September 23rd 2011 9:17 am
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Sunday will make 3 long years since our world blew up. Since something we thought couldn’t happen to us, did.
I’m so sorry that it still hurts us so much to remember you, sweetie. We don’t want to forget you, but our guilt makes it so hard to think about you without melting into pools of tears.
You were so strong and even a little stubborn.
We were sure that would save your life.
And though everyone did all they could to save you,
there were other plans.
We will never see a stuffed duck without immediately thinking of you: Without seeing you in our heart, holding it, wiggling your nubby tail.
You were a dainty little cow-dog. But you were tough.
You would have loved to be a working dog, but Momma wouldn’t let you. You might have gotten hurt.
Maybe that was my mistake.
You might still be alive and happy.
But you gave us so much joy, little one.
We will always be proud of you.
Forever,
Mommy & Daddy,
Mickey, Sara, Baby Cat, Wally & Jenny
September 25th 2010 8:33 am
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February 5, 2004 to September 25, 2008
Our little angel, Bernadette,
This day marks 2 years since our world shook. Since the words that we would not hear were said. “She’s gone”.
How? Why? She’s just a baby!
You spent your life waiting for us. Sammy’s hip was hurt, so you waited for him to be better. Then he broke his leg, and you waited 18 months for him to heal.
He passed and you waited for us to be happy.
Just when we were coming out of the darkness and trying to embrace life, you were taken from us.
You were always just a few feet away from us, like a good cow dog, watching; waiting.
Maybe you are still watching and waiting, but from heaven.
Please continue to watch over your loving family. We strive to be good enough to make it to heaven to finally be with you. You won’t be waiting for us then.
We will spend eternity playing and snuggling.
Now and Forever,
Mommy & Daddy,
Mickey, Sara, Baby Cat, Wally & Jenny
To be sent to you via "air mail" balloons
May 25th 2010 8:36 am
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Dearest Bernie,
I got a pawmail from Pam, Flicka's Mom. She wrote from her pain of love and loss, and in turn, wrote what was in my heart. Her words are exact. They are as if I said them myself, but did not. If anyone copies this and claims it as their own without giving her credit, karma would be a very bad thing.
Pam, thank you for this gift of sharing. This means the world to me.
'' ...........
There is something I am getting to grips with... it isn't a simple concept... I have lost too many I care about in my life...
The pain of loved souls passing can be agonizing . I have no strong faith to carry me.. I have a basic belief that I will see those I need and want to see in another dimension .. either in this life.. or a next if there is one.
What I have had to seriously ask myself is if I would rather not have had those souls in my life.? Meaning.. I had none of the pain of their passing.
The answer is a deafeningly loud '' I NEEDED THEM IN MY LIFE !".
They taught me to be who I am
They gave me wings to Fly
They gave me the joy of Love.
If I want to be without the pain of their passing... then I have to not have them in my life to start with. I do not want a life that bitter and bare and empty.
I hate the pain.. I hate knowing the pain other souls are in. I hate the terrible diseases and pain that take our loved ones sometimes.
There IS no one without the other.... the only place that can be so is some science fiction Robot-World.
SO........ I will take the pain of the Passing... it is a small price to pay for all the LOVE that comes before.
If I ever grow to be good enough.. and deserving enough.. to be even half as beautiful in my soul as a dog... then I will have come a very long way....... ''
February 5th 2010 7:51 am
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Dear Bernie,
Happy birthday my love. You would have been a mere 6 years old today. Still a youngster.
And while my heart is broken, I will allow myself to put it aside for today and celebrate the fact you were born. Celebrate the gift of you in my life.
To those friends reading this, thank you for remembering my little girl. I appreciate all the love and support you have shown us and hope you feel my love to you.
Forever my little Duck Girl,
Mommy
September 25th 2009 2:26 pm
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February 5, 2004 to September 25, 2008
Our little angel, Bernadette,
A year…. It has been an entire year since we held you or touched your fur. When you left, much of our soul went with you. The shock still catches me at times.
Daddy still can’t say your name or remember you without tears. But we must remember you, and keep you alive that way. Its all we have any more.
So much has happened. Thank you for sending Jenny. I know she was a gift from you. Yes, she looked like you at first. Now, there is barely a resemblance.
Mickey misses you, but is glad to have your gift. She was the right one. Thank you.
One of our Dogster friends said you were never our angel, but rather, Sammy’s angel. You were here for him, to help him and when he left, your work was done. What a wonderful way of thinking about a tragedy that breaks my heart every day.
Nothing feels right. Emptiness and longing persist.
But we will always love you.
Now and Forever,
Mommy & Daddy,
Mickey, Sara, Baby Cat, Wally & Jenny
September 18th 2009 8:15 am
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This weekend marks a year since you ate what killed you, my love. A year.
We are going back up to the mountains to make your memorial garden. I bought a metal marker and put it on a granite tile. This I will put where you were a year ago, and a prayer will be sent up to you. Candles will burn beside it, and love will imbue our souls.
Little one, I miss you! You were our little girl. You always will be.
September 14th 2009 10:19 am
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Today, I feel the world woke up crying like I am, sweet Bernie. The air is filled with sorrow.
I will begin to write your letter today. The one I'll send air-mail on your bridge day.
I still cannot forgive myself. But I can't make it up to you, sweet love. All I can do is not let it happen again. I spend my time holding your brother and sister close. I look into their eyes, and tell them how much I love them. I did that with you, as much as I could, but there simply wasn't time.
Please, promise me you will be there when my time comes. You and your brothers.... If not, what is the point?
I love you, Bernadette. Forever
September 1st 2009 5:34 am
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This morning, I couldn't sleep. I turned the page in the calander, and there was your face. Your memorial month. Sweet angel, I spent all weekend with you by my side in my memories. I cried tears as if they would bring you back.
So many regrets take over when I think of your short life, sweet Duck-girl. I spent most of it taking care of Sammy, knowing I would have time to make it up to you. I was so very wrong.
I love you, sweet angel. Your star burns brightly in the sky this morning.
As it will forever.
May 4th 2009 10:37 am
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Sweet baby girl, Daddy and I spent all weekend pouring your grave marker. We used pretty color to try to get it pinkish and tried to get it as perfect as you were.
It came out pretty well, but not nearly as lovely as you. Our tears were mixed in, with the love we feel.
We will take a photo of your grave when we remove the frame and get your flowers on it.
I love you, my little girl. I miss your big brown eyes. And your little face.....
February 27th 2009 4:06 pm
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Well, we got it done, and gosh it was hard to write... There is a slight typo in it, that will be fixed. This is just a proof of the layout. What a wonderful job they did.
Your Epitaph
Now we are going to do your granite marker, and then when it warms up, we will set them both at the cemetery, upon your little grave.
I love you, my dear daughter. Forever....
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