February 14th 2006 1:57 pm
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I don’t know how many of you have been following the trials and tribulations of my pal Francis Rocks. Francis has had his blooming red rose unceremoniously removed (ouch!) by someone at Dogster HQ who, apparently in common with some other dogs who ought to know better, is woefully ignorant of the fact that the blooming red rose is the official emblem of the inappropriate-erection-alert (IEA) dog. It is the visible indication that this plucky little pup must be admitted to any and all venues right along with his human companion.

Every year these courageous little dogs save their masters untold embarrassment and social stigma by alerting them to the fact that they are about to appear inappropriately happy to see someone. And, given our current climate of fear and distrust, in which it is more important than ever not to be mistaken for someone with a pistol in his pocket, the IEA dog can be an actual life saver—allowing its master to take a proactive stance (e.g., legs crossed) against the sort of social gaffe that could get you shot by the vice president.

So, please, Dogster HQ, in the name of truth, justice, and the American way, give Francis back his bloomin' rose!