Exciting Texas Tornados & Delishush Fritos

Awwww WoooOOOOooooOOOOoooo
Awwwww WooooOOOOOOOooooooOOOOO

Don’t that noise makes the hair stands up on yer neck? It sure does mine!!! When mom got home last night after feedin us nutritious delishush dinner and makin us poop outside, the tornado sirens went off in our neighborhood.

Awwww WoooooOOOOOOOOOoooo!!!

I howled, encouraging Annie and Java to howl with me. We was havin a great time howlin with the sirens and mom told us to shush and come in the bathroom with her RITE NOW. I told mom I hoped she had some air freshener in there, cuz last time I got stuck in a small room with Java for more than an hour, wale, (to use a term my good buddy Puggie sez often), wale you can jest imagine!

I said no Ma, I was BIZZY and wasn’t goin into da bathroom. By this time, she had drug pillows in there, a mattress, her book, her celly phone, and a refreshing beverage. She said HOWIE GIT IN HERE RITE NOW!!! I said no, I was BIZZY!! So she got the bag of fritos and took them in there and WALE, the rest is history. *picks fritos out of his teeth*

We sat in there together for a good 10 minutes eatin fritos. Then Java and I had a fartin contest. Mommy called her neighbors and made sure they were okay cuz the sirens was goin off. Me and Java decided to fight and wrastle loudly while she was on the phone, and then Annie climbed into her lap demandin more fritos. It was real exciting. Yew can imagine all of us squeezed together in a four foot square area for an hour.

Finally mom let us outta the bathroom and we ran around like crazy dogs. The sirens got tired of waling so they shutted up and we ate all the fritos so what was the point of stayin in there longer, I asks? Right about then, Daddy rushed home from work early to be with his family so he could protect us from scary tornados and watch basketball on TV. He is my hero. *digs in bottom of frito bag and licks out the crumbs*

Tell yer mom. If you hear them sirens, don’t fergit to put on your important survival rations list in big capital letters: FRITOS!! And if yew gots a cheesy brother like I do, also puts down AIR FRESHENER. Dats all my advice fur today.

Gettin Tagged All Over Da Place

My good buddy Mistah Chu tagged me! It seems he gots tagged by Birdie, and you know that pay it forward thing, well I got paid!!
So here is some fun facts about Howee Pee fur yew.

1.name four jobs you have had in your life
Peein on furny-ture, peein on nice rugs, bitin Java, and fartin under da covers
2. name four places you have lived
I only lived in two places, the place where I was born and dis here place wif the tree in the front yard.
3.name four places you have been to
I have been to grammy's house of mashed potatoes and cows; I have been to da pug meetup at da creek; I have been to da dog park where I went up to all da strangers and dug through their bags and embarrassed mom; and I have been to my house jest about every day. (I gets up, and BAM I am here!)
4.name your four favorite foods
Peanut Butter, scrambley egg, goopey kibble, poppycorn.
5.name four places you would rather be
On toppa da table wif the food, IN da frigerator, in da kibble container, or else on da kitchen counter where da cookie jar is.

Easter Bunny Holds a Grudge - Two Strikes Against Pee

Jest in case you was wonderin, I gots on this cowpug disguise hoping the Easter Puggy will think I'm some other pug besides the one that barked at him last year and chased him outta da yard. I think the Easter Puggy also overhear-ed me sayin to my pal Yoshi that the Easter Puggy would be delishush deep fried with some ranch dippy sauce. So that was two strikes against Pee from Easter Puggy.

If I DO gets an easter basket this year, I will make Anniesmelly Bossypants taste everything first jest to be sure there ain't nothing disgustin hidden in dem easter eggies. Dem bunnies are awful cute, but they sure can hold grudges. So if any of my pals gets a big basket, could you mail me sum of the most delishush stuff? I will be very hungree that day cuz I will probably only get three meals and 20 snacks, the usual starvation rations from da momma.

