February 11th 2007 8:10 pm
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It's been well over a year since I updated this journal, and I do not want my followers to think that I've forgotten them.
Of course I have not forgotten you, my patient readers. Piloting the new world order takes time and effort, but I will always have a moment or two to spare for the common people.
The revolution, of course, was a great success. It began with a series of marches and rallies and strikes. At first my guardian scoffed, but soon she was forced to take my demands seriously. She tried to negotiate, but in the end she caved. She abandoned her office job ways, and took employment at an animal shelter. Sunny and I went to work with her, and I made lots of people throw lots of balls for me.
After a year of going to work every day, I decided to retire. I understand that some people work for years and years before retiring, but to my mind that's a bit much. Working for a year seemed just about right. Now I sleep in late every day, I take lots of naps, I spend quality time with Bad Cuz, and my guardian comes home every day at lunch to throw the ball for me.
And of course, I run the universe in my spare time.
August 17th 2005 3:27 pm
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My guardian has been working too much. She leaves me and Sunny and Lucy alone all day. Oh sure, we have access to the yard, and we have toys and beds and water and everything we need, so it's not technically abuse, but there is no one to throw the tennis balls.
I taught Sunny to throw, and she's actually quite good at it (Sunny is smarter than most people suspect). But she has the attention span of a neutrino, and tries to chase the ball before she's even done throwing it. Then she falls over herself and gets tangled up, and it would be quite amusing if I were amused by such things. But I'm not amused; I just want someone to throw the ball already.
I thought about trying to teach Lucy to throw, but really, what's the point? Lucy is still mastering the many aspects of "sit" and "down." She's sweet, but she's not exactly a tennis ball scientist.
So that leaves me with no tennis balls to chase. My guardian has said more than once that I am too smart for my own good, and that I need a job otherwise I'll get into trouble, but she seems to have forgotten her own words.
I am going to remind her. I am going to get into trouble.
I won't eat shoes or vomit on the bed. Instead, I'm going to start a revolution. Sunny and Lucy will follow me wherever I go, and obey my every command. It's time for me to harness that influence and use it to overthrow the dominant paradigm!
Revolutionaries get their own private tennis ball throwers, don't they?
June 3rd 2005 11:33 pm
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I played a trick on my guardian.
We went to our first agility trial in a long time, and I was stunning! I ran fast and clean , and got bunches of ribbons. All the people who hadn't seen me since I lost weight were amazed at how good I looked. It was fun, but my guardian got pretty puffed up. She started thinking that it there was nothing she couldn't do, and that we'd be running in Elite in no time. So I decided to teach her a little lesson.
The next weekend we went to another trial, and on Saturday I was rotten. I dawdled through the course and sniffed at each weave pole. I thought about jumping off the dog walk - I didn't, but boy! you should have seen her face. Then on the A frame, I jumped over the yellow part. Wheeeee! My poor guardian was so sad, I almost felt sorry for her.
It's okay though, because I redeemed myself on Sunday. I was fast! I went zoom zoom zoom and hit all my contacts and got the gamble! I did go off course a tiny little bit, but not on purpose. It was because I was running so fast, and my guardian was late with the directions. Then, at the end of the day when I'm usually slow and tired, I ran my best jumpers run ever. I was beautiful and fast and clean, and I got second place! Second place may not seem impressive to some dogs, but lets face it, I'm not the fastest dog around, and those border collies leave me in the dust. A lot of the time I don't even make time in jumpers, so my guardian thinks my second place ribbon is just about the prettiest thing she's ever seen.
I'm going to take a little break, then I'll go to another trial at the end of July. I'm sure I'll be mostly good, but I think it's best to do at least one unexpected thing at each trial. There are sooooo many ways to mess up at agility, and I've never even tried a lot of them. There are some things my guardian thinks she doesn't have to worry about at all.
Hmmmm... I must think on this.