May 13th 2005 5:33 pm
[ Leave A Comment ]
The thing about having bipeds is, they really give you a reason to get up in the morning, you know?
If you don't give the older ones at least a long brisk walk every day, they get all fat and depressed and may become prone to nuisance drinking. And if you didn't destroy the pups' superanuated toys and eat their homework, who would?
It's a responsibility, sure, but that's what keeps you on your toes, keeps you young. And it's worth every minute. Seeing the look in their beady little eyes when you let them rub your belly just warms the cockles of you heart (unless you're some sort of terrier, in which case, I suspect you probably don't much give a sh!t).
The best and most ethical sources of bipeds are homeless shelters, jails, half-way houses, and institutions for the criminally insane--after all, those are the bipeds that really NEED you. But if you're not up to that, or you just don't have any in your area, any mildly disfunctional family will do. But you should definitely stay away from backyard breeders (perverts!) and baby mills--some of those kids spend every night in a 3 x 6 open-topped cage!
And once you've acquired a pair of bipeds, you should DEFINITELY discourage them from further breeding. Sleep between them at night. If you wake up from your evening nap to candle light and mood music, start barking furiously and knocking over furniture... whatever it takes. Consider neutering only as a last resort (the taste is unpleasant, and afterwards you may find that you've overstayed your welcome).
Well, you know me, guys... gotta run.
|
My Account
