The Cruelty and Insanity of Hoomans.....

I haven't written in my diaree in a veree long time.... but something happened this week that has left our fambily with very heavy hearts and I wanted to spread the word..... it is about the Insanity and Cruelty of Hoomans....

This week in Rochester, Minnesota (t part of the Mpls/St. Paul metro area-- about 2 hours away and where the famous Mayo Clinic is located), a tragedy struck that made us absolutely sick to the core of our being. First, it should be said that Rochester in not a place with significant crime, and in fact-- a couple of years ago was rated one of the best cities in the United States to live in as part of a national Magazine article. On Monday a family (parents and a baby) who had rescued a basset hound a few years ago and who was an equal member of the family went through the unbelieveable. They had let the female (senior) Bassett out into their front yard where she was quietly roaming around and sniffing the smells of fall. This family had never had any complaints from neighbors, etc. about any barking or howling from this bassett-- all was right with the world. Suddenly, the father heard two gunshots from outside and ran out the front door to see what was going on-- he called his bassett's name and she struggled to get up and get to him-- blood pouring from her mouth. This beloved bassett hound had been shot in the head. There is no logical reason, the police have no leads. Again, there had been absolutely no trouble with anybody in the neighborhood with the dog-- or with the hoomans. The father picked the bassett up and rushed her to the ER, but by the time he arrived she had passed. The famliy is grieving and so should we to know there is such cruelty in the world. Such a lack of reasoning and impulse control. Was it a deer hunter returning after the opening "deer hunting" weekend of the season, frustrated because he had not gotten his "kill"-- so he decided to take out a bassett instead?? Was it kids causing "mischief" who will think nothing of the pain this family is going through? Regardless, there is no possible reasonable explanation for this senseless act of violence.

Please hug and kiss your fur babies tonight and give them an extra show of love in memory of this beloved bassett. I really hope they catch the person/people responsible for this-- but fear that even if they do, there will be no law significant enough to give the murderer the sentance they deserve.

With heavy hearts,

Maxwell, Sophie Amore', Pugsident Irving, and 'da mom

My Onry Onyx Homework Assignment: Researching BBQ/Picnic- Foods... Read about the Hamboogler!!

The history of the hamburger is truly a story that has been run through the meat grinder. Some sources say it began with the Mongols, who stashed raw beef under their saddles as they waged their campaign to conquer the known world. After time spent sandwiched between the asses of man and beast, the beef became tender enough to eat raw—certainly a boon to swift-moving riders not keen to dismount.

It is said, then, that the Mongols, under Kublai Khan later brought it to Russia, which turned it into the dish we know as steak tartare.

Several years later, as global trade picked up, seafarers brought this idea back to the port city of Hamburg, Germany, where the Deutschvolk decided to mold it into a steak shape and add heat to the equation, making something that, outside of Hamburg, was referred to as "Hamburg steak."

Of course, as it's been pointed out on the comments on this site and in John T. Edge's book Hamburgers & Fries, that's wishful thinking. As Mr. Edge writes, "The history of proletarian dishes like hamburgers is rarely explained by a linear progression of events."

But enough fishing in European and Asian waters; let's cut bait here. Somehow ground beef gets to America. Somehow it's put on a bun. But by whom? Surely the historical record becomes more clear once we cross to these shores.

It doesn't. There are currently three major claims staked on the confusing and contradictory map of American hamburger history. Each has its adherents and detractors. They are:

Louis' Lunch: This New Haven, Connecticut, burger joint claims to have invented our favorite lunchtime (and dinnertime) meal in 1900. From its website: "One day in the year 1900 a man dashed into a small New Haven luncheonette and asked for a quick meal that he could eat on the run. Louis Lassen, the establishment's owner, hurriedly sandwiched a broiled beef patty between two slices of bread and sen the customer on his way, so the story goes, with America's first hamburger."

"Hamburger Charlie" Nagreen: It's said that he started selling meatballs at the age of 15 at the summer fair in Seymour, Wisconsin. But, homeofthehamburger.org says, "Charlie was a resourceful young man with an outgoing personality. After not experiencing much success selling the meatballs, he had an idea and located some bread. He realized people could take this meal with them if he simply smashed the meat together between two pieces of bread. He called it a "hamburger" and yes, in 1885 the burger was born at the fair in Seymour, Wisconsin."

Menches Brothers: The brothers' descendents, who now operate a small chain in Ohio called, not surprisingly, Menches Bros. claim that their great-grandfather and his brother (Charles and Frank, respectively) invented the dish at an 1885 fair in Hamburg, New York. The brothers originally sold sausages but ran out and were forced to use ground beef, which at the time was considered declassé. John Menches, in a Businessweek story, says, "Faced with nothing to sell at all, they fried [the ground beef] up, but it was too bland. My grandfather decided to put coffee, brown sugar, and some other household ingredients in it and cooked up the sandwich. My great-uncle Frank served the first sandwich, a gentleman tasted it and said, 'What do you call it?' Uncle Frank didn't really know what to call it, so he looked up and saw the banner for the Hamburg fair and said, 'This is the hamburger.' "

And there yew have it-- but I won't ride those horsies to cook my meat I tell yew!! Give me a good old fashioned BBQ burgler any ole time instead!!

Sad tails when 'da cousins, 'da Beagles come to visit....

Dear Diary,
This weekend our cousins the beagles came to visit for three whole days.... 'da mom said something about their hoomans going to Wisconsin for a Green Bay Packer thingy but I don't know what that is. Within the first hour of arriving my cousin Buska intelligently went into 'da mom 's office where she had a big box of greenies set back on the desk and Buska climbed up and got it down!! I was all pugcited cause I'd been watching those greenies furever but Buska got greedy and I didn't get a single one. 'Da mom came into the room and threw a hissy fit cause Buska had eaten an entire box (like TWENTY Greenies-- Hello!!!) and she thought fur sure he was going to die.... She made some phone calls and kept watching him and watching him... but he seems just fine and it hasn't disturbed his appetite at all. In the meantime my beagle cousin Tucker (who is normally my bestest friend) got ahold of my Beaver from my girlypug Penelope-- he chewed one ear off before 'da mom could get it away from him.... I LOVE my Beaver-- and it needed both ears so I was mad!! Then Today he got ahold of my duckduck, that my buddies Hercules and Ms. Bailey had sent me.... 'da mom started yellin then and got it away and stuffed the squeaker back in it but she's not sure if it's ever going to recover and return to active duty. Mom says since the beagles arrived we've had two poopers in the house and two pee's. She's not real happy.... between the clean-up, my favorite stuffy toys being greviously injured, and the whole box of greenies she says it's been an expensive weekend so far... and there is still 36 hours to go...... I hope Tucker doesn't get his paws on my lobster.....

Palooza Talk, Live Frum 'da Rainbow Bridge-- It's Maxwell 'da Reporter and Onry Onyx

From Palooza Talk, an exclusive interview with Ms. Onry Onyx, of the Rainbow Bridge!! Sent: Wed Aug 8

Well Palooza Talk readers, I can't tell you how thrilled I was to get this exclusive interview with this next Celebrity-- Ms. Onry Onyx . I met Onry over the bridge and through a cloud undeneath a huge tree with shrubbery reminding me of her home on earth in New Mexico. Darn, I thought-- another hot state, this reporter just can't catch a break with comfortable weather. But surprisingly, despite the heat, it wasn't uncomfortable, in fact- I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with Onry hearing her perspective on all aspects of life at the bridge.

