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The Biscuit Diaries

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Day 1, Saturday, 3/10/12

May 1st 2012 6:50 am
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No, I haven’t learned to type…don’t see any need really. Nope, I just dictate my entries to one of my new roommates, Bob, and let him do the manual labor for me. Don’t blame me, though, for any typos. Even though this guy claims to be a linguist, he doesn’t seem to understand Canine so well.

It’s not really DAY ONE either. Heck, I’m almost 2, but these humans are so self-centered that they measure time from the day I adopted them rather than from the day I was actually born. What the heck? I might as well humor them.

Sooooo…here I am, enjoying my morning with my foster family when in come these two guys who came to visit me a week ago. They seemed friendly enough, and I was eager for a joy ride, so I hopped in the car with them, and two and a half hours later, I’m in this town called Temple. The crib is nice enough: two-bedroom apartment—plenty of room for the three of us, so I start making myself comfortable when all of a sudden they stick me back in the car and take me to one of those places where the bipeds in the white coats prod and probe you like a piece of meat. When all was said and done, the lady in the white coat pronounced me in good health. Heck, I could’ve told them that. Like I said, they don’t seem to be too fluent in Canine. I’m actually multilingual. I speak Siberian Husky and German Shepherd (since I have one parent of each), and I can comprehend several dialects of Human.

Back at the apartment, a nice lady from the building next door came over and gave me some treats. She explained that she might be sitting with me if the two guys ever want to go somewhere. Why they would want to go anywhere without me is beyond me, but I don’t mind as long as the lady keeps giving me treats.


Day 2, Sunday, 3/11/12

May 1st 2012 6:52 am
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My first night in the new digs was kind of rough. When it came time to go to bed, these two guys, Bob and Tony, took the nice, cushy bed and left me to the floor. They also put this silly plastic thing around my neck to keep me from chewing on the staples on my ding-a-ling. When I got neutered, they put in stitches, but I chewed those off the first day, so my foster family took me back to the vet, and they put in these staples. Tony and Bob took the cone off yesterday when we were riding in the car, but they put it back on when we went to bed. Well, I gave them a piece of my mind until they took it off. Then, the one they call “Tony” got down on the floor to sleep with me, but I wasn’t about to give in so easily. Finally, Tony took me into the living room, where he slept on the couch, and I slept on the floor beside him.

This being a Sunday, I decided to hang around the apartment and chill out. Tony and Bob looked like they could use the rest. Of course, I miss my foster family, especially Kiera, but these guys seem to be trying their best, so I’ll give them a few more days to prove themselves.


Day 3, Monday, 3/12/12

May 1st 2012 6:53 am
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My second night went much more smoothly. My roommates seem to be getting a handle on this new living situation, so I decided to go easy on them.
Bob registered my microchip today. That’s good because if he or Tony ever gets lost, the people with the database will know who they belong to.
I heard through the grapevine that this town has a really nice walking trail not far from my new apartment, so I took Bob over there today. He must really be old, ‘cuz he had a hard time keeping up with me.

After dinner, I took Tony and Bob to their first day of school—obedience training. They did pretty well for a couple of bipeds. They learned to give me treats every time I responded to commands like “sit” and “watch.”
The teacher was really nice. Apparently, she trains humans to work with those of us who become therapy dogs and service dogs. That’s good because Tony and Bob have a lot more to learn, and I think Bob’s gonna need lots of therapy, so I guess I’ll be bringing the two of them back every Monday night for a while.


Day 4, Tuesday, 3/13/12

May 1st 2012 6:54 am
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We had another rough night last night. I tried to tell these guys what I needed, but like I said, they just don’t seem to understand Canine very well.

I was rather cautious when I first got here; a guy can never be too careful, ya know. I’m starting to think that I might be able to trust these guys, though, so I’m opening up more. I tried playing with Bob today, but he didn’t seem to get it and ended up with some streaks on his legs, courtesy of my paws. Bob calls it “rambunctiousness.” Tony says Bob’s just being a linguist; I say he’s just being a show-0ff.

Bob was supposed to cook tonight, but he never got around to it. He told Tony that I kept him busy all day. Way to go, Bob. Blame everybody but yourself for your inadequacies. Anyway, Tony ordered pizza, and when he wasn’t looking, I helped myself to a slice.


Day 5, Wednesday, 3/14/12

May 1st 2012 6:55 am
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I took Bob to Pepper Creek Trail again today and met some really nice people along the way. Of course, everyone I met thought I was adorable. Duh!
I also had Bob order me a Service Dog vest with an In Training patch. It’ll be quite a while before I can remove the In Training patch, but at least now when I take him places, the rest of the Canines will know to look the other way if he embarrasses me too much.

Bob did cook tonight. Actually, these guys have some pretty darn good aromas coming from their kitchen. I can’t wait for them to leave some more of that good food on the coffee table for me to get at.


