I can't believe he's gone..........

I've been out of my "old" home since September 2010, in December we had to have Maximus put to sleep due to old age & hip issues...Great Dane you know. In May my divorce was final, and I finally got to bring Skooter Elvis to my new home. I'd been without my boy for 8 months, and in that time I'd seen him go from being "Mr. Everything", to being a blind, deaf, senile, sad pup, even his mohawk drooped!
I held on, knowing that I should cherish every second with him, but it was tough. I'd started school, started dating...started my life again...and he hung on. He wasn't the cuddle bug he was just a scant year before, infact he couldn't stand to be touched and that tore my heart out. He couldn't hold his bladder or bowles, so I was constantly cleaning up messes, it was hard to being a date over, but he understood. Then it happened, he quit eating...so I knew. Even after everything htat had happened I wasn't going to deny Ex-hubby being with Skooter in his final moments, after all he was Skoot's father for 14 years; and he didn't deny me my time with Max.
I set it up with the vet, Ex, my family & boyfriend for Saturday December 2, 2011 at 9:45 A.M. I "got the vet" in the divorce, but they worried about Ex & BF meeting, they both understood this was for me and they were OK with anything I said. In the days leading up to Skooter's appointment I gave him "eggies" & chicken, which were his fave's but he barely touched. On the morning of, I gave him chocolate. The ONLY time my furkids get chocolate is on the morning of their "appointment". He liked it OK, Max was BEZERK for Reece Cups, Skoot seemed to preffer M & M's.
On the way to the vet, he started to poo (as usual), he got it in the car seat UNDER his towles, in the floorboard, and IN my purse! By the time I got the the vet Ex was there waiting on me, he took Skoot & gave him more "eggies" while I paid my part & cleaned up. They took him & sedted him, which he'd never had done b/c of his medical history so seeing him stoned was a little funny. He kept yipping like a parrot...and it was loud...and it was in my good ear. They brought him back to us, we were on the couch & had his favorite red fleecie in our laps, then I wrapped his favorite blue baby blanket around his chest & head, holding him like an infant in the crook of my right arm. The doctor entered, we chatted for a sec about Skoot & his life, I held him close & tight singing "our song", Ex patted Skoot's rump, she started the IV..... I couldn't believe it was happeneing. He was very peacful and quiet, he didn't fight...and with that, he was gone. The most wonderful, beautiful thing in my life was gone. He was at peace. He was with his sisters and brother again. He & Max werwe SO bonded, I think when Max died that's when the biggest part of Skooter died too, he gave up...but they were together again, running & playing & wrestling...and I had to smile.
Ex was crying harder than I'd ever seen him cry before, I didn't know what to do, and I knew when BF got there to pick me up, I could fall apart then, so I tried to stay strong for Ex.
The tech came & got Skoot when I was ready, Ex & I got as "put together" as we could, went into the office and waited for BF, he got there in about 3 minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. Ex left, BF & I got into my car, him driving, and he just let me lay in his lap & cry. I held on to Skoot's blankets, wore his collar and grasp the bag of fur the vet cut for me like it was the answer to all the world's problems. He drove and drove until I wasn't catatonic & could speak, but that took a while.
I was shocked, I was actually hungry. He took me home and I put on a touch of makeup and we drove to a favortie spot about 45 minutes away, I couldn't be in that house, in my room, with all of Skooter's things. I fell asleep on the way back, BF put me to bed & lay so close, holding me so tight so I wouldn't feel alone. But I would have to be alone when he left. And I was. He wouldn't allow me to be alone for more than an hour or so at a time those first few days. Everyone at school was great, friends amazed me. Work was a different story, I'd just started a new job, they didn't like me or want me there so most of them were b**ches to me. Oh well, whatever.

It's now my first Christmas without Skoot, the first I can think of in a long time. I got his askes back about 3 days before Christmas and wasn't sure what to do with them. I'd been collecting things to make an urn, but it just wasn't "him", it didn't fit. Thanks to my youngest neice I had a flash of genius. Skoot's askes are now in one of those "make it yourself" stuffed animals you can do at the mall. They didn't ahve a "westie", but they did have a white & grey fuzzy dog tht rezembled Skoot, and it was perfect for me! The vet LOVED the idea & the girls at the shop weren't creeped out by it. I've slept with it tucked under my arm the last couple of nights, but I HAVE to stop, I'm going to a trophy shop Monday to see about a display case so "Little Skooter" doesn't get ruined.
I WILL have another dog...or 2...or 3 someday, but once I'm out of school & into my own place. Until then I can spoil friends dogs & go to the animal shelter and play with them.

I wuv you widduw mans, and we'll be together again.

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