Before yew read this interview, I must confess to my readers, I did, at times, lose my profeshunal objective as her answers touched me to the veree core. But as yew will see, her insight into life on the Bridge was excepshunal and shuld give us all comfort as we think of those we love.

As she toyed with the strand of pearls she wore around her neck I asked her if it true you are healthy again and have no pain when you pass to the Rainbow Bridge? Onry smiled and said, "Yes that iz true. I can tuck & run all month without even stopping to rest. Even when I wuz a pup, I couldnt do dat. And az far az pain, I dont remember whut dat iz, so I guess I dont gots any. Best of all iz dat I kin see clear past da Milky Way now." Wow, I thought-- to be able to see all the stars and the Milky Way up close- how kool would that be!

Do you remain an old pugger I thought, and how could I gracefully ask that question to a pug of her age while she was on earth... so I said tentatively, do you become young again and lose your grey hairs or do you just feel young? She laughed as she replied " No Way!! I had a choice when I first got here as to whut age I wanted to be. I like being a wize old granny pug & my fambily wouldnt know me iffen I wuz yung. Remember I didnt haff a real fambily until I wuz 11 1/2 and besides damomma & dapoppa always told me I wuz beautiful so, The Gray Stays!! " Expugllent I thought 'cause Irving has developed a bit of an ego since somepuggy told him he is the Sean Connery of Pugs. He likes his grey hair and thinks it enhances his charm. He will be very glad to know this fact.

On to the next most important topic I thought-- FOOD! How many times do you get fed per day and what kind of food do you get to eat? "I dont really get fed, I just think yummy roast and deres one now. Think ice cream & there iz a baftub full of it & I swim in it and eat at the same time, keeps my puggish figgerr! Same wiff any odder fuud. Course, I supoze dat if I thought of sumone feeding me... nah, dats da momma's job. I dont want anybuddy else doing it." Oh my pugness, I thought-- it is just like those SeeFood Magical Mystery Boxes the Pugsident and First Puggy Lady Bailey sent out to us a couple of weeks ago!! I nearly pee'd with excitement at her answer I must confess!!

Which made me ask the following question-- just to be absolutely sure, on behalf of my friend Wheezer and Otis Campbell Carter... Are there Carrots and Ice Cream at the Rainbow Bridge? Onry smiled as she began gestering with her arms wildly, and just seemed to know why I was asking that specific question!! I was amazed by her insight as she replied "Wheezer dere iz fields of carrots, just roll in da foliage and enjoy the back rub until dem carrots just practically jump into yer mouf! OCC, yew kin haff an ice cream baff, or boat or an ice cream Sunday where it lasts all week! Yew boyz just gots to use yer imagination and your fondest desires just happen. " Wow, I thought... but what about gaining that excess poundage? "Since yew asked, I guess it would be OK to tell yew dere are sum FORBIDDEN WERDS here and dats in the top ten. I cant tell yew de odders till yew gets here, but de absence of dem werds sure makes dis Heaven!"

OK, with food covered I moved on to the special "doggie specific types of treats we all enjoy--- the Greenies!! "They grow on spechul trees with peanut butter filled kongs. There are too many trees & bushes to describe, sum are jest for peeing on but lots of dem haff toys & treats & stuffed people fur us to sleep wiff." was Onry's reassuring answer to my question.

Now that the most important topic-- food was covered, comfort became my next priority in my investigative questions regarding the bridge. I just knew I had to uncover the truth-- the Rainbow Bridge couldn't be THAT fabulous could it? I started by asking where do you sleep and with who, thinking that ahhhhaa! Sleep must be a lonely time... Onry laughed as she figured out what I was doing and responded "At night I always cuddle up in da hugest puppy pile yew could imagine. I like to be near Sapphires pups and all de odder pups who's moms & dads arent here wiff em. Sum of my pups are here too, so it's great.

Fur naps, I usually pick a stuffed damomma & stuffed dapoppa from the Lifesized Tree & plant my butt right between em, just like always. However, on certain days when I haff pals arriving, like yesterday, I nap wiff dem under a big pear tree whose leaves let the sunshine thru in a warm & sparkely way. I cuddle em real close on dere furst day cause dat furst day we still remember earth enough to really want one last sweet cuddle wiff our famblys. After dat transition, we just get busy enjoying everything till one day.... " Oh, I thought-- gee, how nice would that be.... and how comforting for Sapphire and Bandits to know that their pups were taken care of--

I must confess I then got a couple of puggie tears in my eyes thinking of her answer so I quickly changed the topic to shopping-- a pugs paradise of fun!! Do you have a PetSmart at the Bridge? Where do you get your treats from? Now I admit, I had already asked about Greenies and found out about Kong's but I didn't want to think about those pups anymore cause if I did I would be a blubering reporter and Palooza Talk wouldn't hire me anymore. Onry accepted the abrupt change of subject in stride, looking me in my puggie tear filled eyes, nodding, and answering "Nope, no Petsmart dat I've found, but if I wanted one I could think one here. I wuznt too crazy bout riding in a shopping cart anyway. Treats are like food, you crave it & there it iz. Good thing I always had an active imagination!! BOL!"

I quickly followed it up with a question about the Who's Who at the Bridge-- wanting to know-- Have you met any Celebrities at the Bridge? Onry scoffed and said "Celebrity is an earth thing. We are all celebrities here but deres no pugerazzi. " No pugerazzi I thought, Oh, what a relief-- oh no, wait a minute-- if there's no pugerazzi I won't be able to be Maxwell 'da Reporter when I come to the Bridge!! Oh No!! After I had my initial panic attack at the thought I remembered I would still have the opportunity to be Sir Maxwell and plan parties and be Maxwell 'da Rapper and do Birfday Dances so all would be fine-- wouldn't it?

I was suddenly brought back to the conversation as Onry gave me a little shake and continued her answer to my initial question about Celebrities at the bridge.... "I did haff lunch one day wiff a man named Noah & all kinds of critters dat were in hiz pack. A wuff told me he wuz an earth celebrity. Den dere wuz da day dat a nice man named Albert explained how da universe & time and space all worked togedder but I didnt understand dat part about arriving here before I lived on earth. I am also always up fur a nice flight across the heavens with that nice daVinci man or even with Old Ben on his kite string."

Still shaken at the thought of possibly losing my "identities" I thought it best to change the subject again to the Logistics of the whole bridge thingy and learn exactly HOW it worked... I said, Onry, inquiring minds want to know-- Do you really cross a bridge to get in or is it more of a "cloud" thing? She got a contemplative look on her face as she answered "Maybe it's because I wuz old but it seemed to me dat the bridge and clouds are in da minds. Da pupz all say they crossed a bridge into da clouds but for me, I just closed my eyes, said Thy Will Be Done and let go of earth. Next thing I know, I yam here, happy, healthy and near the Creator. "

I must confess I was fascinated that there could be so many perceptions from so many doggies on how they arrived at the Rainbow Bridge. I wonder yet today, what really happens and how do you get there?

Still investigating the logistics of Bridge life, I asked where do you do your "buziness"? Are there good tree's to pee on? "Dere are peeing trees! Ones so tall dat yew kin become a giant to pee on it but den yew hafta shrink back pretty quick or dere's hurricaines & tsunamis down below. Alot of us girls like to pee in the celestial garden. When we do we can sit fur a while jest to watch while whole brown dry fields to turn into a riot of colorfull wildflowers for yew doggies on earth to run in. "

But who does the pooper scooping at the bridge? "When I poop it just twinkles out in a white hot sparkle dat divides in two and becomes soil & dew below. Pooping iz great fun here, even more fun dan pooping in my teenager's sneaker! " Wow, I thought, that sounds good to me!! I like to poop!!

