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***A New Leash On Life***

a very treasured friend - until we meet again....

Abby: October 26, 1991 - March 30, 2007

I lost a treasured friend today ---- my little black lab who used to lay
Her gentle head upon my knee -- and share her silent thoughts with me
She'll come no longer to my call -- retrieve no more her favortie ball
A voice far greater than my own -- has called her to His doggy throne
Although my eyes are full of tears -- I thank Him for the happy years
He let her spend down here with me -- and for her love and loyalty
When it is time for me to go -- and join her there, this much I know
I shall not fear the transient dark -- for she will greet me with her bark.

"Ways the U.S. Would Be Different If the Next President Were- a Dog"

"Ways the U.S. Would Be Different If the Next President Were a Dog"

* 10) Doggy door on oval office
* 9) At press conferences, instead of "Mr. President," reporters would shout, "Here fella!"
* 8) Goodbye Whitewater scandal, hello toilet bowl water scandal
* 7) Washington Monument replaced with hundred-story fire hydrant
* 6) U.S. might have more coherent foreign policy
* 5) Public enemy #1: That neutering bastard Bob Barker
* 4) Secret service and CIA dispatched to catch that little chuck wagon
* 3) Country really run by dog's smarter poodle wife
* 2) Here's your new national anthem: (videotape of dog barking x-mas jingle)
* 1) One word: sausage-gate

"Ways the Miss America Pageant Would Be Different if the- Judges Were Dogs"

"Ways the Miss America Pageant Would Be Different if the Judges Were Dogs"

* 10) Title revoked if old photographs surface of the winner petting a cat
* 9) Put your money on the girl wearing the sash made of baloney
* 8) New sniffing competition
* 7) Rambunctious Miss Ohio forced to wear one of those big plastic cones on head
* 6) Host Bob Barker torn to shreds by pack of angry neutered judges
* 5) Winning talent? Throwing a stick
* 4) Pageant thrown into total chaos by judge in heat
* 3) Miss Texas disqualified for stuffing her evening gown with Gaines Burgers
* 2) Winner gets to drink out of toilet
* 1) Points taken off for mange