October 27th 2010 2:21 pm
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My sweet Allie baby, I can't believe that this will be our first (of many) Halloweens without you. You LOVED Halloween, I did too. We went through our first summer without you, your birthday, daddy's birthday, Skoot & Max's birthdays, my birthday and our anniversary.....all without you. It's not right, and I don't like it, but this is the way things have to be.
Let me take everyone back.
November 4, 2009, late afternoon. It had been raining, still a little wet outside, cool but not cold. You'd been so sick, and we just couldn't get your medications and Cushings under control. Were we doing the right thing? How long could we all go on, you suffring and us knowing what was coming, but not wanting to face it? Daddy had to go out of town, so it was up to me to come stay with you as much as I could -starting a new job, that was hard, but they're "dog people", do they understood- and to send daddy pictures and keep him updated. You'd been given quite a bit of fluid, but you weren't swolen, and the fluid wasn't coming out...we knew we were in trouble. I held your head, kissed your bump on your nose (MY kissie spot!) and told you that you HAD to wait for daddy to come home. Eventhough you couldn't hear me, I knew you understood.
That was the longest day. We'd started working on Christmas items at the shop, so there I was, covered in glitter when daddy called, he'd come home & gone straight to Dr. Kapoor's office.....it was time.
Everyone hugged me as I left, offered love and prayers for us all, and I braced for whatever I would face when I got to you. That was the fastest I'd ever driven that tiny, winding road...yet it seemed the longest 8 minutes of my life. When I pulled in, the only cars there were mine, daddy's & everyone that works for Dr.K. Kind of eerie, surreal, and sad. They had your IV's done and brought us all into a small, cozy room with a tiny slit of a window. We sat on the futon, a small fountain trickled in the corner. I was determined that daddy was going to hold your head, you truly are/were his baby after all. They laid your pink towel down over daddy & me, then put you in our laps....your head in daddy's & your butt in mine. We talked, rubbed, kissed and cried. We ALL cried. two of the doctors were in there, and 3 or 4 of "the girls" who've been like family to us came in to say their goodbye's...and there wasn't enough tissue in the building.
They put the first injection in, and I wanted to scream "STOP!!!", but I knew how you were suffering, and I wanted that to stop, it ws just me being selfish, wanting just one more second with you. Daddy was SO sad, he cried like I've never seen before, or since. You took a deep sigh, they explained that was just you relaxing. They took a few seconds for us...then the final injection. I begged you to stay and get better, I knew I was fooling myself, but I just had to do it. Daddy was beside himself. You were his first love, and now we got to be there when you took your last breath, what a moment. They took you away, daddy & I were so shell shocked, we were hysterical & didn't know what to do after that...we didn't know where to go or where to turn. I started thinking in "funeral mode" & rattled off instructions to Ms. Ann. She was fabulous! "We want her cremated"....that was about all we could get out.
When we got home, I started making calls, e-mails and whatever I could think of, to let everyone know you were gone. We were numb, your brothers were sad & confused. Nobody slept well, if at all that night. The next few days were a blur. One day, I heard a sound I'd not heard in a long time...I was laughing...it was something funny someone said (not related to you), and I was laughing...and it was something normal, maybe the first normal thing I'd done in days. I tried to be there for daddy, I didn't know what to say or do for him. I feel like I failed him. He's never said.
Now here we are, just a few days shy from your 1 year "Rainbowversary". Daddy and I aren't together and I'm sad all over again, your brothers aren't doing well, and I feel like everything has fallen apart. I think that if you were here, things wouldn't be like this. You were the glue that held us together. Daddy lost you, he lost himself. You were SO much like him, so much a part of him. You were his "mini-me", you made each other. I lost you, and I didn't realize the hole you left in my life. You were my little girl, my "Allie-Baby". Sweet Angel, I know where you are, and I know you and Dolly are watching us, and waiting on your brothers, but what I don't know is this: why did you have to rip our hearts out when you left?
I love you my Angel!!! FOREVER!!!
November 4th 2009 3:51 pm
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5:30 PM, Wednesday November 4:
Al had been VERY sick, for a very short time. She was first diagnosed with cushings just a few weeks ago, then she crossed into Addisonians, then she started with the kidney failure yesterday. I'm glad she waited on her daddy to get home from a work trip.
Our hearts are broken, our home is a little emptier & sadder, but we are all the more rich for having known & loved her....and having been loved in return.
August 29th 2008 9:34 pm
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Can you beleive that "THESE people" who claim to love me haven't written about me, or even let ME write about MYSELF for.....well, it's been FAR too long! I've let my public down, and that's such a shame for a star like me. The humiliation of it all is almost too much to take!