Is it true you never have to go outside in the rain or have baths if you don't want them? Onry chuckled and said ''We arent afraid of storms anymore, they only happen down below. When we get a rain it iz gentle & sweet smelling. Lots of us wuv to roll around & frolick in da rain. In da rain we kin watch new treat trees sprout up and grow aiming for da sun. When we play in da rain dere iz no wet dog smell. We kin haff baffs but only if we wants to. I like em warm & wif liver flavor bubbles and belly rubs!!!"

Next, I felt it important to explore the social aspects of Bridge life. Being a partying sort of Pug, I wanted to ensure I could maintain my Sir Maxwell, party planner to the pugs identity when it was my time to go to the Bridge.... so I asked, Do you have parties and pug meet-ups at the Bridge? Onry chuckled and said "We haff parties & gatherings of every sort, lots of em! My favorites are the arrival & the reunion parties. I wuv welcoming new arrivals and watching their sheer joy at being able to run & see & hear and FLY! Sum pups look so silly when dey see dere legs or eyes grow back!! Reunion parties are real swell. We arent supposed to tell, but, when a human comes for a beloved companion we throw one heckuva wingding before they cross the odder bridge. I yam not allowed to say whut happens during dem, but lets jest say, it iz well worf de wait to find out."

Onry paused for a minute then continued, "I can tell yew all, dat folks who never had a loved animal often come by and we then haff an Adoption Party where an animal can choose to adopt that person. It's really sad when they dont get adopted cause a seething white hot door opens up and that person disappears in a bolt of lightening never to return, not even fur lunch or a good scratch." Oh, I thought.... that wasn't the kind of answer those hoomans are going to want to hear-- I wonder what's beind that white hot door? I sure hope 'da mom gets adopted-- Oh wait! I'll adopt her, and Grandpaw, and Aunt Beth and everypuggy I love then they won't half to worry about that door.... having figured out the answer to such a disturbing thought I progressed in my questioning (alright, to be truthful this maybe wasn't the smartest question I thought to ask but I was a little discombobulated after the last one....

Are there any mean dogs at the bridge? Onry laughed at the question then told me "Nope, not a single one. Our pal, St Francis, checks every new animal in. He lays hiz healing hands on dem doggies whut wuz treated mean & neglected so dat dere spirit iz healed and all terror & abuse (sum of dem FORBIDDEN WERDS) are forgotten. After dat no buddy has any reason to be mean. Every animal finds love here & spends their time spreading it all around in dere own spechul ways." Oh Wow, I thought-- maybe that wasn't such a dumb question after all-- all those poor doggies that have been abused are healed and made happy and nice again..... and again,

I felt my eyes welling with puggie tears of happiness.... straightening my back and strengthening my resolve, I pressed on to the subject of love and comfort by asking are there any hoomans around so you have a lap to sit on and get your ears rubbed? "Yes we get lots of visitors from across the second bridge. Sometimes they come to nap with us, or play or just to scratch an ear or belly. Then we return their love many times over, just like on earth. " Oh sweet! I thought-- I'll have 'da mom when she crosses over and maybe we can even go sleeps together just like on earth!!

Curious I just had to ask, do yew get to ride yur Harley again at the Bridge? "Yew know, Maxwell, I loved to ride on earth but only wiff damomma or dapoppa and dere not here so I Gots My Own Harley Now. Its Gots REAL FLAMES, yew can see me in da sky sumtimes. Dem scientist people call it an asteroid but it's jest us puggie & doggie bikers out fur a scoot!" Wow, I thought now that changes a few ideas we had back on earth, Onry continued, "I gots 2 sidecars and I take every new arrival on a Welcome Back Tour. I also wuv to cram dem sidecars full wiff pupz and blast all around da galexy. When my humanz come, I yam gonna take dem fur the ride of their afterlife!!! VRUM VRUM, WEEEEE!!"

My next question was a little on the selfish side I admit, but not MY selfish side.... Do you get all your teeth back when you go to the bridge? (this one is from Pugsident Irving) "Oh Irving (& Bandit) we gots any kind or number of teef we wants at any moment!! De odder day I had tusks cause I wanted a peanut butter cup from da top of one of the huge peanut butter assortment trees. Den I changed all my teeth into a small comb teef so I could rake dat yummy peanut butter & REAL chocolate thru em, onto my drooling tongue and let it melt dere! YYYYUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMmmmmm!"

Trying to get all of Irving's questions out of the way at once, I then asked what do you think about the job Pugsident Irving is doing in running Pugdom? (yep-- he wants a poll from the Bridge) "I think Pugsident Irving shud sit down wif dat humanz president guy and try to talk sum sense into him. Irving is doin a bang up job of watching out for & protecting hiz constituents. Also Irving, you need to know, yew is our Pugsident up here too but dont rush to get here, we are doing OK fur now." Whoo, I thought, that should settle Irving down.... if only those Bushes were open to diplomatic relashuns... but at least he keeps trying....

I then was compelled to ask--who is in charge at the Rainbow Bridge? "Well it aint a rottweiler or sum odder big doggie! Jest Kidding. We all have sumpin we love to do and do it out of love, so RB pretty much runs itself cause dis place runs on love, trust, kisses & treats!" Whoo Hoo, I thought, what a good ting, cause I don't like being told what to do by anypuggy!!

My next topic had to do with the insight Rainbow Bridge members had to the earth below... so I asked can you really see all of us down here on earth ALL the time and do you laugh at us? Onry must have thought that question was more than a bit funny cause she was laughing so hard at me she fell over and was slapping the ground as she giggled!! "We certainly can see you all! Anytime we think of yew, there yew are, still on earth but also right in front of us. We can also see yew all in any time, like Now, Before, or Still To Be. Dats part of whut dat Albert guy wuz splaining to me, but dont ask me to splain it to yews. Dats de way we are able to show our friends who we love! Sumtimes we show a spechul pal the actual moment when we knew we became Really Loved! "

"We never laugh at yews, well mabee sumtimes at HPee when he's being particularly bad. We do laugh wiff yews quite a bit. Yew earth souls are really quite amusing at times. Mostly tho, we look at you and send love, patience & strength yer way."

Having overcome her laughter, Onry continued on a more serious note saying "Sumtimes we aim a certain earth doggie at our beloved pet humanz, when the need iz there and no odder doggie steps up to teach them love, loyalty and all dem odder great puggie/doggie skills." Holy Pugoli, I thought-- that's a whole lot more insight than I thought there would be... kind of like Santa Paws in a way... seeing about naughty & nice and all that....

Starting the conclusion of my interview process I asked What's your most favorite thing about the Bridge? Onry paused for a moment before she responded slowly "I love the pupz mostest of all. There are so many of them!! All are happy, healthy and loving. I haff to tell sum of em about earth cause they didnt get to stay very long.

I also teach dem what to look for in a humanz so dat at dem adoption parties they find a furever friend whats wurthy of em or trainable & recoverable if dey like rescues. Lil Pee helps me find da babies what need an old granny. I never got to know where my earth pupz went or to see em grow, so I like to spend my time here looking out fur az menny pups az he brings to me. " Oh, darn it anyway, here came those puggie tears in my eyes again.... Onry smiled as she handed me a tissue and gave me a comforting pat on the back....
I sniffled as I asked the next question, What's your least favorite thing about the Bridge? "I cant think of anything here dat iznt sheer joy. But occasionally when I'm cuddled up to my stuffed humanz, I get impatient for mine. Den I check on em and see dat dey still haff more lessons to learn..." Oh darn, that just made my puggie tears worse....

