Proclamation #7 Public Holiday Announced!

The King is having a birthday. Today, that is! As the King is now 11 years young, he wishes to proclaim the day of his birth as being a new public holiday, starting immediately.

In lieu of gifts to him, you may send bones and rosettes to his beautiful wife, Mrs. Matches :-). He'll be enjoying Double Cheeseburgers and ice cream at the Royal Residence, and wishing his Queen was here to celebrate with him in person.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO REX!

Proclamation # 6: Hail Miss Matches, Long Live the Queen!

Because Love is in the air! Because the lovely Miss Matches accepted my proposal. Because she's simply perfect. I am honored.

Miss Matches and I said our virtual "I do!"s on Sunday, September 18, 2005, at 8:30 p.m. Pacific Daylight Time. I proclaim her the Queen of My Heart, and wish for her all good things, including much fun and winning jumps at the Dock Dog competition she's attending this coming weekend :-).

Hail, Miss (Mrs.?) Matches, Long Live the Queen of My Heart!

Proclamation #4--Baths and Christmas

Merry Christmas! I want to wish everyone--dogs and their people--a very happy and special day. May you all know the blessings of this most joyous of holidays. I know from experience that I will--there's a full dog paw stocking on the mantle with my name on it :-).

Now I want to mention a thing that happened to me last night. My people--Dad, Mom and Dan--gave me a BATH! On Christmas Eve, for goodness sake! I was just hanging out on the bed, chewing a tug toy, when they called me into the bathroom. I had no inkling of what was to come. After all, it's been AGES since I've been bathed. So they shut the door behind me and turned on the water to the tub. Then I knew... but it was too late! The door was closed and I was surrounded, directed into the tub, sudsed, scrubbed, rinsed and dried. 20 minutes later I was fluffy, clean and sweet smelling. I mean, REALLY!! Sweet Smelling??? Is the KING supposed to smell SWEET??? I think not!

Therefore I give you my fourth proclamation:

Proclamation #4: Dogs are not to be bathed on Holidays or their Eves if at all possible. If a bath is an unavoidable necessity, under no circumstance is the affected dog to be subjected to anything that might make him or her smell "Sweet". Female dogs may be excepted, but only if they ASK to be sweet-smelling. This proclamation is for the good of dog/human relations and the sensitive noses and egos of the affected canines. May everyone who wants to be clean, do so, but for the good of all good dogs, please keep that perfumy stuff away from us!

Oh yeah. They clipped my toenails, too. I HATE that! I swear, if they had got anywhere near my anal glands, I would have had them thrown in the dungeon! *sigh*

Merry Christmas!
Rex

Proclamation #3 -- A Boy and His Dog

Hello! My boy, Dan (who, at almost 23, isn't really a "boy" any more than I'm still a "pup"), came to visit and have dinner the night before last. I was SO happy to see Him. I always am! We played and played for hours, refreshing my memory of the many, many tricks He's taught me to do, as well as a good, long session of tug-of-war. He stayed for a dinner of homemade burritos, which He shared with me, as well as a YUMMY dessert of a chocolate chip cookie. No ice cream, unfortunately, but the time spent with My Boy more than made up for the lack of ice cream. It's always so hard for me when Dan has to go to His own house without me. I miss Him! I understand that He can't have a Dog where He lives, but it's still hard to see Him go out the door without me. Don't get me wrong, I love my family to distraction, and I actually love and listen to Mom as well as I love and listen to Dan, but he IS my boy, after all, and I'm happiest when we're ALL together. Besides, He's a better tug-of-war partner :-).

Therefore, The King has a third Proclamation:

All Humans should take into account the extreme love and devotion that their Dogs hold for them, and return that love and devotion accordingly. This means that People and the Dogs that love them should be together, sharing happy events that become happy memories as we all grow older. In the event that the beloved Person can't be with the loving Dog all of the time, the Person should make every effort to spend as much quality time as possible with the Dog that loves Him or Her. It's only right, and it's the way things should be. In the end, you know, it's all about the Love. Live it!

Proclamation #2: The King and His Neighbors

The King is irritated today. Behind us live some people with 3 grown female Pit Bull dogs and their fourteen 4 week-old puppies. The lot is tiny, the one room house is even smaller, and all the dogs and puppies live outdoors 24/7, rain or shine. The dogs bark about almost everything. The parent dogs won't even let me play with the Egg in my own yard without kicking up a noisy fuss. As if the King would bother their puppies! All I want to do is herd the Egg..... Sheesh, they're a noisy bunch!

Therefore, for the good of the puppies and relations with the neighbors:

I hereby proclaim that humans who live with 17 dogs on a miniscule .02 acre lot in a cool, wet climate MUST keep the puppies indoors when it rains and at night.

I also proclaim that humans MUST keep the parent dogs indoors at night, and QUIET when they're outdoors! Barking dogs are NOT popular dogs with the neighbors!

The King also encourages people in the Portland area who might be interested in one of the puppies to float my parents a message.... please! They'll pass the message on to the neighbors.

Proclamation #1

I am Rex. Hear me woof!

When addressing the King, all subjects must submit to tongue-lashing, tail wagging and grinning, whining, howling greetings with the proper demeanor. That is, Joyfully, because that's how I feel when I see the people I love.

When in the presence of the King, all subjects must be prepared to play tug or any other game of my choosing. I know good manners, and if you show me a toy or offer to play a game with me, I'll say "Please!" with enthusiasm.

When bringing gifts to the King, please remember that gifts of ice cream and McDonalds hamburgers will be met with the highest favor. You may feed me ice cream with a spoon, and I must have my hamburger torn into tiny bits and hand fed to me in pieces.

All that said, today has been quiet. So far, no ice cream and no hamburgers. Later on tonight, though, I can look forward to a hamburger when my loyal servants, "Mom" and "Dad", return from Flyball practice with Puck. I will have it in bed (theirs), and I will sleep between them under the covers at bedtime, secure in the knowledge that I am loved and appreciated. I proclaim that ALL dogs should have it so good!

Peace!