I don't feel so good.

It's been a rough few days... weeks even. Mom is very worried. I wish I could make her feel better. She's so sad, and I can see worry on Dad's face too. They have been giving me lots of love, like always.

I haven't been feeling myself at all these last few weeks. Mom & Dad both noticed, but I think they just thought it was my old age catching up with me. As much as I dont like to think so, I am an old boy. The last few weeks have been really hard on me. I just didnt feel well. I wasnt sick like throwing up or diarrhea or anything. I just felt weak and my chest felt heavy. I couldnt catch my breath. I didnt feel much like going outside for a walk. I just felt yucky.

On Friday I got all stumbly... that's when Mom really started to worry I think. She decided to see how I did through the weekend. I didnt do so good. Mom called the vet & took me in on Monday. A couple of weeks ago she bought this new shiny ramp thingy to help get me in the car because I have weak hips, it worked really great! Anyway, I hate going to the vet. I always think they are going to cut my nails. I HATE when people touch my feet. Grrrrrrrrr. But Mom promised me they wouldnt and they didnt cut my nails. It was still no fun tho'.

Mom said that they had to run tests (what the heck is a test?) on me to see why I havent been feeling well. I did not like the tests. First the doctor poked & prodded me, shined that bright light in my eyes & stuck something in my ear to look down it. She made me hold real still while they stuck a sharp thing into my paw & took my blood! I got snippy so they had to muzzle me for the rest of the tests. I hate it when they do that!!! Anyway, then they streeeetched me out & took pictures of me. It hurt my old body, I was so glad when they were done. It was a long couple of hours but there was a pretty black lab in the room next to me. Her name was Lilly and she kept me distracted. She even let me kiss her RIGHT ON THE LIPS! Even when I am weak I still got it! Raaaaar.

I heard the doctor tell Mom stuff... I just dont know what any of it means. She said the bloodwork was good. The xray of my back end looked good, even my hips looked relatively ok considering my age. Then she said my chest xray was different. She said my heart was just slightly enlarged & that my lungs were full of fluid. She called it edema & said something like congestive heart failure. I dont know what any of that is. I dont understand. All I know is that everything they did made me hurt. She gave me a shot of something called lasix & sent Mom home with pills for me to take. She said I'd have to pee a lot.

When we got home I was SO tired. I had already been feeling crappy, none of that helped. Then next thing I knew I had to go potty REALLY bad. I went on the carpet, I just couldnt hold it. I felt so bad. I never ever have accidents in the house. Mom said it was ok. She said she didnt think the shot would hit me so fast and it was her fault for not taking me out soon enough. She gave me lots of love & told me she'd clean up after me anytime. Then she gave me something to eat and I fell fast asleep.

I havent really been the same since. I was feeling poorly before the vet, now I am feeling horrible. That shot hit me hard. I still cant catch my breath and I am really groggy and nauseous. I couldnt even get up for a while on my own and I wouldnt take my muscle relaxers for Mom. She always gives me them in food, but I was not hungry at all. I havent pooped in a while either. A couple of days. Mom crushed my muscle relaxer & mixed it in with some water & shot it down my throat with a syringe. It tasted yucky, but she said I had to take it. A couple of hours later I ate a little bit of a cheeseburger. Mom put some meds in it, but she accidentally put in too much so now I am all groggy again. She feels so awful about it, but she's been by my side 24/7 & has barely slept. The doctor told her I'd be ok with the dose she gave me, but she still feels bad. I wish I could tell her it's ok, but since I cant I just give her all of the love that I can.

Mom says she isnt going to work tomorrow & she will be with me all day and night. She keeps giving me different things to try to eat, but so far I only liked the cheeseburger. I cant get down the stairs (we live on the 2nd floor) to go potty and boy does that lasix make me pee. Mom has been helping me up & following me around with potty training pads that seem to work good. We have a porch up here & I prefer to go out there or on the kitchen floor so Mom doesnt have to clean up after me if I miss the pad & go on the carpet. She says I worry too much and she doesnt like me to go in the kitchen because if I lay or fall down in there I have a harder time getting up on the floor as compared to the carpet. She sure does watch out for me. I love my Mom so much. I am tired... I think I'll go back to sleep now...

Edited to add:

Bud passed away 2 days later. He was wrapped in his Mom's arms when he passed. Our lives will never be the same. We love you, Bud.