Day 6, Thursday, 3/15/12

May 1st 2012 6:59 am
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Finally, I may be getting through to these guys. They finally got the message that I don’t like having the bedroom door closed at night. I like my freedom. So, leave the door open, guys, and I’ll let you sleep. OK? Got it? I sure hope so, ‘cuz I’m tired of broadcasting it to the whole darn neighborhood.

Like most of the other bipeds I run into these days, Bob walks around talking to a little box, though not as much as other people. Today I heard him tell the little box that he hasn’t been to the gym since I came along but that he has gotten more exercise with me than he ever got at the gym anyway.

Sometimes I think Bob is pretty useless, but at least he stays with me all day. I have no idea what Tony does. He gets up early and leaves the apartment, only to come home just in time for dinner. We should all have it so easy, though he seems to be running a little late tonight. Nevertheless, I like Tony. He seems to understand me better than Bob does. Maybe he was a Canine in a previous life. I heard Bob tell his little box once that Tony is Italian. I’m not familiar with that breed. Does it mean we could be distant cousins?


Day 7, Friday, 3/16/12

May 1st 2012 7:00 am
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Apparently, Tony does do something around here. He kept me company this morning so that Bob could get caught on his sleep. I don’t understand what Bob’s problem is, though. I sleep whenever I want.

I finally got to see where Tony goes every day. It’s a place called “work.” Bob took me there right after lunch, and three of the bipeds that Tony “works” with came out to meet me. They were pleasant enough, but somebody needs to teach them to bring treats when they meet royalty.

Then, I took Bob back to Pepper Creek Trail, which is right next to Tony’s “work.” I wanted to go all the way to the end and back, but Bob kept whining, “It’s gonna rain. It’s gonna rain.” What a wuss! Yeah, like he’s really gonna melt! So, anyway, we only went a short distance and came back.


Day 8, Saturday, 3/17/12

May 1st 2012 7:06 am
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I like Mr. Tony…I really do…but I miss Bob when he’s not around. This morning, Tony stayed behind while Bob went to buy groceries, and as soon as Bob walked out the door, I cried for 15 minutes. Then, I ran to the window to see if he would come back, and I knocked the framed stained glass off the window sill.

When Bob got back from his Weight Watchers meeting, he announced that he had lost 3.6 pounds in the past week. I’m sure it’s from all that exercise I’ve been giving him. See, I told him that I’d be good for his health.


Day 9, Sunday, 3/18/12

May 1st 2012 7:08 am
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Tony and Bob put a crate in the bedroom for me. I usually come and go as I please, but this morning, Bob locked the gate for a few minutes. I wasn’t crazy about that idea, but since he stayed in the room most of the time, I didn’t object too much. Something tells me that I may have to start getting used to this idea once in a while.

After my walk with Tony this morning, he told Bob that I have worms. Tattle tale. I don’t go around telling everybody what Tony’s got.

This morning, we went to PetSmart to meet some friends of Bob and Tony’s. Tony used to work at PetSmart, so these friends asked Tony to help them pick out an aquarium for their little boy’s new fish. Victor is 3½. I like him. He’s nice. I think we’ll be buds.

I got very playful—or “rambunctious,” as Bob likes to say—this afternoon, and Bob just sat there like a knot on a log. Bob said something like, “See this is what I’ve been putting up with all week,” but I don’t think Tony thought that was funny. He does think I’m cute, though. Duh!

Actually, I never bother Bob when he’s on the computer, ‘cuz I figure he’s “working,” writing stories or songs, and that room’s got a nice window I can look out of. However, when Bob’s just lying on the couch in the living room, I figure he’s got time to play with me.


Day 10, Monday, 3/19/12

May 1st 2012 7:09 am
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Bob took me to another strange place this morning. It wasn’t the same place we went the day I first adopted him and Tony, but it sure smelled a lot like it. One difference, though, was that this place had a lot more Canines sitting around than the other place. At first, I showed everyone that I wasn’t at all happy to be there, but then I settled down, and even when people walked past me to go up to the front desk, I just ignored them. When we got called to the back, I met three very nice bipeds—at least, they seemed nice until they started poking me in my private parts. I know some guys actually like that, but I’m not one of ‘em. Anyway, the guy they call a vet finally removed my staples and proclaimed that I was completely healed. Bob told him about the worms, and he gave Bob some pills for me. I don’t really like pills, but as long as they keep wrapping them in peanut butter, I’ll go along. Maybe I should get sick more often.

Bob and I just came back from a walk, only this time, Bob decided that we should run a bit. It was really funny, though, ‘cuz when we got back to the apartment, he was panting more than I was.

The weather is supposed to be bad tonight. Storms don’t bother me, but a man in the big black box in the living room said that people should not go out if they don’t have to, so Bob and Tony rescheduled our weekly obedience class. Maybe they were just afraid they wouldn’t look so good in front of the other students, huh?

I tried getting up on the bed tonight, but it’s just too darn high for me. I think Bob and Tony should either get a lower bed or put a step stool next to it so I can get up there. Bob said something about getting a larger bed, but it looks plenty big enough for me.

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