Bunny Cottontail?

What the heck is this crap?

Mom keeps cheerily singing, "Here comes Bunny Cottontail! Hoppin' down the Bunny trail! Hippity, hoppity, Bunny's on her way!"

I don't know what this is about -- but I don't like it.

I don't like it one bit at all.

Innocent until proven guilty!

Last week Mom was vacuuming up a storm - she was going at it something ferocious!

I was in one of my "the world revolves around me" moods and was literally right under her feet the whole time - and when she'd bend over with the hose portion to suck something up - I'd get a flying heat butt slash kiss in. She was quite perturbed by the whole fiasco - but I didn't mind at all since I was happy - and frankly that's all the mattered.

She had shunned me away once again and I meandered into the other room to mind my own business. Forget her - I don't need her!

What happend in the next sixty seconds shall be a secret that I take to my grave - and I'll leave it at that.

Mom had set her cell phone on the counter top - right below where the cord was plugged into the outlet.

She turned as to get every last portion of the carpet spick and span - when she noticed me with my brow forming quizzical puzzled expression tilting my head to the right looking deep down into my water bowl. Usually she wouldn't think much of this - as I have some sort of irrational obsession with the water bowl - but the expression alone gave it away. Had she noticed sixty seconds later my next reflex would have been to run for the hills and never to have been caught at the scene of the crime - but blast it all! I was caught red pawed.

She quickly skipped over and looked in my water bowl - and what to her wondering eyes did appear? But her cell phone sitting face up sunk down to the deep deep murky bottom of the depth of the doggie water bowl.

Luckily her next move was to yank it out and begin to panic - as I was sure I was going to be put on the chopping block for the incident - but she didn't have time to think. The cell phone is her only single solitary line to Dad - and her world was a-spinn' thinking about it.

When she settled down and had detached the battery from it's unit and buried her phone in an airtight container full of rice - (which I still don't understand, but whatever) - she got to thinking about what possible ways the cell phone could have ended up in the bottom of the water bowl.

a.) The vacuum cord knocked it off.
b.) Grace counter surfed and did it.

I think she tried pretty hard not to blame me - but in her heart of hearts I'm pretty sure she thinks I done it - I know she does. Either way she learned her lesson - do not sit the cell phone near the dog's water bowl.

I am happy to report that her cell phone is in pristine working condition with not even the slightest glitch or hint to the incident.

What actually happened that fine afternoon? No puppy shall ever know - but let this be a lesson to you - never stick around the scene of a crime. Scram! Skedaddle! Get yourself the heck out of there! This just as easily could have turned out very differently - in which case I would probably be standing on the street corner holding my food bowl out begging for some Kibbles'n Bits returning to my cardboard box for the night.

Go lay yourself on the bed, cross your paws and place your head most angelically on those paws and sing a sweet sleeping snooze tune! Nobody could ever suspect a sleeping angel! Scotch free!

Word around the campfire...

Word around the campfire is one of those two-legged fools, in particular the female (who refers to herself as “Mom“), keeps talking some sort of gibberish about flying in one of those bat eared freaks of nature to live in my house.

So far the only information I’ve been able to divulge regarding the situation is that she looks in color similar to Zeus (who would want to be that god awful color?), she is about my age and is originally from Hungary. (Who knew that being hungry could produce such an ugly little gargoyle!) Apparently the house she lives in now has five of those cobby monsters and supposedly she needs “special attention” because she’s such a “sweetheart”. (Vomit!)

Mom says that maybe if I didn’t have such an agenda of my own and would be slightly more buddy-buddy that she might not have had to come to this conclusion. I promptly reminded her that, “Hey, lady. This is my world, you’re just living in it. Suck it up.”

The big dumb bachagalupe seems mildly excited and amused at the news. I can see what’s brewing in that pea sized brain of his, and I know he’s thinking he’s going to have ally. Psh! In his dreams! I think it’ll be a matter of time until I turn that thing into my slave! You just watch! You just wait and see!

This will all backfire on you, “MOM”! Let this be the last time you cross the Notorious Miss Grace! Buah ha ha! (Insert EVIL grin here!)

The Pre-Birthday Report

MY SECOND BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP, FULL FORCE!

Mom finally got around to ordering my Birthday cake today! She said though ordering it online is more expensive, that it's worth it. She said $35 for a cake online vs. time, effort and usually a terrible outcome (either a burnt down kitchen, stove caught on fire or a totally charred cake) is TOTALLY worth it! Mom bought my cake from the same place she did for my birthday last yer and my cake last year was AWESOME (see the picture on my page!) so she fully expects this one to be great, too!

I do believe my present from her and Dad is on it's way, too! I heard Dad say whatever it is I got is something I "don't need", so I bet you 10,000 bones that it is something TOO SWEET! (Because Mommy ALWAYS knows what I love and want! Daddy is a par-tay POOPER!)

Apparently Mom is getting me a super special gift just from her, too. I can only wait to see what this will be!

