December 22nd 2008 6:25 pm
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A week ago it was the first anniversary of your passing. We thought of you and cried, then decorated the Christmas tree and looked at all the Irving inspired ornaments and cried a little bit more. Actually we still cry all the time, and all it takes is to mention your name and Maxwell still gets very sad. You would have liked little Sophie Amore'-- she would have annoyed you, but you would have showed her who is boss and liked her anyway. She has taken up your job of cuddling with 'da mom and letting her squeeze her and kiss on her all she wants. She likes to have tum tum rubs but 'da mom misses telling you the story of how the two of you came to be together while rubbing your tummy so it's not quite the same. How would we know that so soon after we put that poem in your diary from Onry Onyx that it would apply?? Irving, you are never forgotten and are never far from our thoughts and you will always be the one and only "pup pups" in 'da mom's heart. We miss you terribly, and know that the brightest star shining in the sky must certainly be you watching over us.
October 25th 2007 1:28 pm
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I am borrowing this very special diary entry from my good friend Onry Onyx (Rainbow Bridge) so 'da mom has this to comfort her when it is my turn to go to the Rainbow Bridge. But being a Pugsident with lots of work to do-- I have promised her I will live to the age of 21-- so she can legally take me to a bar and I can order myself a beer!!
I know what you're thinking. You think I'm dead.
Because you cannot see me with your human eye,
cannot feel me, with your hands or hold me in your
arms. You think I am gone forever. You recall how
I looked when I left this place and you cannot
remotely imagine that I could possibly be alive in
You are racked and torn by the pain of our
separation and it blinds you to that which is
right in front of you ... me.
How many times since I left your immediate sight
have you been told that I'm dead and you should
"get over it"... How many times have you
cried yourself to sleep because you feel like an
outcast, believing you're supposed to get over me
because that's what people say is normal... but
somehow you can't and no one seems to understand?
How many times have you put yourself through such
excruciating pain because you aren't willing to
consider that I am not, by any means, dead.
I want you to do me a favour and go back in time
with me. Remember the glorious day I came into
your home- was I not the most intriguing creature
you'd ever met? Did I not make you laugh and
giggle? Did I not look at you with such adoration
that you wanted nothing
more than to spend the rest of your life with me?
I wanted this too.
Remember the days when I was in my prime and we
did many things together. You were so proud of me!
I was a good friend and I took
care of you when you cried, were angry or felt
down and unhappy. When you didn't have a lot of
time for me because of your obligations, I waited
patiently for you. I was always there when you
needed me. Did I not look at you with such
acceptance and patience that at times you felt
perhaps a bit unworthy? You were never
unworthy in my eyes.
Remember when age crept up on me, my bones became
stiff and my movements slower. Still I met you at
the door when you came home and
followed you around the house. We'd been together
for so long, I was your very best friend
regardless of what you were doing, saying,
thinking. Did I not look at you with such kindness
and understanding that you felt overwhelmed? I
couldn't get enough of you.
Remember the last time we saw each other with
earthly eyes? You tried to be brave but I knew you
were crying ... I know you so well. Better
than anyone else in the whole world. Did I not
look at you with such pure trust and love that you
yearned only to hold me close and keep
me with you always? Did you not promise that you
would love me forever? I believed you. If this is
so then why have you let me go by thinking I no
Remember the depth in my eyes all those times I
looked at you with adoration, acceptance,
patience, trust and love. Who created this
depth and love? Would the Creator diminish the
song of our laughter which was created in the name
of love? I am no longer an earthly
figure, this is true. My body was only part of who
I really am. My body would have been but a mere
shell on earth if it were not filled to
overflowing with my soul, my spirit, my loving
When we met you thought I was cute, sweet, pretty
and adorable. But what kind of relationship would
we have had if this is all that I'd been? How
could you have loved me if I'd had no spiritual
substance? We are all made up of energy which
resides far deep down inside of
us, it is our core, our soul, spirit and loving
light. It is the energy that is all of life ... it
has no beginning, it has no end. It simply is and
always will be and without it there is no life.
You can't see it with the naked eye nor can you hold
it in your hand, it is simply a certain knowing
that this energy does exist. It's a knowing just
as you know that our love existed on earth -
you couldn't see our love in a solid sense, you
couldn't gather it all up and confine it to one
place. But you *knew* it existed. There
was no doubt in your mind.They demand you get over
me, insisting that I'm dead and you'll never see
me again because animals don't go to
Heaven. Oh really? I'm here to tell you different.
You were worthy of my love and undying devotion on
earth as I was of yours. Do you really believe this love would be snatched from us *forever* by a loving Creator simply because I
wasn't human? Was I not a living, breathing
creation with personality? How could I have been
so if I didn't possess the energy of soul, spirit
and loving light? And if this energy is and always
will be, then how can it be that I am
dead? If my core is not of the energy that is all
of life then I was never alive to begin with.