Onry pulled me close and gave me a big pug hug and whispered, "it's o.k., when it's your time I'll be here to show you the way and you'll always be able to check on yur mom and stuff, and while she may be sad, like my momma and poppa are, they'll be o.k. 'til they see yew again cause they have their memories and know that we're o.k. up here and just waiting fur them"-- O.K., at least that's what I remember her saying, but I can't swear that it was an exact quote as I was being hugged and crying on her shoulder....

Having regained my pugposure, I got back to the serious business of interviewing and asked If you were still here on earth what would you want us all to know? Onry thought deeply about her answer, trying to put the right words together and make us all understand, "That each of us, while on earth, must try hard to train at least one human or family so that they will be worthy of crossing over the second bridge with us. We are made to stand besides them and gently guide them no matter whut. AND dat if yew end up with mean humanz, even if it costs yer earthly life, dat life will be avenged and enriched all the more here in the After. Trust Old Onry, justice iz real & absolute." Oh Onry, I said, that answer was just beautifull!! I think our readers will really learn someting from that!

What other information or news would you like to share with us? Onry added, "Dat all of dere loved ones boff human or K9 are well met here. Dey are cherished and cared for with pure wuv. Most Importantly tho, iz dat the Creator made each of us and gave us a furever life. We all haff a purpose. We are all spechul, dere az here, & spreading wuv iz always a gud thing. "

Reaching the conclusion of my interview time I just had to ask, Do you have any messages for anyone down here on earth? "Tell all my pals on dogster dat Old Onry still loves em & watches over em. My fambily knows what dat I wuvs em, cause I whisper to em in their sleep. Tell Bandit & Sapphire to take good care of our humanz and dat I am proud of how well they are doing learning to be cherished and pampered. To everybuddy, please treat yourselves and your loved ones like every day iz da last. And always remember kisses are free and should be applied liberally and often. "

My last question I thought, was a good one to end with when I asked, Is it true your heart never forgets your family? "You never forget your first love, your family or Pizza! Our fambly's are forever a part of us and we of them. We belong to each odder. Long after our hearts stop beating, we carry bits of each other, safe & secure forever. "

Having concluded my questions about the Rainbow Bridge I gave Ms. Onry Onyx a big hug and even a kissy 'cause her interview had touched me so deeply. She returned the hug and I gots to tell yew, she hasn't lost any strength at all, why she squeezed the breath right out of me!! I thanked her for her time and insight and as I walked back toward the bridge to go home I could see her in the distance, surrounded by all the baby pups, waving their paws at me... (well o.k.-- one of them he was shaking his butt at me... it might have been 'lil Pee... but no matter...) What a lovely afternoon I thought.... and I'm sure our Pugapalooza readers are really going to love reading this interview. What a very special Pug Ms. Onry Onyx continues to be today, and she continues to be the gramma pug even now... still decked out in her pearls, with her Harley at her side.... and a pile of pups.

Maxwell 'da Reporter

As Royal Party Planner for all of Pugapalooza and Pugdom I- take my job seriously..... Let me tell you about the- Coronation Ball

