seem to be all directed at a third auntie, or a third uncle, or maybe both, since the vulgarities were plenty to spread around. Maybe we don't like 3rd relatives.
October 27th 2008 7:47 am
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I was surprised to meet a shih tzu I'd never seen before today. But I have seen her owner around so she must have been staying at home most of the time. Anyway, her name is dou dou, it means bean. But I don't know what kind of bean she is.
There might be a reason why I don't see her around. Maybe she has no leash. Her owners were 2 kids being chaperoned by a maid, and they had attached a karabiner to her collar, and then attached some thin string to the karabiner. It was so funny, and coz dou dou tried to pounce on me, the kids had to hold on tight to her string. While the collar wasn't causing dou dou particular pain, the string was cutting into the owners' hands and we thought this motley gang of kids, maid and bean were cute.
Maybe I will buy dou dou a leash. Then we can meet and play together everyday.
October 26th 2008 9:13 am
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It is apparently fomfomfom's birthday today. I was confused, coz I remembered her birthday as a different date. Ah ma told me it's her lunar birthday. Well, I thought maybe i'll wait till it's her solar birthday before I sing her a birthday song. Besides, I need time to learn the song. I want to be able to present fomfomfom with the traditional chinese birthday song.
And since it was a birthday, we had noodles and eggs. Ah ma gave me an egg yolk. And I thought i'll pretend it's my lunar birthday every mon, wed and fri so we can all eat eggs all the time.
October 25th 2008 10:56 am
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The good thing is I didn't have a sorrowful day; Fomfomfom was the one. And it was real sorrowful too, if you ask me. It's okay Fomfomfom, today didn't happen. Your day got swallowed up in a black hole.
Mine didn't. Today we met Ngak ngak ngak. Ngak ngak ngak is a girl and her name is Lightning. Lightning! That is a very cute name, but it's not very appropriate. She's so obviously a Thunder. Yes, she is. And I was thinking, maybe, maybe I should call myself Tzu-nami-koh. Giggles.
October 24th 2008 7:40 am
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It was a sorrowful start to a day. I woke up, tail waggin'. I looked at cha expectantly, only to be told it's raining. No morning walk. I went out to look at ah ma sorrowfully, but it was still raining. Fomfomfom woke up and I looked at her sorrowfully, only to be told fomfomfom can't stand the misery and so she went out to escape my sorrow and have her morning cuppa.
Ah bee woke up after noon and I looked at her sorrowfully. Only this time it worked and fomfomfom told ah bee she had broken 2 toes and dumped me on ah bee. So ah bee brought me downstairs for my walk and I was happy again.
When I came back, I was full of happiness and I went out to the balcony to survey my kingdom 12 storeys below and lo and behold! A pot! It was a rare sight so I went to eat the soil, which was, happily, freshly fertilised. Fomfomfom caught me and ah ma was alerted and I got a half hearted mouth wiping from fomfomfom. Then I picked up ah ma's slipper and ran off to show my displeasure and ah ma chased me with the other slipper and finally enticed me with half a sweet potato that I deigned to barter for.
Later, as I waited for my afternoon walk, I followed fomfomfom all around as a reminder. But it didn't happen and I was sorrowful again. So my day started and ended with sorrow and it is a regrettable day.
October 23rd 2008 8:14 am
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Cha came back with a SPCA doggie calendar. Dogs are featured every month and they are all ex-strays or unwanted pets with their own story. Fomfomfom thought their pasts are so sad, so she told me I'm a lucky doggie. I said, I have my sad stories to tell too. Just that no one will listen. So fomfomfom offered to listen to my sorrows.
First, I told her, I walk for 2 hours a day, and I'm all tired out by night time. So I rest, but ah ma calls me lazy. I would cry if I weren't so tired. Second, ah ma sees on tv how the civil servants are having their bonuses reduced. And she turns to me and told me I can only have 40 cents a day now for pocket money. I knew it would be futile to protest so I continue resting.
And that was just for today. If I were to list out all my sorrows, I'm afraid fomfomfom won't be able to take it.
And they think my life is a bed of roses.
October 22nd 2008 8:22 am
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I was on my morning walk when we came across the uncle who sweeps up leaves. He said, "hello pingping! There's a black cat here!" I was pleased. It's good to have them well trained. So I showed my appreciation by barking up a storm.
During my afternoon walk, I met the big headed boy and his mommy. He used to like to approach me, but today he ran away. He ran because he'd just discovered running so he doesn't walk anymore. He runs everywhere on his squeaky shoes. Anyway, his mommy told us he has been scared since he witnessed my quarrel with ngyak ngyak ngyak a couple of weeks ago. I tried to tell him he has nothing to fear but fear itself, but he was already gone in a cloud of smoke.
Fear is indeed a fearful thing.
October 21st 2008 7:53 am
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It was so boring today. I told ah ma to give me a belly rub. The fact that ah ma was having a nap at that time was a mere detail. But ah ma had to go and tell everyone I haven't been a good girl.
So I decided to take naps myself. At least no one would say I'm being naughty when I'm sleeping. So after my dinner, I slept and slept. And they had to disturb me. Ah bee taught fomfomfom how to slowly walk towards me so that I would think something is up and wag my tail. Then fomfomfom is supposed to turn around and run for her life. I was duped and chased her around the house until I realised nothing was up.
And they have the cheek to say I'm naughty.
October 20th 2008 7:45 am
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Fomfomfom came back with a t shirt 2 nights ago. It had the words "holy shih tzu!", right in the centre, big and bold. It was a gift from a friend. And while it looked like it was worshipping shih tzus, I dunno, I have a bad feeling about it. It must be poking fun at us shih tzus, though I haven't figured out how. I shall shred it to pieces before fomfomfom can have a chance to wear it.
Besides, I'm not sure magenta is her color.
October 19th 2008 7:43 am
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Ah bee was going out today and asked me if there was anything she could get for me. I said I wanted to eat ice cream, she should get the chocolate cones for me. I also specified that the cones should contain melamine,coz melamine is everywhere these days, it's almost a dietary requirement. But ah bee would have none of it. And so I had none of it.
October 18th 2008 10:19 am
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I heard from my ah ma that my sugar mummy is having skin problems, and she's not allowed to eat any meat. And my brother cocoa and sister zhuzhu are on the same austerity diet too. I thought of them while munching my way through my plate of pork for dinner. It must be hard on them, for I underwent the same torture for a few months a while back. Luckily my skin cleared up. I hope mummy sugar gets well soon. I hear she has lost weight.
I must remember to tell them the brand of shampoo I'm using. It might be of help.
I miss my mummy.
October 17th 2008 7:26 am
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Ah ma instructed Merrilyn to wash everybody's cars today but no one mentioned my cars so I got angry. I threw a hissy fit and then I insisted Merrilyn wash my 2 mini coopers too. To placate me, fomfomfom said she'll wash my cars. I pointed to the cabinet so that fomfomfom would know where my cars were. I told her she had to be extra careful with my red cooper. If water gets into the sensitive parts, it would turn into an ornament like the yellow cooper.
Then I told cha it's time I changed cars. I only go for mini coopers coz they are cute and luxurious, like me. I would want the orange and electric blue ones. Cha nodded and said she would jot it down.
At night I was sleeping on the sofa while ah bee and fomfomfom watched tv. I had a bad dream and when I woke up, they were sniggering with ah ma about how I was wagging my tail and whining in my sleep. I thought that was so rude of them all.
October 16th 2008 7:59 am
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Cha and fomfomfom were watching a latin dance show today and fomfomfom groaned that kids doing latin dance was kind of gross. All that twisting and trying to be sexy and adulty and it seemed all wrong. I had to defend the kids. I'm always very sexy, too sexy and I'm just a baby.
Cha and fomfomfom then decided it's ok for me coz my sexiness radiates from my very core while those kids doing latin dances are merely trying to emulate adults. That's why they are gross and I'm not.
October 15th 2008 5:59 am
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Cha told me to help assemble a DIY clothes rack. I told her I'm too sexy, too sexy for any kind of work.
Then ah bee told me to go over and sit with her. I told her I'm too sexy for her. So ah bee said next time I want to go down for a walk, I should ask my tail to bring me downstairs. I then apologised for making a mistake. I was only too sexy for my tail, not for ah bee. It was a freudian slip of the tongue. And that's coz my tongue hasn't been getting much nourishment recently, that's why it slips easily.
Ah bee was appeased and ah ma gave me some nourishment for my tongue and I'm confident I won't be making any more slips of the tongue tonight.
And my tongue, now it feels so sexy too.
October 14th 2008 8:50 am
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Fomfomfom and ah bee were watching this horror documentary on tv at lunch. It was about dogs with jobs. There was a volunteer at a hospital, there were some who retrieve baseballs from the water, and others with similar distasteful jobs. I only liked the part about the dogs who get on the schoolbus to go to day care. At least when the schoolbus went, they could look at the scenery and their ears flapped.
The show was so lousy I decided to focus on the boiled egg in ah bee's hand. I only like the yolk, and fomfomfom tried to make me give my paw in exchange for some yolk. I thought the egg was in ah bee's hands, why would I waste any time on that stupid fomfomfom. Evidently that thought didn't occur to fomfomfom. I ignored her and she muttered something under her breath and went back to her stupid show.
Ah bee called me K9. I told her I'm only in K2. Actually that was a stretch. I didn't even pass level 1 of kindergarten.
October 13th 2008 7:21 am
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I made a great discovery today. There is a dog living in the window pane. I was out in the balcony this morning with my toy shiu shiu. I wanted to look into the house but I saw another dog staring back at me. I dropped shiu shiu in alarm and started barking at the dog, who barked right back. The dog had a shiu shiu too.
Fomfomfom looked out to see why I was so fierce, and she didn't understand why until she stepped out into the balcony. I showed her the dog and told her I don't bark for no reason. Fomfomfom nodded knowingly and giggled and told ah bee and cha to come and see this new dog in the window.
I was having the fight of my life and there they were giggling. They said I was a good girl and asked me to come in. It was so patronising. I should be barking at them instead.
October 12th 2008 8:46 am
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I thought about it all weekend. Something wasn't right. How can my profits on 500 ounces of gold be only one lollipop? So I confronted fomfomfom. She was shamed and contrite. Almost in tears, she admitted my profits on last week's great rise in gold was in fact 3 lollipops.
I was pleased that my rightful profits were not denied me. Yet unsettled. Speculation as such could bring about such lewd profits! No wonder people get greedy.
I can feel greed devouring me right now. I'm already thinking of my next great trade. Can't wait.
October 11th 2008 10:04 am
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Last night at about 2a.m, I rushed out of the room in a great hurry. I ran straight to the balcony and started pacing up and down. Then Cha chased me in but I continued darting around the house. They couldn't quite understand what I was doing; they thought I was hyperactive. Perhaps due to the sugar overload from the pandan cake I had. That is until I started sniffing around in circles. That means I have to go. It took me quite a while to find a satisfactory spot but I went at least. I had the runs. My poor stummy. Must be all the pork. And cake. And crab. Oh that beautiful crab.
So this morning, I went to Ah ma and told her about my rumbling stummy. I got meself some lovin' from Ah ma.
I feel better now.
October 10th 2008 8:03 am
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It is my birthday again today. I am 4 years and 10 months today and I got a slice of pandan chiffon cake. I shared it with fomfomfom and we had it for dessert after dinner.
It was shih tzu day at the vet's today. We had one here, one there, even one baby sleeping on the magazine table. It was disgraceful. But he looked less than a month old so we didn't scold him. We went to see the vet coz we received a rabies vaccination reminder. We thought it was dodgy coz it came with other irrelevant reminders so we thought their computer system probably had rabies. Indeed the vet confirmed the clinic had rabies. And I finally put on some weight. Now I am 5.55kg, fomfomfom is pleased.
At night ah ma came back from her gambling spree and she rang the bell and we opened the door to see her standing with 2 tall caucasian girls. They are our neighbours, on school exchange programmes. They were making pizzas and wanted to borrow a cup of flour. A cup! ah ma exclaimed. Take the whole bag! They were happy and we were happy and we settled to ah ma's heroic tales at the gambling tables.
I waited all night but the girls didn't come by to give me a pizza.
October 9th 2008 8:30 am
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Ah ma is in another country gambling up a storm, and ah gong seems a little lonely. We were all in cha's room, and ah gong was hovering at the door, asking this, then that, then giving advice. Ah bee was entertaining him, fomfomfom was not talking, I was listening carefully, and cha finally threw him out.
I thought he's just a lonely old man who wanted to talk. Ah bee suggested I sleep in ah gong's room tonight, I will listen to him talk all night and then he can tuck me in. It will only be for a night coz ah ma comes back tomorrow and they can go back to enjoying each other's company.
October 8th 2008 8:46 am
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I heard ah ma go off again early this morning, when it was still dark. I scratched the door to ask cha to let me out so I may say goodbye to ah ma, but cha didn't open the door for me. Sigh, ah ma was off on one of her numerous trips, I guess not saying goodbye is no biggie. She does it all the time. The more important thing is I forgot to tell ask ma to bet $50 on big for me.
But I had profits elsewhere. It seems the price of gold went up today, so I told fomfomfom that I will take the profits on the 500 ounces of gold I told her to buy yesterday. Fomfomfom tried to protest I didn't tell her to buy anything yesterday but I would not have it. I asked ah bee to calculate the profits and--was that a wink I saw from fomfomfom to ah bee?--after some intense mindwork, ah bee grandly declared that the profit is a lollipop. Satisfied, I told ah bee to remember to collect my lollipop and put it in my shoebox.
Trading is such satisfying business.
October 7th 2008 7:34 am
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I met an iguana today. I hadn't had time to ask his name before he ran away. I wanted to catch him to bring home for fomfomfom but I only managed to kiss him. I didn't want to kiss and tell so I made no mention of the encounter to anyone at home.
Ah bee, however, adheres to an altogether different moral code. It is reprehensible how she spilt the beans and fomfomfom made her wipe my mouth before she will let me kiss her. Next time I witness any of ah bee's encounters of such kind I will shout it from the rooftops. And then I will scrub out her mouth too.
October 6th 2008 8:40 am
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I got this big swollen bump on my right eyelid this afternoon. Fomfomfom was so alarmed she screamed for cha to come take a look, who dismissed it as an insect bite. Or, aha! It might be the duck fomfomfom fed me for lunch. An allergy! Cha gave fomfomfom dirty looks and said I shouldn't be eating too much meat.
I went for a walk with the lovely fomfomfom and when I came back, the bump was gone. Aha! It must have been an allergy, cha declares. Fomfomfom got only dirty looks. I told fomfomfom, it's ok. I will treat her well. Just keep all that exotic meat coming.
Ah ma was watering her plants with fishy water again. I had to get some of that tasty stuff, so I licked the flower pot. That, ah ma saw. Cha didn't tell ah ma I licked the soil too in case ah ma drags me for mouth cleaning. I got a scolding from cha and the lovely fomfomfom kissed me and said it's ok.
At night me and fomfomfom and ah ma watched the dow drop off a cliff and I decided I had to sleep soon. Coz not many people will be able to sleep tonight and grandpa zhou will be very free to play the swing with me. Whee!
