Dogster

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....

Oh God, my heart...

I know, with time, this pain will pass. It seems incredible, but I know it to be true.

In time, I will stop crying. I will stop dwelling on our last days together. I will be able to fully accept that you are no longer by my side, and I will move on, and I will not miss you so much. I will be able to talk about my sweet, happy, wonderful Sophie, and I will not be so sad.

In time, I will not have to remind myself as I put the key in the lock that you'll not be on the other side anxiously waiting to welcome me home. I will not have to make myself stop from looking over my shoulder every time I leave to say I love you and that I'll be back soon.

In time, I will not walk through the house glancing in your favorite spots and subconsciously expecting to see your bright eyes watching me. I will not look through the shower door and think I see you laying on the bath mat waiting to lick the water off my legs when I step out. I will not automatically move with extra care so as not to disturb your sleep. I will not pause on the stairs to let you catch up. I will not listen for your nails clicking on the floor.

In time, not filling your food bowl will become habit. Not anticipating letting you outside and calling you back in will be easy. Not hearing you snore as I fall asleep will not be deafening, and I will not expect a short bark or scratch to be let into a room when I close a door behind me. Not having you laying at my feet while I rock my daughter to sleep will not be lonely.

In time, I will put away the last of your belongings. I will store the clippers and collar, leash and pillow, and I won't notice the empty spaces. I will file away your vet records and the sympathy card they sent, and I will not be inclined to read them any more. I will change my passwords to something other than your name, and I will not stare wistfully at our photos.

In time, my heart will stop breaking every time I think of you. In time, my grief will abate and I will not mourn you every moment of every day. I will be able to look back on our years together with a smile, and it will not be bittersweet. I will be able to appreciate all the ways you helped me grow, and I will not feel like I let you down in return. I will remember those feelings of unconditional love given and received, and those memories will comfort instead of hurt me. In time, we will be together again.

But until that time comes, I am shattered.