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I'm the funny one!!

Wonder why your dog always wants to go out!!?

February 11th 2006 5:51 pm
[ Leave A Comment ] reallygoesoutside.mpeg


Another funny!

December 14th 2005 8:36 am
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Letter to My Pets:

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw print in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest.

Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog's/cat's behind.

To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets ---

1. The pets live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why it's call "fur"niture.)
3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adopted son/daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
---- they don't ask for money all the time
---- they are easier to train
---- they usually come when called
---- they don't hang out with drug-using friends
---- they don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and
---- if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. :)


I have been drafted!!!

July 6th 2005 5:50 pm
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Yes...Today I got the letter!!! I am Dog Of The Week!!! I am also speechless!!! I really wasn't expecting this! Thank you all for laughing at my jokes!! I will make you proud!!!


Just a Couple Quotes!

May 10th 2005 12:10 pm
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Peter Steiner, cartoon in The New Yorker, July 5, 1993

I say...WRONG!!! WRONG!!! and WRONG!!!

Here's another...

Fran Lebowitz

Maybe I'll try this one!


Here's another one for ya!

April 30th 2005 12:35 pm
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"No Dogs Allowed"

A guy wanted to take his dog into a restaurant with him, so he put on dark glasses and "tapped" his way into the establishment.
The waiter said "Hey!, you can't bring a dog in here."
The man indignantly claimed "I'm blind! ... this is my Seeing Eye dog!"
"You're trying to tell me" said the waiter, "that this Chihuahua is a Seeing Eye dog?"
"What???!!", cried the man, "they gave me a Chihuahua?"

lol ... Yes, This is funny!
I want you to know though that I have much respect for seeing eye dogs and what they do!!

Remember this...The liquid on the INside of a fire hydrant is H2O
The liquid on the OUTside of a fire hydrant is K9P!


I'm the cute one!

April 24th 2005 10:54 pm
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Sophie is constantly trying to become a star! Well...really in my eyes she is a star! Just don't tell her I said that! Her head is big enough!...and remember...I am the cute one...and I am the comedian! Here's one for ya!!!!

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”
“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?”
“Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.
“My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?”
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says...
“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”


While Sophie Was Outside!

April 6th 2005 2:05 pm
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Okay I will not write jokes here! You'd think that my sister Sophie was blonde instead of white though!
Has she lost her mind?
EMINEM run for your life!!!
I'm pulling for my Mom (Sophie calling Mom a manager kinda makes me sick!)
I could stand a sit on Brad Pitt's lap! YES! YES! YES!
My Mother has good sense, and Sophie must have a screw loose!
Maybe it's from all the beard pulling that I have been doing lately? LOL
gotta go..............Sophie's coming!

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