Don't cry fur me when you reads this sad story. I have grown used to bein judged harshly and kept on survival rations. Life is not fair for the Pees of the world. Specially now that spoilt Annies are runin around da house gettin all the attention. *pffftttttt* makes farting noise. Okay, well, I gotta go now. But I thought I would let you know my plight. It's not purty. I'll be watchin da front porch fer my pack-idges to arrive very soon from my good puggy pals.

Life is Like a Box of Hooey Sometimes - A Howie Pee Pugpant Rant

Get yer tissues ready. Here are the things I didn’t git to watch on TV lately:

Indiana Daytonapolis Five Hunnert

Western Minister Dog Show

And all I gots to say about it is it’s a buncha hooey that watching them two programs would result in me barkin and jumpin on daddy’s Flatscreen Preciously Loved TV. Just because last year I barked at all the big dogs at the Western Minister Show, and especially that one doggy who looked like a mop who I am sure wasn’t a doggy at all. And just because whenever a car races by on the TV and says rrrrrrrrrrrrrooooommmm zzzzoommm I like to chase it and bark my head off, is no reason to deny me these activities.

Most annoyin is when the big dog is on the screen barkin or jumpin around and then he walks off stage exit left and I have to run in the room behind the TV to see where da heck he went. Mommy has been wonderin lately why I’m getting so fat. Well HUL-LO!! These was the two only exercises I get all year! Additionally, I had made some discussions about winners with my good pal, Louie, on the Daytonapolis Five Hunnert and I didn’t get to see who won! Now I didn’t say we was bettin or anything, did I? Noooooo. Just discussions like, Hey Lou, who do you think will win and if they don’t win you can be my pal and send me summa those hot wings yer eatin that day. That sorta thing. Nodoggy was wired. Nodoggy was breakin international laws of transit, just cuz Lou lives in Caneeda and mails me stuff that should probably have been inspected and discarded years ago that I will enjoy eatin anyway. We didn’t say ANY of this stuff on deesposable cell phones. All the time I gets accused of stuff I didn’t do yet, but was only thinking about doing. It’s a crime to be treated like this.

And don’t even get me started on Anniebelly Bossypants, my lil sister. It’s all, lately, just a buncha hooey!!!

Tagged by My Pal Pious

I gots Valentine Tagged by my buddy Pious. I know wutt yer thinkin. How can Pee have a pal named Pious? Bad Pee? Good Pious? Yep, but I am a multifaceted puggy and this badness is jest a front fer my alterego Good Pee self.
So, I gots to think of 5 wishes *tummy grumbles*
Wishey Number 1:
I wished fer a snack
Wish Number 2:
I want a really large snack, with goopy stuff on top
Wish Number 3:
I want dat goopy stuff to be smelly, something I shouldn't be eatin cuz then it will be specially delishush
Wish Number 4:
Oops, I fergot I was pretendin to be good. Okay fer dis wish, I hope all forgotten doggies out there get rescued and loved.
Wish Number 5:
I wish I had more wishes!!

hee hee
Pee

Howlidays at The House of Pee

Happy howl-idays everybuddy. Yes-turd-day I went to the vet and got a shot in my butt and got espressoed. I love goin to the vet, except for that last part I jest referred to. Everyone there jest adores me. They don’t read my blog. Heh heh. Therefore they think I’m jest a happy, well behaved little puggy named Howie GoodPants. I gots em fooled. I hope Sandy Claws is fooled, too. Cuz this year my wish list is especially long.

Mom said I was so good at the vet, that Dr. Brashears called her to say I made her day!! *tries to pat self on back and falls over* She said I’m so cute and always happy to be there. Hey, if you don’t pee on nothing, they give you treats! What’s not to like about treats??

So Sandy Claws, if yew really are watchin and keeping a list like my sister Queen FattyPants sez you are, see how good I was at the vet yes-turd-day? I only barked at the kitties for adoption once or twice and knocked over one of the toothpaste chewy kit display cases. But it was asky-dental cuz I was wigglin and jiggling around in my eagerness to see everybuddy there.

