December 18th 2006 7:10 pm
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DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them. When company comes, always sniff the woman first. Make your best impression.
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing. Learn to like broccoli.
HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.
GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn. Always save a little something for every neighbor.
COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.
PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.
CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never quite catch them. It spoils all the fun. Just strike terror.
CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry...eat a shoe.
THE POSTMAN: Is a uniformed man who looks suspiciously like an animal catcher. He comes to make my masters miserable by delivering bills. He is fair game on home turf.
NASTY THINGS: Always seek out the place on the ground where the nastiest smell is. Roll in it thoroughly, collecting as much on the coat as possible. Share it proudly with the family. Especially after the maid comes.
PERSONAL HYGIENE: Feel comfortable in your own surroundings. Know that any friend of your master's is a friend of yours. This means you can always "clean" yourself and give everyone a big kiss afterwards.
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