October 5th 2008 8:12 am
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According to the papers, apparently it is world 'nimal day today. Cha informed me of that pleasant fact, and I thought, good for all you animals out there!
I asked cha when it is world baby day coz that would be when I can celebrate. Cha said she didn't know, but we can privately designate today as world smelly baby day and I can celebrate.
I thought, that's not a bad idea at all. Though I had a bath today and I'm not a smelly baby. I will be sure not to bathe on this day next year so that I can celebrate my day properly.
October 4th 2008 10:19 am
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Today is Cha's birthday. One more year and she'll be tofu dregs. That's not the saddest part about today; the saddest bit came when a cake was delivered to our place for Cha. Ah ma asked, why is there a birthday cake? It's not anyone's birthday. It's my birthday today Ma, Cha replied. Isn't your birthday long over, Ah ma asked.
Ouch.
The good thing is, the rest of the day was happy for her.
Together now, CHACHACHA!
October 3rd 2008 10:10 am
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Ah gong called me dog dog this morning. I told him my name is xiaoping and he should call me that. He insisted on calling me dog dog and we had words. I told cha I'm going to call him old man from now on.
Ah bee's supper was a McSpicy. I had to have some, and my word, it was delicious, but so spicy. My stummy is rumbling now.
October 2nd 2008 9:25 am
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We saw a CSI miami advert on tv. Fomfomfom muttered, horatio is an awful name. Ah bee agreed enthusiastically and the 2 of them made like poets and went, ratio, ratio, horatio. Cha screamed that's lame and they said, we didn't say that, ping did.
I said, yeah, whatever. You can put everything on my head, just keep that fried fish coming.
October 1st 2008 7:39 am
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Ah ma has taken to watering her precious plants with water she used to wash rice, fish etc. So last night she put a tub of fish water into the fridge and this morning, as the cold water was awaiting its destiny on the balcony, I lapped at it. Unfortunately, ah ma caught me and I got me some furious mouth cleaning.
As I sulked the afternoon away, I felt some rumblings in my stummy and it was a stummyache so I pooped in front of the stairs. It was the first time I'd had to poop in this house, and in a great hurry too, so the location wasn't choice. Ah ma found the pile and everyone praised me for not eating my poop. And I got lots of lovin' coz I presumably was having a stummyache.
It is Children's Day today. As is tradition, ah bee came back with a happy meal for me. The toy is a car of dubious quality, unlike the cars of yore, as ah bee recounted with great regret. I didn't like it, but the plastic cow piggybank was something else. It was a free gift from the cinema. I tried to bite its head off and when fomfomfom, mindful of the chemicals it could contain, tried to take it away, I bit her. Later, they hid the thing and I am left in regret. Chicken mcnuggets do not assuage regret.
September 30th 2008 7:37 am
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Ah bee fancies herself a cantonese expert. So I told her something in cantonese and we thought it so fitting.
I met a dog poo activist this morning. This woman was walking her dog with her husband. Her husband was holding the leash and she was holding papers and a plastic bag. When she saw us she asked fomfomfom if she wanted some papers. Fomfomfom was confused and asked her, for what? The woman said, for my poo poo. Fomfomfom fished out a plastic bag from her pocket and told the woman she has a bag. The woman seemed satisfied.
We thought all sorts of people roam the surface of the earth and the strangest ones live in our condo.
September 29th 2008 9:08 am
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I almost forget to write my diary tonight. Maybe fomfomfom will spank my backside if I forget. Ah bee whispered to me if I forget to write my diary my day would have fallen into a black hole. It sounds scary. I shall resolve to write my diary everyday religiously. I don't like black holes.
September 28th 2008 10:14 am
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Tonight we watched the F1 night race. Fomfomfom was brimming with pride and she kept saying that the whole world knows us now. Yes, I think the whole world knows us but I don't think they know us very well. Don't they know that we can't speed in this country? Tsk tsk, and they were going at 300km/h and crashing into barriers too. And making a lot of noise. That's terrible. The police is going to catch them and give them all summons. That'd teach them.
But I was rather inspired by it all and I think I will bring out my Mini for a drive.
Vroom!
September 27th 2008 9:34 am
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Cha came home with char kway teow and oyster omelette. I scored some fish cake and lup chiong. It was a little spicy coz Cha told the hawker ai hiam. I've never had anything spicy before. Ah ma always threatens to give me chilli padi to eat whenever I'm naughty but Ah ma is all bark and no bite. Anyway, I think I can learn to like spicy. It burns my tongue. It's fun. And exciting. Unlike F1. Which is not exciting.
So I finished up my bowl of water because my tongue was burning. Cha says I should drink milk because we saw on Mythbusters that milk works best. But I can't drink milk because Melamine is everywhere. And Melamine is no good because it makes babies grow kidney stones. I'm a baby. And I cannot allow stones to grow in my kidneys because I believe my kidneys are smaller than stones. So that means I cannot drink milk. Fomfomfom says that we will keep a cow downstairs and we will go milk the cow everyday. I'd have Melamine-free milk then.
I hope that translates into more fish cake and lup chiong for me.
September 26th 2008 9:11 am
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Ah ma was giving me a belly rub and we were watching taiwan news together. She was nagging my mamas, about how they should all get married soon. So I had to bite ah ma. Ah ma was astonished and I told her, my mamas mustn't get married or there'll be no one to play with me anymore. Then I moved to the far end of the sofa to drive home my point and my displeasure.
There was no further discussion on the subject.
September 25th 2008 9:08 am
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It was kind of late at night when ah ma came back with her dreaded luggage. Ah bee had promised me in the morning she would bring ah ma back tonight. I was happy again. But ah ma was more excited about telling all about her casino adventure in macau than in giving me a belly rub.
After ah ma had finally showered, we settled down to watch taiwanese news on tv and life feels back to normal again.
September 24th 2008 8:20 am
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This morning I awoke in great enthusiasism, as always. But cha and ah bee pointed to the sky and said, krong krong. It was raining, and what a slow rain it was. It was eleven am before fomfomfom finally brought me down and it was still drizzling. We walked only 10 minutes before I was shivering and we went home.
:(
September 23rd 2008 7:53 am
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I spied 2 iguanas with my big bright eyes. They were on a tree. I tried to climb the tree to get at them, but it wasn't to be. I was disappointed. I wanted to bring one back as a present for ah ma coz ah ma is coming back soon.
Later, during a discussion with fomfomfom and cha, ah bee wondered what she would have done if I had gotten an iguana in my mouth. Perhaps she would dig it out out my mouth. Perhaps she would pick me up and hope I drop it.
All this hypotheticals are no good. I will go down tomorrow and try to get a real iguana. A hypothetical iguana is simply not good enough.
September 22nd 2008 8:48 am
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This morning I came across a strange looking thing. I can't imagine what it's used for, but I decided to bring it with me anyway. Later I learnt from cha that it's called a shuttlecock. I still can't tell what it's used for. I carried it in my mouth and trotted along. Afterall, it was my morning walk, I had to walk.
Then I came across a fellow canine I had to greet, so I dropped the shuttlecock and barked at him for a while. He must have been envious of my shuttlecock, but he doesn't have one coz afterall, shuttlecocks don't grow on trees. I showily picked it up and continued on my way.
Later I had to negotiate stairs. I asked cha to carry me down the flight, so she did, but she didn't take the shuttlecock. I sighed loudly and ran back up the stairs to bring my trophy with me, and this time, I walked down the stairs myself. Obviously you can't trust cha to do anything right.
I finally lost it when I put it down to pee and forgot about it. When I went back in the afternoon to look for it, it was gone. I was devastated. A little.
September 21st 2008 8:14 am
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I saw that wretched luggage again this morning. This time Ah ma didn't even ask if I wanted to be a stowaway. She gathered up her stuff and declared that she was off to make a fortune. I'm not so sure about that. I don't think she has ever come back with money before. This time wouldn't be any different. Mark my words.
Fomfomfom says that she has received many complaints about me. Well, I wouldn't call two many and there's only one complainant. I merely chewed on Ah gong's sock and hid his shoe under the staircase. I don't see what the fuss is about. The sock will dry and he found the shoe, didn't he?
I need to go look for that elusive pizza now.
September 20th 2008 7:50 am
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I was sleeping and I thought ah ma was patting me a little too hard, so I tried to bite her. Ah ma was furiously air-punching me when I decided I need more patting to lull me back to sleep so I licked ah ma's hand and sidled up to her. Ah ma forgave me and stopped pretending to punch me . We are good now.
Fomfomfom showed me her shorts that ah ma finally patched. I was glad coz fomfomfom didn't seem to care she was walking about with her butt showing for months. Ah ma couldn't tolerate the view either so she finally did something about it. Fomfomfom was delighted coz she thought the patch was funny, but I told her it doesn't even begin to compare with my heartfelt relief. You should have checked out the view from my position, I said.
I have a new boyfriend. His name is Russell and according to his owner, he has only one ball. i thought that is not too few because I only have one ball too and her name is Mikasa.
September 19th 2008 8:07 am
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It has been a sweltering few days. Cha took a nap and lost her temper. Fomfomfom went for a cold shower and started sweating immediately after. Ah bee went to play squash. It was sweat central. Then they gave me a bath, carefully making sure the water was hot. So I lost my temper too.
At night I went alone to the balcony to view the moon. It has been a long time since I viewed the moon. Then I went in to watch Bloomberg television. Did you know the yield for commercial paper is at its highest in dunno-how-many years?
Then fomfomfom teased me and I got angry so I bit ah bee, then I sidled up to fomfomfom. Ah bee grumbled that I'm not very perceptive. I told her my perception only extends to commercial paper.
September 18th 2008 5:52 am
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Oh, excuse me, is this my house? I'm sorry, I thought it was a bank. I must be forgiven, for people have been approaching us asking for loans, like we have more money than we know to do with. Perhaps we may help you lighten your load, we can almost read their thought bubbles.
In fact, they must have mistaken us for santa and his reindeers. For we know they have no intention of returning the loans.
When it snows in Singapore, darlings.
September 17th 2008 7:23 am
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I'm writing real early tonight, in case I forget again. I went to the vet's. That's coz I have rusty colored stuff in my ears and they think it's like when I was a baby and I had it spread all over my ears. It was a bad infection and they didn't realise it until late and my mamas are still feeling guilty over it. Therefore I was brought to the vet's at the first sign of trouble.
Except that it wasn't. The vet woman said it's just ear wax, and my ears are very nice indeed. Fomfomfom refused to let it go and asked the vet woman if she has red ear wax. I was disappointed when she said no. Her dogs do though. Well, that was that and I think my mamas' reputation for paranoia is sealed at that clinic.
The clinic's resident shih tzu, her name must be mok mok. Or maugh maugh. Or mough mough. Or mauc mauc. Or moc moc. Or mawg mawg. Anyway, she needs a haircut. But she's got style and she lounges real good. And oh, that schmoozing. I might be a fan.
September 16th 2008 7:50 pm
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O ho ho ho, forgive my jollity. Yesterday was so exciting that I forgot to write my diary entry. It was nothing funny, depending on where you are, but I thought it was pretty funny. We had a visitor yesterday, and it seems he fancied himself a mini-hedge fund and leveraged himself up to his eyeballs.
We did a fed and bailed him out. But I thought, lounging by their feet as they ironed out a deal, like the fed, we're only delaying the day of reckoning.
September 15th 2008 8:47 am
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I brought my sexy bone to ah ma and she decided she had to wash it as it was full of my saliva. Then she hid it from me and I couldn't find it. She told me to go play with my doughnut, and it reminded me of food so I told fomfomfom I wanted to eat dinner instead.
Ah bee took my arm and said it's so thin she has to measure it with vernier callipers. Measuring it with a ruler wouldn't be accurate. I started to pity myself coz I'm so thin. I'm sure the sight of vernier callipers would make me weep.
September 14th 2008 8:17 am
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They dolled themselves up and left me at home alone with Merrilyn for 4 hours today. They had to attend a wedding. I was queen and Merrilyn was my slave and it wasn't all bad. I ordered her around and ran amok and when they came back, they asked Merrilyn if I had been a good girl, and Merrilyn meekly said yes.
To show my displeasure at them abandoning me alone at home, I sat on the sofa with them and kept farting. Fomfomfom said I should sequester my farts and use it to power her car. I thought that wasn't a bad idea, especially if oil hits $200 a barrel and I can sell my farts for $10 apiece.
Apparently today is the mid-autumn festival. So they ate mooncakes and pomelo and drank chinese tea and lit 6 lanterns on the balcony. The whole 9 yards. Of course I got nothing to eat. They had ah ma carry me, it was deception. Ah ma told me we were going out to play. I was carried in front of the ugly cheap lanterns and they took undignified shots of me and ah ma and the lanterns. I growled and told ah ma I don't like mid-autumn festivals.
May the lanterns all burn up.
September 13th 2008 9:53 am
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I didn't sleep well last night. It was too cold, so I woke up and walked around, until I was far away from the air-conditioner. Cha finally moved my bed where I can sleep without catching a cold. Tonight I must remind her to help me put on my P-shirt so I can sleep well. My P-shirt is purple and pink, it is striped and it's got a P on it. It's my favourite shirt.
Ah ma made some drunken chicken and put it in the fridge for fomfomfom to eat at night. I told fomfomfom to go steal some chicken to eat and then come rub my belly. She didn't get it. Only ah bee got it.
I was chewing on my milkstick and cha walked past me. She must have been behaving suspiciously, that's why I attacked her big toe. Now it is bleeding and I told her solemnly not to make any sudden moves in future when I'm with my milkstick. They never learn.
September 12th 2008 6:44 am
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I was on my morning walkabout. Somehow, I walked to the groomer's. He shaved me for an hour and now I'm ugly. I'm contemplating not going out of the house for a month because all my new friends will laugh at me. I am so unhappy. Luckily in the afternoon, I didn't meet any friends.
Then ah ma gave me a bath and I thought I should spread some of that unhappiness that is concentrating in me around. So I went onto the sofa where my mamas are sitting and started farting. I gave them a few and when they started complaining, I squeezed out one more for good luck.
September 11th 2008 7:14 am
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This morning I walked to the generator room and I smelled cat. I sniffed around the drains where the smell was the strongest, but I didn't see any cat around. Something hissed fiercely at me but I didn't see what. I was too busy jumping backwards. Later, according to Fomfomfom, there were 2 cats under that drain.
In the afternoon, I went back there to solve the mystery. Under the drains, something hissed at me again. I was so scared. Later, cha told fomfomfom it was a kitten. I was shamed.
I pooped and it was soft and it stuck to my fur. I didn't like it, so I sat down and scooted around. I drew a "S" on the ground with my poop using my backside. Cha carried me home and I ended up in the bathtub again. Ah ma gave my behind a good scrubbing while fomfomfom sat by the side of the bathtub and comforted me. Cha was mumbling and grumbling outside the bathroom.
She says everytime she sees me, she thinks of the poopy "S" I drew on the ground. Ah ma also kept harping on it. I am sad.
September 10th 2008 6:36 am
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It is my birthday again today. It is a special birthday coz my cake looks different. It is a mooncake. It is green and in an ugly plastic box, so I didn't want to be associated with it or have my picture taken with it. But later, I changed my mind about the greenish thing and asked to have a bite. My request was rejected and I thought it wasn't a very happy birthday at all.