But my friends, best of all, and most importantly, MOM GOT HER DATES MIXED UP WHEN BRIE IS COMING TO STAY! So, do you know what that means? That means that Brie will NOT be here to ruin my Birthday! Whoohoo! (However, she will be here later on this month to ruin my life. Hmpf.)

So, folks. That is the Birthday report from my world for now.

Don't forget to stop by my good friend Sophie (March 6th) and my Valentine Odin's (March 7th) to wish them their Happy March Birthdays, too!

We'll report in exactly ONE WEEK from today with the FULL BIRTHDAY REPORT! WHOO HOO!

Tagged by Cupid!

Ouch!!! Is that an arrow I feel jousting my little rear? By golly Miss Molly, it's Cupid! I have been tagged by the one, the only BEAUTIFUL Audrey!


So here's how it works; in Valentine Day tag, you write your five Valentine Day wishes in a diary entry, then choose five of your pup pals and have them write down five of THEIR wishes. Then they choose five pup pals... and so on and so on...

You can let your five pup pals know that they have been tagged by paw mail, or rosette. Have fun and I hope all of your Valentine Day wishes come true!

My 5 Valentine wishes are:
1. That the world would be free of people who didn't love me as much as I love myself (coughZEUScough).
2. To spend my Birthday French Bulldog-less would be oh-so-sweet and quite possibly the highlight of my year.
3. For my evil voodoo telekinesis to kick in and knock over the ENTIRE FOOD CONTAINER full of not only my, but Zeus' bohemith bags o' food! (With ALL of the cookies on top of it, too!)
4. That everybody could experience what it's like to be half as good looking as moi! (No, wait! That should be one of YOUR wishes! Duh! Silly me!)
5. To be magically so fresh and so clean clean for the rest of my entire lifetime so that I would never have to be suds-up again! And while we're at it, please make my toenails stop growing, too! (And if you could tidy up Zeus just a bit? That too would be appreciated. He's his own special perfume, for sure!)

I pick:

1. My brother, General Titus
2. My wishful Valentine, Mack
3. My partner in crime, Bella
4. Bad Girls Club Top Member, Emma
5. The Man himself, EC Diesel

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! Mom and I (and Zeus) thank you all for the rosettes and kind words! She wishes she could hand some out herself, but a ***certian Shih Tzu whom we just so happen to share an account with (and her pesky owner...GRAMMA!)*** has made us bankrupt YET AGAIN in the so very important area concerning our rosette balance, so our apologies. Please take up your problems andn concerns regarding this matter to Tuesday and her Mom (my Gramma). And please, don't be shy. Complain. A lot! We slipped our $0.o2 into the complaint box earlier today! Geminie Christmas, Tues! Share the wealth!

But I digress, thanks again guys and have a VUNDUHFUL Valentine's!

Muah!

Love yours truly,
Mommy's Miss Grace!

Mud & Mommy: An unbeatable combination for the best Saturday- ever!

My time outside on my tube snooping on the next door neighbor and peeping in windows so up high on the hill has been limited by the inches upon inches of snow that blankets my beloved old friend the tubs. And where there's no tube, there's no fun. And where there's no fun, usually there's Zeus. But I digress. My apologies.

Yesterday my dear sweet Mom decided to suit up and go out with me in the land of melted snow and swampy guck. She geared up in a tattered old sweatshirt and her Crocs (though only mildly attractive, extremely easy to clean) and turned me loose on that beautiful, gushy, mushy, beautiful mud.

We frisbee'd, wrestled, raced and got down right dirty in the mud. It was GREAT! I admit to jumping on her a number of times to test not only her love and loyalty to me, but to check and make sure for her sake that that was really a sweatshirt she didn't mind getting dirty. (I know, I'm such a good little girl.) Not nobody, not ever, has anybody loved to wallow in the mud with me as much as my Mom did yesterday.

Of course, a mild interruption of Zeus-ness is always inevitable as he pranced outside so lightly on his tippie toes and stood at the edge of the wooden deck with his, "But Mommy! I don't want to get dirty!" prance and dance and slapped on his saddest most pathetic woe-is-me face that jabs Mom right in the heart every time. (Some people are just weak, you know?) The weenie time out card was thrown as Mom had to go tend to my "special needs" big brother and coddle him back into his sad safe little world of white walls and air filters.

All in all, I think we've found ourselves one seriously unbeatable combination for the best Saturday ever. Mud and Mommy can make everything in Graceland virtually perfect!

(And as a shameless plug for one of the most important days of the year---I want to remind everybody that I am still looking for a Valentine, don't you know! Com'on, folks! I'm a gem!)

Yours truly,
Mme. Grace

But...it's MY Birthday...

As Mom clicks from page to page in total and complete giddy excitement for my 2nd Birthday coming up for doggie canoli, doggie cupcakes, special glittery pink party hats and pressies I myself become a smidge excited, too. Not for all the fun and excitement, but mainly for the food.

Last year was totally awesome. Mom ordered me this huge beautiful personalized cake, and though she made me pose for pictures with a party hat on and though she made me eat the cake outside so I wouldn't get it "all over" it still ranks up there with my all time favorite birthdays.