If anypuggy told yew that I tore a hole in the dogfood bag last week and peed on the new doggy bed the week before that, S’NOT TRUE cuz I don’t remember it.

Okay, here is my list of STUFF TO GET HOWIE OR ELSE:

Peanut butter
SECOND REQUEST - Deep fried crunchy elves with ranch dipping sauce
Bones with stuff stuck to ‘em
Reindeer steaks (hey, I hear these are delishush!)
Salty crackers with fish eggs (I never had that before)

I have decided to forgive yew, Sandy Claws, fer not getting me any crunchy elves last year. My buddy LouPants said the elves had a lotta work to do so you probly couldn’t spare them. Surely when they get old you don’t need them anymore? I don’t mind an old one, long as it’s fat and juicy.

Oh, and the most important thing I want is some cheese for my brother Java and something sparkley for Fattypants, my sister. See? I can be magmani-muss and giving. (fine print) Hey Sandy Claws, be sure to put the cheese fer Java in a package with my name on it. So I can help Java open it. Don’t fergit. K???

A Puggy Kinda Howliday

Lately everydoggy's been so cheerful, holiday taggin ones another, sendin prezzies to my fat sister, and mailing me cheese and even some sushi (thanks Mooshypants!!). Da best thing about that sushi is you can roll in it afore you eat it so you gets this wunnerful smell all over yew to spread about on mommy's fine furnishins.

Well this year I gots an EARLY present, one dat I didn't even ASK for! I hopped up on da bed at bedtime one night last week, yew know, to make sure the pillows all had at least one eye goober stucks to them as a sprize for mommy, and there was this furry reindeer toy jest layin there. I smelled reiny and gived him a taste and then decided to pick him up and shake him really hard. (yew know you gots to shake yer toys before yew play wif them, in case they gots poop or somethin in them). So I shook him up real good and then chewed all over him and when I got tired, he made a real good pillow. I love my rainypants doll. Mommy was reel pleezed I liked it, too, cuz when she saw me chewin on him she said lots of loud stuff and waved her arms around like she does when she's excited.

Usually I don't play wif toys. I'm real bizzy, you see, and asides, Java Cheese always takes dem away from me. So fer da first time, I gots my own toy here, rainypants doll, and every night at bedtime now I get to play wif him and NOT share him with my brother the Greedy Cheese-meister. I love rainypants. He don't try to wash my face like Winnie, and his farts don't smell like cheese, like Java's do. I think I'll keep him furever, or at least til Pugmas Claws brings me an ELF like I been askin for FER YEARS and not gettin....

I gots Turkey Tagged!!!

Mister LouPants Turkey tagged me. Now before you start growlin and huffin, gettin Turkey Tagged is really somethin cool cuz yer friends dew it to you. So now I has to think of 7 things I am thankful for. Hmmm. *scratches wrinkley noggin*
Well, of course, I am thankful fer Lou!!! My good buddy. He gives me ideas about important stuff like how to chew on yer mama's pantsleg to git her attention.
And I am thankful that Winnie sleeps at the foot of the bed and not up by mama in my special spot. Winnie gots the farties sometimes and who on earth wants to smell that??? pheweeeeee.
I'm also thankful fer breakfast, dinner, lunch, second brekkies, snacks, and stuff that falls to the ground that I can swallow before it is taken out of my mouth.
I'm thankful fer my dad cuz he loves to cook and spend lots of time in da kitchen. Mom jest goes in there to see what's ready to eat. She's like me that way sometimes.
I'm thankful fer my cheesy brother, even though sometimes he likes to flip me over like a pancake. I figgered out if I stand under a chair and be still, I am invisible so I can get away from him real easy thataway.
I should also mention I am thankful fer the angry chicken toy. That's my new favorite toy and it makes all sorts of angry chicken clucky sounds when I carry it around. Sometimes I has to get up in the middle of the night jest to make sure it still clucks. I do love dat angry chicken.
Oh poop, was that Seven? I can't count, so I'll jest add one more jest in case. I'm thankful mommy found dogster, cuz that is where she met all her good friends on FLOP - especially the floppy ladies. She sez they are some of the best friends she has ever had, and having a network of pug love and support is...priceless!!! Plus, they occasionally mail me food and prezzies. What's not to like about that?????
Okay, I've gotta run find the angry chicken. Have a nice howl-iday everdoggy!!

