One year.

Exactly one year ago today,
I held my best friend as she slipped away.
Calm and peace came over her face
My life, from then on, had an empty space.
I know you're somewhere better now,
We will meet again, someday, somehow.

***

I can't believe it's been a whole year since you've been gone. Because of you, I am now involved in dog rescue and you've sent me two wonderful dogs to look after. I love them but I will always miss you.

I still can't look at your little doggie belongings: your blankets, bowls, leash, collar. Your old bedroom is such a mess, because I don't spend a lot of time in there anymore. I miss our walkies and how much I could trust you.

From the day you were born until the day you left this Earth, you never growled or lost your patience, not once. You were never fearful, but quietly confident. You were, in short, the perfect dog; the kind of dog that comes along once in a lifetime, and I'm so grateful that I had you for yours.

Until we meet again, my sweet little puppy-girl.

Mommy

The hardest part of loving is knowing when to let go

Monday night, September 19 2005 at 7:10 PM, Lucky's huge, loving heart quietly stopped beating.

The previous weekend she cried, something she never did before. Also.... she could no longer walk unassisted, something that frustrated her, and she had refused food for 2 weeks. I tried to force-feed her but it got to the point where she looked like a little doggie skeleton.

Although she still acted happy when we walked into the room and seemed to like going outside to lie on the grass.... she was just so thin.... I decided that I would not let her live in pain or discomfort.

Her veterinarian came to our home Monday night... I said it was time... she said that Lucky's cancer might have spread to her brain, hence the inability to walk, loss of muscle mass (cancer eats protein), and some other symptoms. But it was unlikely that she was suffering any pain.

I held her in my arms as she was put peacefully to sleep in our living room.

mom's home!

My mom went away for two whole weeks. During that time, the food ladies and Uncle Carlo looked after me. I don't like anyone to feed me except mom. She knows how to do it the best. I ate for Uncle Carlo, though, because he put some yummy baby food in with my dog food! I also got bread and peanut butter, and some Ensure and Rebound too. I still managed to lose some weight, though.

Even though Uncle Carlo and the Food Ladies tried their best with me, I was so weak when mom came home that I could hardly stand or walk. Mom thought it might be the end. But since I've put a little weight on, I'm walking better now. And mom bought me a new bed made with memory foam! It's supposed to help my joints. But I peed in it so I have to wait until it's clean again.

In sadder news, I just found out that one of my heroes, Baylea, a Golden Retriever, succumbed to her oral cancer last month. I looked up to her because she was living with cancer just like me! Don't worry Baylea's mom, dad and brother. When I get to doggie heaven, Baylea and I will play together!

I have large, golf-ball sized tumours taking up about 60% of my lungs. That's what happens when cancer metastasizes. Aside from having a hard time keeping weight on, no one would even know, I don't even cough or have shortness of breath. I am still a happy dog and my mom has learned to take it one day at a time.

Cancer?

Woof! I just want all my doggie pals to know that me and my mom want to help out any poor fellows out there who also have come across cancer.

Especially if you have just been diagnosed and have questions, we will try to help! I've had my cancer for about a year and a half now. I'm in the final stages but still loving life.

Wags :)

It's holiday time

I hate holiday time. My mommy keeps going away. She went away 4 days last weekend and 4 days the weekend before that.

When she isn't home, I am a bad doggie and refuse to eat. I lost about 5 pounds and when mom got home on Monday, I was even with my all-time low of 32 pounds. (I *should* be at least 40 pounds). The caretaker ladies even tried to give me a peanut butter sandwich, and I didn't eat it. But the ladies put ice cubes in my water, and I loved it! Even the cat kept on drinking out of my water bowl.

Also, I fell down the (uncarpeted) stairs last weekend. I got two nasty scrapes and a slightly swollen elbow. My mom says I must be a "rubber dog" because I didn't break anything or get hurt very badly.

On Monday I got my 3-month X-Rays. The nodes (cancer metastasis) in my lungs are growing in both size and number. I am a very sick doggie, but I'm not showing any symptoms; no coughing or shortness of breath. But it's HOT outside... 30 C or about 90F... so my mom keeps me in the basement so I don't pant as much. It's cooler down there and I'm much more comfortable. Since mom came home, I have gained some weight and like walking outside, but mom doesn't let me stay outside too long cause of the heat.

