The Barking Machine
May 31st 2013 3:25 pm
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Thank you everyone for the condolences and dogster gifts. I have to admit I haven’t read most of them because when I start to, I tear up and start crying and become a mess (again). Heck, I’ve been a mess for a couple weeks now. Trying to wrap my head around what happened, but then dealing with the guilt and heartbreak that comes with that.. you know, the what ifs, the signs you look back and see… like he would grr when being picked up, even if he wanted up… I just thought it was he was becoming a grumpy senior, he’d always been a strong healthy boy, but now I’m like OMG he was probably hurting and I should have gotten it checked out but then they still would have seen the same thing and I’d be in the same boat there was no reason to suspect anything because he’d always been strong and healthy and I have to keep thinking this or I’ll go crazy. Last week was the worst week of my life, it was unexpected and went downhill too fast, and this week has been the second worse. I’m a mess and I can’t stop thinking about my baby and yet I don’t want to talk about what happened or talk about him even though, really, I’m doing that now. I’m trying to focus on Lacey and even fostering soon, and all the pups that need a good home, and how Shakey was the best dog ever, the best boy in the whole world and he was my baby and I told him lots of times that he was going to live forever cause he was the best boy ever and my baby and I miss him so so so so much and I’m gonna try not to cry now… I miss you so much baby boy and I love you more than anything in the world. Sigh. I just wanted to get all that out; it seems to help with healing to do that.
Shakespeare, The Best Boy Ever