Maxwell glides up the road to the Pugapalooza castle, the partition between him and his limo driver carefully in the “up” position so as no details of the royal Coronation Ball leak out to the Pugparattzzi…. They make a first stop, where Maxwell checks in with Sam the Stableman, to ensure the stables are ready to care for all the guests horses and carriages and provide escort to the main door of the castle. Satisfied with the accommodations, and having checked out the freshness of the apples and carrots on supply for those beasts of burden, Maxwell places a check in his little black book and returns to the limo. “Onward Jives”, Maxwell requests, and the limo proceeds up to the main door of the Pugapalooza castle. As Maxwell escorts the limo and thanks his driver he takes a moment to observe the castle and his surroundings…. As always, overcome by the beauty of the old French estate. He thinks of those puggies who long, long ago carried the castle stone by stone all the way over from Europe to reassemble it in the land of the free, the home of the brave, Pugdom U.S.A. Maxwell glances down at the Royal Purple carpet leading to the door. Perfect he thinks!! Once the concierges are in place, with their swords over their head and crossed from either side of the aisle, the King and Queen’s entrance should be spectacular!! Maxwell envisions the Concierges, Winston, Barney Fife, OCC, Ralfee, and Rex Mi Amor, and Bruno Uno and thinks—oh my gosh, the King and Queen may have to duck a couple of times to get through the swords of Barney Fife Carter anda Rex Mi Amor!! Maybe we better arrange for little platforms for them to stand on….Maxwell sends a message on the walkie talkie and nods his head in approval, Maxwell is careful not to step on the daisy petals strewn a cross the carpet, a symbol of both Queen Daisey Mae’s name, as well as the love King Spivey and her share (after all, he did send her Daisies on her Birfday…. The first pugger in Pugdom to send live flowers to his love).. Maxwell sighs….. bet Penelope would be liking some flowers right about now….. He pulls out his little black book and checks off a few more things on the list. Pulling back, he examines the strength of the stantions meant to keep back the pugarrattzzi. Perfect, he thinks—as he runs his paw against the royal purple velvet ropes. Classy, yet effective. Between the stantions and the Royal Bobbie’s from England, together with the supervision of Gus, all of our guests should party in safety and security this evening. He raises his head to the North field of the castle where he see’s a small Valet Shack being set up for all the limo drivers to hang out during the party. He pulls out his radio and does a test communication to the shack—receiving the response he expected. Check—valet service and limo parking complete. He bends down and checks the sturdiness of the gondola’s sitting in the moat…. Perfect he thinks! Captain Tug and CJ are the Royal Captains to Pugdom and will be offering gondola rides to all our guests. They sure will be busy tonight—knowing they will have their fire and rescue gear tucked under the seats in the gondola’s should they suddenly be needed in an emergency! He strides up to the main door of the castle, careful not to step on any Daisy petals, and enters the Great Hall. On either side of the door he see’s the cases of corsages and boutinners for the girlypugs and manpugs which will be pinned on their collars by the official Ladies in Waiting: Miss Lady Lexus, Shorty, Cali, Lola Maria, Mia Pia and JadeZing. Boy, he thinks… they’re going to be busy—they have to dance with all the newbies too!! I bet their paws will be sore by the end of the evening… Maxwell bends down to sniff the corsages and sighs….. yes, they are fresh, picked today and assembled by the royal floral staff. He’ll have to remember to thank them for all their hard work in preparing so many so quickly. Straight ahead of him is one of his own contributions to the Coronation Ball. A ginormous ice sculpchure—exquisite in detail, of the new King and Queen. King Spivey kneels at Queen Daisey Mae’s feet holding her front paws and gazing at her with love and adoration. Daisey’s paw is gentley touching the side of Spivey’s face, her own face glimmering with love and joy. Gently, around the base of the ice sculpchure, a pool of gently bubbling champug flows—not a champug fountain, more of a champug lake surrounding the lovers. On the left, the Pugbar is set to accommodate any guests request. To the right, the buffet tables are set with their serving ware ready to be filled to the brim with delights from the Chef. Throughout the great hall, the King and Queen’s colors, Royal Purple, White and Gold are prominent, from the candles in their crystal holders on each dinner table, to the Royal Purple and White Silks adorning the walls of the Hall. A floral vine of Daisey’s wraps around the banister of the large curving staircase which takes you to the royal bedchambers. Straight ahead on the main level, sits the Throne Chairs, carefully reupholstered in creamy beige, and refinished in Mahogany waiting for the King and Queen to accept the royal positions. Close by is a third royal chair, meant to seat a very important guest, Mr. Bubble Head (MBH), who is the Royal British Ambassador to the King and Queen—making sure England is represented at the Coronation event. Next to Mr. Bubble Head’s chair is a microphone—this will be used for Raven, the Court Jester to tell her jokes for all to hear and especially to amuse the King and Queen, as well as for the official Coronation Ceremony. In the very center of the great hall, stands the Stone of Pugdom, from which a sword protrudes, waiting for the royal ceremony to begin. Once King Pugsident Irving arrives, he will begin the Royal Ceremony where he will pull the sword from the stone one last time before passing it on to King Spivey, who will then be the only King to have the power of the stone during his reign. Following the ceremony Pugsident Irving will join Bailey Rocky and Adeline in becoming Royal Consultants to the King and Queen. Maxwell pauses for a moment as a flurry of checks get checked off in his little black book before he walks across the dancefloor towards the stage. The London Philharmonic Orchestra is warming up and sounding beautiful!! What a night it will be! Maxwell ducks off-stage and checks with the electricians, making sure ample power is available and the lights are perfectly set as the artists requested them. He then goes backstage towards the dressing rooms, ready to meet the guest artists of the evening. He knocks at the first door…. The door swings silently open. It appears that nobody is there… concerned, Maxwell throws out a yoo-hoo—hoping perhaps they are just getting changed or some such thing. Suddenly, there in an explosion and a huge plume of smoke right in front of him—Maxwell drops to the floor screaming “I don’t want to die!!!!”, he hears a chuckle and cautiously removes one paw from in front of his eyes and see’s …… HOLY PUGOLI!! It’s Harry Potter!!! Where did you come from”, Maxwell asks, his eyes as wide as saucers…. “Why Mr. Bubble Head invited me to stop by and meet the new King and Queen and provide a little bit of fun for the evening—he said I could use this dressing room is that alright?” Maxwell slowly climbs to his feet and stammers out “no—I mean yes, umm do yew, errrr ummm, have everything yew need?” Maxwell feels like a bumbling idiot but he is trying to make sure that everything will be alright…. Harry smiles and says “I’m just fine…. I’ll be out in my own time to greet the guests, I’m just working on a trick or two in the meantime…. Didn’t mean to scare you friend…..” “Umm, not a problem”, Maxwell stammers, pleasure to meet yur acquaintance…. Here—here is my pugcell number shuld yew need anything prior to your… ummmm….. appearance?” They nod at each other and Maxwell carefully backs out of the room, not wanting any more surprises ahead of him…. He shuts the door and goes on to the next set of dressing rooms. After a brisk knock it is answered and standing there is Freddie Mercury. Wait a minute—Freddie Mercury? Maxwell thinks….. “Yes, Freddie says—it’s really me—and I’m here with the rest of Queen to rock your paws tonight!”. “But how” Maxwell asks…..”Did Harry Potter bring you?” “No, young Maxwell, tonight I am a gift from the powers above, just like you went to the Rainbow Bridge to interview your long lost friends, I too am making a trip to the other side to see mine—and I always had the most fun with my friends when playing music, and since I can’t show up in front of those hoomans without every tabloid claiming I’m a UFO or something, we decided to come and play for you pugs!”. “Well greetings then, Freddy, and the rest of you”, I love Queen and I am sure the King and Queen will be most happy to see you—please let me know should you need anything during the evening. Passing on his pugcell number Maxwell backs out of the room and moves on down the hall…. Next he finds Bob Segar—sitting in a room with Prince. Surprised the two of them are friends—he politely asks if they are just chatting, or did one of the staff make an error and assign them both the same dressing room. As he thought, Prince remains silent, and Bob Segar says “We’re old friends….. just sitting here sharing a quiet moment….” Maxwell thanks them, passes on his pugcell number and moves on again. At the next door he hears a song-- something about a hump and starts dancing outside in the hall thinking this is great—when all of a sudden the dressing room door flys open! Red-faced in embarrassment to be caught lurking and dancing outside the door, he is surprised when he realizes it is the beautiful Fergie!! Again, he stammers out his message, bends down to kiss her hand, and moves on down the hall, still swaying to her funky music. As he approaches the last dressing room he hears a pug-awful booming coming from inside and shrinks at the thought of what could possibly be behind the next door—he knocks…. Knocks louder….. and in frustration starts kicking the door in the “off beats” of the music. The door flys open and LL Cool J is standing there, wearing his bling, and drinking champug. He turns down the music and stands there… staring at Maxwell….. who is feeling quite foolish and intimidated by this time. Maxwell stammers out his message hands out his card and quickly closes the door and scoots off. Entertainment- check!! He makes his way back to the grand hall noticing the graceful crystal chandeliers hanging above the room—their lights glisten softly—he stops and turns them up just a titch, until later, when appropriate, he will return and adjust the setting back down. Coming across the stage and descending to the main level he checks out the Coronation Cake on the right hand side—It is a huge Daisy shaped cake, gloriously adorned with live daisies on top!! How beautiful, Maxwell thinks…. Just wait ‘til the puggers find out that they EACH get a miniature Daisy cake to take home with them as a party favor… they will sure like that to remember the night by…. He glances at the platform set up on the left side of the room, complete with two chairs, two chainsaws, two hammers and chisels. This will be the ice sculpchure carving station, Maxwell remembers…. Smiling as he thinks of the ice sculpchure carving lessons he tried to give Baron to the King, Wheezer and his girly-boston Diamond….. yep, he thinks, this could be fun, and even better as Diamond is the Royal Photographer for the evening as well! She must be truly talented to wield a chainsaw with one paw and a camera with the other!! I can’t wait to see how the guests feel about each receiving their own ice sculpchure carving of themselves done by Wheezer and Diamond. Chuckling to himself, he goes back to the kitchen where Agnes and Aeretha and busy, busy, busy. Chopping, mixing, cutting, and sauteing, they work the orders of the guest chef—Chef Robert Irvine, of Food Networks Mission Impossible. Chef Irvine has been a chef for the royal family in England, as well as for two Presidents of the United States. His mission is to create a feast upon all feasts for our guests to enjoy in a minimal time and ingredient sort of way. Maxwell knows that tonights menu includes Mr. Bubbleheads contributions—Cucumber Sandwiches and a Crate of Butter Bear provided by the House of Elves at Hogwarts (this being served at the bar…) and to complement the English fare Chef Irvine will also be serving English tea and crumpets, Scones, with Jam and Clotted Cream. Interesting, Maxwell thinks, then asks “Chef Irvine-- What else may our guests expect?” Chef Irvine looks up irritatedly, unhappy at being disturbed at such a stressful time….. “With the minimal ingredients that you’ve provided me I have raided the gardens of Pugdom to create the most spectacular feast I can manage! I have been fishing in your ponds and have air-expressed in some of my most important ingredients! We will be serving Smoked Trout with a moral sauce, fresh salmon, Smoked country ham, Wild Boar, and of course, a nice filet of beef in wine sauce. Au Gratin Taters, made with fontina and asiago cheeses, hash brownies with my special herbs and imported cheeses , and loaded taters with a taste you puggers have never seen before! I have three different bacon appetizers, crostini’s with baby shrimpies and crab, and your favorite bbq meatball recipe. We have glazed carrots, roasted carrots with beef, and fried house rice. Baby eggrolls with sauce will accompany the beef and carrot stirfry I’ve prepared, and a nice loin of lamb with mint rounds out the main features. Other side dishes will be added throughout the evening, and should the King and Queen desire anything specifically, just let me know, and I will do my best to exceed their wishes. Now really, I must go, Agatha and Aeretha are working hard and can’t be disturbed and I have magic to create” Chef Irvine turns and heads back to the stoves poking in the ovens and checking his mystery dishes, as Maxwell exits the room. Well, Maxwell thinks…. I think that about does it—one final stroll through the grounds to make sure the lanterns are lit and the birds are singing on cue and we shall be set. All in all, I think we’ve got the King and Queen covered. Thank goodness, Maxwell thinks…. I’m already exhausted…. I hope Paris, as head of Puglicity has been working hard to get the word out about this bash, I’ve got to start working on my royal rap song for the King and Queen and get it done fast!!