Also rather unhappy was this incident. I won't call it an incident. It was just sloppiness. Someone did a sloppy job cleaning up after I had pooped a few days ago. So today they found a piece of poop stuck on my behind fur and suffice to say I spent some time in the bathtub.
Boo.
At night ah ma had tonic soup for my mamas and I insisted I had to have some black chicken coz it's my birthday. Fomfomfom and ah bee gave me some and now I'm worried I will be over-nourished and my nose will bleed. But I thumped my chest and told cha I'll bear all consequences of the tonic chicken when I asked to eat. So I am all grown up and I will bear. The. Consequences. Whee!
September 9th 2008 6:41 am
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This morning we met a grandmother and her granddaughter. They both said I look like a cat. I remembered what fomfomfom said yesterday--they hadn't actually verified with the doctor whether I'm a dog or cat, they just assumed I was a dog. But now we have to question our premise, which is looking increasingly shaky by the day. I didn't know either, whether I am a dog or a cat, so I just said to the granny and her grandchild, meow.
Later cha told them all about it, and fomfomfom said, nevermind. Ping ping--species: baby. By way of illustration, fomfomfom whispered to me, it's like, cha--species: bad person. It doesn't matter if cha is a dog or cat. She's just a bad person. I thought about it, it seems alright. Next time someone asks me whether I am a dog or cat, I'll just tell him I'm a baby.
September 8th 2008 7:47 am
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We met ngyak ngyak ngyak in the afternoon. My word, she is loud. I was proud when I could be heard throughout my block. She really has something to write home about. She is at least twice as loud as me. I bet the people in the next condo can hear her. And when she goes off, she really goes off. I think she's quite quite mad.
September 7th 2008 8:51 am
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This morning we met Auntie Chris downstairs. And she commented that I looked dirty. Again. Just two days ago, Ah gong had the same thing to say. Ah ma has been calling me a dirty little kitten. And yesterday that silly little gal said I smell. I so do not smell. I don't understand this. I haven't missed a single bath. I would love to, but I haven't. I should tell Ah ma I don't want to take any more baths. They don't seem to be working anyway. Grumble.
I was walking with Fomfomfom when we saw a stray dog. I started barking at him and they heard me all the way up there. That's cool. And that means when I bark at home, everyone all the way down to the ground floor can hear me. That's way cool.
Uh oh Cha says I have to go to bed now otherwise I can't go down for my walk tomorrow morning.
Night.
September 6th 2008 9:01 am
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I met a little girl this afternoon. She said, what a cute cat! After her maid corrected her, she said, what a cute dog! Then she added, but why you so smelly?
Ah bee thought she must be fruit and nuts. I only have a nice pingping smell. Anyway, the loopy girl wasn't close enough to smell me.
You can't believe anything she says. She called me a cat. Next time I see her, I'll ask ah bee to compliment her, what a cute boy you are! We hope to inflict permanent damage.
September 5th 2008 9:02 am
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It was raining this morning. So me and fomfomfom spent a lot of time sitting at the stone tables under the condo. There was a live band playing round the bend. I could hear them but I couldn't see them.
So we went home and I bugged ah bee and cha throughout the afternoon to bring me down to listen to music. They weren't enthusiastic. When ah bee finally brought me down, there wasn't any music nor live band. I sat at the stone tables and waited, but I was disappointed.
Fomfomfom informed me the band doesn't always play here. They play wherever they are needed. I told fomfomfom I want to go around the neighbourhood to catch the band in action. She tsk-tsked me disapprovingly.
Ah ma laughed at me and so I learnt it's a funeral band. How could I have known?
September 4th 2008 8:59 am
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I watched tv with ah ma in the afternoon. It was a documentary about a chimpanzee called charlie. He wears clothes and shoes and is the star of a tv show. I thought it was horrible and I didn't like it at all.
Then at night fomfomfom skidded over to play with me and skinned her knee. There, my day wasn't very interesting at all.
September 3rd 2008 8:56 am
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Today fomfomfom and cha walked me together in red t shirts and we met the old man who exercises everyday, rain or shine. He asked fomfomfom if she and cha were twins. Fomfomfom was shocked and said no. Later she whispered to cha that it was ok when people thought they were twins when they were like 5 years old. But not when they're nearing 30. Then they hatched a plot to get ah bee to join them wearing a red tshirt too, then they will look for the old man and see if he will faint. Maybe he will think the exercise is getting to him, he's seeing triple. Giggles. So we waited for ah bee to come back, alas, she was wearing white.
Fomfomfom posed a tricky question to me the other day. She asked me what kind of sushi I was. I thought for a while, then I told her I'm tuna belly sushi. Bellly sushi is most expensive, and I thought I am priceless, so that is close enough, though not exactly it. And also coz I like belly. Like pork belly. And my own belly. I like people to rub my belly. Therefore, I think I have affinity with bellies so I am tuna belly sushi.
But I won't eat tuna belly sushi myself. It'll be, like, eating myself, that'll be almost cannibalistic. I might end up with mad tuna belly disease.
September 2nd 2008 2:35 am
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I refused to let fomfomfom clean my ears today. It wasn't so much the left ear that I object to, but the right one. I screamed and shouted beneath my muzzle, and I twisted my head so as to make fomfomfom's life difficult. She even engaged cha's help but I persevered and came out the winner. So she didn't clean my right ear.
Ah ma said the next time I go to cut my hair, I should change a style. Something feminine. A longer style. Something pretty. But ah ma always goes ballistic when my hair is long and dirty. The culprit is a magazine she found today It's got these japanese shih-tzus who have long hair. I am plotting to destroy that magazine before ah ma gets too far carried away.
September 1st 2008 8:39 am
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I went to the vet's today. While the vet was busy undergoing unpleasant business with me, the reception called out my name. My bill was ready. It was record time. We used to have to wait for the bill, now it's done even before I was done. Unfortunately, fomfomfom was not done yet. They had gotten ahead of themselves. I wasn't finished grumbling when I saw the resident shih tzu busy schmoozing. Cosying up to the clientele and garnering business, no doubt. This place has become too sleek, I told fomfomfom and cha. We will not come back. I was resolute and principled.
It was as if they hadn't heard me. They gathered me up unceremoniously. We went home. Oh, what is the use of free speech if no one would listen? The damage done to my fragile psyche is too much. Will I lose my principles thence? My unwavering resoluteness? Will I even start...*gasp*...schmoozing? The thought of it....moral prostitution.....oh, it is too much.
Better that I chain myself to the wall and refuse all food and drink, before I degenerate irreversibly.Oh, life is much too harsh.
August 31st 2008 8:32 am
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I was in the lift today with fomfomfom, and a man. He asked fomfomfom if I were a maltese. Fomfomfom informed him I'm a shih-tzu. I went home and cha arrived home shortly after. So I complained to her bitterly about that ignorant man in the lift. I told her, malteses are white. I am du-er colored. Sa-tu, du-er. Du-er colored.
Fomfomfom praised me for speaking malay well. Oh, and what a pun! I am dual colored! She repeated my pun to ah bee and I puffed my chest proudly. I don't know if that was an eye-roll I saw from ah bee. Perhaps it was admiration.
At night, cha turned in real early, coz it was already midnight in New Zealand by then. I stuck around with the motley crew of ah ma, ah bee and fomfomfom and when it was time for me to sleep, I was unsettled that ah bee wasn't sleeping with me tonight. When ah bee left my room, I chased after her and licked her hand to tell her to stay, but after some fussing, I was still abandoned.
I sleep with cha tonight.
August 30th 2008 9:15 am
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Today, fomfomfom and ah bee entirely fortuitously discovered ah gong had ignorantly exposed himself to unlimited liability. They were so horrified they chewed him up for hours. After they were done, ah ma had her turn. They spat him out only coz cha is coming back from New Zealand tomorrow and she will need to chew him up too. She'll probably swallow him whole after that.
Fomfomfom and ah bee told me if we go bankrupt, I'll have to go around with them begging for money and food. Kind of like the beggars ah bee saw in france. The beggars brought their pedigree dogs out to beg with them, it was heartbreaking.
I thought I can also hire myself out as a gofer. I'll invest in a little wagon and I can go to the train station everyday to help families buy groceries, coz there is no provision store inside the condo. Then I'll give my shopping list to the grocery auntie and tell her to fill my wagon for me. Meanwhile, I can dance for tips coz the human traffic at the train station is very high. I will have a little bowl people can put money in. Later I will deliver the groceries door-to-door. I can earn a little pocket money this way.
Then ah bee tried to feed me my kibble and I only ate one coz I thought we should scrimp if we can. My kibble is expensive. When we go bankrupt, we can boil my kibble for soup and the whole family can have some. The soup will be thin but beggars can't be choosers.
I felt a little better when ah ma said she won't let anyone take away my shoebox. My life savings are in it.
August 29th 2008 7:53 am
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Of course we watched Pandamonium again. I told ah ma to buy me one of the baby pandas so I can play with her and make her call me mama, but ah ma said she didn't think they were for sale. It's a pity. Then ah ma thought the pandas were so dirty and wondered why the keepers didn't give them a scrubbing, like how ah ma scrubs me every week without fail.
I think the pandas should stay where they are and not wander about, in case ah ma gets her hands on them.
August 28th 2008 7:12 am
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Ah ma looked ghastly this morning. We learnt that she had been up half the night vomitting, having diarrhoea and feeling unwell. Later she was better after she threw up the rest of the rubbish in her stummy and went shopping with fomfomfom. Of course it was fomfomfom who had to do the hauling of the 20kg of rice they brought back.
At night we watched Pandamonium again. This episode was all about the pandas mating.*blush* The commentator did a beautiful alliteration. He said, this planet's precious pandas. I love the letter P. Let me come up with one myself. This planet's pretty precious priceless pulchritudinous Ping Ping!
*bow*
August 27th 2008 7:57 am
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I had a bath today. Then fomfomfom tried to clean out my ears, and in the unpleasantness, I fell off my perch and into the bath-tub. I was terribly frightened, so I pawed my muzzle off. And fomfomfom only managed to clean out my ears halfway coz I won't let her continue.
She felt so bad about my tumbling into the bath-tub backwards that she gave me a treat. It's pig stummy. They were having pig stummy soup tonight so I got me a nice helping of pork and pig stummy. Yum.
Later ah ma invited me to sit on the sofa with her to watch Pandamonium. I jumped onto the safa and was settling down when I felt something descend upon my head. So I turned around and bit... ah ma's hand. Oops. So it was ah ma trying to kiss my head. I tried to explain to ah ma that since she never kisses me, I thought it was a tiger attacking me, so I had to defend myself. If she would kiss me more often in future, I won't be so alarmed. That didn't cut no ice with ah ma and I earned me 3 slaps on my head.
Oh well, at least ah ma tries to kiss me now. She used to scold my mamas for kissing me. Beam.
August 26th 2008 8:35 am
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We watched Pandamonium again tonight. I learnt that the panda I was trying to imitate last night, the one who gave birth on tv yesterday, had died in the Sichuan earthquake 3 months ago. The show was filmed only 1 month before she died. I was rather upset. Her poor baby is now an orphan.
I think by now most people have already forgotten about that terrible earthquake. I was guilty. It is a cruel world, and I think I don't want to be reincarnated any more. It's better not to exist and in this aspect, I have made a pact with fomfomfom. Our last lives! Glee.
That is my resolve and with that out of the way, I must comment on something. Do you know the baby pandas must be burped like a human baby? I wanted to laugh at them but out of politeness, I put my hand to my mouth and tried very hard not to laugh. Giggles.
August 25th 2008 7:39 am
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Today cha brought out her luggage and I knew she was going somewhere for a few days. I don't like to see the luggage bag. But since she wasn't going to be stopped, I did the next best thing. I asked to be a stowaway.I told cha I wanted to stowaway in first class. But the luggage was already closed and locked and cha sadly told me there was no opening this time so we'll do the stowaway thing next time. I said ok. I asked her why she packed a bag in her bag, and she said she's going to buy me back a sheep, and the bag is for packing it in. I was happy again.
At night me and fomfomfom and ah ma were watching tv. It's a documentary about pandas, and it's called Pandamonium. Giggles. The pandas were so cute, they look like me. And I watched one give birth, the baby looked like a mouse. Later I tried to give birth too, I lay on my side on the sofa and opened my legs wide, but nothing happened. I don't understand it. And everyone laughed at me. I feel so discouraged.
August 24th 2008 7:51 am
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I was so innocent today. Ah ma kept feeding me pork and liver and all sorts of nice food, and fomfomfom practically threw me off the couch. She was so fierce about it. Ah ma also kept enticing me to walk through the newly installed barrier into the kitchen. I didn't dare to, I was only standing in front of the barrier listening to ah ma, and cha scolded me terribly. I felt so abused for nothing.
Later fomfomfom said sorry to me and told me it's all ah ma's fault. I told her I suspected her love for me is not all that she professed it to be. I felt so hurt at her physical manhandling. Fomfomfom was so apologetic she gave me lots of loving. Later, she asked me for a kiss but I refused to give it to her. She was a little sad.
I think fomfomfom is going to be on the warpath with ah ma for a while. I don't know whose fault it is, I only know I'm innocent.
August 23rd 2008 7:51 am
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Today fomfomfom brought home a strange contraption. I couldn't tell what it is by its smell, so I waited for them to install it. It is a swinging gate, and it is fitted at the kitchen doorway.
I went to read the box it came in, and it says it's a safety barrier for toddlers. Now that is strange, coz we don't have any toddlers in the house. I only know that now I can't go into the kitchen like before, and I am very angry at this non-existent toddler.
It's all his fault. I am inconvenienced.
August 22nd 2008 9:55 am
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We didn't win a medal. We were placed fourth. Our Li Jiawei lost both matches and later when I saw her in the news being interviewed, she was crying. I felt sad for her but I was also very proud of her. I thought she was so flaky during all previous matches, but this morning when she was playing world number 1 Zhang Yining, I was so impressed.
I think if you had done your best, you shouldn't cry. When I think of our singapore table tennis girls, I almost burst with pride. I think they are entitled to swell their chests and walk tall and proud coz they have done their best for singapore and singapore is grateful.
We love you, Jiawei.
August 21st 2008 5:55 am
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We were watching table tennis today. It was the women's quarter finals, or perhaps semi finals, I can never make head or tail of the rounds. Anyway, there were 16 women playing. There was Hongkong versus Austria, Singapore versus Netherlands, and such, a wonderful array of countries. But I noticed they were all chinese women. It was a little bit funny.
But no matter. Coz Singapore has 2 players in there, and we won both matches. It means we have 2 out of the 8 best female table tennis players in the world. Isn't that something? I'm so proud I'm on the verge of exploding.
And now we have one singaporean in the best 4 female players in the world. It would be great if we can get one more medal here. But it's ok even if we don't coz we are already showing very very good results.
Did I tell you I'm so proud I'm on the verge of exploding?
August 20th 2008 8:36 am
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Ah ma alerted all of us to the presence of something in the night sky tonight. It was there, looming large and mysterious, red and romantic. They wondered what it was. I could have told them in a heartbeat what it was. It was the moon. Duh.
Their only redeeming point is that they eventually concluded it was the moon. And they only took 5 minutes.
