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Big Brass Ones

Reasonable Accommodation Revisited

May 23rd 2006 1:30 pm
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As long-time readers may remember, the biped suffers from a potentially debilitating case of PDD (Personality Deficit Disorder). Happily, he has me, service dog Dexter, to help him out. Between the two of us, I am happy to say, we actually enjoy a small personality surplus. Without me, however, he would be in very deep trouble.

Which is why I, acting in accordance with the exacting provisions of the WAADS (We Are All Disabled Somehow) act, accompany him everywhere he goes.

Thus it was that I found myself one recent weekday afternoon at Ana’s European Massage in Marina (an outlying district of Greater Metropolitan Spreckels), where the biped and I had stopped in for a therapeutic massage and a tension-relief lap dance.

Everything was proceeding smoothly, even lubriciously, until another client came in with his thoroughly obnoxious Irish setter in tow. The setter was shedding, drooling, and turning around in circles all at the same time (and not at all in a therapeutic manner, if you ask me). The desk clerk explained to the mutt’s owner that dogs were not allowed in the establishment. Whereupon, the owner—with a perfectly straight face—asserted that his cur was a therapy dog!

“Really?” said the clerk. “You’re disabled, then?”

“You bet your tongue stud I am, Dearie!” quoth the imposter.

“Yeah? Well, what’s wrong with you?”

Now, any truly disabled person, as defined under WAADS, would know better than to answer such a question, which the proprietors of business establishments are not permitted to ask. That this poseur did answer the question was proof positive that he was a phony!

“I suffer from PDD,” the fellow claimed, “Personality Deficiency Disorder.”

Aha! As alert readers will have realized, under WAADS, there is no such thing as Personality Deficiency Disorder—the malady is Personality Deficit Disorder! The game was up. Or would have been, if only the clerk had not been such an ignoramus.

“OK,” said the clerk, “but what does the dog do for you?”

Again, the faker revealed his complete lack of bone fides by actually answering the question!

“He makes me feel better,” he says. “And besides, that other guy’s got his dog with him—why don’t you hassle him?”

Whereupon, the poor befuddled clerk put the same two questions to the biped. Who showed his legitimate WAADS awareness by answering thus:

“I am disabled. You are not allowed to ask me what my disability is. My dog helps me with my disability. You are not allowed to ask me how.”

At which point, the exasperated clerk threw all four of us out. In mid lap dance, no less! Needless to say, a law suit is pending.

But that’s not my point. My point is how very, very, very angry I am that a few bad apples like this guy and his Irish setter can spoil the whole scam for the rest of us. I just hate it that anyone would game the system like this and make completely frivolous claims to being disabled on the strength of a personality deficiency, when genuinely disabled persons like the biped have to struggle every day with their very real personality deficits! It’s not right. It’s not fair. It’s not good.

It just dwives me cwazy!


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