March 1st 2010 7:51 pm
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Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday, Dear Me
Happy Birthday to Me!
Yes, 12 years ago today I was born in New York State. It was a great day! I never knew my father(s) and my human grandmother sent me to a shelter a bit later on. But, I have overcome these things and today I had CAKE, a bone, licked an empty (hmmmm) bowl of chocolate ice cream and got many kisses.
Yes, I have overcome.
Love & Birthday Licks,
Sancho "Boskey Boy" Panza
PS Dogster HQ - I did NOT get a Birthday e-mail from you or 25 bones either. Speaking of bones, where are all of my missing bones that you took away from me? I want them back, plus interest. SP
January 7th 2010 9:46 pm
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She is "going back to school"? Right, at her age? She says it will result in more and better treats for all of us. Well, what about now when she goes back to school, whatever that is? I don't need school, I have street smarts.
I did have some home school sessions where this nice lady came into our house and we had a great time! We did tracking with hot dogs - my all time fave activity. I could have been a tracker dog. Just one little problem, I like to run away when the hot dogs are gone. I did help my sister find her's though, which was kind of me. I graduated from home school, with honors.
Next, I went to Puppy Kindergarten when I was about 2 years old. It was fun! I got my mom into loads of trouble. She got chewed out for so many "naughty"things I did that we stopped going. I kind of missed it, but it was kind of stressful, too. All of those great smells and not being able to explore them. There were horses, poop, other dogs, people I needed to hump - all sorts of things I never really got to enjoy. Too many darn rules!
Anyway, we'll see how this school thing goes.
Sancho Street-Smart Panza
December 23rd 2009 8:05 pm
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Just now Mom is trying to eat beef stew, my beef stew, to be precise. I start to kind of march in place right beside her, panting rather loudly, drooling a little, groaning and then the grand finale - I rattle my teeth in a most winning way. That gets her attention and makes her laugh and hand over my beefy treat. I had to do a little "I am right here waiting" growly-growl, very low-key for the second bite.
To her left she's got the cute chocolate dogs, all three doing synchronized staring at her with those greenie-yellowie-brown please-give-me-a-taste eyes.
Just behind her left shoulder there is big ole Tater Tot giving her the I-am-your-puppy-boy-even-though-I-am six-now look. Priceless. He's breathing right down her neck. If he rests his chin on her shoulder she is a goner.
At her feet is the little Freckie-Gracky Boy Jack Russell "aren't I a cute little bugger?" staring up at her. He gets anything she drops. She always drops something.
Now I give her a nose nudge and moan a little, dance around some more, pick up the breathing pace a bit. Oh yah, she gives me a carrot! All the other dogs jump up to attention, their hopes raised, waiting for their carrot. She doesn't have enough of them & I want them all.
Mango's nose is touching her hand - he rests his chin on her gently and looks up with that one look that says, "I am so glad I live with you". Java tilts his head to the side which guarantees a bite.
I pant harder. She looks at me....
Cinder lets out a big sigh that clearly says, "I was your first and best dog ever," and then adds a seal-pup nudge to make sure she's understood. She is.
Mom is getting indigestion from all of the pressure. She tries to look somewhere else and she gets the Basset Hound-sad-eyed-I-am-so-cute and please-share-with-me look.
I breathe harder, get my hot breath on her, pant, drool a little more and then sit, just waiting for my reward. I burp. If she ignores me I will take something - maybe a used tissue - out of the trash and rip it up. I might even eat it just to let her know I am hungry, too.
She says, "You guys just ate." Irrelevant.
Luckie lets out another sigh, copying Cinder because she's noticed that it always works for Cinder.
I moan a little more. Tate moves in and starts the big sniffing and intense eye contact approach. She smiles.
I stand up from my, "Look how regal I am when I sit" sit and feint toward the kitchen. Is she coming? Mom gets up and we all trot out to the kitchen on her heels. Java nudges he in the butt - the most sensitive part - and she says, Java, stop," which he does for a moment. Mango walks on her feet - they are still learning, plus they want to be right up front when she starts forking out the good stuff.
We are all here to get our beef stew bites - all nine of us - we finally get our much deserved share of the booty. Not that kind of booty, the treasure kind...the beef! We all know how to use a fork or a spoon for that matter. Sometimes, in her eagerness, Cinder takes the spoon along with her bite and mom laughs, retrieves the spoon from the Retriever and continues on. Luckie does a 80 pound Labbie "I love food" dance to make sure she gets what is due her. She does.
All eyes on mom.
Afterwards, Mom looks down before moving. Yes, there is a puddle or two of drool she has to wipe up, unless she steps in it first.