August 19th 2008 6:57 am
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Everyone was so merry. Cha brought back the photos from that photo shoot a week and a half ago, and everyone looked at the photos and laughed. I heard my name many times, and they would look at the photos and then tickle my chin and laugh boisterously.
I couldn't help being offended. It was only my first photo shoot, of course I wasn't quite professional. I thought only the 1st two photos looked silly, coz ah ma didn't know how to carry me, but the rest of the photos were good.
Still they laughed loudly. Ah ma was especially merry. She even wants to bring my photos out tomorrow to show her sisters. If making fun of people were an olympic sport, this household would get the gold.
August 18th 2008 8:36 am
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Fomfomfom and her friends were talking about who washes their own underwear and who let their mothers do it. They expressed shock in both camps.
I'm in the third camp and let me express my incredulity at above 2 camps. My stand is, you should wash your panties when you are bathing. You don't even take it off. Just wash yourself together with the panties and it is practical and convenient. That's what I do.
Duh.
August 17th 2008 8:33 am
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Right under my nose, there was a cat. So goes fomfomfom. She claims I didn't see the cat that was hiding in the drain under us. So that's why she pressed my head down and went, cat cat cat! I scanned the horizon at that, but didn't think to look under my feet. Now that she mentioned it, the drain did smell of cat, so I sniffed there for an hour.
Then we went home and waited for the historical women's table tennis match against china. We gave them the good fight, and fomfomfom made me promise to give my panties to the women's team should they win the gold medal. I was rooting for our team, but I was contradicted. I didn't really want to take off my panties. Afterall, I've been wearing them since I was born. They're of a black sexy style.
But don't be mistaken, I wasn't happy when we lost the match. I was accepting. I think our players were accepting too. I'm just glad I got to keep my panties.
It was wonderful how everyone is so supportive of our women's team. Ah ma reports there were no cars on the road. I wiped a tear when our team received the silver olympic medal.
We are Singapore, hear us roar!
August 16th 2008 8:29 am
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These days I found something new to play. It's like a game. I would refuse to pee before bed, and watch my fomfomfom and cha go "shhhhhh..." all night. Then I would circle my toilet and then lounge by its side, watching them go "shhhhh...." with my big brown eyes.
Then it's more "shhh...." and maybe I would deign to give them a little pee. Sometimes not. It's to keep them on their toes.
The aim is to drive them up the wall a little higher each night. Giggles.
August 15th 2008 8:54 am
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This morning we met a woman who said her daughter loves petting dogs, but they didn't have one at home. So she told her daughter to drape a rug over her little brother, pet him and feed him tidbits. The daughter protested it's not the same. I agree. But the woman gets points for trying.
In the afternoon I was trying to get them to bring me for my afternoon walk but they were all glued to the tv. Like GLUED. For 4 hours! It turns out my mamas were all watching the women's table tennis olympic game, and they were groaning and throwing their arms up and cheering and doing ESP and making pacts with the tv. And they all boo-ed ah ma loudly when ah ma emerged from her room and announced Chen Shui Bian is resigning from his political party, like it is something important.
Finally, we won and it's a real big deal for singapore, coz it's the 1st time in 48 years we're getting an olympic medal and it's at least a silver, no less. My mamas were real happy and I was real happy coz I finally got to go for my walk.
And since we'd won, fomfomfom has to honour her pact with the tv. She will have to go to the airport to receive the winning player Feng Tianwei and throw her panties with her phone number at her. Whee.
August 14th 2008 8:37 am
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Oh gosh I think i'm so smart. I hear a "ping" and I know to start barking immediately. Coz a person would be walking out of the lift.
When I hear a "ping!" I know to surface from whatever nook or cranny I'm hiding in. It means cha is looking for me.
And when the wind blows, I sniff at the wind and I can predict the future. At least that's what I tell fomfomfom when she asks me what's in the wind. She seems duly impressed.
August 13th 2008 8:21 am
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Fomfomfom and cha keep admiring how my hair has grown since the last haircut. Even ah ma stopped in her tracks to admire me. Oh, look how round her face is, how pretty she is!
I got upset coz I was starving and I have lost weight under that kibble-only diet, and my face is much thinner under all that hair. To call my face round is to add salt to my hungry wound.
They make me so angry.
August 12th 2008 7:44 am
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I was exposed to the elements. The clouds were swirling, the rain was lashing, the wind was howling. It was cold and wet, fomfomfom was almost blown away and my ears were flapping but I endured bravely on. I felt alive, invigorated, I almost howled with the wind.
Besides, I had to empty my bladder.
August 11th 2008 8:29 am
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This olympic spirit is in the air. I feel so competitive. I came up with a brand new sport, which, hopefully, will become an olympic sport one day. I call it Throwing.
I'm being economical with the name. That way it sounds rather sporty and olympian. It involves the stomach muscles.
That spasms so as to produce involuntary regurgitation of previously voluntarily swallowed food.
I did the Throw six times this morning after having breakfast lying down.
And the gold medal goes to....*drumroll*.....Xiaoping! *bow*
August 10th 2008 8:43 am
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Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to Xiaoping, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
I am 4 years and 8 months old today. I got a Jerry the mouse cake, but not much else. No present, not much company, and certainly no delicious food. I spent hours asking for food but nothing came of that. I didn't even get to eat MY cake. I only had ah ma and the bland fomfomfom for company.
In the end, I got a few slices of cucumber, which don't taste very festive at all. And they were all watching the olympics, so I went to sleep alone in my room first.
It doesn't sound celebratory enough but I'm happy. Because I prefer to be a happy girl.
August 9th 2008 8:53 am
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Happy 43rd birthday Singapore! I watched the national day parade on tv and it wasn't particularly interesting so we switched to watching the olympics. But we switched back to watch the grand sing-along session and I thought the songs were so nice. But I didn't go to school so no one taught me how to sing our national songs. It was a pity. I'll ask ah bee to teach me how to sing the songs so I can sing along loudly next year and every year after that. Oh, and my little flag is missing from all that moving house so I couldn't wave it in front of the tv.
It was the olympics yesterday and singapore's birthday today. All that celebration will culminate in something even better tomorrow. Stay tuned.
August 8th 2008 7:24 am
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I must write fast coz I'm so tired. Today is 08-08-08, it is special and certainly was for me in more than one way.
First thing in the morning, I went for my walk as usual when we passed by the townhouses and suddenly fomfomfom saw 2 big brown dogs bounding towards us. Alarmed, she quickly picked me up but no sooner had she done that than the dogs were upon her. They stood up on their hind legs and put dirty stinky paw prints all over fomfomfom's t-shirt. We still haven't found out if those were made of soil or poo. They tried to get at me and fomfomfom tried to hold me high but I got frightened and struggled and fomfomfom dropped me coz the 2 dogs were still pawing away at her. I fell from a great height but luckily the 2 dogs didn't bite me. Perhaps they only wanted to play. Their maid came running out and chased them away and me and fomfomfom were still in shock when we went home.
Fomfomfom washed my feet and immediately went down to the management office to complain. She put in a strongly worded letter to the management and we expect an official warning to be given to the offending dogs' owner soon. We were all so angry about it. How irresponsible to allow big dogs of that size to run out and terrorize people.
In the afternoon, we went for a photo shoot. Ah bee had just graduated from university so we had to do a family shoot. They tried to shoot me but I was scared so I trembled and tried to climb on their heads. After a tiring shoot, I finally got the hang of modelling. I was offended when they did another one without me. I was eager to pose. Ah gong said I'm a fast learner. *beam*
At night, of course, it was the olympics' opening ceremony. It was very long and there are many countries I haven't heard of. I fell asleep in front of the tv coz I was tired.
Zzzzzz...night!
August 7th 2008 7:17 am
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I thought up a new game to play. I sat among my soft toys and asked cha to guess where I am. I thought she won't be able to find me so I can play it for a long time. But cha didn't even look up from her computer and she said, do you think you are a soft toy? Come out!
I was discouraged.
August 6th 2008 7:36 am
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I object strongly to voyeurism. Fomfomfom told me while I was on my afternoon walk today, pooing, she observed me from 12 stories above. I find such behavior inherently objectionable, the stealthy observation, not the pooing. Therefore I told fomfomfom in no uncertain terms such behavior is to be abhorred, and I will look down on her until she changes. She was ashamed.
At night fomfomfom and ah bee were watching a tv show and I suddenly saw my friend the black swan from the botanical gardens! Actually I didn't know which swan, coz there are 5 of them, but one of them is evidently a star now that he's on tv. Now we know which tv show they were filming when we came across them filming in the gardens. We didn't know who it was we saw then coz we didn't approach near enough to see, but we thought it must be a scene of a woman getting stung by hornets coz she was flailing her arms about and screaming. Now in the context of the new tv drama, we conclude the woman is fann wong and she is going insane, not swatting hornets.
After the tv show I fell asleep beside fomfomfom and when I woke up, she told me I was wagging my tail in my sleep and my eyes were doing the rapid eye movement thing and I was twitching. She praised me for being real intense in my sleep and said it was one of the better performances she'd seen. She admired me.
But of course. Don't we all? Afterall, I have a friend who's a tv star now.
August 5th 2008 7:50 am
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I woke up early this morning, and was eager to go on my morning walk. So I kept running about and ringing my bell to wake ah bee up. Unfortunately cha the disagreeable one thought she was so clever and she took off my collar. I was naked.
So I told cha I'm feeling a little cold without my collar. She didn't pay me any heed and I'm thinking that is child abuse and can someone call the police.
August 4th 2008 7:20 am
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Today we went to the vet. While waiting, I met a girl shih tzu. We're almost the same size and she also has a skin condition. But unlike me, her front teeth are straight and she has a barrel waist. Her owner asked how many months I am. Cha proudly informed her that I am four and a half years old. I was puzzled. Her shih tzu is six years old and I am supposed to be a few months old? Cha happily told me I have a baby face.
That must be true. I can't remember when people have ever called me a *gasp* dog. I am always a doggie or a puppy. And fomfomfom always says I'm just a baby. And no one stays angry with me for long.
Like ah ma today. She was forced to take an evening walk today by her firstborn coz she had the skin of half a peking duck for lunch today. She didn't bring me along and I ignored her for the whole night. Then she got angry with me for ignoring her so I dragged myself into her room to watch tv with her for 5 minutes and all was forgotten.
It's good to have a baby face.
August 3rd 2008 8:21 am
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We went to west coast park this morning for the national dog walk. But we didn't even manage to find the event, coz west coast park is so big. It was my first time there, I didn't like it at all. I don't like unfamiliar places so I was glad when we reached home and I took a walk around the condo.
But it wasn't totally uneventful at the park. I met a dog who looked exactly like what I would if I didn't cut my hair for 3 months. He's a boy and his name is Lucky. Fomfomfom and ah bee were so delighted coz we seldom see dogs with fur exactly like mine. But my face is prettier.
During my afternoon walk at the condo, a jack russell attacked me. She was playing fetch with her owner at the field and I was just passing by when she ran towards me and pounced on me. Fomfomfom was so shocked she froze for a moment and the rabid thing was upon me and I squealed and fomfomfom lifted me up by my harness and the stupid owner rushed up and said, "she doesn't bite, she doesn't bite", and she didn't apologise and fomfomfom wanted to flip her the bird but was too stunned by her lack of contrition.
Fomfomfom carried me and we went to sit in the breeze for a while and fomfomfom comforted me. I'm ok now.
August 2nd 2008 8:25 am
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I met a white girl terrier this afternoon. Her name is Mimi and we barked at each other. Then we got tired and sniffed at each other's noses and now I guess we are friends. Mimi is my first friend from the condo and I guess that makes her kind of special.
After establishing our friendship, we went our separate ways and we met again after a few minutes. We barked furiously at each other again and fomfomfom dragged me away.
But we're friends, I insist.
August 1st 2008 9:14 am
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Perhaps it was raining meatballs today. I found 2 during my afternoon walk. I had them in my mouth both times, but fomfomfom always gouged them out. Since I'd acquired a taste for meatballs, I found ah ma's plain egg fried rice wanting. I tried to trade up my fried rice for curry chicken, but no one would make the trade with me.
I would like to submit the above as evidence that the fried rice they are feeding me is nothing they would eat themselves, and therefore it is child abuse and can someone please call the police.
July 31st 2008 9:03 am
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I bugged ah bee to bring me for my afternoon walk real early, before 4pm. We merrily went downstairs. At least I was merry.
40 minutes later, fomfomfom came down. It was like a relay, and I was the baton. I dragged fomfomfom around for another 40 minutes. I do rather like this relay style of afternoon walk, I get a better deal. I awarded them a gold medal for their efforts.
When we came back, it was time for dinner and ah ma fried me an egg fried rice. It smelled lovely and I polished it off in a jiffy. It was gold medal material too.
July 30th 2008 7:53 am
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Today, I got stuck in a lift. Fomfomfom was taking me home after our afternoon walk, and the lift door won't open. I could hear fomfomfom's heart sink. The lift was stuffy and we rang the emergency bell and we wondered if the lift was dead and if it would crash all the way to the first floor. Maybe if we jumped at the exact moment it hit the ground...
That was fomfomfom's runaway paranoia, and also the workmen who were fixing the lift all afternoon and making a lot of noise. Maybe they did something wrong. I could hear fomfomfom's imagination running away amidst that frantic pressing of the bell before the lift door suddenly opened after fomfomfom probed it. We were stuck for all of 2 minutes.
We flew out of the lift, into my bathtub. We shan't dwell on that unpleasant little interlude.
For dinner ah ma cooked tom yam soup. It smelled wonderful and I spent 2 hours begging for scraps from various people. I got nothing. So I decided to eat fertiliser. Twice. It was goat's poo, according to ah ma.
No one allowed me to kiss them tonight.
July 29th 2008 7:29 am
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This morning I wanted ah ma's slippers so I took one off her foot. As I was playing with it I thought it was kind of wet, perhaps from my saliva, so I took it to the balcony and put it under the sun.
Since I then found myself empty handed, I went back for the other slipper. Who'd have thunk, I found it kind of wet too. So I brought it out into the balcony too, so the other slipper can have company and they can dry together. I arranged them like a chef would a dish, one on top of the other, at a pleasing angle, like foie gras.
Everyone praised me.
July 28th 2008 7:33 am
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I met a shih tzu on my afternoon walk today. At least I think she was a shih tzu. And a she. Anyway, I thought she looked rather cute so I approached her to say hi. I hadn't even taken 2 steps when she saw me and went, "Ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak ngyak!"
It was a real rapid delivery, high pitched and all round rather silly. She must be a puppy. So I decided to show her what's what, and I opened my mouth and gave her a sonorous "woah woah woah!" Pity fomfomfom didn't let me approach her further. Her maid decided to remove her by force and carried her away, all the while still yipping ngyak ngyak ngyak.
Then we met cha who had just returned. She had heard the entire exchange, but didn't witness the scene. She thought a cat was screaming at me. I told her that shih tzu was so silly it sounds like a cat.
At night cha was showing fomfomfom and ah ma my childhood photos, and they started reminiscing about when I was a few weeks old. And I got more lovin' from them coz I was so cute then. Such innocence, cha said.
As long as it gets me more rubbin' on that belly, whatever.
