Dogster

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Remembering Rusty

Two Years

Two years without you and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about you. I miss you sweet boy.

One Year

Rusty,

Tomorrow, November 9th, will be one year since I held you in my arms and said goodbye to you. People told me time would help to heal my broken heart and in some ways that is true. I no longer cry everyday, but I still think of you and miss you each and every day. I wrote the following the day I let you go, but it still holds true one year later.

I miss the way you followed me from room to room or the way you slept on my feet when I sat at my computer.

I miss your sweet, soulful brown eyes and the way they stared at me with such love and affection.

I miss touching your silky fur, kissing your forehead and leaving lipstick marks on your face.

I miss cuddling next to you on your orthopedic bed and gently stroking you until you fell asleep.

I miss talking to you Rusty and the way you would kiss my face to let me know you were listening.

I miss you with all my heart sweet boy and I would give anything to hold you in my arms one more time.

Mommy

My Dream

Last night I had an incredible dream. I dreamt I was in a swimming pool and the water was up to my waist. My father who passed away in 2001 was standing in front of me. I was holding Rusty in my arms like a baby and his head was resting on my shoulder. He was frail and weak. I was crying. My Dad asked me why I was crying and I told him because I didn't know if it was time for me to let Rusty go or not. My father asked me if I had asked Rusty. I told my Dad I asked Rusty to give me a sign. My father shook his head no. He said, "Don't ask for a sign, just ask him if he is ready." As I held Rusty I looked at him and asked, "Are you ready?" Rusty lifted his frail head, looked me in the eyes and in a clear, sharp voice he said, " I'm ready." I held Rusty tightly and told him not to be afraid and that he would be OK. As I cried I continued to walk around the pool with him in my arms. After a few minutes, I looked up and my father was no longer in the pool with me and Rusty was no longer in my arms.

I woke up drenched in my own tears.

My decision to let Rusty go has weighed heavily on me for almost a year. I think this was Rusty and my Dad's way of letting me know to move on and to stop feeling guilty. It brings me comfort to know my Dad is taking care of Rusty.