Funny dog Jokes

Blowing His Own Horn

Buffy goes almost everywhere with my mom, except work and (unfortunately) restaurants. Mom and I were meeting for lunch about two weeks after she got him. I arrived first. I told the hostess that I was expecting my mother, and was seated. I heard a horn blow once ... then twice ... then again....



The hostess came back to our table and said, "Your mother and her dog are in the lobby." Buffy had been expressing his disapproval at being left in the car alone even for a short time.



On another occasion, I picked up Buffy, then went to pick up my mother at her church. Buffy must have thought that the sermon was too long, because after ten minutes, he blew the horn. I was horrified! I calmed him down, and he was sitting there like an angel, but then he decided to really lean on the horn!



The amazing part is that Buffy is all of 17 pounds and an Outback's horn is not easy to blow! But you-know-who has it figured out, all too well! This is a picture of him blowing the horn. We were watching from the window.



Melissa Swoager

Pittsburgh, PA



Busted!




Dog Swallows RFID Chip, Starts Car

A woman in Surrey, England couldn't figure out why her car wouldn't start. An Automobile Association patrolman arrived on the scene and the two realized that the woman's dog had swallowed the car's immobilizer chip fob. The immobilizer contains an RFID chip that must be within a certain proximity of the steering column for the key to work. According to a BBC News report, the patrolman put the dog in the front seat, turned the key, and the car started right up.




How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll fix any wiring that's not up to code.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my toys in the dark!

Collie: Wait right there. I'll go get Gramps. Should I ask him to bring a 40-watt? An 80-watt?

Doberman Pinscher: As long as it's dark, I'm going to take a quick nap.

English Pointer: There's a new light bulb there. Right ... there.

German Shepherd: All right, nobody leaves until I find out who broke the light bulb.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're worried about a light bulb?

Jack Russell Terrier: Put that ladder away, I can reach it on my own.

Mastiff: I am not afraid of the dark. I am NOT afraid of the dark. For the love of God (sob), will somebody please change the light bulb?

Standard Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it for me. By the time he's done rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Pug: Is this light bulb edible? Then forget it!

Saying “Happy New Year!” Around the World

Language Happy New Year!
Afrikaans Voorspoedige nuwe jaar
Arabic Kul 'am wa antum bikhair
Basque Urte Berri on
Bengali Shuvo noboborsho
Chinese (Cantonese) Sun nien fai lok
Chinese (Mandarin) Xin nian yu kuai
Czech Stastny Novy Rok
Danish Godt NytÅr
Dutch Gelukkig nieuwjaar
Esperanto Bonan Novjaron
Finnish Onnellista uutta vuotta
French Bonne année
German Ein glückliches neues Jahr
Greek Eutychismenos o kainourgios chronos
Hawaiian Hauoli Makahiki hou
Hebrew Shana Tova
Hungarian Boldog uj evet
Indonesian (Bahasa) Selamat Tahun Baru
Italian Felice Anno Nuovo or Buon anno
Japanese Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu
Korean Sehe Bokmanee Bateuseyo
Laotian (Hmong) Nyob Zoo Xyoo Tshiab
Latin Felix sit annus novus
Nigerian (Hausa) Barka da sabuwar shekara
Norwegian Godt Nytt År
Philippines (Tagalog) Manigong Bagong Taon
Polish Szczesliwego Nowego Roku
Romanian La Multi Ani si Un An Nou Fericit
Samoan Ia manuia le Tausaga Fou
Spanish Feliz año nuevo
Swahili Heri za Mwaka Mpya
Swedish Gott Nytt År
Vietnamese Chuc mung nam moi
Welsh Blwyddyn Newydd Dda

Dog owners warned over sugar-free items

Dog owners warned over sugar-free items
Reuters News Service
http://news. yahoo.com/ s/nm/20060929/ us_nm/life_ dogs_dc
Fri Sep 29, 6:56 PM ET


Keep those sugarless treats out of Fido's reach. Veterinarians
warned on Friday that a commonly used sweetener might cause liver
failure in dogs, and perhaps even kill them.

Their report in the Journal of the American Veterinary Medical
Association appears to strengthen the suspected link between the
sugar substitute xylitol, thought to make dogs sick, and possible
liver failure.

Xylitol, a naturally occurring product, is found in many sugar-free
chewing gums, candies, baked goods and toothpastes.

Researchers Sharon Gwaltney-Brant and Eric Dunayer with staff at a
poison unit of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to
Animals in Urbana, Illinois, gathered information on eight dogs
treated between 2003 and 2005 after eating products containing
xylitol.

Each dog became ill, and five died or had to be put down because of
liver failure, possibly from ingesting xylitol.

One dog who had to be euthanized had eaten four large, chocolate-
frosted muffins containing about 1 pound (0.45 kg) of xylitol.

"People don't think sugar-free gum can kill their dog. I didn't
before I got into this. But this is something people should be aware
of," Gwaltney-Brant, who co-authored the study with Dunayer, said in
a statement.

Gwaltney-Brant said for dogs, ingesting even a small amount of
xylitol can trigger significant insulin release, which drops their
blood sugar and can be fatal.

