April 1st 2009 3:21 pm
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The Pittsburgh Steelers are coming off of their record-breaking 6th Super Bowl title, and as was the case after the last victory in 2005, the face of the Steelers is changing during the offseason. They've already lost Nate Washington, and now there has been an agreement reached with a division rival. This move may send Steeler Nation into an uproar, but it is a done deal nonetheless.
In a trade finalized a la the Colts' move from Baltimore to Indianapolis in the middle of the night back in 1984, the Steelers and Bengals made a deal that nobody ever saw coming. Cincinnati needed a new WR after losing TJ Houshmanzadeh to Seattle. They've landed the hard-hitting, always happy-go-lucky on the field, Hines Ward, Pittsburgh's all-time leader in every statistical category for wide receivers. In turn, the Steelers get, coincidentally, Cincy's 2008 first round draft pick, linebacker Keith Rivers the man whose jaw Ward broke with a vicious hit in the first meeting between the Steelers and Bengals last season. This is also a good thing for the Steelers to land a young linebacker, as their linebacking core is aging fast. James Harrison is over 30 even though he just had the best year of his career, Casey Hampton is sometimes overweight and out of shape, and James Farrior is nearing his end, and signed a contract extension that will no doubt keep him in Pittsburgh until he retires, which could be in the next couple years for all we know.
The deal is a good move for both teams, but I must say that I will certainly miss Hines Ward. On the other hand, I look forward to seeing what Rivers can do. Until nex time, this is The Blitzburgh Pit Stop reminding you that nobody on your team is safe from the trade block, even your all-time greatest WR.
APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!! !!!!
March 22nd 2009 8:32 am
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Pittsburgh, PA. The Super Bowl XLIII Champion Pittsburgh Steelers, the only team to win six titles, will soon be losing half of those trophies. After a meeting between NFL Commissioner Rodger Gadel and President Barack Hussain Obama, Obama decided to redistribute half of their Steeler Super Bowl victories and trophies to less fortunate teams in the league.
"We live everyday in the country that invented the Super Bowl." said Obama "We are not about to lose this Great American tradition in the wake of these difficult times." Obama's plan calls for the Steelers, who are a successful NFL team, to give half of their Super Bowl trophies to teams that are not successful or have not been as successful as the Steelers. "The Detroit Loins are just as much a part of the same fiber of the NFL as the Steelers and they should, no rather will, be entitled to a Super Bowl Trophy as well." Obama explains in his plan that he has imposed on Godel and the NFL.
The Pittsburgh Steelers, who by virtue of hard work, excellent team play, stellar draft choices, responsible investing of free agents, careful hiring of coaches and excellent community service and commitment to their fans, has prospered greatly during the past 30 years and have won six Super Bowl Trophies. But President Barack Hussain Obama's plan calls for the Pittsburgh Steelers to carry the larger burden of the NFL's less successful teams. Obama went on to further proclaim, "In these difficult times we are all in this to work together. We must reclaim the NFL Championship Dream for every team, for every city and for every fan."
"My plan will not affect 31 of the 32 teams in the league." Obama assures. That's over 95 percent of the teams in the NFL will not have to worry about loosing any Super Bowl Trophies. "The worst teams in the NFL and the teams that can't seem to get a break and win a championship will no longer have to worry about going without a title." Obama promises. "We are a country and league of hope. We all need to make a change. It does not matter the color of the teams uniforms, the personal decisions that the teams make or their performance but rather if they are a member of this great American league."
The Super Bowl XLIII trophy will be redistributed to the 0-16 Detroit Lions. Through no fault of their own incompetence, the Lions could not manage a victory all season and this trophy will help ease the pain of their lack of performance and give them hope once again. The redistribution of Super Bowl XL trophy will go directly to the Steeler's division rival the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals who also have fallen on hard times have never won a Super Bowl. This victory will bring a smile to hundreds of Bengal fans all over the world as they can now celebrate. Finally, one of the Steeler's two Super Bowl victories over the Dallas Cowboys will go back to the Cowboys since the league needs to provide hope in the face of difficulty and provide hope in the face of uncertainty. This is a heavy burden for the Steelers but together we can all prosper.
All hope is not lost for Pittsburgh fans, Barack Hussain Obama has another plan in place. Obama has met with MLB and commissioner Bud Selig on a similar plan. The New York Yankees will redistribute two of their world series trophies to the Pittsburgh Pirates as a supplement to their loosing 16 straight seasons and counting. This plan will help stimulate the Pirates and enable them to regain the American Dream. Barack Hussain Obama will be meeting with the NHL and Michael Phelps in the upcoming weeks as this issue is high on his agenda for "Hope and Change."
Steelers must now share their wealth and fruits of their success and hard work
Obama provides hope to NFL teams.
March 13th 2009 7:48 am
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A Steelers game is a holy war, a fight for what is virtuous and right. To live here in Pittsburgh, where Heinz Field sits like a fat temple bursting with kielbasa-loving believers, is to know all there is to know. Unflinching, unconditional, ours is a faith handed to us from Grandpa or Great-Grandpa, the guy who first got the season tickets and passed them down through generations. (The waiting list for season tickets is ten years long- you have to wait until someone dies.) Divorcing couples have been known to wage custody battles over season tickets; ex-husbands give in and sit with ex-wives, sharing nachos and a cold Iron. Hey, it's the Steelers.
We are born into our religion, and we are baptized, and we receive our Communion. A Steelers fan never strays. You move to Denver, or to some fancy Sunbelt place, or even to California, you stay a Steelers fan. People say the Cowboys are America's Team, and we think that is so adorable. So very precious. Listen, people: The Steelers are God's Team. Hometown boy Bill Cowher having passed along to sainthood, we embrace a new messiah, Mike Tomlin, trusting in the guidance of our holiest family, the Rooneys(because they're from Pittsburgh). And now, of course, we have big Ben Roethlisberger, who can make us more than a tiny bit nervous , and Hine Ward, with his eternal smile(he smiles, we think, because he gets to play for Pittsburgh), and Troy Polamalu, who embodies the sort of humanity we expecte of our Steelers. Good people. Good people. Hey, they play for Pittsburgh- a rusty promised land where there is so little left to be proud of. So we will sit and wave our terrible towels and battle the gray chill that cuts to the bone, wave that towel, wave that towel in praise. We will do this because this is our life's work. We will continue to give birth to baby Steelers fans., and we will continue our charge to take over the world, to convert you and you and you. We are missionaries charged with leading you towards the light of Steeler Nation. It's probably a rule in the Bible Somewhere. Oh, it probably is...