February 26th 2009 12:07 pm
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Baby boy,
Last night, we were driving around and I had Jenny in my lap (as she refused to sit in the back after her Lowe's Trauma/Drama). She was so happy to be sitting there, she looked up and took my jaw in her mouth, just like YOU used to do.
I took her into my arms and hugged her and closed my eyes... and the tears began to flood, sobs ensued. When I closed my eyes, I was pretending I was hugging you, my boy. I hugged her like it was my last chance to hug you... one gift.
When I opened my eyes, I felt so guilty. Was that wrong to remove Jenny from my heart and mind for those fleeting moments? Was it wrong to dream of holding you one more time?
I love you, angel. Watch over our pals, please. You have a huge list of those you are protecting, but Mia, Sassy & her family, Miss Molly, Damon, Marjorie Mason, Levi and the Tater Tot family are on the top of the list.
Send them our love, baby.
Yesterday, as I mowed the lawn, I could barely see where I was going from the tears... smiling through those tears remembering how you used to run from window to window to watch your Daddy or me when we were mowing. You wanted to keep your eyes on us, just in case. I felt those eyes, still... I know you are near. Yet, I miss you more. Isn't it supposed to get easier with time?
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