Radar Love

I'm famous. Have you heard? I stole the show. Everyone who knows me and my brother knows what show I'm talking about. I'm a star, a stealth pimp doggy star. And it's all thanks to my whacky brother Dasher. Well, he's not so whacky after all, not any more anyway. If it wasn't for him being crazy, I'd might not have had my chance with fame. Of course, I've always been a sexy dog, very popular with all the hot lookin' bitches around the beach, but now Radar Love is gonna' be popular with ALL da' bitches in the country. I guess I can share with Dasher because I can only handle so many females. Now that Dasher's been helped, he has all this confidence. I love my brother and all, but he's definitely not a lady's dog, not like me. It's a tough job being a little love machine, but someon'e gotta' do it. Bark at y'all later.

PS
I AM the Boss!!! No matter what Dasher says!

My Tail of Devotion for Radar

This is a special Tail of Devotion

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Hair Cut/White Thing

So my mommy has this new job. She calls herself a pet groomer, whatever that means. What it means to me is that I'm now one slick, smooth, shiny, stealth doggy. She gave me a haircut, and then a bath with this g-pimp honeysuckle oatmeal shampoo. You should see how GOOD I look and how great I smell. Mommy tried to give my brother, Dasher, a haircut. But....he went off to the land of blackclouds. Now he only has half of a hairdo, even after my mommy put the saucer dish on his head to try to mellow him out. He just wouldn't go for it. His appearance now looks as whacked out as his personality is. In the mean time, my mommy and daddy brought a little white thing home....they call it a kitten for Princess. As if Princess doesn't get what she wants already! Well, now that there's another "boc meow" in the house, do you know what that means? That means that there's more surveilance equipment than ever. So guess who has more work to do!? Yep, me...can't let the little brown cameras hide in the kitty litter. No siree! And life just hasn't been the same since this white fuzzy thing came around. Mommy and daddy are all concerned about me wanting to chase her. They're using words like "he needs to be disciplined", as if I don't know what that means. They put this collar on me like I don't know what it does. And so...do you think I'm going to chase that white fuzzy thing? Of course not, because I'm not about to feel the zap. But why is it that Princess and that white thing don't get zapped? I just don't get it. Well, whatever, but I did get a treat today for being a good stealth pimp pup during my haircut. Mommy wasn't sure how I would react to the clippers, but I actually enjoyed it. She says my fur feels like velvet and I guess that's a good thing. All I know is that I feel better and that I need to avoid that white thing. But nothing will stop me from searching for surveilance equipment!

The Cat Walk

I'm a lovin' man. You know? That's what all the bitches say. I love my mommy too. The one thing she doesn't get is to not try to kiss me while I'm sleeping. I'm the one that decides when I'm lovin'. She tried it the other night. I was sleepin'. Being that I'm grumbly (chihuahua), when she did try to kiss me, I jumped up and put the clamp on. It made Daddy really mad. He scolded me for being a bad dog and told me I can't be Booby Man any more that night. What daddy doesn't know is that the puncture on mommy's lip actually looks like a beauty mark. Daddy always says she pretty, right? Well, she could be a runway model, start a new fad, the Chihuahua mark. You always see that Paris something female (I think she should eat more) with her little chihuahua. Why not get all the models lined up and I'll come help them with their makeup. Beauty hurts, afterall. My mommy sure looks pretty with my mark.

Happy New Year

Everybody loves me. Except my brother. He doesn't know how good he has it. He acts like a crazy person. My Aunt Karol gave the both of us a whole bunch of toys for Christmas. All Dasher wants to do is take possession of them. He gets this insane, removed from reality, psychotic look in his eyes whenever I'm playing with a toy. Then he comes and takes it from me. He doesn't know how good he has it. I think he needs to be zapped with the shock collar. He hasn't been stable since before Christmas. Even my sister Princess and I have established a little bit of common ground with the holiday. We're getting to be on better speaking terms (she hasn't swatted me lately). It started when Mommy and Daddy put the tree up. Princess and I were excited, frolicking about. All Dasher did was go to the corner with his shrek doll and act like Worm Man (that's what Mommy and Daddy call him when the black clouds are around). He has been unstable all through Christmas. Last night when Mommy was playing with me, he attacked my Mommy, for no reason! He has this thing with toys. If they're within an inch of him, he becomes extremely possessive. Well, even though it was me and Mommy playing with the Candy Cane toy, Dasher decided to bite Mommy. I couldn't believe it. How could he hurt Mommy? I was too afraid to keep playing with the Candy Cane toy and Mommy was too hurt because of Crazy Dasher. Being a stealth pimp doggy and all, I have not been on speaking terms with Dasher for the past 24 hours. I've contemplated having one of my roll dogs do the sneak up and put the strangle on while he's sleeping, but that just wouldn't be Christian. Here's another example of the Worm Man. Today Mommy and Daddy took the tree down. Again...in the corner, worming with his shrek doll was my brother Dasher. I don't even know why I freely call him my brother. Whevever we go to the dog park, he always embarrasses me when I'm talking to bitches. He sits there and shakes and whimpers in worm mode. He wonders why he has no friends and I'm successful. Anyway, I can go on and on about my brother. At least he's only my adopted brother. I don't know what the hell he's talking about "black clouds" anyway. The rain stopped and the sky is clear. Maybe he'll see the sunshine tomorrow. Anybody know where a dog can score some Zoloft or Welbutrin?

This One's for Snappy and Ojo

I'd like to honor my 2 new pals, Snappy and Ojo. Since I'm known as Boss Man, you must obey my yaps and send out positive energy to Snappy and Ojo. They're both very special dogs and they're bound to touch your heart the second you read about them. So get to it and send them your love, right now!

Job Rejection

Well, being a little stealth pimp doggy isn't all it's cracked up to be. So today I I applied for a job with Waste Management. I thought I could just be a sanitation engineer on the truck, have my own route and help keep America clean...but I was rejected during the interview. They say they're equal opportunity employers, but then I heard someone whisper about my size. I can handle trashcans. That's my favorite hang out in my backyard. I'm always keeping those cans straight, eating anything that falls out so that Daddy doesn't have to pick it up, and licking the rims clean so that Daddy doesn't have to touch anything icky. My brother tries to come over to my trashcans to see what I'm doing, but I always chase him away 'cuz that's my territory. I don't need any help with sanitation or looking for surveilance equipment. Anyway, it was a good day. Time for me to go, Princess is booting me off the computer.

Who's Your Daddy?

First off, I'm bad. Bad to the bone. I have a big chest, strong arms, and I'll beat anyone in my way (except Princess). I strut because I'm "All That" and the bitches love me.
One thing I need to clarify. That Princess has been spreading rumors about me in her diary. Yes, I've been known to hang out in the litter box. HOWEVER, it's ONLY because I'm a stealth pimp doggy and I'm looking for surveilance equipment that might sticky up my operation. Never mind my bad breath. That's only because I don't have dental coverage. Understand??
Now that the facts are straight, I'm going to find Dasher and dominate him. He's my big brother and has a few mental problems, to say the least, which makes him fun to toy with. I'm sure my mommy will help him get his own site too.
Gotta' go. Daddy's cleaning the litter box and might have dropped something. Surveilance equipment, understand??