Her next meal: surround, repeat and eat.
December 22nd 2009 12:37 am
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It was a dark and stormy day in Burlington Flats, New York, back in 2002, and I was scared pee-less. Literally, that is, after I relieved myself on the living room floor.
Next thing I knew, I was running down main street in the pouring rain. I looked up and suddenly I saw my mom, in the Jeep, driving right toward me the downpour.
"You got my message," I howled.
She pulled over, opened the door and I jumped into the warm vehicle. Ah! I was soaked to the bone, so naturally, I shook the cold rain off. Now both mom and I were soaked.
Minutes earlier mom was at work and it began to storm violently. The student she was expecting was out that day. At that very moment I was sending her a telepathic message: "Mom, I NEED you, I am leaving the house now, through the screen in the front window. I know where you work!"
She came to get me! I was safe. This is a true event.
Not all of the future stories I retell will portray my mom is such a positive light. I am an honest dog, mostly.
Sancho P. Matthews
December 21st 2009 10:44 pm
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I just entered a contest called, "Wagging in a Winter Wonderland!" Here's what it says:
"What if pets ruled the holiday season? Would ugly holiday sweaters be buried in the snow? Would carolers sound like whirring can openers? Describe the perfect holiday season from your pet's point of view, and you could win big!"
Here is the link if you want to enter:
Want a sneak peek at the winning entry? (Mine, that is):
"Well, let me start of by saying this season is about: FOOD. I am a generous dog, so I would make sure that all dogs in all situations are in on my dream holiday feast. Everydog: stray, rescue, shelter and homedogs, like me, would get an edible care package consisting of: meat (lots of it) including sausage, bacon, roast, ham, turkey and liverwurst. Also included: pasta, breads, savory delights, cheesy dishes and desserts: Pumpkin Cheesecake, Pumpkin Pie, Pumpkin Anything! No human interference and the dogs will do the dishes! Dogs are encouraged to share will feline friends & family. Happy Howlidays!"
Now, it may sound like a plagiarized some of my previous diary entries but, well, I do think about food a lot. Most of the time. The rest of the time I think about, well, Juju. : )
You can also put in your picture. Here's a link to the picture of moi:
http://www.petcentric.com/Pics/Detail/Sanchos-Howlid ay-Feast-Dream.aspx?photoid=8faadf54-f7cf-4334-84ce-169cd674 28b4
Feel free to leave a comment!
Love, Licks & Gravy!
December 16th 2009 10:21 pm
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How do you like that? Do you realize that I went from wealth & prosperity to poverty in just weeks? I had literally thousands of Forever Bones which now are buried in Dogster's Bone Field and I have ONE. One. Uno. Unway (Pig Latin). One bone. I don't even get to bury it because I need to eat it.
On the bright side! I read this e-mail my Aunt Cindy (she has a boy son, Daniel, who I really like, but he likes Tater better) over my mom's shoulder tonight. It really sums up how I feel about Holiday Eating so I thought I'd show it to you all. Are you reading, Juju? I know you will like it a lot. I have added special notes for dogs to maximize the holiday experience. Should you NOT be invited to the holiday get togethers, see my earlier entries regarding the strategic use of Pee for human behavior modification.
Directions: Read, follow, repeat. Warning: avoid Mince pie...ewwww, yuck!
CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY EATING TIPS - Adapted for Dogs
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. (Dogs: We already know this about carrots, unless they are dipped in Ranch dip, which you can also lick off.)
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas! (Dogs: Calories-schmalories! That just mean more walks. Dogs love walks! Don't know what eggnog is but I like eggs!)
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. (Dogs: Ditto. Gravy is Good. Correction: The Gravy Stands Alone just fine. Lap it up!)
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. (Dogs: Who cares as long as the car has windows? Eat the potatoes.)
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? (Correction: Dogs, DO have a snack before, now, always, whenever. There is room for more food and you can always throw it up and reuse it if needed.)
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. (Dogs: Disregard this tip. Exercise = Walks. Take them when offered, beg when not offered.)
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again. (Dogs: Leaving perfectly good food behind violates the Dogs' Code of Ethics. We already know this. Same with shoes.)
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? (Dogs: Again, avoid the mincemeat. There is no meat in it, so don't be fooled. It is nasty fruit all chopped up, disguised and called "meat" to try to get you to bite. Don't. Note: When they say "three" this does not refer to "slices" it refers to whole pies. Have 3 pies. At least. Do NOT forget whipped cream.)
