It's my birthday and I'll pee if I want to

Yahoo...I made it to 2!!! Yep, if they thought the first 2 years were rough, now that I am officially a "Terrible Two" I think the best is yet to come!!! So, what did do for my big day today??? Well, it snowed here in Las Vegas and I ran around and ate the floating white stuff. I dragged my favorite toy, the yellow feather duster, out into the storm. And best of all, I pee'ed on the down mattress cover...just like to leave my mark ya know. It's been a GREAT two years and I am SOOOO lucky to have such great owners, and Max is my bestest pal. Happy New Year by the way...

Granola Bar 1- Schnauzer 0

Connor, the resident slob of our house has the nasty habit of leaving food in his room. Large quantities of food. On this particular day, he brought a Costco sized box of Quaker granola bars up to his room, and then foolishly slept with his door open. They were silver, small, and i knew they had something in them I wanted. So, one by one, I slipped them quietly out of the room, down the stairs, and out the doggy door where I left them to soften in our 110 degree sunny weather. Max wanted to help me shred the wrappers to get to their chewy goodness, but I was extremely selfish and ate them all by myself...four of them that we know of anyhow. That morning, Big Momma looked out in the grass and noticed their silvery flicker, and realized that "THE DOGS" had gotten granola bars. I could have easily blamed Max for this one since they know he lives and breathes for a taste of chocolate, but my mistake was that by dragging them outside through the doggy-door, it also showed the M.O. of one very naughty young schnauzer. Things were fine, they laughed about it all...and then after running through the house I suddenly got a strange look on my face. Then it started rumbling. Then, unannounced, it all came up to revisit me...right there on the living room carpet. After the yelling subsided, and it was clear that the "sample" showed obvious traces of coconut and granola, Max was cleared completely of the crime. Moral of the story...if you're gonna steal human food, be smart enough to throw it up outside!

pickle-vs-hot wing!!!!

Chloe was sitting on the couch with her mom. Max and I sat there as Chloe and her mom ate pickles and hot wings. Well as adventureous as I am, I decided to try one. So, I got into begging mode and of course these adorable puppy eyes got me one of each. After about a minute, Chloe gave me a piece of hot wing ,then a pickle. Of course I was a BIG fan of the hot wing since I am a Cajun canine! The pickle I kept spitting out and couldn't even bite it or keep it in my mouth.

What's this rumor I hear???

Tonight I noticed the Big Owner on the computer, looking at Irish Wolfhound puppies. Over and over I heard how cute they were, how tall they were, how scraggly they were...HELLO!!!! I'm a lean, not-so-mean, scraggly machine. Why would anyone want one of those jumbo-hunds in their house? I'm gonna have a little chat with Max and see what we can do to stop this craziness. Oh, and here's a new one, Biscuit and Rusty have befriended Max now, so they're ALL against me. I know I am all that and a bag of pig ears, but they all just band against me and think I need no one.

That stupid Max

How did this happen, Max got his own Dogster page. I am SOOOO mad, I mean, I am the one with all the charisma. Now that brainiac dullsville dog is gonna be hogging up the internet looking for hot schnauzies. I'm gonna hack into his account.

good- bye doggies

Well I am glad to say that the little plump Biscuit, and his brother Roo (the one with the freaky blue eye...that scares me.) Well they all moved to San Diego. Everybody bark ...a huh yeppie woo hoo!!!! Roo and Bubba if you are reading this sorry!! I hope you have a good life being Bay Watch beach dogs. I wish I could be a beach dog... WHAT AM I SAYING!!!!!!!!! I am, and ALWAYS will be a swamp dog.

What happens in Vegas...

Well, life here in Vegas is HOT...literally. A few days ago it was 113, forget those "dry heat" rumors, hot IS hot! Being from the swamps though, I am not at all intimidated by the heat so I hang out in the backyard for hours. I look like a male lion king awaiting the hunt in Africa, I am so cool. My brother Max, however, prefers air conditioning and refuses to play outside when it is hot. He is a local boy though, so he prefers staying up all night and hitting the casinos and late-night buffets. It seems I have gotten a little thin lately, a good prank I highly recommend to you other schnauzers, and so my owners went and bought me new REALLY expensive fancy dog food and some gravy stuff to make it taste better so I would eat. It works, I eat everything. I'm still rail-thin, but it is important for me to keep my model's physique or I may not get the next underwear ad for Calvin Klein...okay, well I never actually wore underwear, but I have run through the house with many a pair. Anyways, I just wanted to update. I think I will roll over on my back and take another nap.

POOR LITTLE WALRUS!!

I have sad and shocking news my wallrus needs surgery!! I was playing toss and it accidentely got out of control!! But this is the good part and this is why I LOVE Chloe... she always comes to save the day!!!!!! She is going to sew his head back on. I sobbed when it happened!! Here is what I told the chihuahua next door!! "I'M NOT that SMART,I'M NOT THAT BRAINY. WHO CARES!! I'M THE CUTE ONE, ELLIOTT HANEY!!"

NOBODY MESSES WITH MY WALRUS!!

Bones, I'm not trying to be a mean cousin but, let me tell you something!! You'd need to have a lot of bones to give me, or in your body because you'll never ever touch MY walrus... well you can't hurt any of my toys but go crazy with Max's!!!!

BONES!!!!

Well as you know I have just recently gotten a NEW cousin, Bones. He is cute but still NOT as cute as...ME!!!! My walrus thinks he is bad news!! Walrus says I'm only going to be the cute one for NOW. Chloe still loves me, and STILL caries me around like a baby. Walrus will have a talk. But for now, I WILL ALWAYS BE THE CUTE ON BONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!