The World according to Hulk

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Stupid Groundhog!

March 8th 2010 9:45 am
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Barks and Butt-sniffs from (the incredible) Hulk

Well, the groundhog was a failure this year. When he came out of his burrow on February 2nd, the sky was overcast, so I am sure he didn't see his shadow, and Spring should be here by now. But it isn't----it has been below freezing most mornings for the past month, and this morning we woke up to a SNOW STORM. Horrible big flakes, coming down thick and hard. It would not be so bad if it was cold enough to ripen the poop-sicles, but it isn't that cold. They stay squishy, which isn't nearly as good as nice crisp frozen poop-sicles! If they are solidly frozen I can sneak and take them in the house to enjoy in the comfort of my spot beside the stove.

Vixen, Emma, Henny-Penny and I are ready for Spring. Henny-Penny and Emma HATE winter. Vixen and I like it for a while, but about this time every year, CABIN FEVER sets in, and we spend a lot of time arguing. Dad hates it when we argue-----he always screams at us to knock it off. We almost never get physical, usually we just scream at each other and make faces. Twice Vixen has pierced my ear however, and once I bit her tail and made it bleed. She splattered blood all over the house! Dad got mad at me, but it was Vixen's fault. She shouldn't have run around wagging her tail!

Yesterday Dad got to play in the snow. We were coming up our (steep) icy driveway, when, about halfway up, the studded tires lost their grip and the car went sliding backward down the driveway! When that happens we build up a considerable amount of speed. Well, this time we ended up in a snowbank, so Dad got to crawl around in the deep snow to install the tire chains. I stayed in the car and watched through the window.

Later, Ol' Weird John came to return some borrowed DVDs, and the same thing happened to him! Dad walked down the driveway (actually, he slid partway down on his back, after his feet shot out from under him), and helped ol' John install his chains so he could get out of the snowbank. Dad made me stay in the yard, but I stood at the fence and shouted encouragement at them while they were playing in the snow!

Your pal
Hulk

 

Dad said the D-WORD!

February 27th 2010 11:41 am
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Well, I have bad news! Today, Dad called me fat-ass and said I was going on a DIET! That is the most horrible thing I can imagine! The last time I was on a diet, I didn't get any treats, I got smaller meals and I didn't get to pre-wash the dishes! If that's not ABUSE, it is bordering on it!

Awooooooo! How will I survive?

Your mistreated friend,
Hulk

 

Its Been a while

February 19th 2010 1:45 pm
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Well, Dad has finally said that I can work with the computer. He restricted my use for a while-------something to do with the magic he calls SOLAR POWER. I don't understand why, but during the part of the winter when the days are shortest, that magic doesn't work very well, so Dad restricts the computer time to HIS STUFF, and mine has to wait!

Anyhow, here I am again------The weather on our mountainside is warming; the snow is beginning to melt. The bad news is that there will be no more POOP-SICLES until cold weather sets in again next winter. Poop is so much better in the winter when it is frozen!

I went on a nice trip yesterday. Dad and I went to Seattle, where Dad had some business to attend to. I got to go inside where there was a nice lady called a receptionist. While Dad was talking to a man, I taught the receptionist to do HIGH FIVES and to give me a treat everytime we did it. She was pretty smart for a human; it didn't take very long for her to learn.

Poor Vixen is not doing very well. The arthritis in her south end is getting much worse-----she can hobble around slowly, and sometimes falls down. She still is a happy lady, but the time is coming when she will be ready to say goodby. Dad built a step to make it easier for her to get up on her couch.

Dad and I are planning to go on a camping trip in June. I can hardly wait. Then we will be going on another camping trip in August with Charlene and Greg. More of the family will be going, but we are not sure how many. Stephanie and Wayne are planning to come, and will be bringing something called a BABY. I've never seen one of those before, but Dad said that I have to be nice to him and not eat him for lunch.

That's all for now, I feel the urge to go out and bark at nothing.

Your Pal,
(the incredible) Hulk

 

Jason and the squirrel

October 19th 2009 2:46 pm
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Greetings from (the incredible) Hulk!

I would like to bark the story about Jason and the squirrel: For a long time. there was a squirrel who, at the first sign of the oncoming dawn, would climb down from his tree and up onto our metal roof above Dad's and my bedroom. He would run back and forth for a while------it sounded like he was wearing combat boots; then he would climb down to the window sill and peek through the window as if to see if we were awake.