My biggest pet peeve is when I pee in my bed and my mom doesn't come to get me right away! I HATE laying in pee more than anything!!!!! Today I peed in my bed when mommy was at work, and I couldn't get up so I flailed my legs really hard and managed to crumple up all my blankets and push them to one side of my bed. Then I was tired so I went back to sleep. Mom came home at lunch to find me on one side of my bed sleeping on the bare plastic, and my blankets on the other side!

Loooong weekend

In Canada it is the Victoria Day holiday. Nobody works on Monday and lots of people go camping and do gardening.

My mom went far away for her brother's University graduation, she left Friday morning and didn't come back until Sunday night. She left me with "Uncle Carlo". I know Uncle Carlo really well, he is usually here almost every day. Uncle Carlo says I was a very good doggie, I did my business outside and didn't make a mess. He had to really convince me to eat, though. He said I kept looking for my mom in her bedroom. I don't like when my mom goes away.

Today my "clean streak" ended. I got the poops and I got it all over myself, so I had a bath. Right now I am in my bed, banging my feet (sitting up, laying down,sitting up, laying down)... and I'm all covered in blankets so I dont get cold. Mom gave me some medicine and I feel (and smell) much better now.

This weekend uncle carlo took me outside a lot. I like being outside. He even took me in the garage with him while he was working, but I got too cold so he made me go back inside.

Now mom is going to go clean up the kitchen floor where I made a mess, then I get some food!! Yay!!

... and more bad weather

Well, my mom thought I was a goner this week. On Monday, I was a depressed doggie and I didn't eat breakfast or lunch, didn't want to do anything but lay in bed. My mom thought it was near the end for me. But silly mom! She forgot that old, arthritic dogs (and people) get stiff and sore when the weather is cold and rainy for days on end. Monday night, she put a little NSAID medication in my dinner and presto! Back to my puppy-like wonderdog self. I even chased a cat that evening! Well, I didn't really chase it. It was the neighbor's cat, sitting on their driveway. I was so happy to see it! Being a cat, I thought, it must want to play with me. So I bounded toward it (bounded - in my old, arthritic sort of way) and it ran under a car. As a dog that owns a cat, I know perfectly well that a cat running away is saying "let's play tag", so of course I obliged. Maybe the cat didn't know I couldn't follow it under the car, I don't know. My mom was so surprised!

The evil rain also flooded my back yard. Today I was so sick of staying inside that I splooshed in it anyway. Especially since I just had a bath yesterday. The water was up to my mom's ankles, and of course I can't go back there by MYSELF, so I made mom go too. Then mom decided that she didn't want to wade around in the yard, so we went for a REAL walk. Fun!

Mom says the vet called yesterday, my oncologist. My blood tests, that were taken after they found cancer in my lungs to see if it spread to any other organs, show that the rest of my insides are in good working order. The vet was "pleasantly surprised". He says the cancer in my lungs grew really fast, since they were clear in February, only 1.5 months ago. So they are going to keep an eye on me.

I'm too busy being a dog to worry about any of that stuff. I'm just going to keep on living and having fun!

Bye for now!

Booo bad weather...

So the weather all day was awful. This morning when mom took me out, it was grey and cloudy and dark and REAL windy. So she didn't let me stay out long, even though I had my blue sweater on. Then all day, it rained and snowed (yes, both, ALL DAY) and was really windy. As a result, I didn't get to stay outside much, which resulted in me pacing around the house all afternoon. Mom says I made her nervous.

That's OK because mom made herself a peanut butter sandwich on toast!! You know what that means, I got the crust pieces!! And, mom let me snuggle her on the couch tonight, when I'm not usually allowed on the couch. Mom says I ate well today and that I'm a good girl except I won't stay put. It's 12:15 AM and I'm STILL doing my slow, calculated laps around the dining room table....

Hi, I'm Lucky!

Hi, I'm Lucky, and I was born on November 19, 1987. Visit my makeshift diary at http://www.geocities.com/intrepid93_33/lucky.html - until I get this one going! Thanks!