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Dalmatian Dialog--Rocky's Diary

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May 15th 2010 7:01 am
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I can't seem to forget what it was like to be left behind. Forgotten. Not wanted. My then-family had brought me to the kennel with my dog sibling, and we stayed there as we often had before. But then they came and picked up my dog-sister, and left me behind. I wasn't wanted, you see. After living with them for 8 years, and going through 2 surgeries, they were "tired of me" and "wanted me to have a better home." I guess they were angry about the vegetables that I stole from their garden. Or maybe the fact that I steal food off of the counter. But that's all part of being a Dalmatian. And weren't they the ones that were supposed to train me, anyway?
So I was left at the kennel. The weeks went by. I still listened and wagged my tail when the door opened, but my family never came. I never saw them again. I was sad in the kennel. I was there for a couple of months, when the kennel owner/trainer came to get me one day. I went out to the waiting room, giving Trainer my best Dal grin and talking to her and trying to lick her face. There were two people in the room, and one of them was my Suzy. They talked to me and Trainer, and gave me a lot of pats. Trainer brought me back to my kennel. I kept looking for my family, but they still didn't come. I waited, I wagged hopefully. But they never came back.

Two weeks later, Suzy came back. Suzy greeted me warmly. Trainer seemed kind of sad, but she patted me and told me it was going to be okay. She encouraged me to climb into the crate in the back of Suzy's car. She talked with Suzy some more, and then Suzy drove away with me in the crate in the backseat. I was scared. I hid in a corner of the crate with only my familiar crate blanket for company. What was going to happen to me? Where was my family? Where was Trainer? Where was I going? I rode in the car for a long time, scared and miserable in the corner of the new crate. We got to a place that Suzy called "home". Would I see my family here? They lived at a place called "home" too. But they weren't there.

I was "home". It took a long time for it to feel like home. But little by little, I found myself feeling better and happier. I stole a pound cake off of their kitchen counters. I realized, after stealing the pound cake and a box of donuts, that this place wasn't so bad after all. I got walked, fed, patted, and had lots of squeaky toys to play with. Suzy was forgetful enough that there always seemed to be something to steal off of the counters. This really felt like home! I was blessed to be adopted by Suzy. It truly changed my life for the better. And, she told me often that I changed her life for the better, too.


I miss you

April 24th 2009 7:09 pm
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I was just looking at some pictures of you and me together. I miss you so very much. Keep wagging your tail in heaven--I know that there you will be able to run and jump and play the way you used to.
I love and miss you my beloved buddy.


Rocky ~ Nov. 3, 1993-April 25, 2007

April 25th 2008 3:55 pm
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I can't believe a year has gone by.
I still miss you so very much, my beloved buddy.
Love, Suzy


What's YOUR Opinion about Fruitcake?

January 1st 2008 6:34 pm
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Suzy told me once that there was a raging debate around holiday time about whether people actually liked this stuff called fruitcake. I found the whole thing to be rather silly, as, hey, it is people food, therefore it MUST be tasty, right?
Never having had fruitcake (Suzy maintains that it is nasty stuff. Silly Suzy.), I can only guess whether it is more tasty than the following. If you've had either, pup mail me and let me know your vote!

Is fruitcake more tasty than:
1) used kleenex (*licks lips and drools* "love 'em!)
2) rabbit droppings ("so tasty and there are always so many at a time!")
3) excedrin tablets (dry and bitter tasting, but they were next to the Altoids mints)
4) Altoids mints ("minty fresh")

I would recommend eating items 1, 2, and 4 above, but avoid the excedrin!
Happy New Year!


Holidays = Opportunity

December 24th 2007 8:17 am
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With the holidays upon us, it is time to remember the two keys to successful counter-surfing: speed and stealth. Remember, even if the humans see you getting up on the counter, you can still grab and go and outrun them. The stealthy approach is always a good one--silently slink up to the table or counter, pop up, grab the goods and go.

I learned to do this without touching my front paws on the table and just using my teeth to reach and grab the food. It is a nice finesse move, as it looks cool to balance on your hind legs and it also means it is less likely that you will knock something else off of the table and alert the humans. I used this approach often to steal Suzy's flavored lip balm off of her bedroom dresser. She only found out about it one day because of a dirty streak I left on the bureau scarf (I'd previously been out eating dirt clods in the yard and had forgotten to wipe my mouth. Ooops.)