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. (Dogs: Bury all fruitcake and forget where you buried it. Do not hold it in you mouth, ever. Trust me.)
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read these tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. (Dogs: You will NOT feel terrible if you follow these instructions - it is just a warning for wimpy humans. They just don't have the stamina and dedication we dogs do when it comes to eating. They don't even like to throw up! Important note: January is just another month. Eat like this in January, February, March, April May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December and then start over again. Do not confine yourself to special holidays or occasions. Everyday is special if there is good food, or any food, really. Except mincemeat or fruitcake and a few other nasty things people mislabel as "food". Do not limit yourself.)
Sancho P. Matthews
Food Connoisseur & Expert
November 26th 2009 2:39 pm
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First, let me start by saying that Thanksgiving, or Turkey Food Day, as we dogs prefer to call it, is with out question, my favorite day in the world. What am I thankful for? Food: turkey, dressing (no onions or raisins), ham, masked potatoes, gravy, giblets, casseroles, rolls, corn, cornbread, and the thing that makes my heart and taste buds howl: Pumpkin. Pumpkin Cheese Cake, Pumpkin Pie, Pumpkin Anything with whipped cream, and maybe a little sprinkle of cinnamon or cinnamon sugar.
The days leading up to Turkey Food Day were some of the worst we've had around here, ever. You know me, I try to make the best of every situation, looking for the food that goes with it and living in the moment.
It all started early Moday morning - we hadn't even eaten yet - with this yowling sound coming from the basement - where the cats & rabbits get to hang out at night. Since the Rabbit Incident, the only time I get to be down there is when there is a thunderstorm and I go to this steel kennel I can't escape from or hurt myself in. It's built under the stairs. I tore though the drywall, so mom had to get steel grates made specially to "keep me safe" as she puts it. It's another story altogether.
Anyway, mom comes up the stairs, fast (for someone of her size and age) with Scruffles the cat who is yowling and having a fit of some sort. It was too early for the vet, so she got us our breakfast carrying that cat around, wrapped up tight in a blanket. I could smell that he was really sick and he is almost 20 years old, so I saw that the outcome might not be good. He ended up at the vets and is still hanging in there, but for who knows how long?
A few days later Schnooks and Luckie get in to this knock-down, drag-out fight. Have you ever seen two girls dogs go after each other? I just got the heck out of the way! Mom about had a cow and it was a mess - both of them got bit and bloody - Schnooks got the worst of it. Another after hours call to the vet. This is going to severely cut in to our treat fund.
Meanwhile, mom gets really sick. I could have told her it was coming on, but it caught her off guard until she had to run to the toilet...oh, I guess that is off limits. Let's just say, I smelled it coming. She missed a whole week of work - again, this is doing serious damage to our treat & toy fund. Scruffles came home, but both he and Schnooks had to go back to the vet for more emergency attention.
So, it is Thursday now. While mom is gone to the vet, Mocha (the Chocolate momma dog) gets this great idea to dig her way to freedom. I have had lots of experience with escapes and I could have told her they are fun, but you always get caught or hurt and that mom really didn't need this right now. Plus, the way she planned her escape, I couldn't go since I can't get under the gate anymore. What's the point of digging out if I can't go? Cinder would have been a good girl and stayed home, but Luckie, Tate & I would have liked to have gone. Mocha only thinks of herself, really.
Of course, Mango, one of her pups, followed her right out. Her other pup, Java was a good boy and stayed in the yard, but he was sure whining a lot. One thing Mocha didn't anticipate was that Mango would run off on his own. I could see the look in his eyes: freedom! They ran off and did some fun stuff, but then Mocha came back alone. I knew mom was going to have another cow over this. She did. And were not talking about the kind of cows that give milk or beef either. You know the kind.
So, mom looks all over town for hours and hours for three days - yes, she's still sick - and sort of neglects the rest of us. It was bad. Someone called her and told her that Mango got hit by a car and ran away.
Then our blind cat, Sprocket, escaped from the fence on Saturday night. The next thing I know mom comes back from somewhere and she's carrying Sprocket, only he smells different now. He's not moving and mom's crying. We all sniffed him over and gave mom kisses, but she's not happy. She loved that cat. He was a friendly sort of cat - liked us dogs a lot. I had some close encounters like that when I used to escape.
So, Mango has been gone from Thursday morning until Sunday morning and when mom, Mocha, Java & Cinder finally hunted him down after someone saw him at the Golf Course. I never went there when I ran off. Mango came home that morning and he was a mess from the accident. Guess what? A Sunday visit to the vets. Are you keeping track of how many emergency, after hours or weekend trips to the vets we've had so far? Needless to say, I don't see extra treats in out near future. Plus, Mango got some bologna, like four pieces. The rest of us only got to share two pieces. I never got a reward when I ran away.
