A broken heart by Momma.

February 6th is fast approaching. It has almost been a year since I returned you back to your creator, and yet my heart still breaks as if it were just yesterday I said my final good bye's to you. My heart is still very broken, because my lil one, you are so very special to me. You meant the world to me. I still look at every Tzu that goes by me with a glimmer of hope I will see YOU in their face, personality, or character. Not one Tzu comes even close to my special lil girl. Not one. And you know me, Nikki, I love Tzu's.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you or talk about how special you were to me and all your many cool tallents you had. You made me so proude to have had you in my life.

I held a Sweetie Tzu in my arms the other day that was almost as old as you were when you left me. Cookie was her name. Taking her last breath in my arms as I held her close to my body, when I called on you to greet her at the Rainbow Bridge. Thank you my lil one for meeting her and showing her the ropes at the bridge. She was a tiny little thing ,just like you were at age 21. She had just turned 20 years old when her little body started to break down and couldn't hold on any longer. Her owners and I cried together. I held her so close to me and cried into her lifeless body as I did yours, when you were set free from your failing body. Inhaling that ever so familiar scent into my nostrils, feeling that ever so soft coat brush against my face, smelled like fresh spring air. Her coat and scent reminded me of yours lil one. Cookie had a few more black markings on her than you did, but, it was so uncanny how familiar and similar she was in size and stature to you.

I hope the two of you are running like the wind, chasing butterflies and having such a glorious time together.

Nikki please take care of Cookie for her owners, until the day comes they meet again.

Until then my Sweetie Tzu, I love you and miss you ever so dearly.

Always in my heart, soul and thoughts.

Love,
Momma.

It's my mommy's birthday.

Today is my mommy's birthday and she is having a hard time with it. Not because she is still very young in dog age, but, because this was a special day she always shared with me. She always shared her birthday with something special trip or event with me. Cause I was her baby.
She feels so lost without me, and her heart is very heavy with sadness today.
I just want to lay in your lap one more time mommy to tell you Don't cry for me, enjoy your day like you always did with me, I will be with you in spirit. Doodles is a big boy now and he can carry on the tradition. Teach him what I know.
Happy Birthday Mommy. Watching over you from above.

Lots of licks,
Nikki

Tagged Yet Again by Buddy the English Springer Spaniel

Tagged... My wings are tired..
7. I had my own helmet when I rode a mc with mama
6. Me loved chicken
5. Me loved to eat pop corn
4. Me hated baths
3. Me just wanted to be with mama 24/7
2. Me when 10 went to Syracuse NY
1. Me went to Canada when me 20 yrs old to Thousand Island lakes.

Me tag more buds an they be!
Honey
Cinnamon
Seamus
Ruby Tuesday Begonia
Booger
Lily May
Miles C Wee Guy.

Tagged yet AGAIN..... BY Chester..

Naughty pup... My paws tired...
Here seven more fun facts bout me.
1. I loved the beach and twimin in the big waves
2. I could do a hand stand and mark a tree like a big boy.. Me a girly.
3. I loved to be cuddled
4. I loved to go campin
5. I was the only Tzu to be a Red Hatter. PAWTAY!
6. Everyone that met me fell in love with me.
7. Dinky Doodles made my beautiful wings.. Thank YOU.

Me tagged:

Hunter
Lenny
Mato
Roxy
Teddie Sue Stolen
Rusty
Agustus Gloop

Nikki got tagged. OYE VAY!

Would you believe I was tagged by Benny in loving memory that's Mamie's bubba.

I was also tagged by Harley the naughty boy.

So, instead of 7 facts I got 14 facts and I WILL tag 14 of my unsuspecting friends.

1. I loved to go bye bye with mama, it didn't mater if it were on a scoot or car.
2. I had my own boogie board.
3. I loved to go sailing with my pawents.
4. I had my own car seat.
5. I LOVED ice cream
6. I slept with mama
7. I would lick her legs every night while we were watching a movie or TV.
7. I licked her legs when she got out of the shower.
6. I loved my own pop corn. yum
5. I had my own life vest when we went sailing
4. I had my own birthday Oyster/Crab roast and had all my human friends over.
3. I was a Boy Scout mascot for troop #236 for years.
2. I was stolen in 2003. Scary time for me and mama
1. I had my own skate board.