But you know better.You cry because you miss me,
this I understand. I miss you too - I miss the
belly rubs, hugs and kisses that we shared.
But life does go on beyond these wonderful,
fulfilling physical connections. I came to this
place to live a whole new life, not because I
didn't love you anymore or because I wanted
something better. I came here because it was time
for me to go to the next phase of my existence,
something all living creatures must do eventually.
It is the normal progression of life. I was not
taken away from you because you cannot take away
that which was never owned. My presence in your life was and is a gift
to be cherished and honoured just as I cherish and
Life is not simply about being born into a body,
living a certain number of years and then dying.
Energy cannot die. We are blessed with time in a
body so that we can learn, share and grow. It
prepares us for the next phase of our eternal
life. The body holds within it the true life force
of our existence ...our soul, spirit and loving
light. Without these our bodies would be empty,
blank, void of feeling and expression. Without our
energy we would indeed be dead and could never
have experienced our love for each other.
You say that all you have left are memories. Not
so. You see, when I took leave of my earthly body
I left a little something behind for
you. You can't touch it, hold it or examine it.
For what I left behind is far too uninhibited for
confinement. I left behind a piece of my soul. I
placed it right next to your own which is quite
fitting as we were always side by side in our
earthly life together. I love you too much to have
left you with nothing but memories which tend to
fade and grow cloudy as the years go by. I love
you too much to have vanished without a trace. How
selfish it would be of me to remove
love and light from your life.I understand your
tears, each one you shed is testament to your love
for me and I am honoured and humbled.
But don't forget the good things we shared -
remember and smile. This is an honour for me as
well. And when you need me I will be here. Close
your eyes, relax, take slow, deep
breaths and picture me in your mind. Shut off the
world and your notions of what death is and give
me a chance. Look for the subtle signs I send you.
Don't stop being proud of me, I am a friend to be
proud of, I am still your friend and soul mate.
Don't memorialise the death of my body but instead
honour and celebrate my never-ending life for it
is eternal and forever as is my love for you.
Until we meet again...
June 17th 2007 9:03 pm
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I FOUND IT!!!! I REALLY FOUND IT!!!! MR. BALL HAS BEEN RESCUED!!
Just look at the picture on my page and you will see--- I found Mr. Ball after three years missing!!! As you know, Mr. Ball was the first toy I ever got when 'da mom rescued me and the only toy I have ever loved and been posessive over. Before I got a baby sister and then Maxwell Mr. Ball had to travel with us everywhere and I wouldn't let it out of my sight. My beagle cousins would pick it up and squeak it at me but they new better to use their teeth to destroy it-- they did it just to get my goat, and unfortunately, they got my goat pretty often. Anyway, it was three years ago exactly when Mr. Ball disappeared. We looked high, we looked low, we looked everywhere for new Mr. Balls- our friends at dogster looked for new Mr. Balls too- Miss Birdie sent us two very adequate balls but they weren't Mr. Ball, and Pudge thought he found on once, but it wasn't..., we looked in the weirdest of places, and every crevice we could get our paws in. We even looked under 'da mom's massive bed with the 18" mattress she got three years ago.... but no Mr. Ball was to be found. Well, on Friday 'da mom got new sheets for the bed; she thought a pretty midnight blue color would complement the pug hair on the bed nicely. As she was tucking the top sheet into the footend between the footboard and the mattress-- an awkward angle at best, she felt something with the tip of her finger. She did her best to hoist the mattress up a couple of inches and get her other hand down there and WOWSA!!! She pulled out Mr. Ball!!! We had been sleeping on it ever since the Marshall Fields Deliverymen delivered and set-up her new bed three years ago-- THEY trapped Mr. Ball! Needless to say Mr. Ball was squashed flat-- cause he already had a couple of holes in him before his ordeal, but 'da mom stuck her finger in him and started pushing out the sides trying to make it somewhat ball shaped. I came down the hallway and was standing in the bedroom doorway when I saw it!! My heart pounded faster as it swelled with joy- I came running across the room to 'da mom and demanded she give me my Mr. Ball-- Oh, it felt so good to have him in my mouth again. Maxwell tried to see what the big deal was and take him but I wouldn't let him. 'da mom just kind of looked at me dumbfounded cause here I was across the room, looking at a ball that didn't really resemble what it used to look like, having not seen it in three years and yet-- I knew immediately it was my best friend, Mr. Ball. I have been enjoying the company of Mr. Ball all weekend, just the peace of knowing my best friend is safe and will forever be with me. Mr. Ball doesn't squeak anymore, or bounce, or stay round for that matter-- but it doesn't matter to me, cause my Mr. Ball is my friend.
Thank you to all my good friends who looked for Mr. Ball...... my gratitude knows no boundaries.