Watching

I sit at the other side of the rainbow bridge, watching my family enjoy their lives and while I miss them deeply, I can't help but be happy to see that they are no longer spending more time crying over the loss of me than enjoying their lives. It seemed as though nothing would bring them happiness again, and then Jenny brought home that cute little pup Jules and it made me so happy to see them light up again as they had been when I was alive.

I watch over all of them and have taken Jules under my wing. When she sleeps, I visit her. I tell her all I know about this family that I spent 16 years with. I answer her questions and I love this little girl as if she was my own pup. I could not have picked a better pet for my beloved family of three.

I know Jenny worries that I feel she abandoned me that day when she had to make the decision to have that man in the nice uniform come and take me away and make it so I sleep without pain and walk across this bridge. I know she worries that I was still healthy enough to live, that I was not in pain, and that I felt alone and abandoned. I know she still cries.

I know that they all feel sadness because they did not get to tell me goodbye. I know they worry that, before I slept, I looked for them and could not find them.

I wish I could tell them that something happened to me that morning and that my last memory is being out in their yard sleeping...and happy. I don't remember what happened when Mom and Dad went off to work. I don't remember struggling or being hot or her crying. I know it happened, but I don't remember it. I wish I could hop over the bridge one last time (even if only in a dream) and tell her that I understood. I want to give her one last lick across the face and tell her that I understood why she did what she did, and thank her for making it so I didn't hurt anymore...so I could walk and run again and get my hearing back and be able to play like I once had. She did all she could, and I am grateful that she did not cling to me for dear life, not wanting me to die. I am grateful that she was able to accept the fact that it was my time to walk across the bridge and wait for her to meet me once again.

I love you guys and miss you but don't worry...I'll see you all again soon and I'll give you enough kisses to make up for all of this time we've been apart. I promise.