Right now, they call me Max....

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Dog of a Day- I Got Tacked

February 3rd 2006 7:34 pm
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Food Lady came to get me two days in a row with Aunt Catherine. It was really fun sitting on her lap. I even got to meet her cat. But I think that was an accident. Aunt Catherine is walking with metal sticks and has her leg in this big purple thing. Its ok. She has a lap. But I saw my chance to get into her house and I pushed in until I was nose to nose with a CAT!!!! How fun is that!!!??? I wanted to check the cat out more but Food Lady was a party pooper and wouldn't let me. Today, I barely got to get out of the car.

Food Lady had her own car again. One day, last week, it smelled like another animal. She wouldn't let me sniff too much. But then, the car vanished. She has it back again. I heard her telling someone that a deer met her on the road. She shouldn't do that.

Then, things got really bad tonight on my walk with Walk Man. First, I barked at someone and got a spritz of citronella. I don't know why I keep doing that. No big deal but I should know what happens when I bark. Walk Man says he's ashamed. But later, when we were almost home, a big white lab came out of shadows and tacked me! He got called back but I was cool. Walk Man was really mad because the dog wasn't on a leash. Not only that, but the dog once tacked Lucy. He really hurt her. I was ok and very excited because I had a story to tell you!!! The neighbor needs to keep his dog on a leash. Like I have to be. It's not so bad! I like it!

 

Lazy Day and Trixie

January 28th 2006 4:22 pm
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Today was lazy. It was raining and I don't like it. I hate to have to go outside even to do what is needed to be done. But, Food Lady and I took it in stride and went to do my grocery shopping at Mounds. I love Mounds. I get to ride in the cart. I'd prefer to walk, but Food Lady has so many issues, I just figured I'd ride. I was very good and let people talk to me in baby talk and even let the girls all pet me. I'm glad no guy tried. I like the girls. But that aside, I got a new toy. It's a rabbit that Food Lady keeps calling Trixie.

We listened to "Calling All Pets" on the radio and that inspired Food Lady to buy me Trixie. You see, this week I did something. I chewed up Food Lady's park shoes. I just wanted to go to the park. But maybe that wasn't a good idea because now she has no park shoes. She didn't yell. But I hid when she picked up the shoe. She knew it was done by Walk Man or me. Walk Man doesn't really chew things like that and he denied it. She believed him. I didn't say whether I did or didn't. I took the Fifth Amendment. She believes in the Fifth Amendment and taught me about it. However, she believes that Walk Man doesn't chew shoes. So it sort of left me . After all, I have motivation, access, means, and other circumstantial things. But she didn't punish me. She thought she'd try deterence (she sprayed the shoes with something icky) and rehabilitation. That's where Trixie and Calling All Pets is relevant. Some dog chewed some lady's heirloom quilt. The lady was upset. So Doctor Trish said give the dog something else soft to chew. She also told the lady to not let the dog have access to her quilt. Now Food Lady has problems with where to put stuff so there will always be a shoe available to me. So she has to deter and rehab me. SO I GET TOYS!!!

 

I quit.

January 26th 2006 6:25 pm
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I don't want to be a famous advice columnist. Food Lady should find me a job in the Food Service Industry. I'd love to be served food. I'd be good at it.

 

Mister Max Advice Column

January 25th 2006 7:23 pm
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Having to write and wanting to write create issues. I don't want to have to do anything. Jobs are work. Work interferes with sleep and play. There are too many questions in the world. Just feed me, love me, walk me, play with me, feed me again and life is simple. Life is beautiful.

I'm not sure I want to write an advice column. There are other canines who probably do it already. I have to think about this.

 

Rocky and My Life as an Advice Columnist

January 21st 2006 4:00 pm
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I finally opened up Rocky. For those of you who know me, I have a formerly stuffed squirrel that I call Rocky. I took 9 gnawing months, but I finally opened and unstuffed him. So then I went to work on this feather thingy Food Lady has laying around. She really should pick up around here. There are so many temptations. Lately, I eat napkins. She must want me to have them since I can reach them.

She thinks I need a job. She suggested that I become an advice columnist. Here's a sample:

"Dear Mister Max,

I hate to clean house. Does it matter? Does it give my life meaning? Should I do it any way? My mother hates to look at it when she visits. Should I do it for her?

I need your help!!!!