The other day, Mom came home flipped the month over a couple of times and stared at the calender for awhile, and talked to herself under her breath. Meanwhile, I stood still glaring at her.

"ARE WE GOING TO MAUI? DID YOU ORDER ME SOME CHIPPENDALE'S DANCERS?"

She shook her head and gave a smide of a smile. Then she bent down and put her hands on her knees, cocked her head and gave me a little "oh, sweetheart" smile and said...

"Now, Grace. Mommy doesn't want you to be mad at me, but I've got some news for you. You know Brie? The little French Bulldog that stays with us? Well, her Mom asked if we would babysit her while she's gone for spring break and I said yes. Well, honey. That just so happens to land on your birthday, so just so you know, Brie will be saying with us on your big day."

What? WHAAAAAAAAAT?!

Have you ever seen the BEAST that they call the French Bulldog? Not only does she bully me out of house and home, but now she's taking my canoli and cupcakes too? This is unheard of! UNSPEAKABLE! Downright ILLEGAL, I'm sure!

So, alas dear Dogsters, I have one small French Bulldog and one rather large male Bullmastiff for sale. And if there are no takers, the least you could do is spare me some advice on how to get rid of them, for good.

Birthdays are supposed to be fun. MY day. MY STINKIN' DAY, MOM!

But no matter what, there's always going to be a flippin' Frenchie in my way, won't there?

Resolutions...

To join in the masses and blind herds of followers, I have decided to make myself a few New Year's Resolutions. As long as resolutions are not solid promises? I'm in I suppose.

*To harass Zeus only 1/2 as much as usual.
*To cover my entire body in mud and time how long it takes for it to dry.
*To try and lose only 1 city tag this year instead of 2.
*To avoid eating grass. (It's like doggie crack!)
*To put up more of a fight (like Zeus) for my toenail trimmings.
*To pretend like I'm not hungry more often so Mom adds more tripe to my food.
*To not get caught stealing inadamate objects.
*To find hidden treasure.
*To get more sleep (and more food).
*To pop a total of 5 of Tuesday's squeekers. I didn't get that accomplished last year. (Kudos to Zeus though. You did a good job, my friend.)

Disconnected...

Hello pup pals and other fellow Dogsters!

This is a courtesy post to all of you letting you know we are not purposely ignoring your p-mails. We will be temporarily disconnected from Dogster because of a big huge nasty visit from Jack Frost. Unfortunately, he's decided to bring down the wrath of winter upon us via a fat ol' ice storm. In a matter of hours, we expect that our power lines (not only to electricity, but life as we know it) will cease to exist.

Any Bodacious Bullmastiffs, if you are having any problems, questions or concerns please contact Diesel the Admin for futher assistance. Otherwise, we will get back to you as soon as possible.

Please everybody keep your fingers (and paws) crossed for us! Mom's worried that we'll be super chilly and will have to move us to our vet clinc once the power (heat!) is gone and Zeus (the baby) will pout and make her feel bad. She is also one hell of a bad driver, and I, Grace, am scared for my life to get in a vehicle with her on any given sunny day. Let alone with inches of deadly killer ice and so-so breaks! (Help me! Help me! Please almighty dog, HELP ME!)

Wish us luck! (And send food! Lots and lots of food!)

Your icey friend,
Miss Grace!

Holy cats! I'm DOTD!

Holy cats, folks! I'm Dogster's Diary of the Day! What an honor! I can hardly believe my eyes!

Sheesh, this is just all so unexpected! I just don't know what to say! (*Whips out list from back of pocket...*)

First and foremost, I'd like to thank Dogster for making all of this possible. Without Dogster, none of this could have happened.

Secondly, thank you to my Mom Tess for giving birth to me and my Dad Elivs for giving me such devilishly good looks!

Third, I'd like to give a shout out to my favorite brother, General Titus. And also to his new sister (and my sister too!) Maggy Mae. Also, my best friends, Diesel, Tyson and Pugsley! (Hi, guys! Can you believe it?) And last but certianly not least, my beyond handsome boyfriend, Zuke the Great Pyrenees.

Let's see, the entire Bodacious Bullmastiffs group too! Wow. Just look at you guys. You are TOO GOOD LOOKING!

And Mom would like to add in a big shout out to all the dogs and Mom's of the SPAM group. You guys are totally pawsome!

Gosh, I hope I didn''t forget anybody!

Finally, thanks to my family. Mom, without you, literally none of this would be possible. I thank you for having semi-decent spelling skills, and opposable thumbs to hit the space bar when needed and the fact that you've put so much hard work into memorizing the keyboard for me. And Dad, thank you for being there and giving Mom such ridiculous things to type about such as Polaris. And Zeus? My stinking brother. What can I say? I really do love you, bro!

Thank-you to all the Dogsters who have sent such kind messages and rosettes! You are too much! Thank you all!

Love,
Miss Grace!

(Edit: How dare I in all my glory forget the most important living being on the face of our beautiful planet, Tuesday? Thank you too. Mostly for proving to Mom what a well-behaved, sweet, not-spoiled-rotten dog I am. Buah ha ha! Vomit face!)