Well, don't worry, I've not forgotten anyone! You are all still so special to me!
Where to start.....where to start..... Well, Grampie has been in the hopsital for a LONG time now. Daddy says that he's going to be OK, but that his heart needed to be bypassed 4 times, then he had LOTS of fluid that had to be taken care of. Daddy (well, Mother too) was mad 'cause he said the people at the human hospital almost shut down Grampie's kidneys and they've been fighting that now along with more heart things. Well, I don't know about you, but THAT'S why I go to Aunt Kate, she doesn't shut down anything and she knows what she's doing. Apparently human doctors aren't that bright! Puppy doctors are MUCH better! THANK YOU AUNT KATE!!!!! Eventhough we don't really like going to her hospital, she's very good to us and loves us and makes us better.....but could ya' get rid of the shots already? I'm NOT a pin cushion here!
We've not been hiking or on any adventures 'cause Grampie's been sick since May of 2007 and we've been afraid to go anywhere too far away, or get out in the woods where nobody could reach us. I really need to get out, I need to hike! There's a GREAT spot that's about 30 minutes away and it's only a mile hike in so it's not that far or that hard. We could do that one again......HINT-HINT DADDY!!!!!
I've had another birthday! now, a lady doesn't revel her age, but let's just say that if I were human.....I'd be getting one of those checks from that security office that says they are socialized! Oh, and speaking of being socialized, we've STILL not joined the Dog PArk! HELLOOOOOOO!!!!! MOTHER!!!!!! Well, our baby cousin Holly has joined, but she's only been able to go two times in a year 'cause she's Grampie & Grammie's furkid. Why don't Daddy & Mother take her? Well, they're busy too, and Uncle Robby isn't a dog person (yes, he's strange!) so he won't take her. Heck, the few times that Daddy & Mother have had to go away for one night they can't even get him to come over to feed us and let us out ONE time! They have to get Uncle Seffie (that's Max's REAL Uncle) to come from another town 30 mintues away to come take care of us......Uncle Robby lives ACROSS TOWN, 10 minutes away! I TOLD you he was strange! BOL!
Our Beagle cousins FINALLY got a new home! Mother and Aunt Jody looked for almost a YEAR! Can you beleive it?!?!??? In this sad economy and housing market nobody could take them or really wanted them. There were the 3 of them, and they didn't want to seperate the parents 'cause they'd been together for 3 years, then their daughter from the last litter 18 months ago. This REALLY nice man has 800 acres is taking them! they won't be hunting dogs, just loved! Heck, Daddy said HE'D like to run on 800 acres! I won't tell you the rest of what he said to Aunt Jody.....but it was REALLY funny! Oh, why didn't we put the Beagles on ehre for adoption? Again, it all falls to Gramie being sick. The few times that Mother thought of gonig to Aunt Jody's to take pictures she was so tired she couldn't get up, and when she was over there they forgot! (HUFF!) Humans can be SO lame-brained!!! If it were left up to me I would've had pictures the FIRST day and had them in a GREAT home by the SECOND day! NEVER leave a job to humans that can be done by a Dachshund! Humans can be SO unreliable, don't you find?
Well, as usual time has slipped away and it is VERY late and I'm needed to keep Daddy company. It's bedtime and I think he gets afraid of the dark, he lieks haing me clsoe to him. I curl up next to his belly, sometimes on his chest to make him happy, and I make him feel safe. The boys? (YUCK!!!) The boys curl up on Mother. Skooter has his spotS, he starts out under the covers with his head on her chest, laying his body down her left side, then when she's good and asleep (and he's too hot) he gets up and moves down to her left calf and puts his head on her foot, he's ontop of the covers at this point. Max makes sure he's between Daddy & Mother.....big chicken that he is! He FLOPS, "POOF", full force onto Mother's right side, with a great "FLOOMP", he huffs and she howls in pain.....tee-hee-hee, I think it's funny. He flops and flops all night making it tough for anyone to sleep, but espcially her, and I kind of like that 'cause if she's home she lays down for a nap in the late afternoon and I curl up with her. Don't tell Mother, but I think it's nice. I'll never let her know, but I'm really growing fond of her. I've realized that she's been with Daddy for 20 years now, and she's not going away any time soon, and she's not ALL that bad all the time......now let's not forget she IS human and can be as lame-brained as the rest of the lot.....but she loves me SO very much, and worships me, and tells me how special and important I am.....so she can't be ALL bad, right? I guess the most important thing is she loves Daddy and makes him happy.