October 17th 2005 1:59 pm
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So living life as Miss Queen Bee is sometimes very hard, it takes a lot of effort AND smarts to get things just so, therefore I decided to write out a list for all to follow:

#1 - NEVER go pee or poo if it is raining, windy, snowy, or cold - hold it until the weather is better no matter how much your mom begs you to go do your "business".

#2 - Lick your bum on the couch where mom and dad sit only - then when you're done (after the couch is nice and damp) move to your dry, comfy doggie bed.

#3 - NEVER perform for free. Always demand food (cheese is especially good). If you do eventually decide to do as asked, be sure to sigh VERY loudly beforehand and then do it as slowly as possible.

#4 - When playing be sure to be as loud and crazy sounding as you can.

#5 - Try to avoid bathtime. Go hide, pretend your legs are broken and you can't walk, and if all else fails, look very very sad - this may not work (they are often persistent) so be sure to be near tears (if we could make them) while having your bath. After bath time make sure to get everything wet (including mom) and dry yourself on everything in sight. Anything belonging to mom is preferable.

#6 - Try to escape out the door whenever unwise visitors arrive. Be sure to run like a crazed lunatic as FAST as doggily possible and don't listen to their calls to return. (Only return with the promise of 2 suppers and/or a car ride).

#7 - Water such as lakes, ponds, oceans & pools is not to swim in. It is your own personal toilet. Be sure to use it frequently.

#8 - After mom gives you your supper, go lay down and wait for dad to arrive. When he does, go sit by your bowl and look starved. If you are lucky, you will get 2 suppers.

#9 - NEVER chase cats - they are wonderful animals who produce yummy twinkies from their bums.

#10 - Lastly, always give kisses & tail wags to everyone. :)