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I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words, even those who don't agree with the difficult decision we made as a family. It's nice to know that Bailey was sincerely loved by so many.
For those who don't agree with what I did... Please bear in mind that you only knew the Bailey I let you know. I am still struggling with what happened, mostly because, the Bailey I let you know was the Bailey I like to remember: the goofy, smart, loyal, protective, silly, athletic, lovable dog. I would like to forget his other side (the dark side), Dog knows I would, but it is the only thing keeping me from driving myself crazy questioning my decision.
It has been a week since I lost you. A week since I had to make that awful decision to send you to the Bridge. A week of crying my eyes out, feeling sick and lonely. A week of missing you so much, I can't breathe. A week of wishing things had turned out different, but knowing there was nothing else I could have done.
I picked up your ashes the other day. I was fine on the ride out to pick you up. I was fine walking into the building and seeing all the beautiful urns. I was fine until I sat down at the desk, and the invoice was placed in front of me for "Private cremation services for Bailey". I then went through half a box of Kleenex they had sitting on the desk and I cried all the way home. I cried when I pulled your ashes out of the carrier bag. They placed your ashes in a burgundy bag with the words "Until We Meet Again at the Rainbow Bridge" embroidered on the front. I'm making a box to keep your ashes in. In the spring, I'm going to plant a tree for you (that was aunt Jennifer's idea), but don't worry, your ashes will stay warm and dry in the house with me.
Bailey, I miss you so much. I miss that little sideways walk you used to do. I miss having you jump up on my lap in the morning and wiggling your back end backwards until you got snuggled between the arm of the chair and my body. I miss you bringing me toys to play with while I was on the computer... even though I regret not shutting the stupid thing off to play with you, and finding a whole pile of toys on the floor behind me when I finally finished, and finding you sleeping on your bed in the living room (I'm so sorry I did that and would give anything to make this up to you). I miss you chasing cars when we would go bye-bye in the car, it always made me laugh, even if you did render me deaf a couple of times from barking right in my ear. I miss your head tilting while I talked to you, like you understood every word I said (and agreed with it all). I miss you barking and growling at your food dish. I miss watching you launch yourself off the deck every single time you went outside. I miss you begging to go outside, then slamming on the breaks at the door when you spotted the rain. I miss you going nuts every time we tried to put the bird to bed (it was a big help, even if we didn't fully appreciate it at the time). I miss getting your hugs in the morning and watching you cover grandma's face with kisses when we got up. I miss you waiting at the door for me to get home from work (grandpa told me they always knew what time it was, because you would head to the door about a half-hour before I got home). I miss taking photos of you, you camera hog.
I miss everything about you. I loved you so much and will continue to love you forever.
Camping will not be the same without you next year. I may have to sell the camper, because, really, what's the point? I bought it for you.
I'm so sorry to say that I had to have Bailey pts this afternoon.
He had an agressive side, and he seemed to be getting more and more agressive for some reason lately. Today, he attacked Bandit. Bandit is okay, but it was the last straw.
I tried everything I could think of to get his agressiveness under control, but it was his nature.
Most of the time, Bailey was a great dog. His diaries were so much fun, because that's who he was...most of the time. Most of the things in his diaries were true. I rarely embellished (it would be hard to make a lot of that stuff up...my dog was just goofy). I couldn't bring myself to write about the mean things he did because I didn't want anyone to think less of him, because he was my life, my heart, my baby.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I just have to focus on the fact that I gave him a great life, and all the fun things we did together.
Please hug your furkids close to you...they are so precious!
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