Well, we had enough of that, so Dad sent off a mail order, and before long, the UPS man brought a package. When Dad opened it, I looked and saw AN OWL!! He looks real, but isn't. He has motion sensers, that when anyone comes within range, cause him to turn his head and hoot loudly!

Dad named him JASON because in the small animal kingdom, the owl is considered Jason Vorheis without the hocky mask and big knife! (That's Jason of FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH)

Well, the next morning, we heard ol' Mr. Squirrel running around on the roof, so we watched out the window.......and there he came, heading for the window sill. When Jason turned his head and hooted, he took one quick look, turned around and was gone! He came back the next morning to see if the coast was clear-----Jason hooted at him again--and that is the last time he bothered us!

It is DEER SEASON again this year, and Vixen and I have barked ourselves hoarse at the hunters. There are some camped in the National Forest, just beyond our property line. Vixen and I can hear and smell them. Also, truckloads of hunters keep driving back and forth along our road. We are working overtime to make sure that they don't come in our yard!

That's all for now
Hulk

 

Photo Shoot

September 13th 2009 9:39 am
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Barks and tail wags from (the incredible) Hulk:

I have a new friend; her name is Kirsten, and she is a professional photographer! I had a photo shoot with her while Dad and I were on our vacation. The photos came in yesterday's mail! I picked some of my and Dad's favorites to post on my DOGSTER page---be sure to check them out!

Well, It seems that winter is on its way again. The nights are getting pretty chilly----no morning frost yet, but it is coming soon, I think. We have all our fire wood cut and stacked, so we are ready. I think I like winter better than summer, because I can go out and play in the snow. Also, the poop-sicles are ripe during the cold weather. I have to be creative when it comes to putting poop out to ripen into poop-sisles, because Dad always goes around looking for them---when he finds one, he throws it away! So I have to look for good places to hide it. Another good thing about winter is that STOVE, the big black monster that sits in the living room is awake and making good heat. Dad feeds him fire wood and he gives me heat. I love to lie next to him.

Your pal.
Hulk

 

My Vacation

August 17th 2009 1:54 pm
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Well, Dad and I returned from our vacation Saturday. I had a very good time, as usual.

Our camping trip got rained out after three days, so we went to Charlene and Greg's house, and spent the rest of our time doing other things. On the first morning of our camping trip, dad and I went for a long walk on a trail in the forest. Horses had been along the trail, and had had "accidents". I decided to clean up the accidents, but Dad made me stop.

There were so many things to pee on that I went dry. We went down to the lake, where my grand-nieces went swimming. I went in as deep as my ankles.

Charlene, Dad, Phoebe and I went to watch a herding dog competition. I wonder why the dogs do that. It looks like too much work to me-----I'd rather take a nap.

We went to a dog party in Portland, where Dad bought me a new bandanna and some treats. I saw a GIANT! Dad called him a Mastiff. I went over to smell his butt---I wanted to learn if he was a dog or a pony. When we got about ten feet from him, he MADE A FACE at me! Well, I am not a chicken, but I'm no fool, either. Those teeth looked mighty big to me! I scurried back behind Dad, peeked out from behind and made a face right back at that big guy!

Friday afternoon, I got to go to my own professional PHOTOSHOOT!
The photographer is named Kirsten. Her website is www.gooddogphotos.com She will be finished with my photos next week, and I will post some of them on my DOGSTER page.

Your pal,
(the incredible) Hulk

 

Camping!

August 4th 2009 6:28 pm
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I am so happy---it has finally come! The time to leave for our CAMPING TRIP! Dad and I will be leaving very early on Thursday morning for Charlene and Greg's, and then we will all be going camping for four days, starting Sunday! I can hardly wait! Vixen will be going on a seperate vacation. Tomorrow Dad will take her to Howling Ridge Animal Rescue, where she will be spending her vacation again this summer. She always has a good time there---all the other dogs let her be the boss! I will let you know how our camping trip works out, and will have some pictures to post.

Your Pal,
Hulk

 

Old Dogs

July 17th 2009 1:17 pm
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Butt-sniffs to all from (the incredible) Hulk

My Dad and I make a small monthly donation to OLD DOG HAVEN, a rescue group that specializes in rescuing OLD, hard to place dogs. They recently sent us this poem, that we thought was worth sharing:

AN OLD DOG'S PRAYER
One by one, they pass by my cage
It seems I am not wanted anymore
I once had a home,I once had a bed
A place that was warm, and where I was fed

Now my muzzle is gray, and my eyes slowly fail
Who wants a dog so old and so frail?
My family decided I didn't belong
I got in their way, my attitude was wrong

Whatever excuse they made in their head,
Can't jusify how they left me for dead.
Now I sit in this cage, where day after day
The younger dogs get adopted away.