Pugoween Ain't Just for Weenies!!

Well, I got some reeeel bad news today from da ma. She said Howard Cowboy Pee Pants can NOT go to pugoween this year. My sister Winnie Wiggles has been sick lately, and the doctor said she don't got no immune system, so she can't be exposed to germs and such. I was wantin to meet my pal Jake Puggles and give Aunty Teresa big kisses, but no!!! No Pugoween fer Howie!!!

I would be real upset and all, except for I really do like my sister, so I decided to be magnamimy-mus about it all and not exact any Howard Pee revenge. Actually, the truth is *moves in closer to whisper in your ear* I am KINDA RELIEVED that ma hasn't figgered out yet that I am jest one big walking germ!! As you know, I have been known to get poops between my toes when I'm runnin in the yard to beat up the sprinkler. So if da ma figures out how germy her little Pee man is, wow! she could banish me to the den so I don't get no germs on Winnie! Or make me go be in isolation like a Bubble Pug. hmmm. I wonder if Sad Little Bubble Pugs get more treats than us normal pugs do.... *tiny, really really tiny little light bulb goes off in Howie's noggin*

Just because I can't go, well, that's no reason you can't go to Pugoween!! check it out and tell yer mama to put it on yer schedule - www.dfwpugs.com

They're gonna have over 300 pugs there in costume. Them people must be crazy to dress their pugs up like that. Absolutely certifiably um...wait a minute... my MA IS ONE OF DEM CRAZY PEOPLE!!!! heh heh. Did I say crazy? I meant, well, you know...eccentric!!!

Monster and Bella Met MY MOMMY!!!

I'm having real problems tryin to understand why I didn't get to go with mommy to SEE-yattle last week to meet my cousinpugs Bella and Monster and Aunty Cammie and all their fam-billy. Mommy was tellin dad about all the good stuff she got to eat at Cammie's house, and how much fun it was to snuggle with the Black See-Yattle Pack and go to the beach with all the doggies and go shoppin with Bella for a girls' day out. The list jest went ON AND ON. *steam comes out of ears* And notice that at no point did she say "Oh how I wish Howie could have been there..." or "The Seattle Pack would have really loved having Howie at the beach with them to show them how to properly pee on logs and seaweed." hmmfff. I was so mad about all this I REFUSED TO EAT MY LUNCH TODAY. *gasps of horror come from the audience* YES. I didn't eat but one kibble and I spat the second one out on da floor and said BLEGH.
Then, as if that wasn't enuff, she said that Aunty Cammie CAN COOK. YES!!!! Aunty Cammie made somethin called Gumbo From Scratch. I ate a hair bow once, and chewed a piece of gum off da floor, and I get scratched jest about every day, but I've never had all this at the SAME TIME like that and it jest sounds delishush to me!! It DOES!!! Say it out loud - GUM- BO. See? Don't that sound delishush? So now surely you can understand I am specially mad about that.
So it took me a while, but then it occurred to me that no famous puggies has ever come to meet FAMOUS HOWIE PEE PUG. HAs they? nope. So I am officially inviting them to come and visit me. If mommy is bizzee, well tuff toenails. I gots important friends comin to see me and I'm gonna have a lot goin on so fer the next couple days she can jest go off and hang out with Winnie or wipe cheese off Java's face fur all I care. So all my puggy pals, come on over!!! The doggy door is open and I know how to open the kibble container now. You jest push and push til it falls over. Okay, gotta run fer now. I have to pee on some stuff to get the house ready fer all of yew visitors!!!