Our new digs in Arizona are just around the corner from an In-N-Out Burger. Also right around the corner from a Panda Express, Chick-Fil-A, and other tasty-smelling places, but it’s the In-N-Out that gets my attention. When the breeze is just right you can smell it from my backyard. Combine that with the fact that the bosses like a good burger and I smell a recipe for Whigle Joy! The bosses had never tried an In-N-Out before moving here so they were as eager as I was to give it a go. And since we live within walking distance, why not make a pack outing of it? Great idea, says me.
We all leash up and walk over to the In-N-Out. It’s a beautiful day! The air smells of grilled meat and onions. I might just be the happiest dog on the planet. The Boss Man goes in to place our order (I ordered a Double Double). The Boss Ma’am looks for somewhere we can sit. Hm. There are two outdoor seating areas, one by the drive-through where a group of young men are sitting, feeding the pigeons. Next to us…wait a minute! Pigeons! I love pigeons!! Let’s go see the pigeons!! We can’t go see the pigeons? We should bark at the pigeons!! Barkbarkbarkbarkbark!!
And that’s pretty much how that went. So we go to sit at the tables next to us where an older couple is sitting and the lady is giving us the stink-eye. Really? You’re eating burgers at a fast food joint that’s basically in a mall parking lot. What kind of ambiance did you expect? I think I’m livening it up a bit, myself. So we sit. And guess what?? The pigeons come to us!! So now the bosses are trying to eat and all three of us are pulling to get at the pigeons. The Boss Ma’am has the (admittedly good) idea to give us food to distract us. This earns her more eye-stinkin’ from the lady at the table next to us. But soon the Ma’am is out of burger to share (they evidently forgot my order) and is trying to distract me with fries. No contest. I’m not a big fan of fries and I’ll take a pigeon any day. Barkbarkbarkbark!!
Finally the bosses give up on the meal. They gather what’s left to throw it away when Spring notices there are pigeons in the parking lot too! And since the bosses are a little distracted, what with their hands full of trash and me and Maebe pulling in one direction and Spring in another…Spring makes a break for it. She tears off into the parking lot (just a few feet from two busy streets) chasing a pigeon. The pigeon flies off and she stops. The Boss Man dashes after her. Another pigeon lands and she is off again. This is as hilarious as it sounds and could probably go on forever but a very nice lady with quick reflexes grabs Spring’s leash and reels her in. (No pigeons were harmed in this incident.)
The bosses are horrified. Mortified. Embarrassed beyond description. Me, I’m having a grand old time! Burgers! Pigeons! Bird chases! Let’s do it again! Today! Tomorrow! Every day! What fun! But the bosses say no. Never. They say we are banned for life. (Although I never actually saw anyone from management say so…I think they might be making that up.) They say that someday when they look back on it and think, it wasn’t so bad, maybe we can go for burgers again, that they will tell themselves, Never Again.
No more burgers is a tragedy, but not as bad as it could be. We can go to Chick-Fil-A!!
I had planned to tell you about the In-N-Out adventure today but the Boss Ma’am says there’s a more important story to tell today. When she told me what happened, I agreed.
Last week the bosses were jogging along 22nd street here in Tucson and saw that something bad had happened across the street. Police cars, crime tape, the whole 9 yards. Later they found out that shortly before they went by a boy had been running across the street and was hit by a car. The boy was killed in the accident. It was a sunny afternoon. He was only 13.
Fast forward to today. Bosses jogging, same street, a few blocks up. They notice a man in the median next to a dog. The dog was lying way too still. Turns out the dog had been hit by a car and left to die. The man noticed him there and flagged down someone to call Animal Control. The man and the bosses waited there and a few minutes later Animal Control arrived but it was too late for the dog. All they could do was help load him into the back of the truck and hope that he had a microchip because his collar had no tags. It was a sunny afternoon. He was a beautiful blue pit bull.
Please drive carefully.
Please tell your kids to use the crosswalks and be careful where there is traffic.
My fans tell me they want to hear my version of the Arizona story.
Here it is: nobody tells me nothin’.
What, you want more? Fine. I was happy in Washington. I had a yard with birds to watch. I had a strawberry patch. I had apple trees which were supposed to have apples starting this summer. I had a river with water and geese and everything. Why would I want to move? Nobody asked my opinion.
But we went anyway. Something about the Boss Ma’am being miserable at work, blah blah blah. So we drive for ever. I think it took 47 days. On the upside, we did get to stop at Culver’s twice! Mmm…custard. It’s been years since I’ve had custard! (really!) And now I am in Arizona. But guess what? I like it here! There are birds! We have a strawberry patch! (Or so I’ve been told, I haven’t seen any berries yet but I’ll keep moseying through the garden to check.) We have a Culver’s! Actually we have two Culver’s!! And best yet, we live within sniffing distance of an In-N-Out burger. Living in Kentucky and Washington I never had the chance to try an In-N-Out burger, but I couldn’t wait to go. We can walk there! We can go every day! WhooLoo!
In my opinion the trip to In-N-Out was a huge success, except for the part where I got banned for life. But that’s a story for another day.