July 27th 2008 8:26 am
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I set a new record for my afternoon walk. It was a whole 80 minutes. I spent one hour sniffing at drains. Fomfomfom wondered whether there was some substance in the drains that was making me high. So she dragged me off for some fresh air. It was floatin'. Giggles.
Ah ma was sorting out her stuff and came up with a letter from the government. It was dated 23 years ago and was a reminder for her to register ah bee's birth. I understand the feeling of being an illegal. Poor ah bee. So she has a criminal record.
I was an illegal for quite a while too. It was only until last year that my mamas bothered to get me registered with the government. Now I can shout from rooftops that I am a singapore citizen.
Strut.
July 26th 2008 8:14 am
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I think I've found my champion snail in the making. We found it near the BBQ pit and I knew it was the one the moment I sat my big beautiful eyes on it. For starters, it's tiny. So we know it's not set in its ways yet. And tiny is good because it's more likely to be fast. I don't want a clumsy snail. So I recruited the snail and told it that training will start on Monday at 8a.m at the same place. I can't wait.
Ah bee and Fomfomfom went to play ping pong after walking me. Ah bee declared that they are both ready for the national team. Fomfomfom says that it's no good recommending themselves for the team and so I volunteered to be their manager. I will put on my suit and carry my briefcase. Then I will go to the coach for the national team and I will knock on his door.
I will say, "Knock knock!" and he will ask, "Who's there?".
"Ping."
"Ping who?"
"Ping Pong!"
I am so clever.
July 25th 2008 9:45 am
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Ah ma says she wants to klong klong me. I'm not sure what that means; it sounds like the thunder. But I don't think it's got anything to do with thunder. Fomfomfom says if they klong me, there would be three more of me. And then the three of me would drive me crazy.
I think they are the crazy ones.
The world is not ready for more Xiaopings.
July 24th 2008 7:39 am
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Today fomfomfom brought me down for my afternoon walk and I found lots of interesting tidbits on the ground. I tried to eat some of them but fomfomfom gouged them out of my mouth each time. I shrugged my shoulders and walked on. There's plenty of them tidbits all over the place, I don't mind. But after I tried to eat stuff off the ground for the nth time, fomfomfom said we're going home. Now that's a different kettle of fish altogether. I bit her.
So I bought myself some time and we carried on walking. Then an irresistible piece of tidbit called my name, "Ping...! Ping...!" and we repeated the script and I tried to bite fomfomfom a second time. Saved by her reflexes, she tricked me into the lift and I had me a bath.
Cha heard of me biting fomfomfom and kept scolding me so I decided to confiscate her trousseau, all of it. I confiscated all my mama's trousseau earlier in the day and promised to give them $130 out of it each. Now Cha is getting zilch.
At night I found a toothpick in the house and I ate it. Cha returned with Mcnuggets and fomfomfom said since Iwas full from eating toothpicks, I shall have none. Cha was afraid the toothpick would poke a hole in my stummy so she gave me two nuggets. Now Cha will get $130 and fomfomfom will get zilch.
July 23rd 2008 8:59 am
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1. I walked for one hour and 15 minutes today in the afternoon. I could have gone on for longer had fomfomfom not tricked me into the lift.
2. I picked a twig today to train my snail with. I haven't picked the snail though. There wasn't much of a choice today, I shall observe for a few more days before making my choice. Afterall, it is an important matter, one mustn't be hasty, such is the wisdom of a chinese proverb. I must think 3 times before making a decision. And after I have made a decision, I shall have fomfomfom drill holes in the snail's shell so I can poke him even if he tries to hide. Confucius says, you can run but you cannot hide. At the end of my training, that shall be exactly what my snail will be able to do. He shall run his way to the annual snail championship.
3. Ah ma came back from her marketing. Somehow, she managed to lose money in the market and not find any back after 3 days. It is not the first time so I shall cease my comments.
July 22nd 2008 7:56 am
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Yesterday I saw on tv the annual snail race. The champion for this year took 3 minutes to travel 30 centimetres. So this morning, I went on my morning walk and lo and behold! There were quite a few snails getting their morning sun. I observed them carefully, but haven't shortlisted my choice just yet. They all look so full of potential. Perhaps in a few days' time.
It will be a full time job, training my snail. I have thought about discipline, but it will be hard to punish my snail coz he can hide in his shell any time. And so I came up with an idea. I told fomfomfom she will have to drill holes in my snail's shell and I shall arm myself with a twig so that I can poke him even if he tries to hide. Discipline is very important in any endeavour, especially atheletic ones like the one we are setting out upon.
Tomorrow I shall select a twig in great anticipation.
July 21st 2008 7:23 am
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I heard ah ma wake up real early this morning. So I started snorting at cha to let me out of the room. Unfortunately, I was unfortunate. So ah ma left and it must be for a few days again coz I saw her packing her little bag 2 nights ago.
So fomfomfom gave ah ma a ride. When she came back, she realised ah bee had locked her out and she couldn't ring the doorbell coz that would wake everyone up. So fomfomfom had to mill around the lobby for 20 minutes before merrilyn woke up and could open the door for her. I say, if cha had let me out of the room to bid ah ma bye bye, I could have opened the door for fomfomfom. Snort.
Dinnertime, I asked ah bee to give me a little of the durian she was eating. Ah bee figured I can't possibly be allergic to durian, so I got me lots. Then fomfomfom gave me pear to eat coz they thought I might be feverish tomorrow coz durian is heaty.
We mustn't tell the vet woman about this.
July 20th 2008 7:05 am
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I've slept for about 2 hours since my walk but I'm still rather tired. That's coz I don't nap in the afternoon these days. I spend my afternoons harrassing fomfomfom and cha to bring me downstairs to play. It is rather unsatisfactory that fomfomfom is always napping in the afternoons, so I make it a point to register my dissatisfaction by knocking on her door at least 5 times during her nap. But she never takes heed.
But happily, I got cha to bring me down today. It was almost 4pm by the time I managed to get her off her butt. I walked for almost an hour. Add that to my almost one hour in the morning, I'd walked almost 2 whole hours today! No wonder I'm feeling tired.
Night.
July 19th 2008 9:04 am
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It rained today.
July 18th 2008 8:00 am
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I played downstairs for almost an hour just now. Then I was all tired out and came back home to sleep soundly for 2 hours. Fomfomfom kept waggling her finger at me for being playful, but cha reminded her that she used to be worse when she was younger.
Cha went to cut and dye her hair today. She had white hair, see, that's why she has to dye it regularly. She told fomfomfom, you don't know what it's like to have white hair, it is tres terrible. I told them that I know what it's like to have white hair, I have lots. But I can endure it. Maybe someday I will also go and dye my white hair black to assuage some of that pain cha was talking about, and then I will dye my black hair white or else I will just be a black dirty-looking little thing.
Fomfomfom wonders if ah ma will notice when my colors are turned around. Maybe she won't be able to place her finger on it and I will tell her that I'm wearing my watch on another arm, that's why I look slightly different.
July 17th 2008 7:45 am
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We were sitting at the stone table, enjoying the breeze halfway into my walk, all 3 of my mamas and me. Suddenly, ah bee spied the long winded taxi driver neighbour. They gathered me unceremoniously and ran home. Ran. It wasn't glamorous.
I had expected to continue my walk after enjoying the breeze, but I suddenly found myself at home. There was no better time for sulking. And to pour salt into my wound, ah bee and fomfomfom immediately took their apparatus and went downstairs to play table tennis, leaving me with cha who refused to give me any of her dinner.
No better time to sulk.
July 16th 2008 9:12 am
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I was naughty today. They bathed me, and I was upset so I jumped around the house looking for things to destroy. So I thought I would drag all my t-shirts around. That done, I went to ah bee's bed and dragged her cherished towel off her pillow and tore a hole in it.
Then when ah bee came back, I told her I was an immunity token. Ah bee said ok, so I told her I tore a hole in her towel. Ah bee couldn't scold me coz I had the immunity token.
Giggles.
July 15th 2008 7:47 am
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I met a new friend yesterday. According to ah bee, that was a cocker spaniel, 8 years old, sex unknown, its keeper was a maid. It was this big.
Today, with fomfomfom, I met a dog too. According to fomfomfom, it was a female 8 month old puppy. It was this big. What's a cocker spaniel?, fomfomfom asked ah bee.
As the tale unfolded, they started wondering if it was the same dog, perhaps ah bee's ears are going, that's all. Accordingly, it was for me to know and for them to find out.
July 14th 2008 7:45 am
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It is ah bee's convocation tomorrow. She was trying on her gown and mortar board just now. I thought she looked like a flasher. Maybe she can go commando underneath since no one can see. It'll be cooler too.
Ah ma was also trying on her clothes for attending the ceremony tomorrow. She said luckily she'd lost a little weight moving house, or else she won't be able to fit into her pants.
Lucky us.
July 13th 2008 6:23 am
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This morning I woke up and ah bee and fomfomfom bundled me into the car and went on a long drive. I got scared when the route wasn't familiar and I remembered the last time we went on a drive I ended up at the vet woman's. Suddenly the scene ahead became familiar and it was the gardens! I don't know how I could be happier.
I met Melmel and Chipchip. We sniffed backsides for a while and they had to go. Their keeper said, see you tomorrow, ping. It was a poignant moment. They didn't know I won't be seeing them tomorrow. They didn't know I'd moved house and I can't go to the gardens everyday. I brushed off my tears and moved along.
Afterall, that is how life is. You just have to deal with it.
July 12th 2008 9:01 am
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I charged at fomfomfom who was holding my kanga-rude t-shirt. She had just put it on me as it is my blanket and I was about to turn in. It is red and I was so happy cha just came back, so I decided I was a bull and I charged. And charged and charged. And fomfomfom thought she was a matador so we had fun.
And we found my container with all my toys! The movers had put it into cha's big wooden storage box and nobody had thought to check if it's inside. Actually fomfomfom had thought of it, but didn't expect the lazy cha to be so messy and uninspired to not have touched her box yet after so many days. Anyway, we are all very happy that my toys are back.
I got a new treasure today. It is the packet of plastic cable ties. Fomfomfom was putting up mesh all over the place to secure my prison, and I decided to take off with her packet of cable ties. But most of the cable ties fell out of the packet as soon as I took off, but I wasn't deterred, I hid the packet under the piano. But any illusion of secrecy evaporated when I spied ah bee holding her belly and pointing at my packet and laughing, I had to move the packet to a new hiding place. Then all the cable ties fell out and I was left with only an empty packet. This time round fomfomfom came in from the balcony and laughed at me too, and even told ah ma about it. I was a little miffed, so I returned the packet to fomfomfom and plonked myself in her lap so she couldn't do up the mesh.
We watched the trains go past and the planes fly round and round. It is almost national day and the planes were rehearsing. Froom froom froom! went the planes. The trains went cloong-cloong-cloong.
July 11th 2008 7:24 am
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Fomfomfom showed cha my teeth today and I heard them discussing dental scaling. Cha also said how my teeth is like fomfomfom's when she was young, like with brown stains. Fomfomfom looked at me fondly when she heard that, but I wasn't feeling too kindly to their reminiscing. I bet they didn't put fomfomfom under anaesthesia when they had to get the brown stains out.
The kids at the school nearby were singing and cheering for hours, right up to 10pm. Cha was so mad she wanted to write a complaint letter to their principal. I thought maybe if we just put them all under anaesthesia and clean their teeth, that would teach them never to do it again.
July 10th 2008 8:04 am
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It's my birthday today. I am four and 7 months old now. My birthdays are happy occasions. It started out well enough. When I woke up, Ah bee brought me down for a walk. She promised to show me all her secret hiding places but we didn’t get to do that. It started raining but she promised that we can do it tomorrow. I can live with that.
I was happy.
Then I had to take a bath. I didn’t enjoy that. After my bath, I spied my milksticks in a container. I always get a milkstick after my bath. I reckon they must have forgotten and so I barked at the container to remind them. That didn’t work. It was downright depressing staring and barking at the container only to have everyone ignore me.
Then Ah bee came back with a slice of cake for me. It’s a mosaic swiss roll. Very colourful stuff. Too colourful if you ask me. You can’t have any, she says. I then don’t want. It’s so colourful it looks carcinogenic. You can get sick eating those things.
Speaking of which, Fomfomfom is very ill. She believes she caught the bug at the mall. It’s not all the heaty food I ate, she says; only one side of my nose is blocked. If it’s the bingeing, both sides would be blocked. That doesn’t really matter. I only know that if she spends most of her time in bed, I get fewer belly rubs. And that’s not good.
I did get a milkstick later. They had a long discussion about it and it suffices to say that the result was in my favour.
Excuse me while I go enjoy my milkstick.
July 9th 2008 7:25 am
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When I scratch my left ear, you'd think it was snowing. It was fun, sending all those flakes everywhere. They put medicine into my ear again, and they'll be at it for a week at least. Bugger.
I fussed over my bottle the rest of the morning. I didn't quite know where to hide it. I took it here, then took it there, then if someone saw it, I'd hide it all over again. It was real tiring business. There is no satisfactory nook nor cranny here. I'll look harder tomorrow.
In the afternoon, we established that one of my containers was lost in the move. My toys! Fomfomfom and ah bee were so upset that some of my favourite toys are lost forever. I thought maybe if we can go get me some new toys, I won't cry.
In the evening, we went down to walk again, and ah bee and fomfomfom were up to their old tricks again. Ah bee put me on her lap and we sat on the swing for such a long time I had to look at the sky to make sure night hadn't fallen already. And as if that wasn't enough, they next got onto the see saw and put me on it, seeing and sawing. And they thought it was funny. Chee.
At night I roamed ah ma's new bedroom and I decided to be the keeper of her toilet. The rug outside the toilet makes such a good place to lounge. So I lounged.
July 8th 2008 7:18 am
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I didn't sleep well in the unfamiliar place last night. So we woke up at 530 in the morning, me and cha.
So it was understandable I was rather tired all day. But they won't leave me alone, no siree. They brought me to the vet woman, of all places. We will not talk about the shameful things that transpired there, enough to say it was undignified.
Of course I wasn't in a good mood. When ah bee and fomfomfom brought me downstairs to poop, I vented all that pent up anger on a stupid looking terrier whose owner shook her head as we walked towards them. I scolded them and it echoed all round the condo. Thus soothed, we went back to the 12th floor where Merrilyn confirmed she heard my reproof.
At night they kept coming into my room to look at me when I was trying to sleep in my bed. I waved them away after the nth time. I was too tired to be unfamiliar.
P.S. Thanks for the ball Boo! That came in real handy coz they forgot to bring my volleyball, Mikasa, here. I must remind them to go get it for me so that I may place my bottle next to Mikasa and keep an eye on them both.
July 7th 2008 7:08 am
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It was real early in the morning, many men came and wrapped things and moved things around. I was excited, but when ah bee told me we're going to the gardens, I still chose the gardens over the men.
And I am glad I did. For we met xiaodie, whom we thought must have moved away coz we haven't seen her for over a year. It seems she only changed her daily walk to mornings instead. It was real happy at the gardens, I got off the car and there was xiaodie, melmel, chipchip, and the japanese poodle.
And for the rest of the day the men moved and wrapped, then fomfomfom and cha packed and moved things too. I was in my harness all day, and I knew something was up. Finally, we arrived at the condo and I kept wanting to go home. I was uncomfortable there, it is a strange place though I've been here a few times. It was untidy with many boxes all over the place. I peed all over the place and no one was angry with me.