From Maxwell 'da Reporter, An exclusive interview with Ms.- Onry Onyx, from the Rainbow Bridge

Well Palooza Talk readers, I can't tell you how thrilled I was to get this exclusive interview with this next Celebrity-- Ms. Onry Onyx . I met Onry over the bridge and through a cloud undeneath a huge tree with shrubbery reminding me of her home on earth in New Mexico. Darn, I thought-- another hot state, this reporter just can't catch a break with comfortable weather. But surprisingly, despite the heat, it wasn't uncomfortable, in fact- I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with Onry hearing her perspective on all aspects of life at the bridge. Before yew read this interview, I must confess to my readers, I did, at times, lose my profeshunal objective as her answers touched me to the veree core. But as yew will see, her insight into life on the Bridge was excepshunal and shuld give us all comfort as we think of those we love. As she toyed with the strand of pearls she wore around her neck I asked her if it true you are healthy again and have no pain when you pass to the Rainbow Bridge? Onry smiled and said, "Yes that iz true. I can tuck & run all month without even stopping to rest. Even when I wuz a pup, I couldnt do dat. And az far az pain, I dont remember whut dat iz, so I guess I dont gots any. Best of all iz dat I kin see clear past da Milky Way now." Wow, I thought-- to be able to see all the stars and the Milky Way up close- how kool would that be! But do you remain an old pugger I thought, and how could I gracefully ask that question to a pug of her age while she was on earth... so I said tentatively, do you become young again and lose your grey hairs or do you just feel young? She laughed as she replied " No Way!! I had a choice when I first got here as to whut age I wanted to be. I like being a wize old granny pug & my fambily wouldnt know me iffen I wuz yung. Remember I didnt haff a real fambily until I wuz 11 1/2 and besides damomma & dapoppa always told me I wuz beautiful so, The Gray Stays!! " Expugllent I thought 'cause Irving has developed a bit of an ego since somepuggy told him he is the Sean Connery of Pugs. He likes his grey hair and thinks it enhances his charm. He will be very glad to know this fact. On to the next most important topic I thought-- FOOD! How many times do you get fed per day and what kind of food do you get to eat? "I dont really get fed, I just think yummy roast and deres one now. Think ice cream & there iz a baftub full of it & I swim in it and eat at the same time, keeps my puggish figgerr! Same wiff any odder fuud. Course, I supoze dat if I thought of sumone feeding me... nah, dats da momma's job. I dont want anybuddy else doing it." Oh my pugness, I thought-- it is just like those SeeFood Magical Mystery Boxes the Pugsident and First Puggy Lady Bailey sent out to us a couple of weeks ago!! I nearly pee'd with excitement at her answer I must confess!! Which made me ask the following question-- just to be absolutely sure, on behalf of my friend Wheezer and Otis Campbell Carter... Are there Carrots and Ice Cream at the Rainbow Bridge? Onry smiled as she began gestering with her arms wildly, and just seemed to know why I was asking that specific question!! I was amazed by her insight as she replied "Wheezer dere iz fields of carrots, just roll in da foliage and enjoy the back rub until dem carrots just practically jump into yer mouf! OCC, yew kin haff an ice cream baff, or boat or an ice cream Sunday where it lasts all week! Yew boyz just gots to use yer imagination and your fondest desires just happen. " Wow, I thought... but what about gaining that excess poundage? "Since yew asked, I guess it would be OK to tell yew dere are sum FORBIDDEN WERDS here and dats in the top ten. I cant tell yew de odders till yew gets here, but de absence of dem werds sure makes dis Heaven!" OK, with food covered I moved on to the special "doggie specific types of treats we all enjoy--- the Greenies!! "They grow on spechul trees with peanut butter filled kongs. There are too many trees & bushes to describe, sum are jest for peeing on but lots of dem haff toys & treats & stuffed people fur us to sleep wiff." was Onry's reassuring answer to my question.

Now that the most important topic-- food was covered, comfort became my next priority in my investigative questions regarding the bridge. I just knew I had to uncover the truth-- the Rainbow Bridge couldn't be THAT fabulous could it? I started by asking where do you sleep and with who, thinking that ahhhhaa! Sleep must be a lonely time... Onry laughed as she figured out what I was doing and responded "At night I always cuddle up in da hugest puppy pile yew could imagine. I like to be near Sapphires pups and all de odder pups who's moms & dads arent here wiff em. Sum of my pups are here too, so it's great. Fur naps, I usually pick a stuffed damomma & stuffed dapoppa from the lifesized tree & plant my butt right between em, just like always. However, on certain days when I haff pals arriving, like yesterday, I nap wiff dem under a big pear tree whose leaves let the sunshine thru in a warm & sparkely way. I cuddle em real close on dere furst day cause dat furst day we still remember earth enough to really want one last cuddle wiff our famblys. After dat transition, we just get busy enjoying everything till one day.... " Oh, I thought-- gee, how nice would that be.... and how comforting for Sapphire and Bandits to know that their pups were taken care of-- I must confess I then got a couple of puggie tears in my eyes thinking of her answer so I quickly changed the topic to shopping-- a pugs paradise of fun!! Do you have a PetSmart at the Bridge? Where do you get your treats from? Now I admit, I had already asked about Greenies and found out about Kong's but I didn't want to think about those pups anymore cause if I did I would be a blubering reporter and Palooza Talk wouldn't hire me anymore. Onry accepted the abrupt change of subject in stride, looking me in my puggie tear filled eyes, nodding, and answering "Nope, no Pets art dat I've found, but if I wanted one I could think one here. I wuznt too crazy bout riding in a shopping cart anyway. Treats are like food, you crave it & there it iz. Good thing I always had an active imagination!! BOL!" I quickly followed it up with a question about the Who's Who at the Bridge-- wanting to know-- Have you met any Celebrities at the Bridge? Onry scoffed and said "Celebrity is an earth thing. We are all celebrities here but deres no pugerazzi. " No pugerazzi I thought, Oh, what a relief-- oh no, wait a minute-- if there's no pugerazzi I won't be able to be Maxwell 'da Reporter when I come to the Bridge!! Oh No!! After I had my initial panic attack at the thought I remembered I would still have the opportunity to be Sir Maxwell and plan parties and be Maxwell 'da Rapper and do Birfday Dances so all would be fine-- wouldn't it? I was suddenly brought back to the conversation as Onry gave me a little shake and continued her answer to my initial question about Celebrities at the bridge.... "I did haff lunch one day wiff a man named Noah & all kinds of critters dat were in hiz pack. A wuff told me he wuz an earth celebrity. Den dere wuz da day dat a nice man named Albert explained how da universe & time and space all worked togedder but I didnt understand dat part about arriving here before I lived on earth. I am also always up fur a nice flight across the heavens with that nice daVinci man or even with Old Ben on his kite string."