So, at this point Sprocket is gone forever (like my Dogster bones), Scruffles is still ill, Mango is healing and mom is a mess. She still gave us Turkey Works today, but she didn't cook it. She still owes us a turkey that she makes in the house so we can go crazy for hours smelling it and have leftovers for days, but I can wait a while longer. As I mentioned, it was the week from you-know-where!
I did have some lovely pumpkin pie with whipped cream though (not enough, but some).
November 10th 2009 8:34 pm
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Juju was tagged by her pal Tinkerbelle and Juju and I are BEST FRIENDS FOREVER IN THE WORLD, NOT JUST AMERICA, so she tagged me.
The Question was:
What is your favorite treat?
Is this a real question? I mean, I could write an entire book on this subject. I like: MEAT, any meat, pig ears, turkey, sausage, turkey sausage, macaroni, chocolate, soft dog treats, Blue Dog Bakery Treats, Three Dog Bakery Treats, apples, caramel apples, chicken soup, beef soup - you get the idea here? Any good food and plenty of non-food items, too. The more "disgusting" the better.
Now I need to tell 7 things about myself.
1. I was born in upstate New York, of questionable parentage, sent to a no kill shelter in Cooperstown, NY, adopted by an a**hole who was abusive to me and ended I up in Nebraska. So, you decide: am I a good boy?
2. I have a best friend named Juju who chases Iguanas (and I am going to help her catch one as soon as I learn to drive & can find my way to Florida, but she has a map on her belly, so we are good), farts out loud (like that in a friend), chews up baseboards, eats turkey sausage and who saved her mother's life from a Giant Green Hissing Iguana.
3. I make Marley look like a well-behaved dog (see my diary).
4. Juju and I are going to write a book together about our adventures. She's also my editor and, did I mention, Best Friend in the Universe (even though we have never met)? Yet.
5. I founded a rather large (4 of us so far, plus the silent majority - you know who you are) group called, "United Dogs for Forever Bones" who want to keep their Dogster Bones, well, Forever, not just for 14 days (see my diary).
6. I currently have over 3000 Forever (in my mind) Bones.
7. I saved my humans life from an Igu...no, wait a minute. That was Juju. Um, oh, yes. I once performed the Heimlich Maneuver on my person, Carol, when she was choking on a piece of jerky. She should have chewed. She tells the story the other way. People. Always bragging.
I will tag:
No dog : ) Let the tag stop here. I don't even know what tag is. I thought it was a game where you chase things?
November 6th 2009 11:12 pm
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This is not a definitive list and I am working on more "good" things about me.
* "Bad Boy" is a relative term. All of the items in this list could be said to be what makes me a good boy, depending on your perspective.
I am a good boy because:
I have 2584 bones to keep forever.
I was born that way.
I keep squirrels out of the yard.
I recycle things.
I run fast.
I greet people who come to visit.
I am a Service Dog (sort of).
I am cute.
I am handsome.
I help people who are sad.
I have long legs.
I have gold eyes.
I am a good kisser.
I am funny.
I do dishes.
I help with the trash.
I can sit.
I make my mom laugh.
I am friendly to strangers.
I might be a bad boy because:
I destroy things.
I ALLEDEGLY bit my person (but there were extenuating circumstances).
I run away.
I am rude to other dogs (sometimes)
I bark loudly & often in the car.
I don't come when I am called (without proper incentive)
I chewed up my mom's military ribbons.
I chewed up the photo albums.
I steal things.
I take food from people's plates.
I growl at my person (if needed).
I snarl at my person (when necessary).
I am stubborn.
I ignore my person.
I chew up stuff...all sorts.
I pee in the house (if needed or if scared).
I snap at the puppies (when I need to).
I won't let Tate on the bed.
When Tate was a pup I was mean to him (now he's huge).
I lick "places" and then lick people (in the face)
I am sometimes mean to little critters.
I bark right behind my mom's head & scare her.
November 3rd 2009 9:06 pm
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I am a good boy!
I am loved!
I am RICH!
We are going to have to get a bigger yard.
I need to have a party!
I have 1071 bones!!!!!!!!!
I want to keep them forever. Please don't take them away Dogster HQ, please! Give me a chance to bury them.
What does "virtual" mean? Mom says they are "virtual bones" and that I need to calm down. She's a virtual idiot! Those bones are mine & I have every reason to not be calm.
Either way, I gotta bury them!
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