Sincerely,
Unkempt and Slovenly Busy Person

Dear UnSlovBusPer,

Clean houses are a bore. Personally, I like food wrappers and clothing on the floor. I can lick the food wrappers and the clothes make nice places for a nap. It creates adventures for dogs and cats.

But I know what angst it creates not to please your mother. But really, what more important, your time with me, giving me a perfect place to live, or pleasing someone who only comes to visit twice a year. Pick your priorities!!! Dogs Rule!!! Leave my house a hovel! Crumbs are cool! Vacuums are hideous and noisy and scarey. But then, there's that feather duster....it's fun to chew.....

Okay, so there you go. Clean the house only twice a year for your mother's visits. Otherwise, relax and pick me up --- we can go to the dog park and skip the vacuum.

Your Problem Solving Pooch,

Doctor Mister Max "

 

Nu Du

January 19th 2006 7:10 pm
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I have a new haircut. I don't know why they do this to me. I was fine. I think Food Lady liked it, too. But she took me to the place that makes me shake. I did ok. I like the Groomer Lady. But I like going home even better. They oohed and aahed over my short but very soft fluff! I'm always so thirsty and tired after a Nu Du.

I heard Bubba got his New Turn. Oma says it hasn't slowed him down a bit. He bites Oma. He should stop.

My Food Lady is giving me Meatballs again. She's stingy with the Greenies, though. There's some controversy about it and she's worried. So she slowed them down.

I love you Oma. Feel better soon! You, too, Uncle Cat Man. (How did you teach my Cat Cousin Annie to talk on the phone to Food Lady? Its a pretty impressive trick. May be she'll talk to me on my next visit!)

 

Why Do They Drive When We Could Walk?

January 14th 2006 10:33 am
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I like to walk. They seem to like to drive. This morning we drove around all morning. I could have been walking. They could have been walking. Maybe someone will walk me. Maybe someone will drive me to some place I can walk.

Dog Park is my obvious favorite. I like to run when I'm there. The only problem with Dog Park is that there are no squirrels or rabbits there. They probably have their own park, but I wish they'd visit mine so I could chase them. I chased a rabbit yesterday morning. Food Lady had to track me while I tracked the rabbit. I pulled the leash out of her hand when the rabbit ran. I am so clever. But I missed the rabbit because I made so much noise dragging the retracting lead. Darn it!

 

Bubba's New Turn, UPSman, Citronella, and Dry Roasted Peas

January 10th 2006 5:34 pm
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Bubba, I hear you are a man today. You have your New Turn. I hope it didn't hurt too much. You'll forget about it soon enough. After all, fun is fun! And I hear you can get that leg up to do it on trees now!

Walk Man took me to the bookstore for a while today. I didn't get a chance to bite anyone. So that was good. But I came home soon enough to get my good nap in and wait for Food Lady.

She didn't disappoint.

When we walked, she timed it so I got to see the UPSman. I barked big time. But I forgot that my collar was on---and it spritzed me. I still pulled and whined, but I calmed down. Citronella isn't my first choice in cologne.

The best was yet to come. And I don't mean the yellow lab I wasn't allowed to play with tonight. It was the turkey MeatBalls. Maybe not. I had dry roasted green peas. At first I didn't know what to do with them but I found I could eat them. I had a few. And I got extra when Food Lady dropped hers.

And who said Tuesdays were boring?

 

Mud Dog, Bathed Dog

January 8th 2006 3:03 pm
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Dog Park was great! Most of the ice and snow was gone, replaced by my next favorite substance, Mud. I ran and rolled in it. I was Chaser and Chasee. I was Dog. Not only that, both Walk Man and Food Lady were with me! We went home. My feet didn't touch the ground and I was in the TUB!!! They bathed me together. Usually its just Food Lady but this was big. I was a very messy Good Boy! I don't like baths too much but I didn't give them a hard time. I don't like the hair dryer so they didn't keep at it. I'm not allowed on the furniture til I dry. I sure hope its soon. Instead of going on the furniture I came to Food Lady and made her type this for me.

I heard Food Lady on the phone with Oma. Tomorrow is Bubba's New Turn. Boy, will he be surprised. Maybe he'll have some manners after that!!!

 

Tossing Cookies aka Second Chance

January 6th 2006 6:25 pm
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I threw up. Its the first time Food Lady saw me do it. It isn't so bad. I get a second chance to eat the food. But she didn't let me. She picked up what was left and sprayed something on the spot that doesn't smell like food. Darn. Next time, I will hide it.

 
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