I'm getting old

I am 10-1/2 years old now and I guess I'm getting old. My parents took me to a special vet to see why I cough all the time. I have something wrong with my heart. I just have to live my life and be careful not to get too excited. At my age, who feels like getting excited! I just like to sleep and fart. I still like girls and I am always in charge when the pool guy comes. He brings me treats because he knows I love them.

My Dad is very busy now with the Red Cross. He works so hard. My Mom works hard, too, as an actress. She goes away at times and performs in plays and stuff. We miss her but I take her place in the bed. Ha-ha! I snore and pant. My Dad never gets a good night sleep when I'm around. I make sure I keep him awake. When Mom's there, I have to move over and make room for her. She hogs my spot in the bed.

Well, I hope to make it to my 11th birthday. But I'll have to be careful.

My ninth birthday

Yeah! I'm 9 now! I am so happy. My Mom and Dad gave me a frosty paw and some ground sirloin for a present. I never get to eat people food so it was such a treat. I'm much more lazy than what I used to be. So now I just walk from room to room and sleep. The other day my Mom had the rugs cleaned. Can you imagine? I just got them to where I wanted them with my dirt on them and she has to go and clean them! Argh! The guys were nice. I supervised what they did, of course. I'm in charge of everything. This weekend my Mom said we might go to the beach. I hate the water but I like to scare people at the beach. I look fierce, but I'm a bobblehead dog. I slobber and flirt with the girls. Women love me for my good looks. I always sniff guy's crotches. That way they know who's in charge. Don't mess with my girlfriends! I love my Mom and Dad. My Dad's awesome! I let him play with my toys. He throws them and I go get them for him. I'm awesome, yes I am!

My birthday is coming up!

Dear Diary,

My birthday will be here pretty soon and I'm going to be 8 years old. My Mom gets worried because Bull Mastiffs only live to be about 8-10 years old but I keep telling her to stop worrying. If I live on love, I'll be 100 before I go.

My parents take me for a walk in the morning when it's cooler. It's hot right now and the hurricane season is here. Last year we had to leave for a while. We got 2 hurricanes last year. I don't like them and I hate thunderstorms. I shiver when I see the lightening and hear the thunder.

I think I'll sleep today. I do that the best of anything I do. I am snoring right now as a matter of fact. I wish you could hear me. I sound like Curly from the Three Stooges. Well, that's all for now, Diary. I have to catch up on my beauty sleep. I'm already handsome enough but I want to keep my edge.

My PSL friends

I can't believe my Mom met Athena's Dad. What a small world! He gives massages and my Mom really likes those. I do, too.

Today my Dad is sick so I plan on staying by his side all day. He needs me. I guess I have it pretty good here in Florida! I sleep all day and I help my Mom in her office. I go outside and bark a little bit. I roll on the grass and sleep upside down. I got a sun burn on my belly. My parents are still trying to get me to go in that stupid pool. Well, I'm not doing it! It's just like taking a bath and I hate those. I make sure when I get a bath, to shake all over my Mom so she'll think twice about giving me another one. My Dad always laughs. I continue to contribute to the environment by pooping as much as possible. Hey, when you are big like me what do you expect! I hope someone makes rocket fuel out of poop. My parents would be rich!

That's all for now diary until next time I remain your slobby Bullmastiff, Patrick.

Christmas 2004

My sister came for a visit from NH. She's pretty. She's 25 and she goes out with a NYC policeman. He had to work so she came down here to visit me. My Dad is putting together a fountain and my sister is taking pictures of me with her new camera. Are there any other subjects to take pictures of?

We went to the vets this week. I have bad hips. I had to get a shot and it really hurt but I was good so the Dr. gave me a treat. His name is Patrick, too. He likes me a lot! He pushed my leg around and that really hurt, too. I let him know that I still like him. I went over and gave him a big kiss.

My Mom is making a New England boiled dinner today. I won't get any of it but I know I will get some of her home made dog cookies later. I LOVE those!

Merry Christmas.

My First Florida Christmas

Today I slept all day, just like I do everyday. I went outside. My parents think I am a poop machine! What do they know? I knock over the wastebaskets when they leave. I get mad and lonely so I do that just in case they might think twice about leaving me alone again! The Christmas tree is up. My Mom did a really nice job decorating it. I'm going to try really hard to knock it over again this year like I have done every year since they got me. I barked extra this year to earn money so I could buy my parents something awesome for Christmas. I barked at the cat next door because I hat cats! To me "cats are the crabgrass in the lawn of life." Right on, Snoopy! And I barked at all the workman that came to the house. I barked at the little dog next door that looks like a cat. And I barked a couple times just because. I'm brave. I'm getting old. I have a gray snout, now. I help my Mom in her office. I slobber on her new pants so she has to get up a lot and wash off. It's weird not having snow for Christmas this year. But I'll get used to it. My sister (the human one) is coming for a visit. I can't wait to lick her face! She's pretty. That's all for now, diary. I'll catch you later after Christmas. Ho-ho-ho! Or should I say, Arf-arf-arf.