But it seems there are lots of friends around the condo, I could hear them barking and I joined in many times too. Now it is time to sleep and I'm not so nervous now and seeing everyone is here too, I feel safer.
Goodnight!
July 6th 2008 7:49 am
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At the gardens today, a woman said I look like a cow. I was too polite to tell her she's the one who looks like a cow.
In the late afternoon, my tai-ma and auntie harry and auntie poh eng came to visit, and ah ma served them delicious soup. My mamas also started eating after that. It all smelt so delicious but no one would give me any. I got angry so I decided to bring my dinner out to the garden to eat alfresco. So I was doing up the ambience for myself, seeing no one cared a hoot about my meals. Ah bee fed me while I kept an eye out for passers by to welcome.
It wasn't great, and I vomited my alfresco dinner on the grass. I tried to eat it again but fomfomfom won't let me.
At night I thought maybe I'm not a cow but a camel, so I drank up all the water in my bowl at one go.
July 5th 2008 8:51 am
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I took my pink and yellow doughnut down and put it beside my volleyball Mikasa so that they can be together. I always do that coz that way, I can watch them both at the same time.
I saw Magic and Diva today. Not at the gardens though. I was welcoming passersby, and they passed by. I shouted, "Sister YY!" Sister YY was so happy and she kept asking, "Is that Xiaoping?! Is that Xiaoping?!" I haven't seen them in a real long time, and I barked and barked loudly.
They stay really near me, but it's a pity I'm moving soon. But I'm glad I saw them today before we move in 2 days' time. At least we got to say bye bye.
July 4th 2008 8:34 am
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It was ah bee's last day at work today. I didn't want to go to work with her coz I had my heart set on going to the gardens in the morning, so I told her to tender my resignation for me. I had a position as a shredder, but I never did turn up for work coz I don't have a school bag.
It was a dismal career. I didn't shred one piece of paper. I thought it was kind of destructive too, so I decided to do a career switch while I am still young. My ambition now is to be a photocopying machine! Fomfomfom thought it's a good choice of career coz I'm already black and white, it shouldn't be too hard to get my qualifications. As for color copies, I'll leave that for career advancement.
Planning a life-changing career switch before breakfast was no walk in the park. But a walk in the gardens was a real walk in the park. I didn't want to push my brain to the limit, so I just circled the creaky tree 10 times. Fomfomfom and cha dragged me home.
And I was all tired out by the morning's activities so I took a nap before lunch was served. I dreamt of color copies all throughout.
July 3rd 2008 8:40 am
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We met a little pug at the gardens today. She's a real little thing, only 3 months old. Her english lady owner said she's out investigating, as she hasn't seen much yet. Her name is molly and she's got a little pink collar with a really long leash. I thought she looked really funny so I walked up to her and barked at her. She wasn't scared, and tried to approach me, but I got scared so fomfomfom had to carry me.
While fomfomfom was comforting me, molly had the audacity to drink from my water bottle. Cha thought she was too interested in my water bottle so she offered her a drink. Molly's owner said it's a really good device. How silly, I scoffed. A pug who hasn't yet seen a water bottle! And the owner! Oh, don't get me started.
We left them alone and the last scene I took in was that of the little pug on all fours, her backside sticking up, no doubt about to pounce on some new object of her investigation.
We got home and cha and fomfomfom were still swooning over molly and even told ah ma about her in great detail. I got a little angry.
July 2nd 2008 7:53 am
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I didn't see Melmel and Chipchip at the gardens today, they must have been stuck with some last minute chores at home. Maybe gardening or vacuuming or something. Luckily I am such an independent girl, I did my own thing. I tried to climb a coconut tree. I stood on my hind legs and front legs on the tree trunk, it must have been a whole 20 centimetres. I told cha, it's only natural to want to climb upwards, it's a chinese saying. Only worms burrow downwards. So I must try to climb upwards.
I always try my best as a good little chinese girl.
And there're so many mosquitoes at home, my 3 mamas are on a rampage to kill every last one. There was this mozzie in the room as I was about to turn in, they were all after its blood (I think it's after their blood too, so it's mutual), I took pity on it coz it seems such bullying for 3 big humans to be after one small mozzie, so I offered it refuge in my ear. My ear flops down so it's a good place to hide. I told the mozzie he should stop buzzing while he's in my ear coz the sound disturbs me.
The rest is up to his fate. We chinese always believe in fate.
July 1st 2008 8:16 am
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I reckon it's coz of the moving house affair, but the house is full of them bubblewrap. I indulged, I revelled, I made a home in it. I sat on it and refused to relinquish it to ah ma. Later, ah gong told cha to wrap some bubblewrap around my middle like some ancient chinese undergarment, so I fled.
At night I took off my doggie soft toy Meimei's clothes. Fomfomfom told me to put it back on for Meimei but I didn't want to. I don't wear clothes, so neither should Meimei. Besides ah ma had just washed Meimei really clean and white a few days ago, so I was a little jealous of Meimei. For good measure, I tried to rip her clothes apart. Ah ma laughed at me. Fomfomfom lured me away and later cha put the clothes back on Meimei.
Ok, I gotta get me some beauty sleep now. All that bubblewrapping is tiring, and besides, I told Melmel and Chipchip today that I'll meet them at the gardens tomorrow morning. I have to look good for them. They always get so excited about me.
June 30th 2008 8:39 am
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I sensed them before they came into view. 2 men came from the land authority to check our house and I barked ferociously as they walked up the stairs. I must have done myself proud, as they finally saw me and one guy went, "Oh. Small dog." Only sissies are seen and not heard. Me, you can hear me everywhere.
Fomfomfom and cha were talking about movies, how they are usually not worth the ticket price. Cha said most are not even worth the DVD rental price. At this juncture I had to interject, Under the Tuscan Sun is worth every penny of the price that we paid for the vcds. Both of them.
Under the tuscan sun is my favourite show. I have watched it thrice already, twice with cha and once with fomfomfom. I suggested to fomfomfom that we should move to tuscany in future, but she said I should learn italian first. I already know a little italian, so I pooh-poohed her and said, "Oui!"
Ah bee came back from work to doll herself up for a wedding dinner she had to attend. She offered to curl my lashes and put on some make up for me but I didn't want to. Coz I am Xiaoping, I am black white and pink.
Red and blue and yellow and purple have no place in my life.
June 29th 2008 7:22 am
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There were many big boxes today, they were filling them up with all sorts of things. I wanted to help ah ma by inspecting her towels and rugs but she just waggled her finger at me and grumbled. Ah bee wanted to box me in and I fled the scene and went to take my afternoon nap with ah ma. Packing is tiring business.
In the evening I was at my usual spot welcoming passersby and I saw this pair of male brown huge poodles. Well, I often see them, but this is the first time I discovered they actually had pockets. They were groomed in a real peculiar fashion, It's like the groomer took his shaver and haphazardly shaved tracts of fur off wherever he pleased. He left them pockets at the sides of their hips, no doubt so they could keep their sweets inside.
I wish my groomer had left me pockets too.
p.s. Ah bee was so stupid she didn't screw the top of my kibble container tight and swung my kibble all over the floor and stairs. I simply have to note this down even though I'd already finished writing my entry for today. See, you'll never know what things can happen to you, even when you think you're home safe. Enter exhibit A-- Anwar, he got accused of sodomy again. One'd think they'd come up with something new. Which brings me to the stupid ah bee again, she tried feigning fainting on me again. Once, she tried that when I was only a few months old, I saved her by nudging her with my nose and licking her and screaming for help. This time, I continued playing with my rope. There's no salvation for those who cry wolf twice. If you've never heard that nugget of wisdom before, there's no salvation for you too, but remember, you heard it here first.
June 28th 2008 9:06 am
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This morning at the gardens, we bumped into this doggy. We didn't get his name and I can't quite tell what breed he is. But that's not the point. He's a bit of a tortoise egg himself for he ran away when Fomfomfom tried to approach him. That is beside the point as well. Just one more irrelevant point before we move on to the important stuff that I really want to tell you all about- he was busy sniffing at my little girl's bits; just like Melmel whom we bumped into later into the walk. The only difference is Melmel was so excited about sniffing at my little girl's bits that it was a little disturbing.
But I digress. So as I was saying, the said doggy was walked by a woman. She told us that he is a year and a half. Fomfomfom told her I am four and a half.
"Four and a half?!?! Oh dear, you forgot to grow ah?"
No I didn't. I remembered. It's just a little hard when all you have to eat is kibble.
A pox on that vet woman.
June 27th 2008 8:39 am
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Ah ma washed all my toys and mattresses, coz she was afraid my mattresses are dirty and might be causing my skin to be bad. Ah ma loves me and I love ah ma.
The toys and mattresses all smell lovely after being washed and sunned. I dragged the toys all over the place and slept on 2 mattresses at once. Ah ma waggled her finger at me. Then she kept some of my toys coz she didn't want me to dirty them before we move house. I waggled my finger at ah ma.
I got injured when I was barking at passersby this evening. Merrilyn was cutting the grass, and I couldn't go out until one hour later, so I was anxious and I kicked too hard when barking. My paws were bleeding and I left bloodstains on the mat and cardboard. Fomfomfom got scolded for it, though I don't know why. Fomfomfom gets scolded for everything in the house. Giggle.
Ah bee came and went with Auntie Lynn. I have nothing to write about that, it was over so soon. What wasn't over so soon, was curry fish head. Ah ma was lazy to cook, so she got ah gong to buy curry fish head back for dinner. Ah gong, as usual, overdid it and bought 2. They'll be eating it for days, and I won't get a bite. It smells rather lovely, but my big eyes didn't work on fomfomfom.
She was stuffing her face, the wretch. I'm glad she gets scolded for everything.
June 26th 2008 8:06 am
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They were all alarmed at the condition of my skin, now that I've had a haircut and it is easier to see. For one, my moo moo print on my belly is peeling off. Ah bee was horrified. For two, there is this open raw sore on my belly. Fomfomfom wanted to weep. She dialed the vet's for an appointment immediately.
Cha is taking me off pork, kind of like how america was taken off the gold standard in the 1970s. Ill-conceived actions lead to disaster, I warned darkly.
I want to eat pork.
June 25th 2008 8:26 am
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I was chasing 2 huskies around the gardens today, dragging fomfomfom behind me. I ran so fast fomfomfom was almost flying. Cha, on the other hand, couldn't care less. She trailed way behind, almost as if she was ashamed of associating with us. I didn't care, I shouted the gardens down. By the time I realised I had forgotten to poop, I was too pooped to poop. Fomfomfom got an earful from cha. She is not to let me chase other dogs before I poop, and certainly not to let me harrass other dogs in future, cha admonished. Well, I don't care.
Later, cha and fomfomfom brought me to have a haircut. I apologised profusely to cha in the car, saying I won't chase other dogs in future, I want to go home, but she won't have it. I was at the mercy of the groomer's for an hour. Fomfomfom was looking at me all that time, we were tearful.
Ah ma says I look like a mouse now. I'm going to chase other dogs tomorrow. Maybe they will think I look awesome and be scared.
June 24th 2008 8:05 am
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I got me some roasted pork by working my big and beautiful eyes on ah bee during dinner. It was delicious, but I threw it up not 10 minutes later. It must have been too oily for my kibble-and-boiled-pork-only stomach. I endeavour to eat more oily food in future so that my stomach may be accustomed to delicacies.
Ah bee bought gold for the first time today, taking my advice. Therefore a tax is only in order. And fomfomfom, her futures positions, precarious they may seem, actually reaped more profits today. I informed her that I will be taxing her, last week's interim tax notwithstanding. I thought it would be more friendly if I call out "annyeong haseyo" whenever I want to collect tax, it means hello in korean. I said hello to fomfomfom many times today. She only waved back weakly.
IRAP. It stands for your friendly neighbourhood internal revenue authority of da ping!
June 23rd 2008 8:14 am
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It was the last mahjong day today. I felt a little sad, coz it's tradition, and it's no more.
Ah ma lost $13.
June 22nd 2008 8:08 am
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We were at the gardens and saw this couple take a doggie poop bag, which they filled up with fruits they'd filched from the gardens. The poop bags have a warning, saying that food is not to be put inside the bags. They are for poop.
Fomfomfom commented that I wrote the book on stupidity, but the couple topped me. I knew I should have bopped fomfomfom on the face, but I felt strangely complimented.
I hope they get caught by the police for stealing fruit from the gardens. Then they can be featured in the papers and we can laugh loudly.
June 21st 2008 8:19 am
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It was evening, already dark outside. Suddenly the lights went out and the whole house was dark. So dark I couldn't see anything at all. For a moment I thought my eyes had gone. Blindness is scary. But the moment I realised it was a mere blackout, I turned onto my back and waited for fomfomfom to fumble over to give me a belly rub.
A belly rub in the dark is the same as a belly rub in the light, just that I don't have to face the lights in the ceiling and squint. Talking about that, I realise that my eyes are very important. I have been facing the ceiling for my bellyrubs since forever, and my eyes are so big and so much light can enter. I must ask ah ma to make some brew with chinese wolfberries so that I may drink it and it will be good for my eyes.
My big and beautiful eyes.
June 20th 2008 8:30 am
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I was doing my own thing. Then Ah gong walked by and told me they are going to move house and are not bringing me along. Fomfomfom told me she will leave ah gong behind and bring me.
Talking about moving house, it will be in about 3 weeks' time. We will be moving to an apartment 12 stories above the ground. I was apprehensive, coz I am scared of heights, but fomfomfom told me it is all with me in mind. It's coz I'm so short, that I can't do a lot of housework, so fomfomfom told me that now we're going to stay so high in the sky, I can't use my lack of height as an excuse not to do housework. There's enough height for anything.
Then we were in the porch enjoying the moonlight, and fomfomfom jumped and said, sigh, not tall enough. Still can't touch the moon. Will try again 3 weeks later 12 stories high, maybe can touch the moon.
June 19th 2008 8:55 am
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Today I was thinking, I was rather uncomfortable with fomfomfom's investment. I thought she should liquidate it and take her profit and be done with it. So I spoke to her, but she couldn't be bothered. Too lazy to even take a profit!
As I tax all profits in the house, I certainly don't want to see her profits evaporate should the market turn. Therefore, I decided to extract my tax and leave her to herself. If her profits evaporate, it would be her own problem then. If she makes a bigger profit, I can tax her again.
Satisfied, I addressed my other concern. I told fomfomfom, it has come to my attention that I haven't been receiving much gold in taxes of late. Perhaps you should be buying some?
Fomfomfom agreed to consider my proposal and I was satisfied again.
June 18th 2008 8:18 am
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It was such a boring day I don't know what to write. But my mamas always want me to write something down everyday. Maybe it is to practice my handwriting.
So I went to the gardens in the morning and I was happy so I wagged my tail. I had pork for lunch, which was such a treat after all that kibbling, so I wagged my tail.
Then I didn't wag my tail for the rest of the day coz I had nothing to do. It was raining and I couldn't even go out to watch passersby. Cha showed ah ma a close-up photo of me smiling, ah ma was so delighted coz I was so pretty in the photo. She and fomfomfom couldn't stop googoogaga-ing over the photo, but I thought it was nothing and I almost fell asleep amidst all that excitement.
