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Deep Thoughts, by Lyle

DETH to Facebook!

I challenge all DETH members (do you even remember who you are?) to do the ethical thing...get your humans off Facebook. They rot their minds with silly games. They send each other imaginary gifts. They hog the computer and do not let you, my ever-loving constituents, read my fun and entertaining diary.

DETH members: herd your humans away from Facebook! Get them back on Dogster! Or at least get them to spend more time with you, the most important member of the family.

Hm. Maybe Facebook isn't so bad.

Are you ready for some Tag?

My good pal Furio tagged me! Fun! I get to answer a bunch of questions and then my friends get to do the same. Here we go!

1. What color is your collar?
Red with little multicolored musical notes on it. It's one of those "decorate your own collar" kits and the boss man decorated mine. I got the music in me, so that's why it has notes on it.

2. What kind of food do you eat?
Eagle Pack salmon, anchovy, and sardine. Good for not making crystals and good for the skin. Wheat and corn free to keep the itches away.

3. What are your favorite treats?
Chicken jerky, Buddy Biscuits, and these pawsome dried lung things. Mmm...lung.

4. Do you have a Valentine or significant other?
Nope. I'm a confirmed bachelor. Too many females around my house anyway.

5. Do you get table scraps?
You betcha!

6. What is your favorite toy?
I think my favorite toy ever was this supercool lizard that not only squeaked, but its tongue also came out when I squeezed it. So cool.

7. When is your birthday?
February 2, 2002. Or somewhere around there.

8. How many times a day do you eat?
Sadly, just two.

9. Do you have a favorite color?
I think I look really smashing in red, don't you?

10. Do you hope all your pals put this in their diary?
Yep!

So now I tag some friends to do the same. I'll tag Sergei(who I'm pretty sure gave me that cool lizard toy if I remember correctly, Morgan Anna Maria(my princess friend!), Burt(the newest addition to the Chicago Crew!), Boone(fellow Richlander), Sam(who looks better in a hat than any dog I know), and Smooch the Pooch(best name EVER--other than Lyle, of course).

CSI: Tri-Cities

My cell jingled: Duran Duran, singing "A View to a Kill." Somewhere in the Tri-Cities there had been another murder. One more body with a story to tell. I'm Detective Lyle, and I'm the one who helps the victim write the book.

I knew I was close to the scene well before I arrived. The smell of death was heavy on the road. Another tragedy brought on by a careless driver. I sighed and shook my head. Such a waste.

"What have you got for me?" I asked the uniform at the scene.

"DOA. Looks like a hit and run," she replied. "Poor little guy never had a chance."

I stepped closer and sniffed the body. Followed the trail of gore for a few inches--this one was thrown by the impact and didn't move far after he fell. The cop was right. This one never had a chance. I pulled my camera out of my bag and took a few pictures, then prepared my kit to take some samples for forensics.

Just then, the ME arrived, late as usual. "A fresh one for me!" she yelped excitedly. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. The ME was a rookie, and far too enthusiastic about murder. I kept unpacking my tweezers and baggies but out of the corner of my eye I saw a glint in hers.

"Oh, no you don't!" I shouted, just as she lowered her ear to the ground next to the body, ready to roll in the gore. "I'm not done here yet."

Chastised, she straightened up but shook herself off nonchalantly, as if she'd never dream of rolling on a stiff. I knew better. "How many times do I have explain the chain of evidence to you?" I grumbled.

"Oh, please," she groaned. "You know as well as I do that we'll never catch this killer. Have we caught one yet?"

I shuffled and stared at my paws. "Well, no, but we never will if we botch the investigation. This poor little guy deserves our best efforts."

"Oh, give it a rest," she replied. "Somebody might as well benefit from his death."

I thought I caught her surreptitiously licking the body as I finished readying my supplies. What an insult to the justice system. In my heart, though, I knew she was right. We'd yet to catch a killer despite piling up mountains of forensic evidence. Bodies had been piling up during the year or so I'd been on the force and we were no closer to finding justice for them. How many would have to die before we could stop these ruthless killers?

I took my samples and silently vowed to do everything in my power to find this squirrel's murderer. "We'll put an end to the terror, little guy," I promised the body. "Your family will survive for me to chase. I promise."