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Oh The Humanity!

Humans: I Can't Stand Them!!!

You wouldn't believe the day I had. Oh, you wouldn't believe it!!! So, I woke up this morning like I always do. I was napping on the big yellow couch, the one that Mommy always yells at me for jumping on. I woke up before everyone else, since dogs aren't lazy and we like to chase things -- unlike humans! My 'parents' are so lazy that it takes them two hours to turn off the alarm clock in the morning. Can you believe that?! TWO HOURS. And here I am, waiting patiently for my walk for two hours, because I wake up when their alarm does. Geez, will you guys ever get your act together?

Anyways, it was a bad morning and I still haven't told you why. They took me to the barber, again. C'mon, the barber? I'm just going to get dirty anyway. So why do the humans always waste their time? I'm not a fancy dog, I don't like to be pampered, and all I want to do is play and chase things. So humans, get over it and just let my hair get dirty and nappy. It'll take care of itself.

But, noooo! They're not like that. They won't just let me be a dirty puppy. I think one of them called me homeless or something. No, no, she said "shelter-y". That's not even a word! So, the barber. Yeah, that's where we were getting to. She starts cutting off all my hair and turning me into a fancy poodle-priss. Someone called me pretty on the way out! I mean, can you believe that?! I spent a good hard week trying to get all soiled up and look like a manly dog on TV that catches birds and jumps in the mud. But now I'm West LA gay-man poodle-bitch! Oh, when I get outside I'm going to dig so many holes. I'll teach you, assholes!