When I had almost reached the end of my rope
You saw my face, and I finally had hope
You saw through the gray, and the legs bent with age.
And I felt I had life outside this cage.

You took me home, gave me food and a bed,
And shared your own pillow with my poor tired head.
We snuggle and play, and you talk to me low.
You love me so dearly, you want me to know.

I may have lived most of my life with another,
But you outshine them with a love so much stronger
And I promise to return all the love I can give,
To you, my dear person, as long as I live.

We may be together for weeks or for years,
We will share many smiles, you will no doubt shed tears
When the time comes that God deems I must leave.
I know you will cry, and your heart, it will grieve.

And when I arrive at the bridge, all brand new,
My thoughts and my heart will still be with you.
And I will brag to all that will hear,
Of the person who made my last days so dear.

(unknown)

Check out OLD DOG HAVEN's website at: www.olddoghaven.org

Your pal,
Hulk

 

Yard Sale

July 9th 2009 5:52 pm
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Well, I thought I should bark the news about this year's community yard sale that is an annual event at my sister Charlene's neighborhood.

Once again Dad and I loaded my truck with treasure, and drove to Charlene and Greg's for the week. It takes about nine hours to get there, and as usual there was a lot of interesting pee mail at the rest areas along the way.

We arrived on Wednesday, which gave us the next day for other activities before the sale began. I had left pee mail messages all over the neighborhood the last time I was there, and I enjoyed smelling all the responses.

Charlene and Greg had adopted a new dog since Dad and I had been there last. Her name is Phoebe. She is quite young, and liked to run and jump all over me, which was okay---I sort of enjoyed it.

I made one mistake, though, and was very repentant over it. My (human) niece came over, and brought me a bone, and brought a pupperoni for Phoebe. Dad and Charlene, without thinking, went outside for a few minutes, leaving Phoebe and me alone in the house. I was chewing my bone, and Phoebe came over and tried to take it away from me. I reached over and snapped at her, but she didn't jump out of the way, and I bit her enough to leave a tooth hole. When she screamed, Dad and Charlene came rushing in to check. She wasn't hurt very much and I was very ashamed of myself. I didn't get in trouble, because Dad and Charlene realized it was sort of their fault for leaving us together when I had a bone. They didn't blame me for defending my bone.

Except for that, my manners were good, as always. I enjoyed lying in my crate and watching the people come to check out our stuff. Vixen visited the HOWLING RIDGE ANIMAL RESCUE while we were gone, and as always, enjoyed herself. She loves to hang around all the dogs there, because they always let her be the boss. She loves Wendy, the lady who is in charge of the shelter.

Your pal,
Hulk

 

Yard Sale

June 22nd 2009 1:21 pm
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Well, I can hardly contain my excitement! We are leaving Wednesday to go to my sister (Charlene) and brother-in-law (Greg)'s house for their annual neighborhood YARD SALE! That is the time that everybody in the neighborhood who wants to participate, has a yard sale. We always take a truck load of stuff that we want to get rid of. I always have a wonderful time. There are so many new friends to make! Dad and I always take a long walk around the neigborhood, and look at all the other people's stuff. Dad sometimes spends almost as much as he takes in for the stuff we sell.

The long drive to get there is lots of fun, too! There are so many things to see and smell along the way. It takes us all day to get there. We live in a very remote area, and around here, I never see so many cars and people as when we go to Charlene and Greg's.

Vixen gets to go on her vacation while Dad and I are gone. She gets to go to the HOWLING RIDGE ANIMAL RESCUE, where they also board dogs. She has a great time there. As soon as she gets out of the truck she heads to where all the other dogs are, as fast as she can. At 115 pounds, she is usually the biggest dog there, and they all let her be the boss.

I will also get to see Stephanie, my favorite (human) niece. She isn't afraid of big dogs like me, and always plays with me and gives me treats.

Matthew and Timothy, my feline brothers, always hide all the time I am there, so I won't get to play with them, but I will get to meet Phoebe, my new niece, who is a very small girl, a toy poodle cross, only weighs around 5 pounds. I hope she isn't afraid of me. Charlene said that Phoebe likes to play with big dogs , but I have to be careful not to hurt her.

I will let you know how everything goes.

Your pal,
(the incredible) Hulk

 
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