Me tag 14 of my friends and they are.... drum roll..
Lucy http://www.dogster.com/dogs/245295
Isabell http://www.dogster.com/dogs/222159
Mr.doolittle http://www.dogster.com/dogs/351784
Me. Honey Bunny http://www.dogster.com/dogs/106050
Hoochie http://www.dogster.com/dogs/345961
Lady http://www.dogster.com/dogs/349719
Millie http://www.dogster.com/dogs/105166
Scooby http://www.dogster.com/dogs/277119
Buddy http://www.dogster.com/dogs/368960
Muffin http://www.dogster.com/dogs/442433
Max http://www.dogster.com/dogs/417056
Clover http://www.dogster.com/dogs/273416
Cokie http://www.dogster.com/dogs/272474
Tessa http://www.dogster.com/dogs/434051

A sign from above

Before Nikki passed away, I was agonizing over having her put to sleep and cried so many months of going back and forth, confussed and not really wanting to face the facts. Her health was stable but deteriorating rapidly.

On the day I was asking God above out loud while I was dragging all the furkids crates outside to clean, I asked with tears rolling down my face, God, will Nikki be ok, does she know what I am about to do? Is she ok with it?

As I flipped the crate on it's side to scrub the bottom of the pan, this face appeared on it. It is Nikki in the cloud's. At first I thought this cannot be! I rinsed the crate with the water hose again, and here came the picture appearing before me as the water dried off from the bottom of the pan. I felt a peaceful calm about me. I went in the house to get my camera and took a picture of the bottom.

A few days after that, Nikki's eye tumor ruptured, and even though I didn't want her to go, wasn't ready for her to go, she passed peacefully in my arms at the vet's office.

I still miss her deeply. Think of her all the time and wish I could just hold her sweet familiar lil warm soft body against me, especially at nights.

A mother's love

A mother's love never stops beating for her child.

I miss you so deeply still. I look at your pictures everyday, and I reflect on the fun things we did together, the laughter you brought to my heart, the love you so gave to me so unselfishly, and I sit and cry knowing you are in the arms of an Angel, where you belong my beloved Sweety Tzu.

Even though my heart is still broken that you are gone from me, I know you are whole again, chasing those flutterbyes as you called them. I know one day we will meet again, but it doesn't make my heart any better not having you to care for like I did all those years we had together.

I decided to have your portrait etched on my body forever. It will be a constant reminder that you are dear and close to my heart always.

Even though I still mourn for my licky Nikki and look into every dog I see, eyes in hopes it is you, I know there will never be another sweety tzu like you. You were one of a kind and always will be imbeded deep within my heart and soul.

Rest in peace baby girl. Mommy still keeps your memories alive everyday.

Miss you greatly.

Love,
Mom.

My Darling Nikki, my heart is still with you.

My darling Nikki,
If tears could build a stairway
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again, my sweetie tzu, Nikki.
Nikki's response to me:
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die. I'm right here with you.

A Life time of love can never replace the golden memories I have of you.

They say memories are golden
Well, maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.
A million times I have needed you,
A million times I have cried for you.

If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still with all my soul.
In my heart you hold a place
No one could ever fill.
If my tears could have built a stairway
and my heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
And bring you back again. Just to have you once again.
Our family chain is broken,
And nothing is the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again one day my sweetie tzu. One day.


You are my heart and soul Nikki.

Though brief was your time here, you captured my heart
That I vowed not to love you, but now my heart breaks apart.
From you I've learned patience and courage and trust;
That loving brings pain, but love we all must.
From you I've learned strength of the spirit, and then
from you I've learned not to say "never again".
Go back to the Giver of all lovely things -
Go quickly, my sweet, and let your heart take wings.
Just know I've learned so many lessons from you,
and shall never forget them - this promise is true.
Your total devotion made my life so bright.
I shall always adore you and the joys you brought into my soul.

