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I Run the World by Patrick

I'm getting old

I am 10-1/2 years old now and I guess I'm getting old. My parents took me to a special vet to see why I cough all the time. I have something wrong with my heart. I just have to live my life and be careful not to get too excited. At my age, who feels like getting excited! I just like to sleep and fart. I still like girls and I am always in charge when the pool guy comes. He brings me treats because he knows I love them.

My Dad is very busy now with the Red Cross. He works so hard. My Mom works hard, too, as an actress. She goes away at times and performs in plays and stuff. We miss her but I take her place in the bed. Ha-ha! I snore and pant. My Dad never gets a good night sleep when I'm around. I make sure I keep him awake. When Mom's there, I have to move over and make room for her. She hogs my spot in the bed.

Well, I hope to make it to my 11th birthday. But I'll have to be careful.

My ninth birthday

Yeah! I'm 9 now! I am so happy. My Mom and Dad gave me a frosty paw and some ground sirloin for a present. I never get to eat people food so it was such a treat. I'm much more lazy than what I used to be. So now I just walk from room to room and sleep. The other day my Mom had the rugs cleaned. Can you imagine? I just got them to where I wanted them with my dirt on them and she has to go and clean them! Argh! The guys were nice. I supervised what they did, of course. I'm in charge of everything. This weekend my Mom said we might go to the beach. I hate the water but I like to scare people at the beach. I look fierce, but I'm a bobblehead dog. I slobber and flirt with the girls. Women love me for my good looks. I always sniff guy's crotches. That way they know who's in charge. Don't mess with my girlfriends! I love my Mom and Dad. My Dad's awesome! I let him play with my toys. He throws them and I go get them for him. I'm awesome, yes I am!

My birthday is coming up!

Dear Diary,

My birthday will be here pretty soon and I'm going to be 8 years old. My Mom gets worried because Bull Mastiffs only live to be about 8-10 years old but I keep telling her to stop worrying. If I live on love, I'll be 100 before I go.

My parents take me for a walk in the morning when it's cooler. It's hot right now and the hurricane season is here. Last year we had to leave for a while. We got 2 hurricanes last year. I don't like them and I hate thunderstorms. I shiver when I see the lightening and hear the thunder.

I think I'll sleep today. I do that the best of anything I do. I am snoring right now as a matter of fact. I wish you could hear me. I sound like Curly from the Three Stooges. Well, that's all for now, Diary. I have to catch up on my beauty sleep. I'm already handsome enough but I want to keep my edge.