Yeah, fine.

Whatever. It's official now, Max lives here.

He doesn't live in my crate, though. That's a relief.
He doesn't eat out of my dish.
He doesn't beat up on my cat-I make sure of that.

He is a fast runner.
That makes him fun to chase.
He is a good wrestler.
That makes him fun to play with.
He is a good snorer.
Bound to have learned that from me.
And he hates the big swimming pool as much as I do.

Ok, I guess he can stay. He's goofy and he slobbers a lot, but he's fun.

For an uncle, anyway.

He's still here.

Really, he is. I thought maybe he was just here for a Visit. After all, humans come to visit all the time and sometimes they're here a few days. I thought maybe Max was doing the human "Visiting" thing.

It looks suspiciously like he's Staying.

Visiting and Staying are completely different things.

Visiting I could handle. The guy's got his good points. He can really run, which makes him good at chase games. He really couldn't care less about human food, which means we don't compete on that level. And there is the advantage of me being able to bark at say, nothing in particular, but he doesn't know that so he goes off like a loudspeaker then gets this sheepish look on his face and says, "What are we barking at?" I always answer, "I stopped barking long ago and there is now nothing to bark at. However you, nitwit, have been going on and on and on like a crazy person."

He still hasn't caught on to the ruse.

It happened last week

We went for a drive. I'm thinking Road Trip! Usually boring except when I get to get out of the car and smell new things, or when we stop by some sort of restaraunt and I get somethng unhealthy but totally delicious to eat.

Some road trip.

We met a lady with a dog.

Then we brought the dog home with us.

Then we brought him in the house, gave him a crate, food, and attention. All that. Mom says he's my uncle. Dad says I'll learn to love him.

Love him? It's hard to l-i-k-e him, much less love him.

He thinks he should run things, first of all. I've never had anybody to boss around before, but darned if I'm going to let him be boss. I just need to learn how to tell him that. I'm fluent in human speak, but it's been so long since I spoke dog, that I've forgotten most of it.

He drools. HOW he drools. Yesterday I stepped in a puddle of spit. HIS spit. So gross. And he gets so excited. When he gets happy he just goes nuts.

I have to share with him. If I get a bite to eat, he gets a bite to eat. If I get lovin', so does he. At least I still get one-on-one time with the folks, but I have a feeling that Max does too. That's his name. Max. I know because I hear it called so often.

The folks just love him. Even the cat loves him.

I don't. I don't, I don't, I don't.

I wish he would just go home.

But maybe he could come back for playtime. Pretty often. Yeah. That's one thing he is good for. I love playing with him, but I better not tell the folks that.

Year of the Dog?

WOW! I have never won anything before!

First of all, I would like to thank my humans, for all the pizza scraps, chicken, yogurt, Blue Buffalo, rawhides, uh, anyhow, thanks guys-even though you did forget you entered me in the Year of the Dog contest.

My photographer, who, when it comes to pictures, understood that I really do not have a "bad side".

My agent, who happens to be my human mom, I have forgiven you for your failure to land the Shakespeare role for me. After all, to err is human. Now we need to talk about my salary. I think two rawhides a week is rather a low figure, now that I have nationwide acclaim...

And many thanks to Dogster! This is totally cool! I feel like a star!

I need a new agent.

Apparently, even though I'm really talented, gorgeous, cute as a bug, and can do any command my folks ask me to perform, I didn't get the part.

I didn't even get a callback.

Not to say that mom didn't get a call. She did. She said that the folks were really nice, and thanked me for auditioning. Apparently, mom was told that I was amazing. So well behaved, and doing everything she asked me to. Just a couple of problems. 1. I'm too short for the part. 2. I'm too pretty for the part.

Humph. Danny DeVito is short.
Dustin Hoffman played a girl (well sorta)
Denzel Washington and Keanu Reeves played brothers - and that was in a Shakespeare movie!

It's gotta be all in the presentation. Mom just didn't present me properly. Mom should have made me look bigger. And messier. And nastier. (After all, I wanted to roll in that pile of poo, but she wouldn't let me.)

I know her intentions are good, but mom is a lousy agent. Wonder if dad would be any better...

Dad just laughs when I roll in poo.

Today is the big day

This morning I had my nails trimmed, then we went to the park and walked three miles. Ok, the folks walked three miles, there was so much to sniff and explore that I kept going back and forth. I think I walked something like six miles.

Dad said, "A tired dog is a happy dog," and mom said that that was good. She wanted me really happy. Then she proceeded to say that a tired dog is a manageable dog, and that was even better.

As soon as we got home, I got a B-A-T-H, blow dried, brushed, blow dried some more and then we all had breakfast. Obviously, there is somethng special happening today. All of a sudden I remembered what it is... today is my audition! The local Shakespere players are having auditions today, and I'm auditoning for the role of Crab, the dog. Gosh, I hope I get the part. I would be on my way to stardom then.

All my folks agree that the part of anybody named, "Crab" would not be much of a stretch for me.

Just hope nobody tells me to, "break a leg", I did that with my toe once, and it wasn't much fun...

We'll see what today brings!

My folks think I'm a Jeep

Went to the park today. We walked and walked and walked and walked.

I waded in the creek, then walked and walked and walked some more.

Ate some goose poo, then walked and walked and walked more.

Uphill, downhill, across the gullies. Through the weeds (that part was my idea).

There were lots of places where the plants only have three leaves - I was really careful to take the folks through every patch of that stuff I could find.

Then we headed home. But of course, to get back to our vehicle we had to ...

Walk and walk and walk and walk.

(yawn) I'm so-o-o-o-o tired, think I'll just curl up and go to-HEY! Was that my food dish?!?!

Caught one!

A snake, that is. It was near our pond and I jumped on it and pinned it down and mom was yelling, "no! No! NO!" So I shifted a little so she could see it better and it was beating me in the face with it's tail, and I tried to bite the tail and couldn't catch it, and, and, and...

The darned thing got away.

Mom said she wished it had bitten me since it was only a garter snake. She said that way maybe I'd learn to leave snakes alone.

I shall now hunt regularly at our pond.

Tonight's menu

It's so wonderful when my folks go by KFC.

Those eleven secret herbs and spices make me excited. So does the chicken.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Ooops!

I just caught myself blowing spit bubbles again.

A poem born from boredom

Cold, cold, cold.
It's out my folks won't go.
Cold, cold, cold.
I've even seen some snow.

I'll race around and chase the cat
Wanting someone to play with
The cat I think is rather fat
I'll run her, and make her fit

I don't like this time of year
I rather like another
Spring and Fall are really nice
Sometimes so is summer.

My coat has gotten rather dense
It's gone from sleek to fluffier
My folks say they know how to occupy me
They want to get me a BROTHER!