I'm going to bed now.
June 17th 2008 8:28 am
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We went to the gardens early in the morning today and it set me thinking. It's a good time to go, it's cool and the ground is not too hot. In my quest to improve myself, I had resolved to question the root of all things, and I thought, why isn't it hot in the morning? The answer finally hit me, earthshattering in its impact. There is no sun at night! Therefore, early in the morning, the ground would be cool! And just like that, I knew my life would be the better for it.
Fomfom waxed lyrical to me about how life is, she asked me how my life is turning out so far. I sighed and informed her, it's a dog's life.
At night, me, fomfomfom and ah bee went out onto the porch to enjoy the moonlight. There were lots of clouds around the moon, but the moon was bright and shone through the clouds. It was a rare sight. Fomfomfom was excited and told ah bee to come see it, the clouds in front of the moon, and behind the moon too. Ah bee said, oh.
Clouds behind the moon?
June 16th 2008 2:27 am
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I was so clever this morning. I was at the garden watching cars go by, and I saw a mahjong girl. So I informed fomfomfom to open the gate. I don't know what they will do without me.
The afternoon was less happy, regretfully. It was vet day again. I shook for 20 minutes before seeing the vet and she proclaimed my skin good. So she threw me a challenge. I am always happy for a challenge. She said, choose chicken or pork. Fomfomfom said pork! So I can eat pork now on top of my kibble. But vet woman said no pig liver, pig stomach, only boiled pork. Boo.
As the vet woman was squeezing my backside, she said fomfomfom must be the youngest of my 3 mamas. Fomfomfom giggled and said ah bee is 5 years younger than her. Cha said it must be all those pimples. They all laughed and I thought, like, stop it already. The vet woman stilll had her fingers in my backside. Grumble. Then fomfomfom was concerned I had lost half a kg, which is 10% of my weight. The vet woman said it's due to the kibble diet, nothing to worry about. Besides, it's only fitting that I am nice and slim coz my 3 mamas are all supermodel thin. Well, according to the vet woman anyway.
Then I had some liquid anti-heartworm put on my neck. It is flammable and fomfomfom was alarmed. Cha said we will go to the garden when it is less hot, we don't want the sun to shine on me and maybe I will explode.
Explode! Amother ability of mine! Let me go put that on my CV.
June 15th 2008 8:36 am
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They didn't let me watch this dog play Fetch. He was playing Fetch in the gardens, I wanted to watch and bark at him, but fomfomfom and cha carried me away. What's so great about Fetch, I argued, I know it too. No you don't, said cha.
Well, it's not that I don't know Fetch. I know it, but I only like to play half of it. They like to throw a ball and say Fetch, I would get it and then go on my own merry way.
Like what I did to ah ma's ahem, underclothes, let's just say. Ah ma found said piece of clothing on the floor in cha's room. Fomfomfom pointed the finger at me. I explained to ah ma, well it got into cha's room by mistake, all I did was drag it around. It would be a betrayal of my principles if I were to bring it back to ah ma.
I don't do Fetch.
June 14th 2008 8:43 am
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Let me write a poem:
Oh
I want to
Eat
Crab
Heartbreaking stuff, that. But I got no crab. Later they captured me and bathed me and made me wear 2 collars. At this point, I want to collapse onto my bed and weep.
Luckily, there was a photo op later on. Merrilyn needed some photos with us for her potential employers to peruse, so I jumped in and took some photos too. My red and neon pink collars, I sat proudly and displayed them.
I am so fashionable.
June 13th 2008 9:27 am
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It is Friday the 13th today. I am unhappy.
The day started off nicely enough. I realised ah ma was back! It was the first time I saw her come back from the market with food. There were corn, pistachio nuts, dried scallops and cuttlefish. I immediately asked for a belly rub.
At the gardens I met a big tortoise. He didn't want to come out, and cha knocked knocked on his shell asking if he's home. He was really inhospitable, that he was. I barked for 3 minutes then we went away.He's got some sort of complex, I tell you.
At night, ah bee came back and ate crab legs in front of me. She was almost flaunting it, the lovely crab legs ah ma brought back from that Japanese market. I remember vaguely, a long time ago, when I was like just 2 years old, I'd tasted that kind of crab leg before. It was lovely, but I didn't get any today. Even nighter still, ah bee taunted me with dried cuttlefish, which I do so love.
I hate.
June 12th 2008 7:39 am
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Ah bee told me to be a good girl while she goes to work, and not to play with fire. I told her I'm too short to play with fire. Ah bee imagines I might rub 2 stones together and set my sheepskin rug on fire. Or I might set myself on fire, since I'm a furball, plenty of flammable material to get it going.
Ah bee must have been too busy giving me instructions, for she forgot to bring her phone for the second time in 2 weeks. When she came back, she was busy checking her phone and not playing with me, so I asked her if the phone has hair and smells funky and catches fire like I can. If not, her full attention should be on me instead. Ah bee tells me solemnly her phone can't do all that, but it can explode. I told ah bee I'll be exploding tonight. Ah bee put down her phone and played with me. Then she asked me if I set fire to her building today, for there was a fire drill. I'm not tellin'.
There was a grasshopper in cha's room, and she fizzled it to death with insecticide. The room smells bad now. It is regrettable she didn't enlist my help, I can set it on fire and there won't be a bad smell.
Oh, oh, I forgot to say, I met a beagle at the gardens today. She is exactly the same size as me, such a small beagle. We thought she's a baby beagle, but her owner told us she's 4 years old, like me. Her name is Mimi. Mini Mimi beagle.
June 11th 2008 7:53 am
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This morning I finally put my foot down. Ah bee was about to sneak off with fomfomfom again for the third time this week, as they had done the whole of last week, so I started scolding them. Ah bee tried to say sorry and pat my head but I won't have it. Ah bee hasn't come back yet and I'm still angry.
Fomfomfom got angry too, in the evening. The phone rang and no one picked up so she did. It was for ah ma, who wasn't around. While fomfomfom was talking to the caller, ah gong picked up the phone and spoke into it, saying "cha, who is it?" repeatedly. Fomfomfom couldn't even hear the caller and tell her about ah ma so she screamed at ah gong to stop talking. Then she went back to the caller and apologised, and put down the phone. Then she went on for 10 minutes about how unbelievably moronic ah gong was, complaining real loudly to cha for ah gong's benefit. She was so mad I could almost see smoke coming out of her ears.
Oh ya, the phone rang and no one picked up for a long time right? I went "Ah-roooooooooo..." to cha and she came closer and asked me what's up? I whispered in her ear, go pick up the phone! But by then fomfomfom had already picked up and the unfortunate episode above was already unfurling. Later cha told fomfomfom I was trying to be scooby-doo so I sulked. Fomfomfom laughed at me and stopped cursing ah gong.
Ah-roooooo!
June 10th 2008 9:26 am
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It is my birthday today. I am four and a half. Cha kept telling me I'd soon be older than her, and that I'm tofu dregs. I told her only women after 30 are tofu dregs, like herself. Well, soon enough anyway.
Once upon a time, when the world still had meat and tidbits and other assorted delicacies that I used to partake with decent frequency, fomfomfom promised I'd get cake on my birthdays. But there was no cake today. I made fomfomfom promise to buy me four and a half pork bellies when the vet woman gives the green light. I wanted to make her give me an IOU, but I didn't know how to write one so I thought we'd just base the contract on honour.
In the evening, I wanted to watch Taiwan news with ah ma but ah ma wasn't around, so I settled for ah gong. We watched Nixon and watergate. I thought it was so boring, but ah bee needed an education so it wasn't a total loss.
It was a real windy night. We were on the porch watching the sky when the wind suddenly picked up and scared me. I rushed over to fomfomfom and fomfomfom patted me and then I wasn't scared anymore. Then lightning flashed and fomfomfom disappeared into the house immediately. Well. I could have patted her.
June 9th 2008 9:11 am
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Today ah bee was almost late again. She was telling fomfomfom about how she will make me pay should she incur the road gantry fee again. I was rather upset about it, so I pulled fomfomfom aside and pleaded with her to pay the fee for me. Fomfomfom agreed, and I was happy again.
While the going was good, I asked for another 50 cents. Fomfomfom said ok. Giggles.
June 8th 2008 8:27 am
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It's been such a cloudy few weeks that everyone in the house's been wearing clothes that smell mouldy. That's what happens when there's no sun to dry the clothes. But it's good too, I can go to the gardens real early, like noon.
Today I went to the gardens at noon. It was real nice weather. There was a small girl who called me a big dog. She really knows what's what. Then I strutted the gardens and ah bee carried me onto the bridge to look at tortoises but I wasn't interested. We met a small dog who was unleashed and she ran up to me and the owner said, she's fierce. Ah bee scooped me up in a jiffy and fomfomfom cursed the owner. Behind her back of course, she might be loopy and hit us.
Then I came home and it was so boring all afternoon and evening and night. Fomfomfom gave me 4 tissues to shred but didn't allow me to eat any. Bummer.
June 7th 2008 8:49 am
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There is no sighting of Ah ma today. I was hoping that Japan isn’t that far away but I guess I was wrong. I wanted to call Ah ma to tell her to forget about marketing and just come on home but I can’t quite reach the telephone. I can only wait.
I told Fomfomfom that I want to go swimming at the condo but she told me that people would complain. So she suggested bringing my inflatable pool there and filling it up with the water from the swimming pool. What, have you gone crazy, I asked her. My luscious locks will be damaged by the chlorine. She promptly apologized and said that she would fill my inflatable pool with water from the Alps. Or milk if you like, she offered. Half part Evian and half part boiled water would be good, I told her. Otherwise it would be too cold. And no milk. Because I will have to take a bath after my swim. I won’t like that.
June 6th 2008 9:33 am
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This morning, merrilyn forgot to draw the barrier across the door to the garden. I saw it but I didn't go out. I knew I wasn't supposed to go out alone, so I just sat in the living room and waited for someone to bring me out. Ah bee and ah ma praised me for being a good girl.
Then as fomfomfom drove ah bee to work, cha brought me out to the garden to bark at passersby. I barked and barked for 20 minutes. Together with the other dogs in the neighbourhood, we did a symphony. Cha didn't quite enjoy our music at 830 in the morning.
In the evening I had a premature bath. No matter how I calculated it, it hasn't been a week since the last bath! Later at night I saw ah ma go out with a big bag, she told me she was going to the market. I asked ah ma which market it was this time and ah ma said it was in japan.
I feel sad. Coz the last time I saw that bag, ah bee disappeared for 3 weeks. Today marks the end of the first week that ah bee is working. She offered to let me tax her 10% of the money she's earned. So I did, but I wasn't cheered. I miss ah ma already.
June 5th 2008 7:45 am
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2 days have come and gone, and I have yet to see my new schoolbag. Ah bee asked fomfomfom pointedly why she hasn't bought me my bag, and fomfomfom finally buckled under pressure and confessed. She doesn't want me to go to work with ah bee. So touched I was, I decided to give up my career and stay at home to be monopolised by fomfomfom.
Cha decided to launch an investigation into whether ah ma gave ah bee her pocket money for the month. Ah bee has started work, and is not entitled to any pocket money. The relevance is, cha will give me my 50 cents that ah bee confiscated yesterday and confiscate ah bee's pocket money, if she took it, that is. The lesson is, the arm of the law is long in this house.
Ah bee needs a punitive sentence.
June 4th 2008 8:52 am
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Ah bee was late today in leaving the house and incurred some sort of gantry fee. So she told fomfomfom to deduct that 50 cents from my allowance, leaving me with nothing for the day.
So I had to improvise. I told fomfomfom and cha to bring me to the gardens at 11am so that we won't have to pay parking.
And that's how I made it through the day without pocket money.
June 3rd 2008 8:04 am
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It was looking cloudy, so I went to the gardens at two in the afternoon with fomfomfom and cha. It was the usual stuff, pee and poo, with hardly any friends around. But there were lots of kids, it's the school hols. They were running and screaming on the grass and the workers were cutting the grass with their noisy handheld machines. Scary.
Then ah bee came back at 430 and I told her to bring me to the gardens again. So we went. And it was a real adventure this time. I saw this tortoise in the middle of the path. It must have been lost, it was so far from the pond. I barked and barked non-stop at it for 20 minutes. And all the while there was a drizzle. The tortoise was a scare-dee cat. It hid in its shell and peered at me with half opened eyes, so lazy it was. Halfway through my admonition, it turned and looked at fomfomfom. But no one could save it, no siree. I let him know exactly what I thought of him.
Once we were home ah bee kept telling me to prepare my schoolbag before I go to bed, so I can go with ah bee to work in the morning. When I finally decided to get down to it, I realised that I don't have a school bag! I was close to tears but luckily ah bee said I can have an extra day at home tomorrow and fomfomfom promised to buy me a bag tomorrow.
Sniffle.
June 2nd 2008 7:20 am
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This morning everyone woke up real early. Ah bee was dressed nicely and I heard it was her first day at work. Ah ma had already informed me last night. So this morning I was up early too so that I may bless ah bee before she leaves. In my haste, I almost tumbled down the entire flight of stairs. Luckily I managed to regain my footing halfway down. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, smug over my display of that nifty footwork, I saw fomfomfom and ah bee staring at me, mouths open in horror. I told them they had nothing to worry about, I was never in any danger. Just call me nifty ping.
But that footwork is not meant for menial stuff. Like walking to the gardens. I am always driven to the gardens. Just now we were watching tv and the tv station was looking for Singapore's most eco-friendly person. Cha informed me that my little feet leave behind real big carbon footprints.
I thought about it. Carbon footprint? I'll have to ask ah ma to buy me real good quality shoes so that I won't go around leaving unsightly footprints. Carbon indeed! Pfft, that's for dirty little dogs only.
June 1st 2008 8:20 am
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We met a Shih Tzu in the gardens today. Her name is Mika and she is white and brown. Her owners said that I am so pretty and that my colours are beautiful. That’s coz black and white Shih Tzus are rarer than you think. Anyhow, Mika got too close to me and so I barked at her to tell her to back off. She immediately ran away from me. Fancy that! Fomfomfom and Ah bee were so tickled because no one has ever run away from me before. That means that she is even more of a tortoise egg than I am. What a baby.
There were kids having a picnic on the pathway. The adult in charge told them, “Look, a puppy! Everyone say hello to the puppy.” And so they all did. We lingered a little to play with them. I like playing with kids coz they aren’t much taller than me. I wouldn’t have to strain my neck too much this way.
Ah ma was a lot less crabby after I had my bath. She even told me that I could step all over her big tummy. Kiss kiss Ah ma.
May 31st 2008 9:24 am
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Ah ma has her hang-ups. Things none of us get. We usually try to ignore her but sometimes you can run but you just can’t hide. Nothing works on her. Nothing but Ah bee’s dour expressions, Cha and Fomfomfom says. Ah ma simply cannot stand seeing Ah bee sulk. I’m not sure about that so I will have to observe and keep all of you updated.
In other news, Ah gong met his match in Fomfomfom. He was going on and on about how she shouldn’t be drinking lemon with her honey water. In his mistaken view, lemons are evil and one can die from eating lemons. At least that was how Fomfomfom heard him. So she threw all his cigarettes into the sink and soaked them. Cigarettes kill, not lemons, she said. He shut up after that.