On the day you left me, this is what you had to say to me:

When I woke this morning I felt very odd
I don't know why but I felt close to God
The sun was shining, the birds were singing
The music was soft, the bells were ringing
And puppies were romping at play
What a pleasant start to a wonderful day
I remember lying down to take a nap in your arms.
I remember I had my head in her hands.
I remember the sad look in her eye;s
I remember I had never seen her cry
I remember I wanted to ask her why
I remember hearing her say "Good Bye" My sweet little one. Thank you for being my companion all these years and it is time for you to be free, go in peace. Your job here on earth is done my little friend.
I wanted to say don't cry for me
I wanted to say just remember me
I wanted to say I remember the toys you bought for me, and played with me.
I wanted to say I remember the joys
I wanted to say I remember your touch
I wanted to say I loved you so much
I wanted to say what an angel you've been
For showing me the way to him . Because I couldn't have done it with out you.
When I woke up I knew there would be no pain
When I woke up I knew I could play in the rain
You've taken care of me all my life
You've guarded me from trouble and strife
You've been with me through good and bad
You've always stopped me from being sad
You've given me treats and given me care
You told me what to expect when I got there
So please don't cry wipe the tears from your eye's
I'll look down upon you with a woof and a sigh
I'll gather my courage and march up to God
I'll ask him when you get there to give you a nod
For you were my best friend, you were my heart too mommy.
And I'll be waiting for you.

To my darling Nikki, I love you with all my heart.

My darling lil girl, I have changed your dedicated songs of love, three times as my heart begins to heal from your departure on the 6th of February.

As my heart continues to heal, my eyes stop shedding tears for your sweet lil body by my side, your songs will change to reflect my pain.

I would give everything I own, just to have you back again. How I miss your company at night. I miss your lil bark, the smell of your coat, the sound of your lil feet wandering around in the house. Your sweet lil licks on my legs at night. The sound of your lite snores in my ears. I dream of you and wish I could just hold you once more. My heart is mending sweetie pie, slow to heal but mending.

I think of you every day, every hour. I still see and touch your things. Clutching them to my chest, trying to remember your essence, your beauty, and your wonderful personality that has vanished from my grasp. I miss you so very much. It isn't the same without you sweetie tzu. Just isn't the same.

Wishing you would visit me more often in my wrestless slumber. Until then my love, I am sending you my heart to hold.

Love you always,
Mom.

Silver wings of Nikki.

Hello my darling Sweety Tzu, mommy picked up your Urn on Friday, 16th, 2007. She was brave at the clinic and didn't fall apart in front of every one their. I even met a lady in the vet's office who rescued a ten year old poodle. It touched my heart deeply and I thanked her for taking in an old dog just like I did with you,because I know that little dog will be forever loved like you sweet one.

I held that tiny little box of your remains against my chest, said my good byes to your vet tech's and doc. Walked out to our SUV, buckled up and clung to your little box with dear life. I wept so hard, my tears, fell on your satin ribbon and stained with my tears. I had a melt down in the car. As soon as I could muster the courage to gather myself together, and drive, I placed your little box into your seat where you rode with me all the time.

With one hand on the wheel, and the other resting on your box, I had to pull over several times because I could not see the road thru my tears.

Again I composed myself long enough to get home with you. Now I can sleep my sweet one. You are home where you belong. Those ten days with out you haunted me. I couldn't sleep with out you my love.

Even tho you are not with me in body, you are here in spirit. I now can hold your little Urn, talk to you, and I still fall apart. A lump in my throat, I hardly can get the words out, Of how much I miss you, love you and wish you were here with me instead of this tiny little Urn that holds your ashes.

I have your little bandana wraped around my ankle. I have your little necklace I made wraped around my wrist. I still sleep with your blanket at night. It comforts me to some degree, not as it would if you were here in body.

You are my world, my heart, my soul, best friend, and the most understanding companion anyone could have ever had in their lives. All my rescue efforts are in honor of you. Your Paw Prints are imbeded deep within my soul, forever.

I still look for your face in every Tzu and dog I meet, because I'm hoping you will tell me which little soul it is you want me to rescue in your honor, sweet one. I know you will guide me and let me know when the time is right and which one it is YOU want me to rescue. A glimmer of hope should it be you, that has come back to me. I would welcome that with open arms.

Until we meet again my beloved Sweetie Tzu, my heart forever aches for you. Your wonderful memories will always live within my soul.

Love Mom.