Still shaken at the thought of possibly losing my "identities" I thought it best to change the subject again to the Logistics of the whole bridge thingy and learn exactly HOW it worked... I said, Onry, inquiring minds want to know-- Do you really cross a bridge to get in or is it more of a "cloud" thing? She got a contemplative look on her face as she answered "Maybe it's because I wuz old but it seemed to me dat the bridge and clouds are in da minds. Da pupz all say they crossed a bridge into da clouds but for me, I just closed my eyes, said Thy Will Be Done and let go of earth. Next thing I know, I yam here, happy, healthy and near the Creator. " I must confess I was fascinated that there could be so many perceptions from so many doggies on how they arrived at the Rainbow Bridge. I wonder yet today, what really happens and how do you get there? Still investigating the logistics of Bridge life, I asked where do you do your "buziness"? Are there good tree's to pee on? "Dere are peeing trees! One so tall dat yew kin become a giant to pee on it but den yew hafta shrink back pretty quick or dere's hurricaines & tsunamis down below. Alot of us girls like to pee in the celestial garden. When we do we can sit fur a while jest to watch while whole brown dry fields to turn into a riot of colorfull wildflowers for yew doggies on earth to run in. " But who does the pooper scooping at the bridge? "When I poop it just twinkles out in a white hot sparkle dat divides in two and becomes soil & dew below. Pooping iz great fun here, even more fun dan pooping in my teenager's sneaker! " Wow, I thought, that sounds good to me!! I like to poop!! Is it true you never have to go outside in the rain or have baths if you don't want them? Onry chuckled and said ''We arent afraid of storms anymore, they only happen down below. When we get a rain it iz gentle & sweet smelling. Lots of us wuv to roll around & frolick in da rain. In da rain we kin watch new treat trees sprout up and grow aiming for da sun. When we play in da rain dere iz no wet dog smell. We kin haff baffs but only if we wants to. I like em warm & wif liver flavor bubbles and belly rubs!!!"

Next, I felt it important to explore the social aspects of Bridge life. Being a partying sort of Pug, I wanted to ensure I could maintain my Sir Maxwell, party planner to the pugs identity when it was my time to go to the Bridge.... so I asked, Do you have parties and pug meet-ups at the Bridge? Onry chuckled and said "We haff parties & gatherings of every sort, lots of em! My favorites are the arrival & the reunion parties. I wuv welcoming new arrivals and watching their sheer joy at being able to run & see & hear and FLY! Sum pups look so silly when dey see dere legs grow back!! Reunion parties are real swell. We arent supposed to tell, but, when a human comes for a beloved companion we throw one heckuva wingding before they cross the odder bridge. I yam not allowed to say whut happens during dem, but lets jest say, it iz well worf de wait to find out. " Onry paused for a minute then continued, "I can tell yew all, dat folks who never had a loved animal often come by and we then haff an adoption party where an animal can choose to adopt that person. It's really sad when they dont get adopted cause a seething white hot door opens up and that person disappears in a bolt of lightening never to return, not even fur lunch or a good scratch." Oh, I thought.... that wasn't the kind of answer those hoomans are going to want to hear-- I wonder what's beind that white hot door? I sure hope 'da mom gets adopted-- Oh wait! I'll adopt her, and Grandpaw, and Aunt Beth and everypuggy I love then they won't half to worry about that door.... having figured out the answer to such a disturbing thought I progressed in my questioning (alright, to be truthful this maybe wasn't the smartest question I thought to ask but I was a little discombobulated after the last one.... Are there any mean dogs at the bridge? Onry laughed at the question then told me "Nope, not a single one. Our pal, St Francis, checks every new animal in. He lays hiz healing hands on dem doggies whut wuz treated mean & neglected so dat dere spirit iz healed and all terror & abuse (sum of dem FORBIDDEN WERDS) are forgotten. After dat no buddy has any reason to be mean. Every animal finds love here & spends their time spreading it all around in dere own spechul ways." Oh Wow, I thought-- maybe that wasn't such a dumb question after all-- all those poor doggies that have been abused are healed and made happy and nice again..... and again, I felt my eyes welling with puggie tears of happiness.... straightening my back and strengthening my resolve, I pressed on to the subject of love and comfort by asking are there any hoomans around so you have a lap to sit on and get your ears rubbed? "Yes we get lots of visitors from across the second bridge. Sometimes they come to nap with us, or play or just to scratch an ear or belly. Then we return their love many times over, just like on earth. " Oh sweet! I thought-- I'll have 'da mom when she crosses over and maybe we can even go sleeps together just like on earth!! Curious I just had to ask, do yew get to ride yur Harley again at the Bridge? "Yew know, Maxwell, I loved to ride on earth but only wiff damomma or dapoppa and dere not here so I Gots My Own Harley Now. Its Gots REAL FLAMES, yew can see me in da sky sumtimes. Dem scientist people call it an asteroid but it's jest us puggie & doggie bikers out fur a scoot!" Wow, I thought now that changes a few ideas we had back on earth, Onry continued, "I gots 2 sidecars and I take every new arrival on a Welcome Back Tour. I also wuv to cram dem sidecars full wiff pupz and blast all around da galexy. When my humanz come, I yam gonna take dem fur the ride of their afterlife!!! VRUM VRUM, WEEEEE!!"

My next question was a little on the selfish side I admit, but not MY selfish side.... Do you get all your teeth back when you go to the bridge? (this one is from Pugsident Irving) "Oh Irving (& Bandit) we gots any kind or number of teef we wants at any moment!! De odder day I had tusks cause I wanted a peanut butter cup from da top of one of the huge peanut butter assortment trees. Den I changed all my teeth into a small comb teef so I could rake dat yummy peanut butter & REAL chocolate thru em, onto my drooling tongue and let it melt dere! YYYYUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMmmmmm!" Trying to get all of Irving's questions out of the way at once, I then asked what do you think about the job Pugsident Irving is doing in running Pugdom? (yep-- he wants a poll from the Bridge) "I think Pugsident Irving shud sit down wif dat humanz president guy and try to talk sum sense into him. Irving is doin a bang up job of watching out for & protecting hiz constituents. Also Irving, you need to know, yew is our Pugsident up here too but dont rush to get here, we are doing OK fur now." Whoo, I thought, that should settle Irving down.... if only those Bushes were open to diplomatic relashuns... but at least he keeps trying.... I then was compelled to ask--who is in charge at the Rainbow Bridge? "Well it aint a rottweiler or sum odder big doggie! Jest Kidding. We all have sumpin we love to do and we do it out of love, so RB pretty much runs itself cause dis place runs on love, trust, kisses & treats!" Whoo Hoo, I thought, what a good ting, cause I don't like being told what to do by anypuggy!!

My next topic had to do with the insight Rainbow Bridge members had to the earth below... so I asked can you really see all of us down here on earth ALL the time and do you laugh at us? Onry must have thought that question was more than a bit funny cause she was laughing so hard at me she fell over and was slapping the ground as she giggled!! "We certainly can see you all! Anytime we think of yew, there yew are, still on earth but also right in front of us. We can also see yew all in any time, like Now, Before, or Still To Be. Dats part of whut dat Albert guy wuz splaining to me, but dont ask me to splain it to yews. Dats de way we are able to show our friends who we love! Sumtimes we show a spechul pal the actual moment when we knew we became Really Loved! "
"We never laugh at yews, well mabee sumtimes at HPee when he's being particularly bad. We do laugh wiff yews quite a bit. Yew earth souls are really quite amusing at times. Mostly tho, we look at you and send love, patience & strength yer way." Having overcome her laughter, Onry continued on a more serious note saying "Sumtimes we aim a certain earth doggie at our beloved pet humanz, when the need iz there and no odder doggie steps up to teach them love, loyalty and all dem odder great puggie/doggie skills." Holy Pugoli, I thought-- that's a whole lot more insight than I thought there would be... kind of like Santa Paws in a way... seeing about naughty and nice and all that....

