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The Thoughts Of A Cranky Old Soul (Even If I'm Not That Old)

Thank You, Dear Friends

I haven't been able to come here sooner because I'm still so
heartbroken over Strider's passing. I find it hard to come
here and see pictures of him so alive, yet knowing I'll never
have him here with me again. I miss him bringing me his blue
hamburger stuffie to throw for him over and over and over again
while I watched TV. I miss him following me everywhere. I miss
him licking my feet. I miss his cranky growl. I just plain miss
him, and everything he did, so much.
I want to thank all of you who sent gifts, comments, and paw-
mail. They are all so appreciated. And to those who set his
pic as your main pic, you touched my heart so deeply I couldn't
help but cry.
Thank you all for caring about my dear Strider.

I love you all-
~Esther~

Sleep With The Angels, My Dear Cranky Boy

Strider's mom here-

As Strider's pals know, he had been sick with liver issues since last year then that horrifying stumbling, falling, going into walls 100 miles an hour incident. He got better from all that...but not better better. He never really got back to his normal. Little by little I could see things happening. Losing weight a little too fast - In October, when he got sick, he weighed 44 pounds. Even before that, he weighed a lot more. Friday, he weighed 31 pounds. It scared me to see him so thin. You could feel his hip bones and that little pointy bone on his head. He was always a good eater, but since getting sick, he didn't want to eat much. Lately I noticed little differences with the way he walked. He would pick his front feet a little higher than usual. Kind of like prancing. A couple of weeks ago, he was much more crankier than usual. He actually got into a mini fight with Redford and Keighty. He snapped at Forrest and Mick. He's always growled at everyone, but he never snapped. That lasted about four days. Then Wednesday, he bumped into me a couple of times. I really didn't think anything of it, but I remembered it. Thursday, his walking changed a little bit more. Friday, he was just way off. He was walking into everything. I had some bottles on the floor in the kitchen and he walked right into them, turned around and did it again. He refused to eat. (The day before, he had eaten really good for the first time in a while) I tempted him with all sorts of good things he loved, but he didn't want any. He didn't want water either. You know how you feel when you know something isn't right and you know deep down in your heart that it's not going to get right. That's how I felt watching him and it made me so sad.
So, I called the dogter and made an appointment. Good thing I got in right away. It's 20 miles away and during that ride he changed. He just stared into space never blinking. I put my hand up to his eyes and he didn't blink. I realized he couldn't see at all anymore and he was breathing hard. But what got me, is that when I was preparing to leave to the vet, I left him outside and he was walking around the yard, barking at someone walking by. He ran up to his toy, picked it up and walked around some more. He did all this when I knew he was having trouble seeing! I had left the passenger door to the truck open 'cause I had put my purse and a blanket in there and I went in to get something else. When I came back out, I looked for him and I couldn't find him. I finally went to the truck, and there he was all curled up on the drivers seat! I was surprised that he had actually jumped in there with his toy! I told him, 'Strider, how did you get in here all by yourself when you can't see very good?! You're awesome, dude!' He just stared at me. That's when I noticed his pupils were completely dilated. And during that 20 mile drive he completely changed from all that. Just can't figure it out...*sigh*.
Anyway, I wish I could come here and tell you all exactly what was wrong with him. I don't know. I'll never know. All I know is that he was in a bad way when we got to the dogter. I had to carry him in because he was a totally different dog than the one who had run to pick up his toy on his way to jump in the truck all on his own. With the weight loss, the vet suspected the big C. And in addition to not being able to see, he also couldn't hear anymore. Yes, I could've had lots of test done on him, but that wasn't going to get him well. The suddenness (three days) of this happening proved it was something that wasn't going to get better. I kept telling myself maybe, just maybe, there could be some medicine that could help him, but I knew deep down what I had to do for him. I had to let him go to end his quiet suffering. To let go of the little dog that was born in my kitchen to a little pregnant black stray I rescued from the side of the road that was lying in a hole. To let go of the only one of his litter who wasn't adopted that first day at clinic, that I decided to keep. To let go of the pup that was a cranky old soul probably from day one. To let go of the absolute best feet licker in the whole world (I will forever miss that with my whole heart). I am so glad I chose to keep that little cranky baby. I loved him well, but I can say this with certainty; his love for me was greater. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me.
Thank you for the nine years of love and loyalty you gave me, Strider. I will forever be grateful. I will forever love you, my wonderful little cranky pup. My heart will always miss you. My feet will forever be waiting for a good licking that will never come. Thank you, from the bottom of my broken crying heart, for it all.

Strider Elessar Coca
December 12, 2002 - March 30, 2012

Run free, well, and young again at
the Bridge, my darling boy.

I'm Nine...Yesterday!

Yep, I turned nine yesterday. This time my mom
remembered, but didn't help me write about it
in my diary. She's always getting on here late
so today will have to do, I guess.
I think turning nine means I should start thinking
about changing the title of my diary or deleting
that last part!

We had a quiet day...no burgers. That all stopped
when Redford had to go on a diet, but I can't have
that (delicious) stuff 'cause of my sick liver
anyway. The ones that could have burgers won't be
getting any 'cause mom says if Redford and I can't
have any, neither should they. I'm sure they don't
agree with that!

Thank you all, from the bottom of my little ol'
heart, for all the gifties, comments, and p-mails.

Love you all very muchly!
~Strider~