Anyway, happy holidays to all. Best of luck with the counter surfing!


Ancient Wisdom from Rocky

May 27th 2007 1:20 pm
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This entry is in honor of my awesome spotty friend Sasha who needed a distraction in order to swipe some tasty ice cream... (visit her page: )
So Sasha, here are some thoughts on ways to cause a distraction and enable you to get a few critical seconds to steal some food:

1) Eat something noxious (glucosamine supplements work well). Then fart loudly and clear the room. Steal the food the humans leave behind as they run gagging from the room.

2) This one is from my friend Riley the beagle (and who says beagles are dumb?): If your human has friends visiting, drag her dirty underwear out of the laundry into the middle of the gathering. As she picks it up, red-faced, head for the kitchen ASAP and sweep the counters.

3) Make a retching sound or two in the living room, then bolt for the kitchen to sweep the counters. Humans will run toward the sound of the retching every time. Best part--you'll get a sympathy vote since they'll think you have an upset tummy!

Sasha, hope these work--all of them have been tested by me (or Riley) and have worked for me--best of luck!


Things I Have Eaten, Part 8

May 18th 2007 6:59 pm
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Dear Friends,
I am now at the Rainbow Bridge, and, as my awesome friend Sasha says, I am tipping over trash cans there in search of something to eat. But Suzy, my human, is going to try to keep up my diary with some of her funny memories of me.
Here's a recent one...

Suzy put me outside one sunny day in April, thinking that I wouldn't be able to get into too much mischief. Well, I decided that I was hungry, and with no ice cream stands, bird feeders, or garbage cans in sight, I decided to take a sample of the local flora in order to see if it was reasonably tasty. After all, anything is edible if you put your mind to it. (My new Dogster motto!)
Suzy had this pot of yellow tulips by the front door. I don't know why they were there and not planted in the ground, this whole decor thing is lost on me, but imagine Suzy's surprise when she looked out the front door and found her tulips completely denuded of their petals. I only ate a few, the rest fell off when I chewed on them. Suzy seemed more amused than angry, as she just brought me inside and sighed loudly. For the record, tulips are not particularly tasty.


Rocky ~ Nov. 3, 1993-April 25, 2007

May 15th 2007 5:42 am
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I miss you, my beloved buddy.


You say potato... I say "gone!" (gulp, swallow, fart)!

March 7th 2007 6:38 pm
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Yesterday was a truly fantastic day. I succeeded in stealing a potato off of the kitchen counter. It was dirty but tasty, and I devoured it and left a small trail of slimy pieces behind so Suzy would know where it went. Then I stole a second potato and ate that too, until Suzy caught me and pried the rest of it out of my jaws. The plus to all of this is that it has allowed me to produce even more noxious and audible farts that clear entire sections of the house with the humans scrambling for cover. These farts are not only stinky and loud, they are also long in duration, to maximize the stench density in the room. Lately, I've seen a lot of Suzy covering her face and exclaiming "DOG! How is it POSSIBLE for you to STINK this MUCH????"
Needless to say, potatoes rock!!!


Dr. Rocky's Life Lessons (Part 2)--Social Stigma?

February 16th 2007 12:29 pm
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Are you feeling socially stigmatized? Maybe you have a problem with submissive urination, or bad dog breath, or maybe, like me, you have issues with excessively noxious gas. Fellow dogfriends, do not let this hold you back from reaching your full potential!
Let me share with you my personal story:
Lately, Suzy and my vet have made me take some specific glucosamine supplements that, while tasty, cause me to produce copious quantities of noxious gas. This is the kind of gas that the humans can hear coming, and then they are visited by a stench cloud the likes of which they have never experienced before. They cough, they wheeze. They exclaim things like "DOG!!!!" and "for the love of Pete, can't you STOP with the gas already???". Heaven help them if they happen to have an open flame in the same room with me, it could cause an explosion due to the methane buildup... Adding insult to injury is the fact that the glucosamine reportedly costs $80 per bottle.

I have discovered that social stigmas like bad gas also have benefits.
For example, when I am lying down, peacefully, and then release a loud audible fart, I find that the humans dart from the room faster than spooked rabbits. I then seize the opportunity to scavenge for any food they might have left behind. See the benefits? Fart and clear the room, then scam the food.

So fellow dogfriends, do not be held back by issues that you might think are social stigmas... turn them into opportunities instead! Until next time, this is Dr. Rocky, farting in your general direction!

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