Starting the conclusion of my interview process I asked What's your most favorite thing about the Bridge? Onry paused for a moment before she responded slowly "I love the pupz mostest of all. There are so many of them!! All are happy, healthy and loving. I haff to tell sum of em about earth cause they didnt get to stay very long. I also teach dem what to look for in a humanz so dat at dem adoption parties they find a furever friend whats wurthy of em or trainable & recoverable if dey like rescues. Lil Pee helps me find da babies what need an old granny. I never got to know where my earth pupz went or to see em grow, so I like to spend my time here looking out fur az menny pups az he brings to me. " Oh, darn it anyway, here came those puggie tears in my eyes again.... Onry smiled as she handed me a tissue and gave me a comforting pat on the back.... I sniffled as I asked the next question, What's your least favorite thing about the Bridge? "I cant think of anything here dat iznt sheer joy. But occasionally when I'm cuddled up to my stuffed humanz, I get impatient for mine. Den I check on em and see dat dey still haff more lessons to learn..." Oh darn, that just made my puggie tears worse.... Onry pulled me close and gave me a big pug hug and whispered, "it's o.k., when it's your time I'll be here to show you the way and you'll always be able to check on yur mom and stuff, and while she may be sad, like my momma and poppa are, they'll be o.k. 'til they see yew again cause they have their memories and know that we're o.k. up here and just waiting fur them"-- O.K., at least that's what I remember her saying, but I can't swear that it was an exact quote as I was being hugged and crying on her shoulder.... Having regained my pugposure, I got back to the serious business of interviewing and asked If you were still here on earth what would you want us all to know? Onry thought deeply about her answer, trying to put the right words together and make us all understand, "That each of us, while on earth, must try hard to train at least one human or family so that they will be worthy of crossing over the second bridge with us. We are made to stand besides them and gently guide them no matter whut. AND dat if yew end up with mean humanz, even if it costs yer earthly life, dat life will be avenged and enriched all the more here in the After. Trust Old Onry, justice iz real & absolute." Oh Onry, I said, that answer was just beautifull!! I think our readers will really learn someting from that! What other information or news would you like to share with us? Onry added, "Dat all of dere loved ones boff human or K9 are well met here. Dey are cherished and cared for with pure wuv. Most Importantly tho, iz dat the Creator made each of us and gave us a furever life. We all haff a purpose. We are all spechul, dere az here and spreading wuv iz always a fud thing. " Reaching the conclusion of my interview time I just had to ask, Do you have any messages for anyone down here on earth? "Tell all my pals on dogster dat Old Onry still loves em & watches over em. My fambily knows what dat I wuvs em, cause I whisper to em in their sleep. Tell Bandit & Sapphire to take good care of our humanz and dat I am proud of how well they are doing learning to be cherished and pampered. To everybuddy, please treat yourselves and your loved ones like every day iz da last. And always remember kisses are free and should be applied liberally and often. " My last question I thought, was a good one to end with when I asked, Is it true your heart never forgets your family? "You never forget your first love, your family or Pizza! Our fambly's are forever a part of us and we of them. We belong to each odder. Long after our hearts stop beating, we carry bits of each other, safe & secure forever. "

Having concluded my questions about the Rainbow Bridge I gave Ms. Onry Onyx a big hug and even a kissy 'cause her interview had touched me so deeply. She returned the hug and I gots to tell yew, she hasn't lost any strength at all, why she squeezed the breath right out of me!! I thanked her for her time and insight and as I walked back toward the bridge to go home I could see her in the distance, surrounded by all the baby pups, waving their paws at me... (well o.k.-- one of them he was shaking his butt at me... it might have been 'lil Pee... but no matter...) What a lovely afternoon I thought.... and I'm sure our Pugapalooza readers are really going to love reading this interview. What a very special Pug Ms. Onry Onyx continues to be today, and she continues to be the gramma pug even now... still decked out in her pearls, with her Harley at her side.... and a pile of pups.

Maxwell 'da Reporter
Palooza Talk, the premier Pug Celebrity Magazine



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They say I'm all growed up now....

Oh Boy, what to rite...... I guess I shuld start off by saying my deer friend, Mr. Java Cheesypants, reminded me this week that I've grown up alot over the past year and my spelling has much improved-- thus, he recommended I begin keeping a diary for all my pugger friends to reed. I thought Diary's were supposed to be my most private intermost thoughts-- not to be shared wid the outside world, which is kind of confusing but I'll give it a shot. I have had many successes that last few months in my dogster life. First, the sport of ice sculpchure sliding-- I remember just a few months ago when Sir Louie was absolutely horrified when I used to slide down the ice sculpchures at our pug parties. Now-- not only have we opened McPuggy's Pub, complete with an ice sculpchure ring for sliding (instead of the mechanical bull....), but puggies everywhere are taking up the sport of Ice sculpchure sliding and I have learned to carve the most extrodinary pieces of art in ice. I guess I am a rebel and that was my cause. I have even almost gotten Sir Louie to give it a try.... and am confident I will succeed one day in getting him to give it a whirl! Speaking of Sir Louie-- I remember a few months ago when he and Irving conspired to send me to etikette school so Louie would teach me all about serving the King and planning royal events. Bud and I weren't to happy at the time but I must confess, those lessons have come in handy today. As Louie has went into partial retirement, I have taken up the responsibilities of party planning for all of Pugapalooza!! I must admit, I try and think of everyting that Louie told me, and all his past events that I attended to try and create the bestest party ever-- and I have enjoyed having the royal creddy card all to myself. Oh, and with my newfound responsibilities I am busee earning the respect of my oder pug friends. We took a journee to Alaska to find meself a moose named Homer and had a reallee good time-- even though Homer wuldn't come home with me to live in my backyard and be my friend. I am hoping someday I will find another Moose to be my friend and come to Minnesota.... or if not a Moose perhaps another fun aminal to be my friend. Penguins seem awfully nice... Let's see, what else has happened.... well, after a couple of attempts at true love that failed.... I am happy to admit that I have found the girly-pug for me!! Her name is Penelope and she is ALL THAT! She is a girly-pug after my own heart and loves ice sculpchure sliding and doesn't mind when I want to get rascally and squirrely!! My brudder Irving and his lady Bailey are still sickening sweet in love but me and Penelope we just love to hang and get outselves a little sumptin and have a good time!! Well, that's about all the pugciting stuff I can think of fur now..... the rest of my stuff is top secret SPS (Secret Pug Service) stuff and I'd have to kill yew if I told yew... Oh-- and I wants to give a shout out to my dear friends Jubal and Birdie.... I miss yew veree much and think of yew everytime I do the Happy Birfday dance and rap for 'da puggers.... OK then, I think that's it.
Oh, and 'da mom--- Happy Mudder's Day and I luv yew-- pug hugs-- yur baby boy, Maxwell.

I cant spel

helo al u dogstr frends. I cant spel or evin tip so I let mi broder Irving rit r diaree. chek it ot on hiz pag. Irving from Richfield, MN!!