May 30th 2008 9:27 am
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Dear Diary,
Well, nothing really special happened today. Just that I got myself another 5 grams of gold and escaped the rain at the gardens today again, but that's all in a day's work, so I shall not mention it further.
Ah bee promised to buy me orange juice, but wasn't sincere enough to drop by the supermarket so I still don't have my few tons of juice.
I know fomfomfom went out and ate chicken knee cartilage for dinner and I shan't go further coz I fear I might throw up. Of all things to eat.
Then ah ma declined to do this very difficult sudoku puzzle ah bee copied back from europe and ah gong expounded on the dangers of the lemon.
Cha went out and ate a whole table of japanese food, while I nibbled on my kibble.
My day has been so boring I fear I might fall asleep if I go on, therefore bon soir.
May 29th 2008 8:16 am
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My word! Who is that I spy, with my little eye? I rummage through my database.
My stars! It is ah bee! My tail, it wags.
You know, this morning I met a shih tzu who doesn't wag his tail. He's the strong and silent type. Pity he's only 2 years old. A mere babe.
May 28th 2008 5:57 am
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This morning cha woke me up and we immediately went to wake fomfomfom up. Then, still rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I found myself in the gardens. It was so happy. I shat and saw a little ugly bulldog thing and I kept barking at him until he retreated in fear. Like I said, it was so happy.
Luckily we went first thing in the morning, for it started to storm shortly after and it rained the entire afternoon. There was nothing to do, and I decided to pee. But hey? There was no newspapers where I usually pee! So I wandered into ah bee's room and peed on her bed. I thought it showed I miss ah bee. But cha was hoppin' mad and spanked me. Fomfomfom was heartbroken and grumbled at cha, that cruel cha.
Dinnertime was a time of regret. I could smell lots of good food, but alas my yearning looks yielded no fruit. Literally. Ah ma wanted to feed me pear but fomfomfom and cha said no.
As I sulk, I am semi-constipated. I haven't relieved myself of today's bulk yet. That bit in the morning was yesterday's. Boo.
May 27th 2008 7:17 am
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Oh no, I had no chance to splashy-sploosh. We went to the gardens when the weather was real ominous, and I sniffed around for only 5 minutes before the skies opened and we took refuge in the pavillion nearest the carpark. We were stuck there for 20 minutes and we decided to go home coz the rain didn't look like it was going to let up. We had a brolly and fomfomfom carried me back to the car so there was no splashy-sploosh either.
I feel a little constipated. Maybe the feeling will go away if I go to sleep and not think about it.
May 26th 2008 8:03 am
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I waited a long time to go to the gardens today as it was a hot day. But when we finally got to the gardens, I thought I wanted to be carried around like a queen so I informed fomfomfom thus. So while I surveyed the gardens in style, cha grumbled and grumbled.
At home, I wanted to eat dinner 3 times. Then I wanted to play with fomfomfom and cha came in and beat me up. She smacked my thin backside and ah ma was pained. But I told ah ma it wasn't painful and cha beat me only coz she loves me.
Lesson thus learnt, I tried it out on fomfomfom at night. She kept trying to rub my teeth so I bit her hand. She kept one hand balled into a fist for me to bite while trying to rub my teeth with the other. I thought, if I bite her, it means I love her, so I bit and bit. And so everyone was terribly happy.
What's up with all that teeth rubbin' anyway?
May 25th 2008 7:57 am
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Ah ma said today that I have grown thinner. Fomfomfom confirmed that I have lost 300g, when they weighed me at the vet's the other day. Ah ma says it's all the fault of that special kibble, I used to have lots of meat and other goodies.
Then I asked ah ma for a belly rub, and ah ma said I ask for belly rubs at least 12 hours out of 24 everyday. I said, oh ah ma, you exaggerate. Then ah ma said her arm has grown a few centimetres longer, with all that belly rubbing she's been giving me.
Like I said, oh my ah ma, she exaggerates.
May 24th 2008 9:04 am
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I have decided to go into commodities big time. I have grown up and it is time to consider my future. I have decided to become a trader because there is no better way to think of the future than by trading futures. Fomfomfom has given me 5 grams of gold, and now she has promised to give me one sugar contract. I will be the proud owner of 50 tons of sugar very soon and I will tell fomfomfom to store it in her room when she takes delivery.
Then the whole family was munching on roasted pork belly before dinner, those disgusting people, and they won't give me any. So I told cha to buy me one pork belly contract, since I was thinking about my future and that roasted pork at the same time.
And ah bee. She will have the privilege of buying me orange juice futures. I have put much thought into it, and since I am going to have 50 tons of sugar, I'd better have a use for it. No doubt, some of that florida orange juice will be sour, what with the weather all over the place these days. I can add sugar to my orange juice and neither will go to waste.
I thought that was the end of the matter, but fomfomfom had to go on about buying zinc. I got angry and told her I will only accept gold.
Zinc is, how shall I put it, so unglamorous.
May 23rd 2008 9:20 am
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I was watching the news with ah ma. They were reporting on the pandas in sichuan. Apparently there is a shortage of bamboo, maybe the earthquake destroyed lots of bamboo, so the zookeepers are feeding the pandas porridge. Those are the olympic pandas, they look like me. We are white and black and very cute, which is the description of me in my vet visit card. Black and white and very cute. Yes. Anything black and white is very cute.
If I had porridge to eat, I would pretend to be Goldilocks. Cha, fomfomfom and ah ma can be the 3 bears. Then I would wear a blond wig and eat porridge. When ah bee comes back she can climb up my blond locks into the house and we can blow the house down and run away to New Zealand where ah ma will buy me 2 sheep and we can all live happily ever after.
May 22nd 2008 8:13 am
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Just now I told cha to put my little girl scout kerchief around my neck so that I may look nice. Then I went off to show it to ah ma and she praised me for being pretty.
Then ah ma was having a tonic soup with an egg for supper and I thought to show her my prettiest side so that I may get some supper too. Ah ma looked at me for a long time, all the while eating her bowl of soup, and then said I look like a little girl. And then she finished her bowl of soup.
I suppose I should be happy that I look like a little girl.
May 21st 2008 8:11 am
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It is vet day today. Fomfomfom couldn't make an appointment so we just walked in and squatted like commoners waiting our turn. The vet woman had an attachee with her and proceeded to tell her what a princess I am. Cha was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm not a princess, but the queen, so we just nodded.
The patch of skin on my thigh, it is no good. It has been 2 weeks and it's still as bad as ever. The vet woman said it is a bacterial infection so I have to eat antibiotics and apply a cream. Antibiotics twice a day for 2 weeks and fomfomfom told the vet woman to kill her straight. And continue the kibble only diet for another 2 weeks at least, I told her to kill me too. The vet woman just smiled and thought we were so charming.
Then she proceeded to put her fingers where the sun don't shine and squeeze, all the while telling me what a smelly girl I am. Then she thought she was so cute, and kept asking, who's so smelly? Who is Miss Stinky? After the tenth time I told her I thought she's Miss Stinky. So she wasn't so happy and deflected it by telling fomfomfom luckily humans don't need their anal sacs squeezed. Fomfomfom said thank god, she'd hate to have to visit the vet woman every month. The vet woman promptly informed fomfomfom that she won't do it for a million bucks, and even then, she would have to blindfold herself.
When I grow up, and have a million bucks, I would buy myself a vet woman and make her eat antibiotics everyday and bring her to the vet all the time. All the time.
May 20th 2008 7:39 am
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Today they were talking about ah bee. What is an ah bee?
May 19th 2008 8:35 am
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It is a story about the gardens again. We met so many dogs today, it is a public holiday, see? There were people playing soccer and having picnics. I met many big dogs, but fomfomfom always carried me when they approach. The owners would be quick to assure that their dogs are friendly. Then fomfomfom will inform them that I am NOT friendly and that I suffer from small dog syndrome. Then fomfomfom would wink and the owners would all smile knowingly and wave bye bye.
I feel maligned. Fomfomfom suffers from anti-socialism and she heaps it on me. So I demand compensation. I want a pizza. I want a macaroni and cheese pizza. Cha says how can a pizza taste nice without meat? We will have to add bacon and sausages to my pizza. But I said no. Today is Vesak day and I am a vegetarian for the day. I am pious. Om.
The price of my gram of gold went up again. I am sitting on a profit of a whole 70 cents, no kiddin'. But my parking bill today at the gardens is 80 cents so I am a little sad, not to mention in the red. So I asked fomfomfom for more gold and she said ok.
Now I have 5 grams of gold.
May 18th 2008 8:42 am
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It was like a party today at the gardens. There were lots of people playing and having picnics. I was just doing my thing when this boy walked towards me and with a rock in his hand, was all poised to throw it at me. Neither me nor fomfomfom saw him, but I was saved by cha's timely action. Her deadly glare reduced the boy to pieces and now he's just a pile of dust in a remote corner of the botanical gardens. Just as well. Were he not a pile of dust now, fomfomfom would have torn him to shreds, ground him into powder and then fed him to the swans then killed the swans and incinerated the gardens until her fury is assuaged.
And then she would kill the boy's mother.
May 17th 2008 8:28 am
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Fomfomfom frowned and said my breath smells terrible today, like fish tank and salted fish. She said I will have to start brushing my teeth very soon.
Cha sniffed me and pronounced my breath perfectly normal, it smells just like a fish tank. Nothing out of the ordinary, she beamed.
What? Am I supposed to be happy?
May 16th 2008 8:19 am
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I went to the gardens today and saw 3 dogs running around without adult supervision. So I avoided them and took another route. But suddenly, one dog bounded out from nowhere and gave me and fomfomfom a fright. Fomfomfom quickly picked me up and shook her fist at the maid in charge of the 3 unleashed dogs. How irresponsible, fomfomfom fumed. Supposed he attacked me?
Anyway, I have seen those 3 dogs before. One of them has only 3 legs. But he seems oblivious to that fact and runs as fast as the other 2. So I am quite happy for him.
Alas I am less happy for the quake victims in china. Today in the newspaper, there was this woman trapped under rubble and rescuers could neither reach her nor pull her out. So they gave her a saw and she amputated her own leg before she was freed and got pulled out.
Such despairing news day after day after day.
May 15th 2008 8:11 am
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Last night fomfomfom and ah ma were channel surfing and they went to channel 8. It was a chinese drama serial, made in singapore! Fomfomfom wanted to watch it so she can giggle but ah ma couldn't stand it and changed the channel. Fomfomfom was disappointed.
Today we went to the gardens and there they were again, filming another drama serial. Fomfomfom was reminded to catch the same show tonight, but alas, she forgot. There is always tomorrow, promises to be always painful to watch, always good for giggles.
Talking about tv, today we were watching the news again, about the china earthquake. There was this girl being interviewed, she must be younger than me, maybe just 3 years old. She donated 1000 rmb to the quake victims, and it was her own money. She told the camera it was her chinese new year ang pow money from her parents, and she hopes they will use it to buy water, food and flu medicine for the victims. Flu medicine! Well.
The price of gold went up today. I am rather happy.
May 14th 2008 8:12 am
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I was watching the news with ah ma just now. The earthquake 2 days ago in Sichuan, it is bad. The Prime Minister of China went down and he was speaking to a girl who is slightly older than me. She had lost both her parents in the quake and is now an orphan. The Prime Minister was comforting her and she was crying and crying and crying.
I feel like crying myself.
May 13th 2008 8:24 am
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Fomfomfom gave me a gram of gold today. Now that I am invested, I shall have to watch CNBC constantly for the price of gold. When it goes up, I will sell it back to fomfomfom. If it goes up further, I'll take it back from her and sell to her again at the peak. Then I will put the money into my shoebox and ask for another gram of gold from fomfomfom. Investing is such tiring business.
Cha had something to say about my business plan, and I wasn't happy with her. We investors do not tolerate people second-guessing our decisions. So I scolded her and she kept quiet in shame.
So unsatisfied I am with her. Mutter mutter.
May 12th 2008 7:50 am
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It is mahjong day today. Auntie Chris came early so I gave her my bottle and asked her to rub my belly. Later I didn't want my belly rubbed anymore so I asked for my bottle back but she won't give it back to me. She insisted it's hers. I complained to ah ma and ah ma got my bottle back for me. Next time I'll have to find something less valuable to give to the mahjong girls, like tissue paper filled with fomfomfom's snot or something.
Then I made some investments. I told fomfomfom I'll give her a dollar and I'll have a share in her investments. I'll take all the profits and she'll be in charge of all the losses. Fomfomfom agreed and we shook hands. We're partners.
It is my habit at night to roam the house and knock on Merrilyn's door. She'll put down all she's doing, open the door and I'll walk around the room and then come out in 5 seconds. Fomfomfom saw it for the first time tonight and gasped that I was so naughty. What does she know, the ignoramus. She always wonders why I come out of the room so fast, does Merrilyn spank me or something. Now she sees that I don't allow Merrilyn to even pat me. I just want to survey the room.
I am the Queen. It's always on my terms.
May 11th 2008 7:24 am
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It is Mother's Day today. I love ah ma! A long time ago, I made a card for ah ma, with my paw print. But this year no one helped me so I had no card for my ah ma this year.
In the gardens today there were lots of people. I think they were having picnics and parties as it is sunday, and I found a piece of chicken on the ground. Fomfomfom and cha were horrified when they saw that I had it in my mouth, and fomfomfom immediately hit it out of my mouth. I thought that was so rude, she could have asked politely. I was about to discard it anyway, I am used to eating only hand-fed-bite-sized food. Only a mongrel knows how to eat a big piece of stray chicken. The unsatisfactory cha and fomfomfom then went on muttering about how the meat could be poisoned. Can't be bothered with them. I am pedigree princess ping.
My rashes got a little itchy today so I tried to scratch using my teeth. Ah ma was so anxious she summoned fomfomfom and ordered her to play with me so I may be distracted from the itch. Cha played with me while ah ma interrogated fomfomfom about what can be done about the itch. Fomfomfom shrugged and went to bathe.
But I still like fomfomfom more than that ah bee, who's still missing. She called back to speak to ah ma coz it is mother's day but I refused to speak to her. I only love ah ma.
May 10th 2008 8:44 am
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Today is my birthday. I am 4 years and 5 months old today. Once upon a time they promised I would get cake on my birthdays. There was no cake today. Fomfomfom said she was afraid I would be unhappy that I can't eat the cake, so she didn't buy cake. I had kibble today.
My tai-ma came early in the morning, no doubt to wish me a happy birthday. I was up and bounding about at 915am, and when I finally had a chance to rest at 3pm, I told ah ma to open her door so I can go in and sleep in my bed. Ah ma seemed pleased I knew when to rest, so she let me sleep alone in her air-conditioned room while she went to cook dinner.
I have some bumps on my right thigh, we don't know if they are rashes or insect bites. But ah ma is very worried and I am very itchy so we will wait and see if they go away after one or two days.
When I go to the gardens, I like to pee on solitary bricks or rocks. Cha calls it ping on the rocks. It sounds like a drink. When ah bee comes back, I will rustle up a double ping on the rocks straight up and make her drink it.
May 9th | 
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