"A 22-pound (10-kg) dog who consumes one gram (0.03 ounces) of
xylitol should be treated," she said, adding that further studies
were needed to definitely establish a cause-and-effect relationship.

Twelve days of Christmas by Maynard Minus Music

On the first day of Christmas my owner gave to me
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
1. On the second day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
On the third day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Three belly rubs
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Four pig's ears
Three belly rubs
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Five home-made treats
Four pig's ears
Three belly rubs
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Six hours of swimming
Five home-made treats
Four pig's ears
Three belly rubs
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Seven sticks for fetching
Six hours of swimming
Five home-made treats
Four pig's ears
Three belly rubs
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Eight bones for chewing
Seven sticks for fetching
Six hours of swimmingFive home-made treats
Four pig's ears
Three belly rubs
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Nine holes worth digging
Eight bones for chewing
Seven sticks for fetching
Six hours of swimming
Five home-made treats
Four pig's ears
Three belly rubs
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Ten hounds a' baying
Nine holes worth digging
Eight bones for chewing
Seven sticks for fetching
Six hours of swimming
Five home-made treats
Four pig's ears
Three belly rubs
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Eleven trees for peeing
Ten hounds a' baying
Nine holes worth digging
Eight bones for chewing
Seven sticks for fetching
Six hours of swimming
Five home-made treats
Four pig's ears
Three belly rubs
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my owner gave to me
Twelve months of loving
Eleven trees for peeing
Ten hounds a' baying
Nine holes worth digging
Eight bones for chewing
Seven sticks for fetching
Six hours of swimming
Five home-made treats
Four pig's ears
Three belly rubs
Two tennis balls and
A red squirrel in a fir tree.

My Tail of Devotion for Lacy

Daddy's Girl Lacy

On Nov 5, 2005 we got Lacy from Tara House a rescue group in Maryland. We always had a dog in our house till I moved out. Lacy come to us from NC where she was going to be put down if Tara House did not step in and rescue a few dogs. Lacy is a 1 yr old Lab Whippet mix. Lacy loves to be petted and give kisses. Lacy was house trained. We take Lacy to the Dog Park to run and meet other dogs. Lacy was attacked in the dog park by a Rottweiler the owners did nothing to stop the fight, I steped in and got Lacy out of harms way. Ever since then Lacy and I have bounded. When I take Lacy out in the morning before I leave for work, Lacy will be in my bed waiting for me to come out of the bathroom. Then I take sometime to rub and play with her. When I came home at night, she is waiting at the door with her tail wagging. I guess I never had a dog of my own till Lacy. Lacy will always be in my heart and soul. She is something special to us and always will be. All my love your Mom &D ad.

This is a special Tail of Devotion

See All Tails of Devotion

more fun stuff

In a press release today, the National Institute of Health has
announced the discovery of a potentially dangerous substance in the
hair of dogs.
This substance, called "amo-bacter canis" has been linked with the
following symptoms, especially in female humans:

Reluctance to cook
Reluctance to perform housework
Reluctance to wear anything but jeans or sweats
Reluctance to work except in support of a dog
Physical craving for contact with dogs (may be an addiction)

Beware: If you come in contact with a female human affected by this
substance, be prepared to talk about dogs for hours on end.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.

Hope you enjoyed it.

HUMAN MEDS THAT WORK FOR DOGS!

GREAT SITE THAT TELLS YOU ALL THE HUMAN TAKING DRUGS THAT ARE FOUND AROUND YOUR HOUSE THAT WORKS FOR DOGS PERFECTLY.

IT EVEN TELLS YOU THE AMOUNT OF THE MEDICATION TO GIVE THE DOG DEPENDING ON THE DOGS WEIGHT.

THIS IS A MUST TO PRINT OUT.

The message is ready to be sent with the following file or link attachments: Shortcut to: http://wynsumgsd.com/meds.html

Dog Peeves about humans

To my dog loving friends....




Dog peeves about humans

1. Passing gas and blaming it on me... not funny... not funny at all !!!

2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A DOG, YOU NUMBSKULL!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly
whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew
your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog!
Woooo-Hooooooo! Oh, what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I
freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I
haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth, you're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things, We both know who's boss here (you
don't see me picking up your poop, do you?).

Best Freinds Weekend

Best Friends Weekend: June 23 – 25, 2006
All across America, thousands of people will commit
acts of kindness toward animals during this year’s
Best Friends Day and Best Friends Weekend. United in
their determination to make the world a better place,
they will show their cities and towns and communities
how these acts of kindness to animals can make a
difference.

Ninety-six percent of Americans now say that animals should never be abused. Could we be at a classic
tipping point?

Animals are our best friends, and 89 percent of Americans believe we have a moral obligation to
protect them. Even more – 96 percent – say that animals should never be abused.

My New Sister

I Got me a Sister last Saturday. Jan Small Cute and full of life. Jan 6 Month and as not played much yet. Ill miss Jan torromow She Being Spayed i love her and will be at home with my Mom waiting for her safe return. Love u Jan.