I win!

It's official - I'm number 1. I've got everyone right where I want them, and can pretty much do whatever I want. Life is good. They've totally given up on keeping me off the couch thing, and I don't even have to sleep at the foot of the bed anymore. Oh yeah, baby - I get pillow space now. I OWN that bed.

Stupid new couch.

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and I don't mean that bone I fished out of the trash and hid behind the recliner. I mean there's a new couch in the living room, and for some reason I am not allowed on it at all! Gone are the days of whiling away the time on the couch, looking out the window and barking at stuff. Now I must sit on the COLD HARD floor, and crane my neck to see out the window. I can still bark at stuff, at least. I can't even get on this new couch when no one's looking - it has been booby-trapped with some uncomfortable hard plastic sheeting. Talk about over-reaction! So I chewed a little hole in the previous leather couch, and maybe threw up on it once or twice. What do they WANT from me? I'm a dog, for pete's sake! I chew, I dig stuff out of the trash, I puke. It's what I do.

Nurse Dun to the Rescue

My list of job qualifications is growing - I've added "male nurse" to my resume. This week one of my people was sick sick sick, and I got to stay with him and lick him and sleep on him and generally nurse him back to health. Fortunately the other person who lives with me wasn't sick, so I got my regular morning calisthenics in, plus I got fed. (I have two dads and a mom, I'm very progressive.) Sick papa finally is back at work, and he took me with him today as his personal health care provider. I'm looking out for him at the warehouse, making sure people keep their nasty germs away from him. See, when someone new comes in, I bark at them, and then lick 'em to see if they're safe. So much hard work - I think I'll lick myself a bit and take a nap. It's friday, which generally means a good game of ball once the people give up on "work" for the day, so I must be well-rested!

I hate job hunting.

I guess I'm in between jobs. Daddy hasn't taken me to work with him in a while, I think I got downsized. I sure hope not, because I haven't had to work on my resume in a while, and I don't even know if I can find where I buried it! Well, I had better get mentally prepared for job interviews. Let's see, what skills do I have? I'm a stellar alarm dog - there's no sneaking past me! Unless I know you, or you seem nice and don't smell funny. I'm a good organizer. I always know where everything and everyone is. I speak conversational human (you know, "sit", "where's the ball", "c'mere", etc.). I have excellent personal hygeine, and am virtually flea-free. Obviously I have strong technological skills. I keep this online diary, right? I'm working on getting a blog together, too.

Well, that's enough brainstorming for now. I sure hope daddy will rehire me - I miss the smells of the warehouse and the occasional melted ice cream puddles on the floor...

Holiday = Party!

I have to write this down before I forget it, since my memory is that of a dog. I mean, I can remember some stuff, like I know I get a treat when I sit down, and I know I get scraps of food from mommy when she's cooking in the kitchen and no one is looking. And I know I get pet a lot when I'm extra cute (which is, like, always!). Those important things I can remember. But other than that, it's all news to me.

So I was super excited when we had company come over for some human holiday thing - I think they called it "Memorial Day". (Pretty good memory for a dog, eh?) I had lots of friends over, including my favorite girlfriend Quilmes, and some new little friends, Jack and Leroy. Jack and Leroy were OK, but they were a little snobby. Jack spent most of his time trying to steal my ball and growling at me when I tried to share it with him (OK, take it from him), and Leroy sat in his mommy and daddy's laps all day. Pansies.

But Quilmes is my buddy! She plays with me, doesn't try to steal my ball, and only bites me sometimes. She's the best friend ever! The other good thing about holidays is all the FOOD! I even got to go with mommy to the food store, although I was really there to guard the truck (and I did a great job, if I may say so). We found a new place to go walking too, before our exciting trip to the store. Man, do I love holidays! Almost as much as going to work with daddy. When is the next take your dog to work day, anyway??

Making myself useful around the office!

Oh boy oh boy oh boy - daddy's takin' me to work again! I had soooo much fun last time, I can't wait to see who needs to be herded today! I'm so special, I get to sit in the front seat of daddy's new truck, even though his girlfriend gets in trouble if she puts her feet on the dash. I guess that means I'm higher in the pack than she is, which is great, since pretty much everyone else is higher than me! Only good things happen when I get in the truck. Sometimes I get to do deliveries with daddy, sometimes I get to go to the park to chase ducks (I almost got one last time - mmmmm, I can still taste the feathers) sometimes mommy takes me to the dog park, which scared the bejeezus out of me the first time but I'm a pro now.

And the warehouse - Oh my goodness is that place cool. There are people everywhere, and they all need constant corralling. I don't know why they insist on straying from the herd, but I do my best to keep them in line. And I'm always getting to bark at - oh, I meet GREET - friends and customers that drop by. Man, life is GOOD on take your dog to work days. I just love being busy!